I Am Not Alone

By Emily J. Pugliese

"How are you so joyful?" -Them
"Because we don't let it define who we are." -Us

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 7, 2019
• ISBN: 9780359574780

Book preview

I Am Not Alone

I Am Not Alone

For All Those in Pain -

A reminder that there is light, in the darkest of days.

Copyright

You Are Not Alone

© 2019, Emily J. Pugliese

Self-Published

All rights are reserved.

No parts of this publication can be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, stored in a database and / or published in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the publisher.

Acknowledgements

I Am Not Alone is a book filled with stories of hardships and the abilities people find to overcome them. As you turn its pages you may find it hard to get through. It consists of true stories about addiction, substance abuse, abuse, depression, identity, post traumatic stress disorder, cancer, death, suicide and much, much more. While reading please take into consideration that people were willing to come together to share their story with someone like you, hoping to give you hope and encouragement.

I would like to thank my friends, family and community for allowing themselves to recall traumatic points in their lives. It is a process that no one likes to do. I am so grateful to have their support and others to help put this book together. 

Stepping Stones

All of these experiences have afforded us the ability to learn and grow. No matter your age, you are still learning and growing. Below are some lessons that can help you stay balanced through difficult situations.

1. LET YOUR PAST BE A PLATFORM: Your past is the very thing that can bring restoration, healing and understanding to others. It is guaranteed that your story will speak to someone and that your past experiences will help you to connect to others. Let your past be redeemed and filled with purpose. Don’t let all that pain and suffering go to waste. 

2. BOUNDARIES ARE EVERYTHING: Learn when to say no and learn when to speak up. Nobody is a mind-reader and they can’t help you meet your needs if you don’t speak up. It’s okay to give yourself permission to speak up and to share your thoughts and feelings with your loved ones. You are not a burden, don’t think otherwise.

3. YOU ARE NOT BUSTED OR BROKEN:  Messy is okay! Refuse the urge to believe that you are damaged goods. Reach out for support and help if you need to. Don’t  ever belittle yourself. Each one of us has tremendous value! You have a purpose and a calling in your life!

4. PERFECT IS IMPOSSIBLE: It is important to learn that your value and worth have nothing to do with your performance. If the standard is perfection, you will always fall short and be disappointed. Being successful and setting goals is a great thing, but you can still love yourself knowing that your worth is the same on your best days and worst days.

5. YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY:  Give yourself permission to succeed.  Offer yourself permission to try without fear of failure. Failure is normal and a natural part of life. Failure is a tool to help us learn and grow. Chase what is important to you and learn from the lessons that come out of it. Work hard to stop the self-sabotage.

Afghanistan

Frank Roy grew with up an amazing family that was very loving and supportive and he is very thankful for that. Frank never had to worry about life and had the same struggles that every teenager has growing up.  Struggles such as deciding what to do with the rest of his life after high school and relationships with friends. He admits that he never struggled with stress, depression, identity, loss, or anything else until after high school.

College wasn’t something that he wanted to do.  He was never very good at school and figured he would join the military.  Joining the military was something that he had wanted to do for as long as he could remember.  He came from a military family where his dad, uncles, cousins, and great grandfather all had served.  His desire to join the military became stronger after the events of September 11, 2001, when the Twin Towers were hit and the Pentagon was bombed. At that time Frank  was only in 8th grade but he understood the importance of serving his country even then.

He remembers having his mind set that day, that when he turned 18 he was going to enlist in the Army. On Frank’s 18th birthday and in his senior year of high school he enlisted and went to training shortly after he graduated. About a year after he graduated from high school he received orders to deploy to Afghanistan and that is where his life began to change and take him on a journey that would take him the rest of his life to understand, come to terms with and overcome. 

Afghanistan was a place that turned Frank’s world upside down. Frank  joined the war in Afghanistan that we are still currently fighting. He had never seen someone die until he was there and unfortunately there were many of his friends who he watched die. He eventually started to become numb and shove his emotions into the back of his mind to a place where he wouldn’t have to face them.  That choice  to not face them made things worse for him. At the time avoiding the overpowering emotions seemed like a good idea. Frank wishes that he faced them then, for now he regrets that choice of avoidance.

When he returned home he began to feel alone.  He felt alone because he believed that there wasn’t anyone who could relate to the experiences that he had.  He couldn’t talk to  family or friends outside of the military because he didn’t want them to know what he had gone through. He began to close off from the world outside of the Army. At this time the Army was his identity and he couldn’t see himself doing anything different with his life. Not only did he feel like the Army was his identity but also he felt like he didn’t fit into the civilian world anymore.

Shortly after he returned home from Afghanistan he was diagnosed with PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Major Depressive Disorder.  He began to have nightmares and dealt with them the only way he knew how and that was to drink.  He began to drink every chance he had and some days that meant going to the bar from opening to closing and somehow making it home. He began to drink so much that his military career began to suffer and he was found unfit to remain in the Army due to  mental health issues. When his career ended he felt as though life was over because his identity was built around being a soldier.  Due to this loss of identity and never fully dealing with his combat experiences he began to drink even more heavily and started to use drugs. 

Frank one day ended up overdosing on a drug called spice. Spice is a chemical that consists of fake marijuana, that is much stronger and more damaging to the body.  It was probably that overdose that saved his life. Frank ended up in a Veterans Hospital because of that overdose, where he was able to learn about PTSD and everything else that he was going through.  It was an amazing time when he was able to slowly put his life back together over the next few years to the point where he  decided to go back to school and pursue a degree in Psychology so that