People Who Clap at the End of Books

By Todd Caiazzo

A ebook by Todd Caiazzo, "People Who Clap at the End of Books" is a collection of short essays and observations into our humorous modern culture, such as in stories like "The Dinner Party" and "Oscar Flyer". The second part of the book, "Conversations in History That Never Really Happened", will take you into conversations between famous historical characters in everyday situations. Stories feature Lincoln and wife trying to find a a parking spot, Caesar and Antony arguing over the Caesar salad, and the not so much talked about second phone call between Alexander Bell and Watson. A funny read that will make you laugh with the best part being 100% of all profit will go to charity for terminally ill children.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jul 17, 2012
• ISBN: 9781105973765

Book preview

People Who Clap at the End of Books

People Who Clap at the End of Books

________________________________

Todd

Caiazzo

Copyright

People Who Clap at the End of Books

Copyright © 2012 Todd Caiazzo

All rights reserved

ISBN 978-1-105-97376-5

Cover photo by Frank Hurley.

Ice cased [i.e. moulting] Adelie penguins after

a blizzard at Cape Denison

Frank Hurley. Mitchell Library, State Library of NSW [aae_36512]

Photo appears courtesy of State Library of New South Wales

Additional Photo Credit:

The Declaration committee

[New York]: Currier & Ives, 1876.

Molly Pitcher at the Battle of Monmouth,

Engraving by J.C. Armytage, 1859

Ebook conversion by smallmark books

Introduction

This book is not to be used to deflect bullets. Let me just start by saying this. Too many times I have seen a movie where the lead character puts a book in his front pocket, only to be shot later in the storyline, in, you guessed it, that exact same spot. The book saves the person’s life, everyone is happy, except for the book of course which is destroyed, encasing the bullet and using its last two or three intact pages to prevent the skin from being broken. If you put this book in your front pocket and are shot, you will most likely die. It’s a soft cover book and it’s about 100 pages. Sorry to be so direct and to the point about it. It’s just some people may get this book in the mail or at the bookstore and immediately find themselves in a situation at gun point, naturally. Hopefully you were astute enough to read this first paragraph, as it may be lifesaving.

Now that we have all that legal nonsense out of the way, thank you for your purchase of People Who Clap at the End of Books. The main purpose of this introduction is to well, introduce you to the book. Kind of like a blind date, I am breaking the ice for you two crazy kids, and I will be out of here shortly.

People Who Clap at the End of Books is a short collection in randomness, with a main focal point, the fascination in what people do and say. It happens everyday, it has happened throughout history. The it being the silly arguments and the moment we make these observations.

The second part of this book will take you deep into historical bull. The same disagreements, idiosyncrasies, and everyday conversations have occurred before our time in history, from everyday townspeople to famous historical figures.

Conversations… takes a guess into what may have been said in those moments. Originally, this was supposed to be two books, but somehow turned into one book containing a portion of each of the two unfinished books. So consider this a preview into two books that will never come out. A micro book collection. That sounds trendy; micro books. Okay let’s go with that. This is a collection of micro books. Micro books, are very hip right now in college towns, so congratulations on becoming a trendsetter in your neighborhood.

Finally I would like to talk to you about what you will not find in this book or what will never become of this book, so not to disappoint: Vampires with sideburns who attend high school, wolves wearing cut off jean shorts and the women they love, real housewives of any of the 50 United States and its commonwealths, a reality show about former reality show stars on an island competing to win a spot on a new reality show from a reality star host.

Nothing in this book has been auto tuned, remixed, and there are no rappers, country, or rock star collaborations.

This book will never be hidden under audience member’s seats at the Oprah Show, or made into a daytime movie. It will never go before a music panel and be judged on its a cappella singing abilities and talent. There are not bachelors or bachelorettes, no roses to be given out to contestants. No hidden cryptic symbols or messages tracing back to Michelangelo’s time, will be found. It is not dish washer or washing machine safe. Dry clean only. This book contains no fat, bad carbs, good carbs, and is not a good vitamin source based