Nigel Spalliwham Is Famous Now!

By Dexter Peters

Nigel Spalliwham has a number of issues to overcome, starting with a low IQ and a cheese addiction. So, how will he grow up at all, let alone get famous? A comic tale about overcoming bullying for 9-14 year olds.

• Language: English
• Publisher: APS Publications
• Release date: Oct 21, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393361992

Book preview

NIGEL SPALLIWHAM

IS FAMOUS NOW!

For Janek Jendykiewicz

1

There’s no easy way to say this. And it can’t be ducked or avoided.  Deborah Spalliwham was an idiot.

She came from a long line of dimwits and so, when she gave birth to a baby boy, nobody was surprised that Nigel should turn out to be an idiot too.

He didn’t develop his idiocy. It arrived fully fledged from the outset as a core part of his personality. At the age of a mere two months, he stuffed the edge of his cot blanket so deeply into his mouth that he would have died if the postman hadn’t heard him choking.

‘What an idiot, his mother said, pulling her knickers back up. Ruining our morning like that." For Nigel’s mother, the title Mrs. was a courtesy one because there was no Mr. Spalliwham in plain sight. Never had been in all likelihood.

She took the infant out of the postman’s arms and thumped him on the back to encourage Nigel to refill his lungs with life-giving air. When, shortly afterwards, the boy expelled the vapours again, his cries were heart-breakingly intense and caused his mother to expand her opinion of him. Ungrateful idiot, she said. It was neither the first nor the