Horizontal Ladders

By Vincent Lee

“Whilst we can't deny the existence of ladders in life, we should never be so taken over with the desire to climb that we allow it to overcome the desire to be loved and rest on the rungs where we are now. No earthly ladder can ever take us closer to God, only God can draw us closer to Himself.”

‘Horizontal Ladders’ reflects the author’s wonderfully colourful and agile mind. Readers should expect the unexpected. From the experiences and joy of the birth of his children, to the struggles of mental health, from the teachings of Genesis, to dealing with the grief of losing a loved one, this is a great collection of God-inspired thoughts.

Vincent Lee is a Christian father of four wonderful children, husband to an amazing wife and has Rapid Cycling Bipolar Disorder. Since being diagnosed he has spent time in quiet Suffolk, collating many years of writings and poetry to form this book. In characteristically modest fashion, he describes this book as ‘random’, like him and like life!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 16, 2015
• ISBN: 9781326397326

Vincent Lee

Vincent Lee is a mechatronics engineer whom writes about science fiction and fantasy. He does writing for a living in engineering technicalities and nuances in Malaysia. Besides exploring science, he enjoys gaming, studying politics and people watching.

Book preview

Horizontal Ladders

Horizontal Ladders

(Poems and writings of a Christian Bipolar Father)

By Vincent Lee

Copyright © Vincent Lee  2015

Introduction

I didn't really mean to write this book and even as I try to write this introduction I find myself wondering how I got to this place today. Now don't get me wrong, it's not that I haven't dreamt of writing a book, I have. But even now I don't feel I have actually done it. The truth is what you will find here is just a collection of my thoughts, some in poetry form, some stories, and a lot of me just writing down my ponderings.

A book to me has a plot, a storyline, or at the very least a subject and order to it. Mine sadly does not have any of these things. I am not a writer, I have no formal training or experience, often my grammar is at best questionable and at worst simply wrong. I have a somewhat limited vocabulary and struggle to find the words to express my feelings. However over the years I have found a comfort in putting into words the chaos and meditations of my mind.

So why then? You may ask. Well, at this point in my life I need a bottom line. I need a bottom line so that I can do that thing I was taught to do at school, and that is to draw a line. You see I was taught to write your name and date at the top of the page and then to draw a line after your bottom line when you had finished. And right now is the right time to move on to the next page of my life; so I need a bottom line of writing to draw my line under.

I hope that all makes sense. My life has had many ups and downs. I have faced some really traumatic and unjust things, but I have also shared some beautiful times and moments with some very beautiful people. My writing is a reflection of this. I did contemplate adding author’s notes to each piece of work however I decided against it, as firstly, I didn't want to taint that which the Spirit may wish to use with a personal back story and secondly, because each piece was written at a point in history. To go backwards to try to remember or explain my thoughts and feelings at that specific time would not just be a challenge but near on impossible.

So why ‘Horizontal Ladders’? Well it’s quite simple really.

At a hard time in my life my father and I went for a walk. It was one of those things my dad did when he wanted to talk to me. At the time I knew that my life was messy to say the least and I was wallowing in a bad self-image, comparing myself to all those around me who seemed to be so much further on in life.  I knew anything my dad was planning to say would be helpful, however, more than anything he has ever said to me ‘horizontal ladders’ was the biggest revelation and I have never forgotten it.

I would love to quote it in his original words as it was powerfully put, however, passing time means I can't claim to quote him directly but the following is my best attempt to portray the God inspired message to me on that day. As I take on the challenge to draw my bottom line, to move forward in my life and to put the past behind, I take with me the wisdom of a godly man who I am blessed to call Dad.

"In this life everyone wants to achieve, they want to get somewhere. People start with little and spend their lives climbing ladders. The world loves ladders: the property ladder, the career ladder, the financial ladder. The world tells us that when we reach the next rung on any ladder we will be a better person than who we are today. The world tells us we are only worth something when we are on a ladder and our worth is determined by how high we climb. Even some churches have ladders to climb.

But God really isn't interested in ladders and never does he value our worth on how high we have climbed. Whether we have a mansion or a bedsit, whether we are a CEO or a cleaner, whether we have savings or not a penny to our name, to God all ladders are horizontal. He sees all his children on the same horizon, all equally as important, all equally as worthy, equally as valuable and he sees each and every one as worth dying for.

Whilst we can't deny the existence of ladders in life, we should never be so taken over with the desire to climb that we allow it to overcome the desire to be loved and rest on the rungs where we are now. No earthly ladder can ever take us closer to God, only God can draw us closer to himself. To succeed in life, to achieve in life, to find happiness in this world, comes from nothing more than knowing, believing in and being at one with our Heavenly Father who walks besides us in this life amongst the horizontal ladders of the world."

So now comes the question why and how should you read such a book as this?

Honestly it is up to you. My prayer is simple, that someone somewhere will read something that God uses to connect with them. If you read something and want to share it, please do. If you want to use it as a discussion starter for a small group, please do. If you want to use something I have written to give hope or encouragement, revelation or reassurance to someone then my prayers will have be answered.

Finally if you want to give me any feedback then I am open to comments. I am also open to answering your questions about my writing and what inspired pieces to be written and I am always open to discussion. If my work can help you, then please use it. If you have any other questions or enquiries feel free to visit my website: www.horizontalladders.com

Keep the faith,

Vincent Lee

A Teardrop

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

It was filled not with judgement for what you have done,

But with joy for the freedom you can have through his Son.

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

It was filled not with sadness for all you’ve been through,

But with the peace and the healing that he has for you.

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

It was filled not with anger for the mistakes that you’ve made,

But with the love shown by Jesus, when your debt he paid.

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

It was filled not with shame for the things of the past,

But with his forgiveness that brings life that will last.

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

It was filled not with hopelessness for the trials you face,

But with hope, that in weakness, His strength you’ll embrace.

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

No judgement, no sadness, no anger, no shame,

No hopelessness, just joy that you called on his name.

A teardrop came down from Heaven today,

As God turned his face and he looked your way,

And as it falls down may it splash down on you,

May it cleanse you, revive you and wash you anew

Broken Shards

The broken shards lie on the floor,

The dreams I dreamt are here no more,

The passion that I held inside,

Became injustice I have to hide.

Deep inside I know you’re here,

So why am I engulfed by fear?

I won’t let go of your safe hand,

But how is this what you had planned?

Is this life that you foresaw?

This broken man here on the floor?

I try to find the path to tread,

So many plans go through my head.

I share with you what I propose,

But all I find is a door that’s closed.

I just want your will for me,

But what that is I cannot see.

This broken man is blinded too,

So here I am crying out to you!!

Please comfort me in all my pain,

Please come and hug me tight again.

Look at me with loving eyes,

And listen as my spirit cries.

I can’t express how much I hurt,

My self esteem is in the dirt.

I want to run, I want to hide,

I want justice for the one who lied.

If broken man is what you love,

Then please look down from up above.

And see that I am broken here,

And come to me, come draw me near.

Cause I can’t do it on my own,

And you, my Lord, I can’t disown.

Together we can make it through,

You for me and me for you,

What now is broken on the floor,

Will be restored and fixed once more.

I love you Lord and though it’s hard,

I am yours, each broken shard.

When All Around Is Silent

When all around is silent,

No sound does your ear hear,

When all around is peaceful, 

And there's not a thing to fear,

When deep inside your being,

You know the real you,

When beyond the chaos of your mind,

You have the clearest view.

When the labels that they put on you, 

Don't sum up who you are,

When you've got so much to do still,

But you’re proud you've come THIS far,

When you’re tired and exhausted,

And you want to run and hide,

But the fighter that's within you,

Will find the strength inside.

It's then you know you’re winning,

And you know you'll win this time,

It's not another mountain,

It's just a gentle climb.

Others they believe in you,

And God? Well he does too.

After all it's him who made you,

And deep down you know it's true.

Whilst all around is manic,

Inside your head and out,

When the world around screams at you,

And every person seems to shout,

There's a safe place you can go to,

A calm place deep in your soul,

Where God resides and heals you,

His love will make you whole.

So take some time to visit there,

The place beyond the mess,

Where you are the you that you know you are,

In total peacefulness.

How Would I Describe Bipolar Mania?

Well, imagine sitting in a room and someone puts the TV on. Ok so that's not too bad, but then someone else starts a conversation