The Potpourri of Emotions: Different Faces to an Idle Mind

By Sulaiman Hafeez

About the Book: Like a literary potpourri, each of these stories in the form of poems evoke a different emotion.
Ranging from sensuality and sentimentality, depression to horrorcore, and touching everything else in between. See the different faces to an idle, uninspired mind and have fun trying to separate fact from fiction!
About the Author: Sulaiman likes to try out different things and build experiences rather than stay constricted to one lifestyle. This is reflected in his work and his willingness to explore different genres.
Aged 23, he is working on his professional career whilst using hobbies, like writing, to keep his sanity intact.
Away from the pen, he enjoys football, music and a long night out, just like any typical young adult.
Instagram- Sulaimanian96

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pencil
• Release date: Oct 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9789390040827

Book preview

HALLUCINATION

1. MONOTONY

I tire of this monotony,

Time just doesn’t pass,

From the window, the world seems so lively,

But inside, it’s bleak and grey,

A thick shade of monochrome from the ceiling to the marble tiles,

The door is locked,

Leaving me trapped since so long,

I’ve forgotten what the sky looks like,

The only shade I’m familiar with is this dull grey,

The one that has me enveloped,

Blinded and left me restless.

The sun or the moon,

What’s the difference?

They’re both just spheres in the sky,

Far out of reach, just like sanity and satisfaction.

Is it day or night,

I can’t tell the difference,

They’re the same colorless shade, just like my lifeless soul.

I don’t know where I’m going,

Or if I’m even moving at all,

The pages on the calendar keep turning,

But the grey remains constant,

What’s the point?

I don’t have anything to look forward to,

Sleeping is the only way to kill time,

But even it eludes me.

Counting sheep doesn’t work,

Even the Sandman has deserted me,

The only conversations I have are with myself,

It’s just me and my thoughts,

When everything is dead silent,

That’s when all my insecurities gang up on me.

A mind that always keeps asking one question,

A question, needless to say, I have no answer to,

Lost in contemplation,

How did I end up this way?

Where I can’t even do what I want,

I’m tired of blaming myself,

I have nothing to do with it,

From your perspective, I’m probably coming off as entitled,

Bit farfetched when I never had any rights to begin with,

Or a peace of mind.

I always live in constant fear,

To the point that it’s made me this nervous wreck,

I didn’t choose to be this way,

Nor did I just mope around and wallow in self pity,

I’m not one to point fingers,

But it’s hard when you’re pulled right back in the shadows,

Reasoning is a waste of time,

It’s like going in circles.

The vagueness of it all,

Uncertainty that leaves me mystified,

In an effort to escape,

I’m only digging me a deeper pit,

My fingers that keep clawing its insides hoping to climb out,

But in reality, I fall deeper,

This vicious grey only clings tighter,

Sticks all over my being,

Makes me feel so gooey.

I have no other option but to be patient,

To see it out.

To see the shadows that have long deserted me,

They seem so happy once our paths diverged.

Grown so further apart that it’s hard to tell we were once the same,

While I’m still at the same place I was so many years ago,

Trying to hold myself together,

Pulled apart limb by limb by this tedium,

Juggling so many things at once,

Being in a position where you’re torn between your happiness,

And coming clean with my conscience,

I don’t want to be selfish, to be despised and be subjected to more hate,

But I also don’t want to cope with this loneliness, I don’t want to bawl my eyes out, muffled by the pillows.

I’ve been posed with this dilemma all this while.

Am I handling it right?

I’m curious,

Tell me,

What would you do in my shoes?

It’s almost over now though.

Soon, something has to give,

One way or the other, I will be free from this prison,

I’ve already accepted the consequences,

It’s only a matter of time,

And I won’t look back either,

Until all this will be is just a painful episode,

But what bothers me most,

Is that at the end of this depressing ordeal,

I’ll have no memories to reminisce,

Only tales of intense solitude,

Because when I look back now, I don’t see anything,

Just a gaping emptiness,

A void that may never be filled.

I’m dripping from head to toe,

In this greasy, thick tar-like grayness,

I want to throw it off,

But I only end up being more devoured by it.

2. YOUR REFLECTION

Your reflection in the huge mirror by the dresser,

I can see you look at me with sideway glances,

When you put on that silver dress with laces,

One that accentuates your silhouette,

Apply your coral matte lipstick,

Wear earrings that dangle hypnotically as you sway your head,

And a carcanet that you tie across your delicate neck.

From those side drawers you pull out a concealer, a blusher and your mascara,

Don’t mind me just sitting here, watching you,

I promise I won’t make a noise,

I like watching you get dressed, you already know that,

You can take as much time as you need,

There’s no rush.

Ordinarily,

I’m fine with whatever you wear,

But I want you to spoil me tonight,

Treat me differently,

Dress extravagantly,

Let’s show up everybody at the party,

Don’t hold anything back.

Your highlighter,

It makes you glow from afar,

You’re shining the way you always do.

And that blusher,

It makes your cheeks scarlet,

So red and alluring,

Don’t forget that shiny necklace.

I’m thinking,

Maybe you should let loose your hair,

I like how they bounce with each step that you take,

Those blond tips really make you look special.

Feed your vanity,

A bit of narcissism never killed anyone,

Spray a few drops of that vanilla cologne over your wrists and rub them over you,

You are so gorgeous,

Take pride in yourself,

Flaunt yourself to me,

Even if you think it is haughty,

I think you’re perfect,

I know you’ll draw envious gazes from everyone tonight,

I don’t want to cage you,

I’d much rather show you off,

Look good for me tonight, will you?

The reflection which stares back at me,

Through the mirror,

It’s like you’ve put a spell on me,

Taken my breath away,

All I can do is gape at you in awe,

Rub my eyes in disbelief and pinch myself,

While you’re still seated elegantly on that ottoman,

You make me walk up to you,

Caress your exposed shoulders,

Trace the length of your hands,

Bewitched,

I can’t stop myself from bending down and kissing your neck,

Once,

Twice,

I’ve lost count.

I brush your hair aside with one hand,

And kiss your nape,

While you curr in delight,

Here’s an idea,

I whisper in your ear,

Aren’t we late already?

Might as well give the party a slip,

I’m not particularly fond of anyone attending either,

It’s only your company I enjoy most,

You weren’t looking forward to leaving home tonight either, were you?

You make me face you,

Your thinly coated lips rub over me,

Don’t be too angry if I ruin your makeup,

I know I was the one who insisted you to doll up,

And now, let me help you take it off,

Let me be the reason why it’s smeared,

Your ephemeral touches make me yearn for more,

Time is a luxury I can’t afford,

I pick you up and sit you over the dresser,

Spread yourself luxuriously over the rosewood,

Put yourself at ease,

Get more comfortable.

Kiss me now,

While I lay you bare,

Disrobing piece by piece,

Your sweet hands that are in mine,

And those fingers that I taste one by one,

Your scent makes me swoon,

It only makes me more excited,

And so do those purrs that escape your lips so seductively,

Your reflection stares back at you lustfully,

I want you to burn that image in your mind,

I want you to familiarize yourself with this side of you,

Her lips coiled sensually and her eyes barely open,

My fingers get moist and more wet,

They slip in and out with ease,

See how they drip on to the carpet below.

Against the mirror,

Your head is leaning against its frame,

And your fingers pull at my hair while you bite your bottom lip in muted pleasure.

The sight of you moaning is ethereal,

Rid of all inhibitions,

Just that one word repeatedly escapes your lips,

One, hearing which spurs me on more.

You pull me back up and taste yourself off the tip of my tongue,

While your hands unbutton my shirt and throw it away,

Intoxicating, aren’t you?

You’re squatting before the mirror,

I can tell you’re intrigued,

By that reflection which peers back at you,

Inquisitive, yet bold,

A look of tenderness about her,

Yet wrapped in a fierce aura that exudes confidence,

She has her hair untidily scattered over her face,

And a hungry look,

She’s insatiable and she has her hand around me,

The lewd woman who stares back,

Almost indifferentiable,

She guides me in impatiently,

Her hand outstretched,

Gripping at the wooden frame,

Trying to hold herself steady and keep her balance,

You study her so earnestly,

Surprised by how well she moves,

And how radiant she looks.

Do you like what you see too?

Her reflection looks back at me,

I can’t take my eyes off it,

Watching you look at me so lustfully,

Little drops of sweat trickle down your back and onto me,

You’re pulling me into you again,

With so much ease now,

Like poetry in motion,

You flow into me like liquid,

Artistically crafted, the warmth you impart,

Please hold me this way forever.

You’re lost too,

I can see how surprised you are,

Mesmerized by your own reflection,

This is how I see you every night,

Do you finally understand why I’m so addicted to you?

This beautiful sight in front of you,

The surreal woman just ahead of you,

You look at it with fascination,

Go on,

Immerse yourself in the passion in her eyes,

Reach out and place your hand over hers,

Tell her just how special she is,

Kiss her through the mirror,

See yourself the way I see you every day.

This mirror overlooking everything,

It watches you push me over the bed,

Shows you clambering over me and kissing me all the way from my neck all the way down,

It reflects you as you fit into me with ease now,

This is exactly what I had in mind when I asked you to spoil me,

Your blinking eyelashes remain fixated on me as you pick up the pace,

And your voice grows louder,

Before you collapse,

Lie over me, exultant,

Let me hold you,

Wrap your hands behind my back.

Her reflection stares back at her drowsily as she closes her tired lips after letting out a content sigh,

All those times you thought she wasn’t good enough,

That she put on weight or wasn’t pretty enough,

All your needless worrying,

You only needed this perspective,

Don’t be harsh on her anymore.

I’m glad we made the right decision tonight,

Thank you for making me feel so special,

For spoiling me so in your warmth,

I roll you over,

Kiss you softly and fall asleep beside you.

3. THE LIBRARY

On a mid-September evening,

With the weather being pleasant and the breeze being gentle,

I take a walk on the streets all by myself,

People scurrying about,

The street is mildly populated.

That’s when I first see her,

Just in front of me by the traffic light.

Immediately,

She stands out from the rest,

There is something about her that I can’t quite put my finger on,

Maybe it’s her brown hair that are left open to flow in the wind,

Or her sapphire blue eyes that have a certain depth to them,

A jawline so prominent, it pierces my heart just looking at it,

A pleasant smell emanating from her,

Not too faint, and nor overwhelming,

A lavender perfume perhaps.

She’s wearing a black and white chequered shirt,

And a casual grey frock underneath,

A shiny brooch around the right cuff,

Minimalistic fashion but she pulls it off so well,

Hoping she’ll notice me,

And not having the courage to approach her myself,

I just keep staring at her from afar,

I probably look ridiculous but I’m spellbound.

She merely casts one look at me,

Flashing a smile,

All I can do is return one back sheepishly,

And as the signal turns green,

She turns around, walking away.

Something inside me snaps as my legs subconsciously start tailing her.

Across the street,

Walking for a couple of blocks now,

As I continue to follow her awkwardly,

Trying to muster up enough courage to walk up to her and talk.

Unaware of my presence,

She turns the corner and walks into a library.

Maybe I should follow her in?

Or what if she thinks of me as a creep?

But what if I never get to see her again?

Still undecided,

I take a deep breath and swing open the library door,

Scanning around and hoping to catch a glimpse of her,

I walk around in a daze,

I’m still not quite sure what I’m doing.

After a few minutes of aimless walking,

I see her by a table,

Clearly engrossed in a book.

So this isn’t a good time for me to ask her number.

I guess I’ll just wait for a while.

I quietly grab the first book to come to my hand from the closest shelf,

And seat myself down on a table opposite to hers.

Under the pretext of reading,

My eyes keep slipping over in her direction,

Her little nose that wrinkles up when she tries to focus,

Her lips silently mouth out everything she’s reading,

And the way she turns pages over,

If only I could walk up to her,

If only I wasn’t so intimidated,

I’d love to get to know her better.

Almost as if she read my thoughts,

She looks up from her novel and in my direction as I hastily avert my gaze into the book in front of me.

After an hour or two,

Which flew by in what felt like were seconds,

She gets up,

Leaving the library,

This is my chance.

I’m determined to talk to her now.

As she exits the library,

And I run to catch up to her,

I lose her in the bustling crowd,

She could be anywhere.

I frantically run around the whole street trying to catch a glimpse of her, but it was in vain.

Dejected,

I head back home,

Maybe I’ll run into her some other time.

The next day,

At about the same time,

I go back to the same library,

Wishing upon my lucky stars,

Praying for just one more chance to see her again,

And luckily enough,

I catch her on the same table again.

She’s just as into the book as she was yesterday,

And I’m still as nervous as I was yesterday.

I sigh in frustration as the only thing I can do is sit and watch her from afar,

Not knowing how to approach her.

Days go by,

It’s still the same,

A visit to the library became my daily ritual just to see her.

Sometimes we exchange glances and we smile at each other,

Her, brightly,

And me, as awkwardly as I first saw her on the street.

One evening,

In the middle of reading her novel,

I suddenly notice she pulls something out of her pocket,

Is that a pencil?

She jots something down,

Scribbling over something and putting it back into her pocket.

When it was time for her to leave,

As usual,

She walked by from just beside me,

Trying to get to the main door.

Something dropped out of her pocket,

A folded up napkin.

She was nowhere in sight by the time I pulled myself together and tried to tell her.

Thinking I’d return it to her tomorrow,

I pick up the napkin,

Curiosity getting the better of me,

I unfold it.

And there,

In a most beautiful writing,

With a bright shade of red,

She had used her lipstick to write down, along with her name,

Her number.

4. BLACK & WHITE

From her anticipative breaths,

Down to her fingers that tremble nervously,

Eyes that refuse to look anywhere else,

Her parted lips silently imploring to be filled by mine,

My fingertips trace the contour of her body,

Teasing,

Stroking gently,

Her receptivity is amusing.

Like a piano,

Each inch that I touch,

Each spot I kiss,

Begets a different