Dingbats School of Sword and Sorcery

By A. R. Rand

Dingbats School of Sword and Sorcery, Oliver and Pamela are certain to flunk out. What do they know about magic? The weird teachers such as a greedy leprechaun, Miss Medusa and vampire guidance counselor, give them the willies.
Oliver doesn't like the school Clicks - Ikes, Rockers, Beats and Rozies. Each have their own club house, flying creatures and use magic. However, Oliver thinks they are snobs. The Clicks challenge Oliver to drag racing (on dragons) and Horseballs on flying horses.
Oliver's music teachers (and Pamela's aunts) - Miss Fitchett, Miss Appley, Miss Maffit and Miss Pennyfeather - have magical abilities. They are desperate to find their Cherish wands and protect Oliver and Pamela from evil forces. Revelations about Charlie, a mysterious 7-year-old, cause Oliver to question Charlie's loyalty to him and the aunts. The dark wizard, Ogilby, hunts for Pamela to use for his wicked spells and his maniacal army including trolls, black knights and skeleton Untouchables, take over Razzmatazz. Can Oliver and his friends stop Ogilby? Or will the evil Prince Ogilby reign? Oliver learns one thing at Dingbats - magic ain’t for wimps!

• Language: English
• Publisher: A. A. Randazzo
• Release date: Jul 11, 2021
• ISBN: 9781005663742

Book preview

Table of Contents

BOOK TWO – DINGBATS SCHOOL OF SWORD AND SORCERY

Chapter 1 - Dennis the Menace

Chapter 2 - Trackdown

Chapter 3 - Undercurrent

Chapter 4 - The Price is Right

Chapter 5 - Truth or Consequences

Chapter 6 - Gray Ghost

Chapter 7 - Mayor of the Town

Chapter 8 - This is Your Life

Chapter 9 - Ding Dong School

Chapter 10 - The Quiz Kids

Chapter 11 - Koola, Pam and Ollie

Chapter 12 - Sense and Nonsense

Chapter 13 - Brains and Brawn

Chapter 14 - Judge for Yourself

Chapter 15 - My True Story

Chapter 16 - Person to Person

Chapter 17 - See It Now

Chapter 18 - Action in the Afternoon

Chapter 19 - Sing It Again

Chapter 20 - Science Marches On

Chapter 21 - Target

Chapter 22 - Fireball Fun for All

Chapter One

* * Dennis the Menace * *

Oliver still had time before the dreaded start of school on Monday the following week.

You’ll love Dingbats, said Miss Pennyfeather, heaping scrambled eggs onto his plate with a sweet smile on her plump face.

Oliver stared at the steaming yellow mound, feeling nauseous. Just the thought of attending Dingbats School of Sword and Sorcery made him want to puke. Pamela hadn’t come down to breakfast yet, and he had his four music teachers to himself.

"I’m not going to Dingbutts, he said testily. I’m going home!"

He was sitting in his music teachers’ cheery kitchen with tall yellow cabinets and butterscotch curtains on the window above the sink. A fire merrily crackled in the stone hearth, and a steam kettle tooted on the old iron stove. He felt anything but cheery. His world and the place where he grew up in Brooklyn seemed a long way away. He so desperately wanted to go back there and have things like they were with his best friend Pamela living next door with her aunts, those same aunts that were his music teachers and as he found out, witches. Now here he was stuck in Razzmatazz, a strange world, a world of wondrous things, but also frightening things. Would he ever go home again?

His teachers stopped stirring batter, rolling cookie dough, and flipping pancakes. They were wearing aprons over their long dresses and busily attending to breakfast. Making meals and baking were among the teachers’ favorite activities. Of course, music was their passion, especially teaching music to young students. That activity, alas, had ended when they all crossed over to Razz. However, now with the protective shield over the village of Silver Cricket, they had talked about opening a similar school since no one could travel to take lessons elsewhere. Oliver took no comfort from the notion that the shield Mr. Robinson magicked would protect them from Prince Ogilby. There was controversy within the village over the shield that both protected the village from an invasion but, at the same time, made prisoners of the inhabitants. How long the shield would protect and serve was in question. For now, everyone in the village was striving to go on with life as usual. One of the usual things was children going to school and Pamela’s aunts insisted that Oliver and Pamela attend school. Not any school, mind you. Dingbats School of Sword and Sorcery, as the name implies, was a school where the teachers taught how to do magical spells. As a member of the non-magic Humbug world, Oliver felt he was at a distinct disadvantage and already a flunkie before he started.

Oliver, we have discussed this matter with Mr. Robinson and Charlie. It’s all settled, said Miss Fitchett firmly. She was tall and thin and gray streaked her dark hair knotted in a bun. She wore a long navy dress with a strip of white lace on the collar and cuffs. And you need a haircut, she added.

Oliver bristled and not over cutting his sandy shoulder-length hair. He had heard he needed a haircut many times before. His bristling involved Mr. Robinson and Charlie sticking their noses into his life.

Oh, great, an old man and seven-year-old are planning my future, Oliver grumbled.

Oliver spit out all the reasons he could think of why he wasn’t a good candidate for magical school, growing more agitated as he struggled to add more reasons.

And…and…I don’t like school, any school…and…and…I’m a lousy student and Mr. Robinson and Charlie have no right to tell me what to do…and…and… he stammered.

Miss Maffit interrupted his tirade. Her gray-blonde hair was in a single braid down her back, and she wore her favorite color of green, this time a silky moss green blouse and darker green long skirt. Oliver, dear, she said kindly, we understand how difficult this is for you. Now that Pamela is safe under the protective dome you both have an opportunity to develop your magic skills.

I don’t have any, said Oliver sharply. I wish you would listen to me.

You have more talent than you realize, said Miss Appley. Now, eat your scrambled eggs before they get cold.

Miss Appley had silvery curls and keen deep blue eyes. She favored rosy colors and wore a lacy pink blouse today and burgundy skirt. His teachers were way out of style the way they dressed in long skirts, but it seemed to suit them, since they were all up in age. Miss Pennyfeather was the frilliest of the four women wearing a dress in her signature lavender color with yards of lace.

Oliver begrudgingly ate his breakfast. Angry as he was, the thought crossed his mind that going to Dingbats wasn’t such a bad idea after all. He was beginning to agree with Charlie about learning to protect himself. If he did have magical skills as his teachers implied, maybe he could whisk Pamela and himself back home. Maybe he could free his grandparents from Ogilby’s spell that had petrified them. Maybe he could turn the dark prince into a toad.

Pamela wandered into the kitchen. Her appearance amazed Oliver every time he saw her anew. She looked exactly like the skinny, red haired, freckled faced girl he had grown up with living next door to her aunt’s old Victorian house. Of course, her appearance was only an illusion. He found it equally difficult to believe that she wasn’t a human being. Oliver shook his head. He didn’t want to think about that now. He had enough on his mind.

Pamela was wearing a daisy print blouse, tapered slacks, and flat-soled white sneakers; clothes her aunts had hastily picked up while they were downtown on the day Mr. Robinson had conjured the protective shield over the village. Oliver was wearing new clothes he didn’t much care for - a checkered shirt, cuffed denims, and high-top sneakers. Pamela’s aunts promised her a real shopping spree before school started and rambled on about all the wonderful new clothes she would soon have.

Whee! A shopping spree, said Pamela glancing at Oliver, knowing how he hated shopping. Let’s see those dimples, she added, smirking at him.

Pamela had said the dreaded d word. I do not have dimples, Oliver protested.

He really did have dimples, but no boy would ever admit it. His teachers didn’t pick up on the sarcasm in Pamela’s voice over a shopping spree. She wasn’t exactly thrilled with the retro clothes that were the current style. The oddball world of Razzmatazz wasn’t as behind the times as the old ladies’ Victorian wear, but not sleek and modern either. The style of clothes worn by the inhabitants and the village architecture were akin to the 1950’s in the Humbug world. However, a shopping spree or his alleged dimples were not Oliver’s greatest concern - going to a school of magic was.

Oliver didn’t know if Pamela was going to express her objections to school to her aunts, but he didn’t want to go over it all again. He threw her a terse dimple-less smile and excused himself from the table.

Oliver passed through the foyer and onto the front porch. It was a bright morning, warm and blue-skied. Oliver was used to cold and snow in November, so the warmer temperature seemed strange. Molly was on the lawn, grazing. He watched her, smiling. She was a dainty little thing not to mention unusual being a unicorn.

A boy, Oliver’s age, rode down the street on a sturdy one-gear bicycle. The bike was blue with wide fenders and streamers on the handle grips. A sack hung from the boy’s shoulder. The boy reached into the sack and, as he passed the house, threw a black baseball at Oliver. The ball missed Oliver, hitting the bottom of the door with a resounding thud, and rolled back on the porch.

Hey! Oliver shouted angrily to the boy.

The boy just waved and then threw a similar ball on the neighbor’s porch. Oliver heard a thud as the ball hit their front door. The kid was a punk, thought Oliver, as he picked up the ball by his foot.

Oliver noticed he wasn’t holding a baseball. The ball was glass with a lens on one side. Oliver held the lens to his eye. It was cloudy inside the ball. Oliver shook the ball and returned it to his eye. Something inside the ball came into focus. The front door opened, distracting him. Miss Appley and Pamela came outside.

"Oh, did The Crystal Ball arrive? said Miss Appley. I thought I heard a familiar thud."

Miss Appley took the ball from Oliver and gave it a vigorous shake. She held out the ball and a page projected through the lens. The banner read, The Crystal Ball - We focus on the news.

Miss Fitchett, Miss Maffit, and Miss Pennyfeather spilled out the door chattering about the clothes Pamela should have for school. Pamela nixed the lacy pantaloons Miss Pennyfeather suggested.

See here, front page news, said Miss Appley. She read the headline. "Grand Wizard Magicks Shield Over Town." The article went on to tell that the shield, cutting off the village from the outside world and the banning of trunk travel enraged many, if not most, of the villagers.

Each time Miss Appley gave the ball a shake, the page turned.

Look at that article, said Miss Fitchett, after putting on her reading glasses that hung from a gold chain around her neck.

"Hunt for Mystery Cat," she said and then went on. "The reason for producing the shield given by Mr. Robinson was to protect a cat from Prince Ogilby. The Grand Wizard gave no other clues as to why such protection was necessary nor did he identify the cat. In an effort to find the cat, Mayor Dudley Winkles has ordered all cat owners with their cats to report to City Hall.

I’m going to find the cat Prince Ogilby wants, Winkles said. There are many questions that need answers.

The public has a right to know - why is Mr. Robinson protecting this cat? Is this cat a fugitive from justice? Is the cat dangerous?

Mayor Winkles concluded, It’s in the best interest of the village to surrender the cat to our benevolent prince.

Why that so-and-so, said Miss Fitchett. The mayor urged the villagers to stand up to Prince Ogilby. Now he’s sucking up to him.

That’s the mayor for you, said Miss Pennyfeather. He’s for you and against you at the same time.

Every article in The Crystal Ball praised Prince Ogilby and his triumphant return to power. His reign promised prosperity and abundance for all, according to news sources. There was no mention that Mr. Robinson magicked the shield to protect the village from Ogilby’s invasion. No doubt, if such an invasion were successful, the mayor was willing to turn over the cat in exchange for Ogilby’s mercy.

Oliver knew the dark prince would show no mercy. He wanted all of Razzmatazz under his control and would have it, one way or another. Pamela was in great danger for she was the cat in question. She was no ordinary cat. Her mother was a rare Abyssinian from the descendants of Bast, the Egyptian cat goddess. The female cats possessed ancient magic passed from mother to daughter. Ogilby needed such a rare cat to perform the spell to make him immortal.

Oliver threw Pamela a glance. She was no longer in cat form, thanks to Mr. Robinson’s spell that had changed her appearance. Despite Oliver’s doubts about the dotty old man’s magical abilities, he had pulled off the spell splendidly. She not only looked the same; she had the same personality.

Pamela made a face at Oliver when she caught him eyeing her. Perhaps, Oliver thought saucily that he should have requested a personality adjustment to always sunny and cheerful.

He was being flippant he told himself as darker thoughts pushed to the surface. He didn’t think any villager would guess that Pamela was the cat mentioned in the article. Still, it was a terrible secret that he and her aunts had to keep…and for how long? Another disturbing reality was that Ogilby knew Pamela’s identity. Only the magicked shield stopped him from getting what he wanted. Would they have to live inside this bubble forever Oliver glumly asked himself?

Miss Appley turned to Oliver holding the ball away from her as if it was a smelly rotten onion. "Please deposit the crystal baloney in the recycle bin, Oliver."

Oliver was grateful for the distraction from his disturbing thoughts. Sure, he said, taking the ball. Where is it?

The trash bins are on the side of the house, said Miss Maffit.

Oliver and Pamela tripped down the steps and around the house. Above them, the translucent shield shimmered in the sunlight. Oliver and Pamela were both aware of it but didn’t say anything. Oliver shook the crystal ball and put it to his eye. He repeated the motion until he found what he wanted.

What are you doing? asked Pamela.

Looking for the cartoon page, he said. After a few more tries, Oliver found a cartoon. Hey, look! he said.

Oliver gave the ball a hard shake. A cartoon telescoped through the viewfinder. He held out the crystal ball for Pamela to see. The Burp n’ Barf Mystery was about two scruffy rats living in the city dump.

Which one is Burp? asked Pamela.

I know which one is Barf, quipped Oliver, convulsing loudly.

You, Pamela joked.

A closed garbage can was in the drawing on the left side of the page. What’s inside that garbage can? asked Pamela.

Dunno, said Oliver. Maybe that’s just an outside view of the garbage can they’re sleeping in.

Maybe it’s another garbage can, she added.

Oliver shook the ball and another slide appeared. He was wrong and Pamela was right. It was another garbage can, but they couldn’t quite make out what was in it.

What is it? said Pamela intrigued.

Oliver shook the crystal ball again, but no more slides appeared. Whatever was inside would have to remain a mystery for now. Anyway, it’s funny, said Oliver.

Something’s watching them, said Pamela.

Yeah, said Oliver, getting a sudden shiver. Was something, or more accurately someone, watching them as well? Oliver didn’t want to think about it.

Mimicking their new heroes pigging out, they snorted and oinked as they walked into the backyard. Barfing sounds followed as they put their fingers into their mouths pretending to vomit. They broke out in laughter at their own silliness.

You guys are gross, said Charlie. He was sitting on the back steps watching them.

Oliver strolled around to the side of the house, tossed the crystal ball into a bin filled with discarded news balls never collected, and then rejoined Pamela and Charlie.

Charlie’s waiting for Dennis, said Pamela to Oliver.

The storm doors opened with a nudge from the dragon inside the cellar. The doors dropped to the sides with a bang as they hit the ground. After a wide yawn, Dennis lumbered outside. Oliver smiled at the sight of the roly-poly iridescent green and rose creature. Dennis sniffed the air and ruffled his scalloped wings but then folded them. He shook his head and shook it again. Pamela walked toward Dennis, raising her hand to pet him on the snout as she neared, but the dragon walked away. It struck Oliver as odd. The dragon loved a good snout rub. At the end of the yard, the dragon started walking in circles, agitated, and shaking his head.

What’s wrong with Dennis? Oliver asked.

I dunno, said Charlie, standing up.

Dennis shook his head as if he might have itchy inner ear trouble.

Charlie watched worriedly. Dennis, Charlie called. The dragon didn’t respond and continued circling and shaking his head.

Maybe he has a headache, said Pamela.

Does everyone have a pet dragon? asked Oliver.

No, said Charlie. Most dragons are kept on ranches for riding. Dennis is an exception. He was the runt of the litter and not prized like larger dragons. The old ladies fell in love with Dennis the moment he was born and brought him home.

Dennis trotted across the lawn and to the side of the house, brushing against the recycle bin, and knocking it over. News balls tumbled out, rolling over the velvety grass. Oliver, Pamela, and Charlie dashed to the side of the house. Dennis pushed his head through the kitchen window, breaking the glass. They heard cries from Oliver’s teachers inside.

Charlie ran into the house followed by Oliver and Pamela. They stood in the utility room archway looking into the kitchen. Dennis’ long neck extended through the broken window over the sink. He rolled his head, disoriented and confused. The old ladies were on the far side of the table, gaping at him.

Dennis! What in heaven’s name are you doing? cried Miss Appley.

Maybe he’s looking for lemon drops, said Miss Pennyfeather, going around the table to the cupboard where the treats were stored.

He’s not getting any lemon drops for this bad behavior, said Miss Fitchett.

Dennis snorted. Whether by chance or design a plume of fire erupted from one nostril igniting the tablecloth. Miss Fitchett and Miss Appley sprang back. Miss Pennyfeather screamed. Miss Maffit grabbed Miss Pennyfeather, pulling her away from the table. Oliver jerked Pamela back into the utility room.

Dennis, cool it! shouted Charlie, standing his ground.

Charlie took out his wand and pointed it at the table. "Extinguishoso," he said. The flames immediately went out.

Charlie stepped up to Dennis, put his hand on the dragon’s head, and mumbled some words. Dennis stopped rolling his head and appeared to calm down.

Back up, Dennis, Charlie said, pushing gently on the dragon’s head.

The dragon didn’t move. In a sudden rage, Dennis shook off Charlie’s hand and, with narrowed eyes, glared at the boy. Oliver thought Dennis was going to blow fire and burn them all to a crisp. Charlie kept a steady eye, glaring back at Dennis. The dragon blinked several times as if awakening from a bad dream. He rolled his head and then backed out of the window, leaving a gaping hole framed by splintered wood.

Charlie waved his wand at the window. "Repairilous," he said.

The fragmented wood and glass flew into their original places, repairing the window. Charlie dashed outside after Dennis. Oliver and Pamela ran out the door after him and halted on the steps. Oliver’s teachers crowded in behind them. All eyes were on Dennis, agitated again and circling in the yard faster and faster.

Maybe Dennis is hungry, said Miss Maffit.

He has a whole backyard of leaves and fruit trees, said Miss Fitchett. I don’t think that’s what’s troubling him.

It’s the shield, said Charlie abruptly. It’s affecting him. The shield diffuses the light and…

Unexpectedly, Dennis unfurled his wings, flapped mightily, and shot skyward. Charlie cried out, No! Stop!

At an upward angle, Dennis was heading straight for the shield. Oliver wondered if the dragon could see it. Even if he could, would a dragon understand it was a barrier?

Having travel some distance, Dennis slammed head-first into the shield. The blow knocked him out cold. Pamela screamed as the dragon dropped. Oliver’s teachers clutched each other, horrified by the sight. Dennis fell like a limp lizard, vanishing from view.

Chapter Two

* * Trackdown* *

Where did he go? cried Oliver.

Come on, shouted Charlie.

Oliver and Pamela ran with Charlie to the front of the house. A 1957 baby-blue Chevy Impala convertible was at the curb. Oliver hadn’t noticed it before. Surely, he would have noticed it. Charlie hopped behind the wheel and turned on the ignition. Pamela slid in beside him and Oliver took shotgun.

The big motor roared as Charlie stepped on the gas petal, and the car squealed out from the curb. A jolt of reality hit Oliver. A seven-year-old boy was driving. Oliver hoped Charlie knew what he was doing.

The car shot up Robinson Street, turning right at the top of the hill. On the flat road, the car picked up speed passing scattered houses and fields. Suddenly, Charlie jerked the wheel and the car skidded to the left onto a dirt road.

Oliver slammed into Pamela from the force of the turn. The car bounced along a rutted dirt road, kicking up dust, and heading toward a forest. The road ended at the tree line. Charlie slammed on the brakes, tossing the passengers forward and back. Oliver waved away the dust pluming in his face, marveling they were still alive.

Charlie sprang out of the car, running down a narrow path into the woods. Oliver slid out of the car a bit shaken. He followed Pamela on the run after Charlie. They sprinted down the pathway both caught up in the urgency to find Dennis. Charlie wasn’t in sight as he had sped ahead. The path curved around trees, climbed up muddy banks, and sliced through leafy foliage.

Oliver and Pamela came out of the trees on the banks of a creek, shallow in some places and flowing deeper in others. Charlie was standing on the bank, scanning the other side of the woods. Oliver doubled over out of breath. Pamela was puffing hard, too.

Where are we? Oliver said, between gulps of air.

Sulfur Springs, said Charlie.

It smells kind of funny, said Pamela sniffing.

There was a tinge of rotten egg odor floating in the air. Oliver thought of Burp n’ Barf and how, just a few minutes before, he was laughing with Pamela over the rats eating rotten eggs that everyone knows smell like sulfur.

Charlie took off across the creek, splashing through a shallow expanse. Pamela took off after him. Oliver sighed and then followed. Although the water was shallow, the creek bed was slippery. Algae spotted the shale rock bed. Oliver slid off a rock into the water, soaking his pant legs.

Charlie climbed the lower bank on the opposite side and disappeared into the woods. Pamela leaped from rock to rock to catch Charlie and slipped, losing her balance. Oliver grabbed her and they both landed on their behinds in the water.

At another time, they would have laughed, enjoying the soaking and splashing each other. Dennis was missing and possibly injured. This was no time for laughter.

They quickly crossed the creek and climbed the bank. On top of the bank, they searched for a path, but none was visible. They called to Charlie and received no reply. The forest was different from the forest on the other side of the creek. This forest was dark and over-grown with spiky bramble and twisted ancient trees. Cautiously, they walked deeper into the woods looking around and calling. After going a short distance, they found a sliver of a path. As they wound through the trees, Oliver didn’t hear any birds chirping or animals scrambling through the bushes. A hushed stillness was in the air and not a leaf or blade of grass moved.

Oliver and Pamela slowed their pace, frightened by the eeriness of the woods.

It’s creepy here, said Pamela.

Yeah, Oliver said, shifting his eyes from side to side.

Oliver and Pamela kept going, following the ribbon of a path that disappeared at points, overgrown by weeds. Looking fearfully into the deep woods, Oliver didn’t know what he expected to leap out - lions, bears, or three-headed gorillas. In this world, anything could be lurking in the woods.

They entered a clearing surrounded by gnarled trees. They took several steps across an open area looking for the continuation of the pathway. Charlie was nowhere in sight. They called out