What's for Dinner, Mr Gum?

By Andy Stanton and David Tazzyman

Shabba me whiskers! It’s one of those Mr Gum books by Andy Stanton. They’re only the craziest, funnest most amazing books for children in the world. This is book six.

Mr Gum's back! But what's he up to this time? Oh, dreadful things my friends, dreadful things indeed. It seems he's found himself a brand new treat – rancid kebabs just dripping with dirty grey sauce. And he just can't get enough of them. He's gotta have more! More! Less! I mean, More! But not everyone's too happy about Mr Gum's new dinnertime arrangements and soon the town of Lamonic Bibber is gearing up for war. Can Polly and her friends save the town from being torn apart? Will Mr Gum's hunger ever be satisfied? And who on earth is Thora Gruntwinkle? All will be revealed when you read "What's For Dinner, Mr Gum?" You'll see a gingerbread man driving through London! You'll see an annoying little monkey driving everyone mad! You'll see Friday O'Leary falling asleep in a hedge! Yes, it's all there in glorious black and white, my friends. Except for the cover, which is in colour. It's Bonus.

Perfect for fans of Roald Dahl and David Walliams.

Have you collected all the well brilliant Mr Gum series?

You're a Bad Man, Mr Gum

Mr Gum and the Biscuit Billionaire

Mr Gum and the Goblins

Mr Gum and the Power Crystals

Mr Gum and the Dancing Bear

What's for Dinner, Mr Gum?

Mr Gum and the Cherry Tree

Mr Gum and the Secret Hideout

Praise for Mr Gum:

‘Smooky palooki! This book is well brilliant!’ – Jeremy Strong

‘Worryingly splendid’ – Guardian NOT FOR BORERS!

You're a Bad Man, Mr Gum was selected as a Tom Fletcher Book Club 2017 title.

Andy Stanton studied English at Oxford but they kicked him out. Before becoming a children’s writer he was a film script reader, a market researcher, an NHS lackey, a part-time sparrow and a grape. Today he is best-known for the hilarious and much-loved Mr Gum books, which are published in 34 countries worldwide in over 30 languages. The series has won numerous awards, including the inaugural Roald Dahl Funny Prize, the Red House Children’s Book Award and two Blue Peter Book Awards.

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperCollins UK
• Release date: Nov 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9781405259323

Andy Stanton

Andy Stanton lives in North London. He studied English at Oxford but they kicked him out. He has been a film script reader, a cartoonist, an NHS lackey and lots of other things. He has many interests, but best of all he likes cartoons, books and music (even jazz). His favourite expression is ‘good evening’ and his favourite word is ‘captain’. You’re a Bad Man, Mr Gum! was his first book and is the first in the bestselling Mr Gum series.

Book preview

Chapter 1

Off to the Seaside!

This is the story of the Battle of Lamonic Bibber, or as it became known, the Dinnertime Wars or, as it didn’t become known, Ghostbusters III. And know this, my friends – it was a terrible conflict indeed. Like all wars it was full of madness and anger. Like all wars there were courageous heroes and dastardly villains. Like practically all wars there was a dirty little monkey called Philip the Horror.

But I know what you’re wondering. You’re wondering how the Dinnertime Wars got started in the first place, aren’t you?

‘How did it all start?’ you say.

‘Where did it begin?’ you ask.

‘What do you mean, a monkey?’ you enquire.

‘Shut up,’ I reply. ‘Stop bothering me with all these questions and I will tell you.’

It all started on a Friday. And not only did it start on a Friday but it started with a Friday – that wonderful old gentleman Friday O’Leary, hero of many an adventure and three times winner of the Lamonic Bibber Women’s Underwater Badminton Championship.

And here’s a quick word from Friday himself:

‘BREADBIN’

Thanks, Friday.

But hey now, hey now, don’t dream it’s over. This story doesn’t just start with Friday O’Leary. Because along with him were his good friends Polly and Alan Taylor.

Now, Polly was a little girl with the sort of sandy-coloured hair that makes you happy to be alive and the sort of heart-coloured heart which is so brave it would fight a lion if that lion happened to deserve it. For instance, if he had been trying to rob pencils. Polly was only nine but she was a hero through and through.

And as for Alan Taylor, he was a gingerbread man with electric muscles and he was 16.24cm tall because he’d grown a centimetre since the last book he was in.

‘Maybe I’ll grow into a real man one day,’ he was fond of saying. But that was impossible.

Or was it?

Yes.

But never mind. For the most part, Alan Taylor was a jolly little twinkle and girls liked him because he was cute and they could dress him up like a doll and make him do tea parties.

‘Oh, you are a darlin’ little marshy,’ laughed Polly now, bending down to kiss Alan Taylor on his juicy raisin eye. ‘An’ this is gonna be the best holiday ever!’

‘That’s right,’ laughed Friday O’Leary, throwing his hat up in the air. It landed on a cloud and the cloud laughed so hard it turned into a lovely apple. ‘We’re off to the seaside and we won’t be back for weeks!’

‘Hoorays!’ said Polly.

‘Huzzooof!’ said Alan Taylor.

‘THE TRUTH IS A LEMON MERINGUE!’ yelled Friday, as he sometimes liked to do. ‘It’s seaside time for us!’

And off they toddled down the friendly road and the sun shone down and the trees were brown and there wasn’t a frown in the whole wide world, just Friday, a biscuit and a happy little girl.

Chapter 2

Butcher Shop Blues

Deep inside Billy William the Third’s Right Royal Meats someone stood in the dismal shadows, watching the heroes go. It was that appalling butcher, Billy William the Third.

‘Ha ha ha,’ grinned Billy now. ‘With them lot of do-gooders gone down the seaside to do their sunbathin’ an’ their sandcastles, the way is clear for evil. For once me an’ me old pal Mr Gum’ll be free to do our plans in peace. An’ then we’ll RULE this stupid town!’

And that’s how it went in Lamonic Bibber. Billy William and Mr Gum were always trying to hatch their scoundrel plans and the heroes were always squashing them back down. So it was no wonder that seeing Polly and her friends leaving town put Billy in a good evil mood.

No more heroes any more!

he sang.

No more heroes any more! They walked right past me butcher’s door! Now me an’ Mr Gum’s gonna rule the roost! What’s a roost, I don’t even know? But who even cares, cos the heroes are

Reviews for What's for Dinner, Mr Gum?

[laviniarossetti · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Other people might not, but I think this is a kind of love book, which includes a war of meat and slime. Polly and her pals go to see Thora Gruntwinkle (Billy William's true love) and bring her back to Lamonic BIbber, so that Billy will turn towards the good side and the Dinnertime War may be over. But it's not as easy as that.

Mr Gum has stopped liking Billy William, and has turned onto Greasy Ian, another butcher in town. It turns out that not only Billy William liked Thora G., but also Greasy Ian was her long lost husband!

This book was quite funny, but I wouldn't say as funny as the last ones, but even though it lost a star, I still loved it. I have no idea how Andy Stanton could possibly even think up these funny-but-serious ideas!

Unfortunately, I think there's one or two left in the collection, and when I finish these, I'm going to kill myself. Or just read them again ;)