Along the Path... One Woman's Journey Through Grief....

By Suzi Decker

I started these notes which turned into a blog which helped me process my grief from the loss of both parents, and my husband...plus loss in other areas of life. We are comforted by God and in turn we have the opportunity to comfort others along their paths as well....

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu Publishing Services
• Release date: Aug 2, 2016
• ISBN: 9781483455075

Book preview

Decker

Second Memorial….

A year ago was Don’s second memorial service in Elko…our last tribute to him who was so much in our lives…..

Our church family was so wonderful in the preparation and organization. I don’t know what we would have done without them…the refreshments, the music, the words, the setup, the tear down, the friendships, the love, the care, the letters, the prayers, the encouragement…to all of our family…

College regents, college presidents, senator, commissioners, lawn mowers, families, students, lifetime friends, lifetime family, doctors, organization reps,

Christian friends, non-Christian friends, towns people, lawyers, teachers, employees, employers, colleagues…whoever else…..who invested in our lives….coming from near and far…

Your smiles, condolences, hugs are without price in this world of change….

Thank YOU …God….so much for caring for him, for caring for us this year…help us to continue to heal, move forward, never forgetting the past, but looking toward the future .

Help us to do the right things, to make the right decisions, to carry on in the direction that you have set out for us, not forgetting that you are the great comforter, provider, lover of our souls……

2 Corinthians 1:3

[Praise to the God of All Comfort] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, NIV

2 Corinthians 1:4

who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. NIV

In God’s Loving Arms

I went to visit Don’s gravesite this afternoon after arriving in Corvallis. That is the first time since last April. We haven’t gotten the stone ordered yet, but the plans are in the making for that. It is hard to do, I think for all of us. Then it is really finally saying it is real, there is no turning back…

There is something about writing in stone that makes things so final…so solid, so permanent….

Don and I had talked about this before…when we went on our trip around the US, we found several places where scripture was written in Stone…within sight of the our Federal government, in state governments as well as local governments. It shows how our forefathers were so drawn to God’s word as their inspiration.

We have such a heritage in the truth of His Word…

But writing someone’s name with dates in stone is so personal…making a historical record .…a statement for the future to read…..

We have the opportunity to give others a picture of ourselves in the words we choose to write In stone….

God wrote the 10 commandments in stone…twice…a basis for our treatment of Him, others…

What will be written In stone that about you, me that will read In the future that encourage others? Give them important words for life?

Take a walk in the cemetery, cry for those who have gone, but be encouraged by words written in stone…remember…live…

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Comfort….

This year, for all of its changes, there have been so many who comforted also…

family, friends, strangers - God Himself, and using all these others to comfort our family, myself…

No, it hasn’t been easy….there were and are times that are rough, a word, a smell, an event, little things that bring a flood of memories, .…..but the comfort has been there also in those times.

God promises joy in the morning… Years ago after one of my miscarriages, I made a banner with a sunrise to remind myself that there is joy in the morning…but there can a joy through the mourning as well. Comfort…love…hugs…words of encouragement .…God’s Word…

Who can we reach out to comfort in their lives, this brings joy to our as well, ...purpose…

Comfort doesn’t have to be in big packages, little things work just as well….and may be all we or others need….

Thank YOU for all your comfort in my life….

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are those who mourn,

for they will be comforted. NIV

2 Corinthians 1:3-4

[Praise to the God of All Comfort] Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God.NIV

2 Corinthians 1:5

For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. NIV

2 Corinthians 1:6

If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. NIV

2 Corinthians 1:7

And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort. NIV

Alone…..

I have never been in a psychiatric behavior ward before. ...until yesterday…..

My dad, who is 86 years old had become extremely depressed, stopped eating and not drinking much. Something I have never seen him do my entire life…the decision was made to move him to my home to help him work through things…we sought counseling for him and eventually had to move him to a small safe group home with 12 other patients. He received counseling and good food, encouragement, as well as other people around for some stimulation. This week, his hand wound moved to a different level of care and they had to move him to the hospital psychiatric rooms… Alone… We can only visit him in the afternoon, sterile, as he is highly contagious….four walls, no TV, no other people, except the nurses in and out. He will continue to receive counseling but still alone…..gray walls…alone….

You wear gloves, clean your selves thoroughly when exiting…leaving him alone….

This verse sums it up….that is exactly how it feels…..to prevent further spreading of the infection, this is the way it has to be treated…..only they have add the big gun antibiotics to the picture…..

Leviticus 13:46

As long as they have the disease they remain unclean. They must live alone; they must live outside the camp. NIV

There are times, when we all say. Wow, I wish I could just be alone……for a while and then re-enter life when we are ready…we relish the aloneness as a respite….for a period of our own choosing…

But the following three verses are the way my dad feels…worn out……life with no meaning….fears….enemies .……so unbearably hard to see after a life of activity, meaningful people,……Purpose…..

Exodus 18:18

you and these people who come to you will only wear yourselves out. The work is too heavy for you; you cannot handle it alone. NIV

Job 7:16

I despise my life; I would not live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning. NIV

Psalm 102:6-8

6 I am like a desert owl,

like an owl among the ruins.

7 I lie awake; I have become

like a bird alone on a roof.

8 All day long my enemies taunt me;

those who rail against me use my name as a curse. NIV

God’s word speaks truth…to our hearts, listening ears .…as we choose to listen and absorb it….these are the things I have been asking him, about life, Remembrances….stories…..reading the Bible…..so that he hears truth….not the aloneness….that Christ would enter the room and sit with Him in comfort…care and compassion….securing his mind….in good places….peace…..

Thank YOU for my father, he has been such a good one…as mirrored You in so many ways…

Take him home peacefully to be reunited with so many loved ones…

Psalm 4:8

In peace I will lie down and sleep, for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety. NIV

Psalm 16:5

Lord, you alone are my portion and my cup; you make my lot secure. NIV

John 16:32

"A time is coming and in fact has come when you will be scattered, each to your own home. You will leave me all alone. Yet I am not alone, for my Father is with me. NIV

We are not alone…..even when we may think we are….the Creator of the universe takes a very personal interest In His own….

In all things…..

There are distinct times in life that stand out like yesterday…..defining moments…lessens to learn…when God’s voice is almost audible. The time, the place, the feel, even the smells are still distinct….37 years ago, we were living in a little place called, Jawbone Flats…some now call it Opal creek…it is a destination spot now. Then, we were working there. Don was working on the geology of the area. Behind locked gates, in a pristine area of the Cascades…….giant cedars rose to the sky, little cabins- each with their own distinct feature….we had the one with the bathtub….sand piles for the children on which to play….trails….a Pelton wheel for electricity…..green, secluded and magnificent……

One day, we got a call on the satellite phone, that one of my grandparents had died….they never die….they will always be around….but no….

I had been reading through the Psalms about giving thanks……and Philippians about giving thanks….

I just remember so distinctly, thinking, how do I give thanks when my grandparent has just died…….it was so clear….to give thanks is a pure act of will on my part…God will take care of the rest….the emotions…

No, it wasn’t easy…I loved my grandparents…I had known them and been around them all of my life, I wrote letters to them almost every week.

From there, I remember asking God to cultivate a grateful heart in all things….that I would be quicker to get to that grateful heart…to remember that He has a bigger picture and attempt to see things through His eyes….

None of the lessons along the way have been simple, easy….there have been unbearable hurts, tears, but, He brings me back to that moment in time when we had the conversation about…..in all things…..

Phil 4:6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. NIV

1 Chronicles 16:34

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. NIV

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart (Hebrews 4:12). NIV

Psalm 118:29

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever. NIV

Mark 8:6

He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. When he had taken the seven loaves and given thanks, he broke them and gave them to his disciples to distribute to the people, and they did so. NIV

In all things, give thanks…..Thank YOU…

Music for the soul….

Psalm 108:1

My heart, O God, is steadfast; I will sing and make music with all my soul...NIV

God gave me the idea of downloading music on my iPad and taking it with me when I visit with my dad. So I downloaded old songs that my parents had when I was little and that my dad enjoyed….my first remembrances of music….

Sons of the pioneers, Patti page, Marti Robbins ..Etc….was soothing for him…I think…at least he endured it, not wanting me to stop the songs until they were finished. Red river valley, Tennessee Waltz, how much is that doggie in the window, somebody bigger than you and I……

He taught himself to play the harmonica at 15 when his family moved to the new house in 1940. He played all his life for Christmas, major events and just for fun, for his wedding in 2012 and lastly for my husband’s funeral in 2012 as well.

I have been raised with music all my life, country, classical, contemporary, movie musicals, concerts, etc. as my dad was a cowboy and my mother was a music major and teacher. We also owned a music store at one time, two years. My first job was catalog updates for music in this huge ledger that received update pages every week. $.01 per page…as well as alphabetizing all the sheet music that came in. That job continued through high school, with added responsibilities ...

Church music was and is also a very big part our lives. It speaks to my soul….it has all my life and continues to do so….certain songs evoke certain emotions, memories….praise…. there are whole books of music in the Bible, musicians for worship, and music is mentioned from the beginning to the end…..there is an importance here….one part of worship for all of eternity…Thank YOU for the opportunity to sing for You most of my life…

2 Chronicles 5:13

The trumpeters and musicians joined in unison to give praise and thanks to the Lord. Accompanied by trumpets, cymbals and other instruments, the singers raised their voices in praise to the Lord and sang: He is good; his love endures forever. Then the temple of the Lord was filled with the cloud, NIV

Psalm 27:6

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at his sacred tent I will sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord. NIV

Psalm 57:7

My heart, O God, is steadfast, my heart is steadfast; I will sing and make music. NIV

Psalm 95:2

Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. NIV

Psalm 98:4

Shout for joy to the Lord, all the earth, burst into jubilant song with music; NIV

Psalm 98:5

make music to the Lord with the harp, with the harp and the sound of singing, NIV

Ephesians 5:19

speaking to one another with psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit. Sing and make music from your heart to the Lord, NIV

Griefshare Day 306 - Making Music unto God

Lies, deceit and deceivers……

In my father’s tired mind right now, everyone is lying to him….everything and everyone are fake…. It is all a sham, a scam, a fraud, a setup, an illusion and a scheme…..all words he has used in his mind tricks….yet those are all the words that his mind is playing on him…we are in the real world and he is not…

Not the person I have known all of my life as my father….not the grandfather my children have known, not the tree farmer who loved to teach…..not the uncle my cousins have known…not the friend he has been .…..not the loving husband…not family story teller…nor the jokester who laughed until he cried…

On the other hand, I can ask him questions about growing up, past history and he can tell me in detail the who, when, what details….quite the contrast….

Mind deceivers .…..we, as people in this world, have an enemy, a deceiver, a liar, who would trick our minds moment by moment of everyday….he would trick us with idols, materialism, various religions, wrong thinking .…. A multitude of things….

He has been there since the beginning, in the garden with Adam and Eve, twisting the truth, to Job….testing….to Christ, trying to gain the power which is not his to have…and finally in the end times, a battle which is already won by the Creator the universe…

Still he is lurking every day in every way to win converts to his evil and deceitful ways…quietly undermine truth in anyway he can….

We are to resist, be alert……be on guard that we are not deceived.

Lord, help me to make right decisions based on truth and not be deceived by the falsehoods of the deceiver….

Zechariah 3:2

The Lord said to Satan, The Lord rebuke you, Satan! The Lord, who has chosen Jerusalem, rebuke you! Is not this man a burning stick snatched from the fire? NIV

Matthew 4:10

Jesus said to him, Away from me, Satan! For it is written: ‘Worship the Lord your God, and serve him only.’ NIV

Acts 5:3

Then Peter said, "Ananias, how is it that Satan has so filled your heart that you have lied to the Holy Spirit and have kept for yourself some of the money you received for the