N for the N-Word

By Mokokoma Mokhonoana

"12% of employees eat because they are hungry. 88% of employees eat because it is one o'clock."

"Though you can love what you do not master, you cannot master what you do not love."

"A slave that acknowledges its enslavement is halfway to its liberation."

"It's the invention of clothes, not nature, that made 'private parts' private."

"Education is what they equip you with; just in case your dream doesn't work out."

AND 920+ OTHER APHORISMS

• Language: English
• Publisher: Sekoala Publishing Company (Pty) Ltd
• Release date: Aug 3, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393257417

Book preview

PROLOGUE

While there are countless definitions as to what an aphorism is, most if not all definitions revolve around the word pithy (i.e., concise and forcefully expressive) or any of its countless synonyms. As Shakespeare—through Polonius—is said to have said, brevity is the soul of wit, which simply means that the essence of a witty statement lies in its concise wording and delivery.

Having said that, as we all know, not all aphorisms are merely succinct versions of what could have been a long remark. Some employ devices such as irony, satire, wordplay, paradox, etc. to make an ordinary observation sound extraordinary; which, in turn, makes a rather forgettable observation unforgettable.

What’s more, there are aphorisms that, according to some people’s definition of an epigram, qualify as epigrams. As someone once aphorized, one man’s epigram is another’s aphorism. Thankfully, those who read what seems to be an aphorism to some—and an epigram to others—do not need to correctly classify the remark, before the remark is able to have an impact on them. In the same way that mistaking dynamite for a handheld firework will not make the dynamite refrain from taking one’s hand … or one’s life.

Indeed, one cannot attempt to comprehensively explore aphorisms, and these creatures called aphorists, without touching upon wit.

Wit is to an aphorist what weed is to a Rastafarian. Rastafarians are said to inhale weed to increase their spiritual awareness. Aphorists exhale wit to increase others’ social awareness. In other words, an aphorist without wit is as rare as a Rastafarian without weed.

At any rate, an aphorism is usually an attempt to compress a paragraph, a page, or even a book, meanwhile expanding the reader’s mind. In some cases, an aphorism is merely a conclusion. In such cases, the aphorist punishes the reader with the task of figuring out the reasoning that led to such a conclusion. In some cases, an aphorism’s task is to direct the reader’s reasoning towards the aphorist’s unstated conclusion.

Unlike most collections of aphorisms, the aphorisms herein are not grouped as per their subject matter. Apart from the obvious fact that most aphorisms would, in that case, fall under multiple chapters or subjects, these aphorisms were produced randomly; and I would like them to be consumed likewise. But, perhaps more important than that, I find not knowing, not only what will be asserted next, but also what the assertion will be about, charming.

I have, on that account, randomly grouped the aphorisms herein into sections made up of an average of seven aphorisms. I hope that the fact that each section is made up of only a handful of aphorisms will impel the reader to read as few aphorisms as possible, per reading session. For some aphorisms’ meaning or charm will only be detected by those who take the time to read between the lines—a demanding activity that is only realized by readers with slow eyes.

While I cannot promise that you will like all these aphorisms, I am almost certain that you will not hate them all. One thing for sure is that there is at least one aphorism that you will love. And at least one aphorism that will offend you.

By the way, though most of these aphorisms where penned within the last year, there are some that I have penned as far back as 4 or so years ago. Which then means that while it is possible that they might all suck, it is improbable for them to suck equally.

That is, of course, assuming that I got better, or worse, at the art of crafting an aphorism.

When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.

— George Bernard Shaw

SECTION 1

A journey of a thousand lessons begins with a single misstep.

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Thanks to his salary, an employee is free to eat whatever, wherever. However, because of his job, he is not free to eat whenever.

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Only fools mind appearing foolish.

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We tell people what they would like to hear, at the expense of what we truly feel or think, all in the name of belonging, remaining employed, or remaining sexually active.

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The Bible is a poor man’s bank statement.

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Girls date boys with enough jokes to keep them well-entertained. Women marry men with enough money to keep them well-fed.

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Mother Nature is the coachman. Sex is the cart. Animals and human beings are horses. Orgasms are carrots.

SECTION 2

Contrary to popular belief, it is when we are sober that we are not ourselves.

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More than 90% of communication is non-verbal. More than 90% of marriages are non-emotional.

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There is more to sex than just a relationship.

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Competition is the price we pay for not having paid for the prize.

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TV is a couch for the mind.

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Being thinner than someone does not make you qualified or obliged to advise them on working