The Damage Control Protocol

By Paul Lavergne

More couples that ever are being impacted by Internet porn, online dating apps, sexting, using escorts, going to "massage" parlours, and other secret sexual behaviours. The Damage Control Protocol is a no nonsense guide written to help couples dealing with the discovery of secret sexual behaviours and cyber-betrayal. Damage Control is written by Registered Psychotherapist and Sexual Recovery Therapist Paul Lavergne, who has spent the last 9 1/2 years working with individuals and couples impacted by these behaviours. The tools and techniques in Damage Control are designed to help put you back on a path of stability and recovery after "D-Day" - the discovery of the secrets your partner has been keeping. This book is written for both the offending party wishing to recover and change, as well as the partner who has experienced betrayal truama and is looking for the answers needed to repair the relationship. If you have decided for sure that you are not staying together as a couple, then Damage Control Protocol is probably not meant for you. If you are at least open to the possibilty of reconciliation, you will find the concepts and guidelines in here invaluable. Damage Control will help you to not make the situation any WORSE than it already is, as well as give you the steps you need to take NOW to start to regain some stability and hope to move forward. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paul Lavergne
• Release date: Mar 16, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393164685

Paul Lavergne

Paul Lavergne is a therapist in private practice in Peterborough, Ontario, Canada. He has spoken on television, radio, podcasts, and speaks, trains  and delivers workshops on the issues of Compulsive Sexual Behaviours, Porn Addiction, Betrayal Trauma, and partner recovery from secret sexual behaviours. Paul has also created an online video companion course, The Damage Control Protocol, which can be accessed here: http://damagecontrolprotocol.com/waiting-list/

Book preview

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Welcome to this free e-book, Damage Control.

My name is Paul Lavergne and I am a Registered Psychotherapist and a certified Sexual Recovery Therapist with the American Association of Sex Addiction Therapists.

I have run a private counselling practice since 2011. This e-book has been written based on my personal experience, professional training, and my frontline work with clients who have dealt with the discovery of Secret Sexual Behaviours in their relationship. It has been my privilege to work with many couples from all walks of life to help them successfully heal from the trauma and devastation of sexual betrayal.

I have been interviewed for local television, radio, podcasts, and  newspaper articles. I also travel and speak at schools, seminars and conferences on various topics related to Compulsive Sexual Behaviours, technology and relationships.

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In addition I have created and teach 1 and 2 day Intensive Workshops to mental health professionals about treating secret sexual behaviours and helping partners deal with this issue.

I have written this as an introduction and companion piece to the Damage Control Protocol full online course soon to be released.

The information in this e-book is straight forward and to the point.

There is no fluff.

I don’t pull punches.

If you are dealing with this issue, it is important to get good information and to make proper choices to give yourselves the best chance of getting through this.

I chose the title Damage Control because I have found in my experience with couples that when there is the discovery of secret sexual behaviours, (referred to as D-Day), it is like a bomb going off in your life, and  that creates a lot of chaos, hurt, and confusion for everybody.

D-Day is so traumatic and upsetting it activates the Survival Mechanism in your brain responsible for Fight, Flight, or Freeze, and making major decisions when you are in that head-space is never a good idea, which is why the things people attempt to do in the aftermath often make the damage worse. My goal in giving you this e-book is to help you NOT do that.

Sometimes the best strategy when dealing with a crisis is to NOT MAKE IT WORSE than it already is, before you can make it better.

That is the approach I want to take here. I hope you can let me help you.

IS THIS E-BOOK RELEVANT TO YOU?

The following scenarios are taken from my real life experiences working with clients in my private practice. There is no identifying information given, but the situations themselves are accurate. If you can relate to some of these stories, then this e-book, as well as the video course I have developed, is for you.

#1/ You discover a history of porn sites or other sexual sites like web-cam sites on your partners’ computer or phone after they tell you they don’t watch porn (or have stopped watching it). They may have promised you several times in the past that they won’t watch porn anymore, and yet, there it is...

#2/ You find texts or emails between them and another person and they are clearly inappropriate or maybe even overtly sexual.

#3/ You find unexplained charges on their credit card or bank statements and when you call you realize they are escort services or massage parlours that offer sexual services.

#4/ You find texts or phone calls to other people (that are not you) and there is no clear reason given as to who or what they are.

#5/ You find evidence of an affair and upon further inquiry discover that it is one in a long list of serial affairs that has gone on over many years.

#6/ A co-worker approaches you at work and shows you your partners dating profile on a dating app that your partner has created to meet OTHER people. You are stunned and shocked.

#7/ Someone calls you unexpectedly to tell you that they have seen your partner engaging in sexual behaviours with another person, or the actual sexual partner of YOUR partner calls you to tell you there has been secret sexual activity going on between them.

These are all based on actual scenarios that I have encountered in my practice and I have helped couples navigate through all of them.

The discovery of these behaviours is like a BOMB going off and will literally rock your world for the next few weeks and months to come.

What you both