In It to Win It! Tools to Build a Love That Lasts

By Elliott K. Sommerville

A Christian LGBT relationship guide to finding and building romantic relationships. As a same-gender-loving individual, you possess a unique God-given gift, which is your "affectional orientation." You, too can utilize the tools and principles to build a happy, healthy, and whole relationship with your partner or spouse. This book, which combines both Sommerville's personal relationship experiences and theological principles, will appeal to those who believe that their love can indeed last a lifetime.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Jul 25, 2017
• ISBN: 9781387121427

Book preview

In It to Win It! Tools to Build a Love That Lasts

Introduction

Travelling on together. But Ruth said, ‘Don’t force me to leave you; don’t make me go home. Where you go I go; and where you live, I’ll live. Your people are my people, your God is my god; where you die, I’ll die, and that’s where I’ll be buried, so help me GOD – not even death itself is going to come between us!’ When Naomi saw that Ruth had her heart set on going with her, she gave in. And so the two of them traveled on together to Bethlehem (Ruth 1:16-19).

One of the most wonderful experiences that any two people could ever hope for is to have the joy of a lasting relationship with another individual. Unfortunately, for many same gender loving couples, the examples of marital covenant spanning the decades are few and so often far between. However, the absence of these stories in and throughout our literary history is in no way an indication that their voices have not been heard and their presence seen and felt from one generation to the next.

Drawing from the images of my youth, I have often wondered how The American Gothic would look if I were afforded the   opportunity to pose for the artist and reveal who I was. So often we as same gender loving men and women are forced to choke down the examples of love and relationships handed over to us from our heterosexual counterparts. The unfortunate commentary behind this situation is that these ideals are accepted at face value without ever examining the reality that real love is universal; if universal, then unrestrained, and if unrestrained, then without boundaries. Simply put, there is no rule book for how each individual relationship should look. This presents the liberating ability to embrace the   notion that we innately possess the power that comes from within to write our own rules, turning the pages of our own lives, and making choices that will affect the quality of our own loving experience to co-create the experience with those we choose to love and partner with.

The creation of In It To Win It! Tools to Build a Love That Lasts, serves solely to be the conversational resource for same gender loving, gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender individuals that desire to have a working blueprint that will help construct a strong, lasting, and fulfilling relationship from the inside out. In It To Win It! is designed to provide you with the ageless tools that will educate, equip, and empower you to make solid decisions when it comes to dating, mating, and romance with your partner. Most of all, it is my hope that you will find the tools that will afford you the opportunity to build for yourself and your partner a Safe Sacred Space to live, laugh, and love.

Chapter One                                                                        Fairy Tales – The Reality of Prince Charming Myth     or Magic

For children, one of the most famous characters of all time is that handsome chap, Prince Charming, who shows up riding in on a pure white steed in his shining armor, just in the nick of time to   rescue a beautiful damsel and to vanquish an evil sorcerer, the wicked witch, or a big bad monster. If we were to dare to understand the reality of Prince Charming, we must first look at who he really is.

Prince Charming is a stock character who appears in a number of fairy tales. He is the prince from an unmentioned distant kingdom who comes to the rescue of the damsel in distress and stereo-       typically must engage in a quest to liberate her from an evil spell. This name has been given to heroes in a number of traditional   folktales including Snow White, Sleeping Beauty, and Cinderella.

These characters are often handsome and romantic, a foil to the heroine, and are seldom deeply characterized or even                  distinguishable from other such men who marry the heroine. Prince Charming is also the name given to a handsome, very attractive man. In many variants, they can be viewed more as a reward for the heroine rather than a character. Prince Charming is also used as a term to refer to the idealized man some people dream of as a future spouse.

Myth #1: My Prince is coming to rescue me. While the drama of the Prince riding in on his valiant steed makes for a great story, the context is a bad thing for us all. It implies   dependency and fosters a mindset of victimhood.

Life happens! True, life should have its moments of bliss and pleasure. However, for most of us, life can be filled with        mountainous highs and plunging lows. The unrealistic expectation of a hero coming to rescue you from the turmoil of life’s woes can be enough to subconsciously sabotage even the best relationship for you, especially for those in the community who have a past including

abandonment and substance abuse. Those who are abandoned wait for the rescue and usually find a healthy person to help them along the way but simply cannot tolerate the closeness and ultimately sabotage the relationship. Feeling uncomfortable with security, they would rather feel the comfortability of  suffering.

Myth #2: Prince Charming is real. For many same gender loving couples, we are guilty as charged for having wasted years of our lives, and more sadly, the years of other individual’s lives, attempting to locate this illusive fairy tale prince. This painful fact is the cardinal of all myths that our community seems to purport. For whatever reason, a disproportionate amount of young men and women have bought into the imagery of being a damsel in distress needing to be rescued from something or someone who holds them captive. Reality check: Brothers and sisters, only you have the keys to free yourself from the chains that bind you.

Myth #3: Prince Charming is perfect. Honestly, there is not a single brother or sister in the world who does not share the fantasy of his/her prince, finding them unflawed, carrying no baggage, and having no blemishes from the past. The truth of the matter is, this is also a myth.

Just as many of us are carting around a few items from our past, more than likely, your prince will also have some baggage. One of the most remarkable things that Glenn was able to teach me early in our relationship was this: Everyone comes with something. Now, it is up to you what ‘something’ you are willing to deal with. We are not agents freed from our past experience, but rather, we are the products of our past experiences – good, bad, or indifferent.

Here is a little nugget that we used very early to help us through the days of confronting or unpacking items from the past: Know that honesty is your trusted friend and the most valuable weapon you have in your arsenal against the things that will come to derail your relationship. I found that telling the truth on me and about me was the best way to keep the enemy