Talitha Cumi: An Act of Vulnerable Obedience

By Madison Lawson

In this series of essays, Madison Lawson shares the personal journey she's undertaken over the last five years to go from knowing God at a surface level to having a deep understanding of his heart. Using the three Aramaic phrases spoken by Jesus in the Gospel of Mark, Madison embarks on an emotional and vulnerable journey to a life-changing discovery of what it really means to be Talitha Cumi praising Eloi, Eloi, El Elyon.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Madison Lawson
• Release date: Apr 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9780997976120

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Talitha Cumi

In the ESV version of the Gospel according to Mark, there are only three things Jesus says in a different language (Aramaic) that Mark (or Peter) then translates for the reader. These are Talitha Cumi, Eloi, Eloi, lema sabachthani, and Ephphatha. I’m going to consider all of these, but to begin, I want to focus on the first one.

I still think I have more to tap into when it comes to the Aramaic words Talitha Cumi and Eloi, Eloi. But the other day during my prayer time, the Lord kept saying to me Talitha Cumi, which could have been because I’d just read that chapter and thought I may want to observe it, but for a moment there, I couldn’t think of or write anything other than Talitha Cumi and Eloi, Eloi over and over. Little Girl or Little Lamb, I say to you, arise. These words are in a very important context. They are most likely meant to show the contrast between the bleeding woman and Jairus’s daughter, that God was showing he heals all, that he loves all, no matter if they are a ruler of a synagogue, an unclean woman, or a small child. That he calls them daughter and speaks to them in their native, household language.

Jesus speaks to me in my language. He knows how I hear and understand and where I hurt or when I’ve been carrying around shame for multiple years that it’s time to let go of.

He knows that I will still deal with being honest about my life, my history, my past choices for years later. He knows what push I’ll need to finally be honest.

To be vulnerable.

To be obedient and share.

I feel like I keep being dragged back to this shame that God desperately wants me to let go of. A dozen times, I’ve said that I give up that shame, that I want to proclaim what God has done in my life and how he has proven good and faithful. That my suffering, my pain, my testimony is both proof that I fail, and that God is constantly faithful, pursuing us, changing lives, and loving us even when we don’t deserve it.

Talitha Cumi. Personally, I feel like God is saying this over me in my own language, in a kind and gentle voice. Telling me that I am his little girl, his little lamb, his daughter. That he is talking to me specifically. Not to a group of people or to a better version of me, but to ME as I am. He commands me to arise, to get off my butt and follow him. To walk and run and leap and dance and sing and dream. To be his servant and his child who is unafraid to jump feet first into his world and into his arms.

Coupled with Eloi, Eloi, I get even a deeper meaning. This is something else that Jesus said when dying on the cross, followed by lema sabachthani, which means why have you forsaken me? There’s so much here as to why he said this, but personally, I haven’t been able to refer to God as anything other than Eloi, Eloi, El Elyon all week. My God, My God, God Most High. He calls me little girl and I call him My God Most High. He has healed me and picked me up and sent me forward, and I praise him as My God, My King.

What does it mean to be Talitha Cumi praising Eloi, Eloi, El Elyon?

Queen of the Broken

My dark days stemmed largely from my desire to not be called broken. When I discovered a larger world with larger opportunities that I was drawn to, I felt sick and broken and sinful. I thought I was less than because I was drawn to these things. I wanted them, and because of that desire, I felt completely, and utterly broken. Beyond repair.

I hated it.

Now this I say and testify in the Lord, that you must no longer walk as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their minds. They are darkened in their understanding, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, due to their hardness of heart. They have become callous and have given themselves up to sensuality, greedy to practice every kind of impurity. But that is not the way you learned Christ!— assuming that you have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

» Ephesians 4:17–24

I like to believe the natural reaction to reading this passage would look something like this:

Wow, before I knew God, I was sinful and impure. I’m so thankful that I have Christ, that he sacrificed himself for me and I no longer have to be corrupt, but I can be holy, living in the free gift of new life.

Instead, I saw such passages like this:

What a horrible scripture to read. Doesn’t look like Good News to me. But, unfortunately, that’s what I convinced myself I was reading. That I was dark, callous, impure, corrupt, broken.

And I was tired of being broken. I hated feeling like everyone could see my impurity, that they were judging me and didn’t think I was worthy of being a part of this world where everyone other than me was holy. I wanted to feel whole, to feel pure, to feel truly good in my human nature.

So, I went to the place of the broken to declare myself their queen.

I leaned into those things that I wanted, that looked fun and easy, and I jumped into a world of people I knew the world/the church (or the church I thought I knew) would see as dirty, impure, and broken. I soaked myself in their brokenness and because I felt a tier better than them, I saw myself as their queen. When they told me I was good, when they told me I was kind and I wasn’t broken, it acted as proof that I was doing the right thing.

I see it like this: We think we are great people. We think we are naturally good, that if we don’t do the BAD sins like murder or stealing or even the bad everyday sins like pre-marital sex, homosexuality, or drugs, then we’ve done it, we’ve become good and whole. And we hate being told we were never actually good to begin with. That we were always broken, always sinful. In fact, we were always equal to those people who committed the bad sins. Romans 2:11, For God shows no partiality. We have all sinned and we are all broken, and no one is worse, but no one is better, either.

Outside of God we are evil, callous, impure, ignorant, corrupt, sinful humans who are condemned for death. As soon as we have knowledge of sin, we know what we’ve done. Romans 3:20.

BUT GOD

Romans 3:21. We are sinful and broken but because of God, because of his righteousness and mercy, we can be made whole. We can be made pure and righteous and holy. Remember that blacked out verse from before?

It was never blacked out.

Be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

The glory of God is given to us and it is undeserved. It is a condition with the Father in heaven that Jesus was raised into after his work on earth was done. The condition of blessedness. We need to be in a state of Glory with God in order to receive his Blessings. We’ve received the gift of love and favor and this gift has liberated us from the bonds of sin. There is no distinction in God. His blessings and liberation are for all who believe. Because of Jesus we are called righteous.

Where sin increases, grace abounds all the more. Where sin once reigned, grace now reigns. Where brokenness once defined, we are now defined by God’s love (Romans 5).

Unfortunately, I hadn’t gotten to this point yet back when I had dubbed myself Queen of the Broken. I was still reading a personalized version of Scripture that condemned me to death and never gave me a way to life. So, I took matters in my own hands.

If I was going to be broken, I was going to be the best damn broken person I could ever be.

I was going to be Queen.

This doesn’t mean I was the most popular one or the leader of our little group—I wasn’t. And trying to simplify it in this way is honestly disrespectful to these people and this time of my life. The people I surrounded myself with were broken, that’s true. But we are all broken, and they are just as loved by the Creator God as you and I. They are just as known and just as sought after and desired. They have just as much of an opportunity to be made righteous and pure and holy and blameless as anyone. Some of them just hadn’t said yes to this invitation yet, and I