Shorts or Briefs

By David J. Brown

Shorts or Briefs is a baker's dozen of short stories and scripts exploring strength, weakness, time, death, love, confusion, loneliness, indecision and greed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Apr 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781447632917

Book preview

Brown

Apples

(a modern fable)

I wrote this in about 1993, when I noticed that most fables were a long way out of date – before I realised that this didn’t matter.

Sophie's smile was far lovelier than her name - and she knew that the two together were her sole defence against allegations of mediocrity.

She wasn't happy; often wondered what it would take to make her life perfect - what she would have to do, or be.

Then he appeared. On the High Street, holding apples.

He was, perhaps, a little older than her. His strikingly flat appearance froze her just long enough to allow him a window for introduction.

These three apples - or rather their seeds, he began, will perfect the quality of your life. They can make you into anything that you would like to be.

She laughed, did not believe. What would you be, if satisfied? he asked. Rich, for instance? he suggested while removing a butterfly knife from his jacket pocket. She didn't have time to step back before he deftly flicked the knife open and halved one of the apples, slicing a tiny wedge of flesh from the end of one finger in the process. He quickly kissed the small drop of scarlet away, then levered a single small pip from the core.

And ate it.

Wait. he insisted and ensured by forcing the remaining apples into her hands before disappearing into a nearby newsagents. Then, on returning, Look.

He scratched randomly at the ticket, instinctively revealing, to her surprise, a jackpot combination. Then, to greater surprise, swiftly shredded and threw the ticket to the breeze.

His questioning brows mimicked her own as she wondered where her voice had gone. Would you like these apples?

She bit eagerly at the previously halved apple, heading home.

She became rich with predictable improbability.

But the fortune felt cheap, poor, held no value for her.

The money went as easily as it came. She bought all manner of possession - men not dearest - as she felt her concrete needs wane.

Currencies of all name flowed through her hands as she drifted across the globe; exotic, beautiful rarities becoming grey commonplace and, above all, meaningless. She couldn‟t identify either the precise time or place when she had lost her smile.

For, however much she accrued (all entirely through impossibly legal and fortuitous occurrences), satisfaction remained well beyond the reach of her wealth.

Perhaps I have to be loved?

She ate the second apple.

He realised that he always had been so. Long before he ever dared admit it. He was very much in love with Sophie, although she could not understand why. It was the very blindest of devotions.

She began by questioning his faith in her, then moved straight on to challenging and testing it with a savagery that he couldn't possibly have deserved.

She changed her image - her clothes, her hair, her manner of speech - entirely, her very character,

He still admired, desired, cared, trusted and loved without any seconds' thought.

She treated him with irregular contempt, with an unpredictable lack of kindness but he grew to love her more deeply still.

She spent nights and more away, making no secrets of her pleasured engagements with innumerable others. He would remain inhumanly patient and, for her eventual and resentful return, Sophie would find herself adored all the more.

For he could understand that the roots of her behaviour anchored in unhappiness. Although he recognised his own obvious powerlessness, he would do any possible thing to feel her smile on his skin again. But all he could know to do was resolve never to let his love for her die.

As if in some last vain attempt to prove herself unworthy of his affections, she finally frittered away even her vastly undeserved fortunes.

Then she allowed him to fund her alternative liaisons.

It was he who finally admitted to himself and then dared voice it aloud - that she wasn't satisfied with him.

He suggested that she eat her third apple.

It was mouldering by now. Only in one small, greenish-turquoise patch, but smelling far more acrid than she could have predicted.

Her fingernail sank easily and quickly into that decomposing circle. She bit and swallowed that part first - as quickly as she could, to expedite the expected unpleasantness.

But the nausea rose quickly to fill her brain. Her lover was there to catch her in faint.

The following conversation was hers alone.

Through the bitter and swirling colours, she felt the return of that strikingly flat man who had been the start of all this. He smiled, Perfection? Satisfaction? Any joy, whatsoever?

Slurred, None. through her hazy sadness. But he had known that already.

Before you finish the third apple, he continued, I would repeat my original question: What would you be, if satisfied?

His words became a mirror.

She tried to blur through the focus that denied sharpness to the self-image which faced her now. It was no more herself than she now felt.

Sophie began, I want to be.... Broadening his smile. I... need to be myself, she realised.

You may be right. The convecting vapours confused him away and daylight returned.

It really was Sophie who sat up now to face the remains of the final apple. One final seed for one final wish?

When she opened the bin to throw it away, she re-found her smile.

Betterment

(a short film script)

A story about the difference between Self-Help and Help Yourself. (This started off being Peter’s story, but gradually became Katherine’s.)

EXT. BORDERSTONES BOOKSHOP - NIGHT

A couple are kissing, leaning against a car which is parked outside a bookshop. KATHERINE has long curls of brown hair and a dress shorter than she is usually comfortable with. PETER wears a smart jacket and is lost in the drunken moment. A text message is heard arriving on a phone. They separate. He is not sure whether to look at his phone.

KATHERINE

            Do what you have to do.

PETER

            Nothing has to be done.

            I'll just get my bag and a

            couple of things from in

            the car.

INT. CAR - NIGHT

Peter gets into his car and, having seen in his mirror that Katherine is checking out her appearance in the shop window, gets out his mobile. He dials with his right thumb, while reaching over to take a hardback book and pen from the glove compartment. The book is entitled TO BE, DO. Peter stares at the photo of himself on the back.

PETER (on phone)

            Hello. Just me. Was

            hoping to talk to you this

            evening. Never mind -

            I'll try to catch you

            before work in the

            morning. Good night.

He drops the phone into his top pocket, then flips open the book and writes.

PETER (V/O)

            A weakness that leads to

            betterment may be a

            strength in disguise.

            Thank you for this

            evening.

He closes the book.

EXT. BORDERSTONES BOOKSHOP - DAY

Two boxes full of that same book sit in the opened boot of an old estate car. One box is lifted by Peter, who is talking on his mobile. He turns awkwardly as he lifts the box and sees Katherine there.

KATHERINE

            Peter? Hello. I'm

            Katherine - we spoke on

            the phone. Can I help you

            with that?

PETER

            Oh. Okay. Thanks. No,

            actually, I can manage

            myself.

KATHERINE

            But... fair enough. I'll

            take the other one.

She lifts the second box and leads the way into the shop. He pauses to look at the display of his book in the window, on the way in.

INT. BORDERSTONES - AFTERNOON

Peter is getting books out of one of the boxes and placing them in careful piles on a table. Katherine is standing ready to assist.

KATHERINE (to herself)

            Be less boring.

PETER

            Sorry?

KATHERINE

            Mmm? Just thinking about

            how to introduce you,

            later.

PETER

            Have you had many authors

            here?

KATHERINE

            You're my first... our

            first.

PETER

            This is my first reading,

            too. A little nervous.

KATHERINE

            You'll be fine - and I've

            laid on some food and

            drinks for afterwards,

            too.

INT. BORDERSTONES - EVENING

Peter is watching from the office doorway as about twenty people file in to seated rows in front of Peter's table. Katherine is welcoming them. She looks very appealing to him.

PETER

            Be strong.

Katherine looks across at him and smiles.

PETER

            Be stronger than you are.

INT. BORDERSTONES - OFFICE - EVENING

The office is all shelves and noticeboards. Peter is on his mobile, sitting on the office chair. While he is talking, he is looking at the chalk board.

PETER (ON PHONE)

            Just to let you know that

            every thing's fine here -

            enough people to make it

            worth it - they're even

            going to feed and water me

            here straight afterwards,

            so I won't go back to the

            hotel hungry.

As he hangs up, he taps with his phone on two phrases circled on the board: get and author and catch a creative man.

INT. BORDERSTONES - EVENING

Peter delivers his talk.

KATHERINE

            ...author of "To Be, Do -

            a way to build your own

            betterment."

A small amount of applause lasts almost long enough for Peter to find his feet. He takes a deep breath as he opens the book to a marked page.

PETER (from book)

            Betterment is about

            strengths and weaknesses -

            it is about becoming

            strong enough... actually,

            smart enough... to defy

            your weaknesses. But it

            is not one heroic strength

            that I'm talking about -

            rather a continuum of

            small strengths. It is

            about recognising and

            denying the easy

            weaknesses that

            nevertheless require a

            little strength in order

            to overcome them and

            become better. Any one

            single moment of either

            weakness or strength is

            unlikely to define your

            character or significantly

            affect the course of your

            life - but may, in

            retrospect, be seen as

            that moment when your life

            set a new course.

He pauses to look around. The audience is entirely with him - but his attention is drawn to Katherine. She smiles broadly as he closes the book.

PETER

            Say you're running an

            electronics company, but

            your rival produces a

            better gizmo than yours.

            What do you do to stay in

            the market? You take

            their better device apart

            to see how it works, copy

            (and even improve upon)

            the key elements - and

            then work out how to put

            it back together for

            yourself. Deconstruct,

            then reconstruct - it's as

            simple as.

            So how do you do it?

            Well, many details and

            examples are in the book -

            that's why it's worth

            buying - but I'll run

            through the basics for you

            now.

INT. BORDERSTONES OFFICE

Katherine is sitting with a large glass of red wine. A copy of To Be, Do is on the desk.

PETER (V/O)

            It's best to start with a

            clear mind and something

            to write on.

Katherine wipes the office chalk board, takes a big sip of her wine and then sits it down on the book.

PETER (V/O)

            Identify your betterment

            tautologically - but so

            that it makes sense - in

            the form "to be more X, be

            more X".

Katherine chalks on the board, to be less bored... be less boring.

PETER (V/O)

            Then you need to

            deconstruct - to take

            apart what you want to be

            like - describe what it

            looks like to be better in

            the way you would like.

Katherine chalks: be more creative,

intellectual arguments, pursue desires,

take risks. (These may be fleshed out.)

PETER (V/O)

            And, crucially, you need

            to identify what it

            doesn't look like - what

            you shouldn't do.

Katherine chalks: DON'T..., follow the herd / accept the lowest denominator, be shy, think you aren't worth liking / listening to.

PETER (V/O)

            Then you reconstruct -

            specify the behaviour that

            will allow you to become

            better in the way you have

            identified.

Katherine chalks: be more creative at work - get an author to talk..., read a paper / listen to radio 4, catch a creative man, be happy to be different - to be more confident, act more confidently.

PETER (V/O)

            Finally, identify a core

            aim - one which, when you

            accomplish it, will show

            that you have become

            better.

Katherine sits back in her chair and scans the board - then she stands up and circles the phrase, catch a creative man and links it to get an author.

Cut back to Peter - nerves gone, in full flow. He is essentially delivering his speech mainly towards Katherine.

PETER

            Where did this all start

            for me? When I realised

            that I wasn't good

            enough... that she

            deserved better... and, I

            suppose, that she would

            leave me if I didn't

            improve. So I had to work

            out how to improve. Part

            of constructing my

            betterment involved coming

            to terms with what it

            looked like - pretty much

            the same as for all life

            change / positivity /

            visualization plans.

Cut back to Katherine in the office, throwing back the last of her wine and returning to the chalk board.

PETER (V/O)

            The difference, I suggest,

            is that we also have to

            visualise the obstacles,

            the easy failure... so

            that we know what to avoid

            - and how to recognise it.

Katherine is seen identifying her obstacles to her plan. She chalks up inability to act, not being good enough, putting his needs before mine.

Cut back to Peter delivering his talk.

PETER

            I'll read you a couple of

            examples from the book,

            then open to the floor for

            questions.

He opens the book and turns to a marked page.

INT. BORDERSTONES - LATER THAT EVENING

The audience laughs. Peter looks amongst them.

PETER

            Thanks for that. Any more

            questions? ...Yes?

SARAH

            When I was young, I always

            found that, whenever I

            took something apart to

            see how it worked... I

            broke it... I could never

            work out how to put it

            back together again.

PETER

            You mean, is your

            betterment as valuable, or

            meaningful, once you've

            de- and re-constructed it?

Sarah glances at TOM before nodding.

SARAH

            Or... might you have

            ruined what little you

            already had?

PETER

            I think... possibly not.

            I mean... there must

            always be the chance that,

            in the process of taking it

            apart and looking at it

            carefully, you might come

            to the realization that it

            wasn't what you really

            wanted.

TOM

            So what should you do

            about it? Just try to

            push past that?

PETER

            If that works for you...

            but I'd say it would be

            better to go back to stage

            one and use your new

            understanding to frame

            a... a better betterment,

            if you like.

Sarah and Tom look at each other. In the silence, Peter casts about for another question to get things moving again. Katherine has her hand raised, so he smiles at her and nods for her to go ahead.

KATHERINE

            You've talked a lot about

            small strengths and

            weaknesses. Can one

            single weakness be enough

            to derail your entire