Thunder & Lightning: 112 solutions to conflicts at the workplace

By Cordula Goj

Managing emotional crises at work well.
This book is a treasure chest of quick help in crisis situations at the workplace. It provides concrete, pragmatic solutions for all situations in which emotions have been running high - for differences of opinion with the boss as well as for conflicts at employee level. With exercises, practical tools and step-by-step instructions, readers learn how to quickly find a remedy for anger, injuries, insults, disrespect, etc. In this way, a goal-oriented approach to clarification can be found for every crisis.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Books on Demand
• Release date: Jan 13, 2021
• ISBN: 9783752683141

Cordula Goj

Cordula Goj worked as a qualified music therapist for 12 years before she switched to the private sector after a second course of studies. Today she is an expert on emotional competence. For almost 20 years she has been supporting national and international companies and employees in working together better in order to ensure quality and sustainability. Her fields of work include discourses, moderating, coaching, workshops and mediation. - Cordula Goj a travaillé comme musicothérapeute qualifiée pendant 12 ans, avant de rejoindre le secteur privé après un second cycle d'études. Aujourd'hui, elle est experte en compétences émotionnelles. Depuis près de 20 ans, elle aide des entreprises et des employés en Allemagne et à l'étranger à mieux travailler ensemble, afin d'assurer la qualité et la durabilité. Ses domaines d'expertise sont les conférences, la modération, le coaching, les séminaires et ateliers, et la médiation.

Book preview

2018

Me and my colleague(s): Sharing an office –

between honeymoon and War of the Roses

It can be wonderful when you look forward to going into the office every morning. When the cooperation between you and the person or people you share the office with is simply harmonious. When you can stand each other, no matter how many of you there are, and can therefore easily manage such issues as the supply of fresh air at any time of the year.

In many cases things are different in the offices here in Germany: you knew from the very first meeting that it wouldn’t be easy with that colleague, that the chemistry isn’t right between you and that you would have a hard time ever taking to each other and getting on the same wavelength. As a result, after a few more or less half-hearted attempts, you only talk to each other when it is absolutely necessary. The boss has to be consulted for the airing arrangements and you can only really take a deep breath after work.

Sometimes nobody knows exactly how your first impressions came about! But you as affected parties leave the situation as it is because you are unsure or helpless as to how it could be improved. Thus the same communication and behaviour patterns repeat themselves again and again. The images and impressions that you have of the other become firmly established until nobody tidies up or questions the drawer in which the colleague has landed with you in the meantime – and you with him.

A reflection topic, which in such constellations can very often lead to the first aha moments and which has been around for quite some years already, will be explained here in advance: Projection¹ or transference² – both terms from psychology or psychoanalysis and thus from good old Sigmund Freud.

Projection describes the all too human process of attributing to other people unpleasant characteristics that we unconsciously (!) don’t want to acknowledge about ourselves.

If, for example, your colleague gets on your nerves because he never gets to the point: just see if this by any chance could also be one of your human weaknesses.

There are even more dynamics involved with transference: Here, for example, it could be that the difficult colleague unconsciously reminds you of your difficult older brother who always teased you. And, hey presto, the colleague has a bad deal with you to begin with.

It can help if you always make it very clear to yourself: Your colleague isn’t your brother. So he deserves the chance for you in the course of time to discover completely different, completely new traits and behaviour that have nothing at all to do with your brother. Maybe your colleague and you will even become really good friends?! There is a chance of that!

And now: Have fun trying out the colleagues’ tools in this chapter!

1 Know me

³

This first tool is for reflection only and has purposely been placed at the very beginning of this book because it is of such great importance.

The author, Peter Fischer, describes it as knowledge about oneself for top managers or those who are about to become top managers. I consider the competence of knowing yourself with your strengths and weaknesses as well as possible to be a key aptitude for everyone who wants to succeed and develop professionally.

After all, we all have to deal professionally with other people, colleagues, bosses, teams and customers. We communicate with all of them, with many of them there will be friction, at least from time to time. So it helps a lot if, for example, you know whether the accusation you never really listen actually has something to do with you or if it more probably arises from your colleague’s stress situation.

So: The know me, the self-reflecting never stops, you should always be willing to carry this out again and again even if it is sometimes tiresome or inconvenient. It is important to keep focusing on your own personality with its virtues and drawbacks. I am as convinced as Peter Fischer: This is the basis for success in your job – today and tomorrow.

I can acquire know how in terms of methods and skills and know what in terms of expertise all my life but know me requires a decision time and time again.

2 The place you have never been to

When it got to the point again where you could have hit the roof because of your dear colleague⁴, then there is one thing you need first and foremost: Distance! And that in a very practical and real way!

The best way to do this is to go to a place in the company that you have never been to before where you can be alone for a few minutes, even if it happens to be the cleaner’s room, the server room or the archive – it doesn’t matter! Because you won’t stay in this place for hours …

Take time here to take a deep breath and mumble the answers to the following questions, preferably in a low voice:

What things do I see here? At eye level but also down on the floor or up towards the ceiling? Describe them!

What sounds do I hear? Perhaps close your eyes: And what if it is a fly that has got lost here…

What do I smell? Detergents or disinfectant?

What do I taste right now when I quickly lick my lips? Maybe some leftover chewing gum or cough drops? Nothing at all? That is alright too because it is all about taking stock of what you perceive or feel at that moment!

What does it feel like here? What am I touching? It could be a server cable, a heavy-duty shelf, rubber gloves…

What matters here is that your whole self is occupied with new perceptions via the five senses and this takes your mind off what just annoyed you about your colleague.

After a few minutes you go back to your workplace full of new impressions …

3 Temporary withdrawal – in word and deed

If a conversation with a colleague is making big waves or is about to escalate, you can counteract this, for example, by stating very clearly:

I’m getting quite upset right now. Please leave me alone for a while with this topic, I will get back to you. (This sentence of yours is considered your word).

Afterwards, you also abide by this, work quietly by yourself for a while or talk to him about other topics. (This action would be your first deed).

Behaving like this prevents further escalation but at the same time you aren’t postponing continuing the conversation until the twelfth of never. Moreover, you also protect yourself from any further comments from your colleague on this topic because you make it clear that you will get back to him and not vice versa.

It is important that you actually approach him in the foreseeable future and address the topic again. (This action is considered your second deed). In doing so, you prove that you are reliable and you earn sympathy points even if your colleague doesn’t tell you so explicitly.

4 Classify: The levels of escalation by Friedrich Glasl

⁵

If you notice that the difference of opinions with your colleague are hardening more and more, it helps to classify the conflict professionally with the help of Friedrich Glasl’s recognized levels of escalation : What level do you think you are at?

And what should be done or what measures should be initiated by your superior?

Friedrich Glasl recommends a different action at each level whereby these levels can overlap and each require individual assessment:

At levels 1 to 3