Room in Your Heart

By C.S. Mae

Malina Navarro is reeling from all the devastating change in her life—her husband Lucio died in a car accident, and to cope with the loss, she’s moved back to her hometown of Livermore, California, where she and her boys can be closer to her family.
It’s been a year of recovery, and now her family is determined that she needs to move on. Still, with all their matrimonial designs, it’s her hottie of a next-door neighbor, Noah Cooper, who she finds most intriguing.
Their friendship becomes a dance of will they or won’t they, and Malina doesn’t know what might happen next. Will she find a way to move on after losing the man she thought would be her life partner?

• Language: English
• Publisher: C.S. Mae
• Release date: Apr 13, 2020
• ISBN: 9780463578650

Book preview

Chapter 1:

I was sending up a prayer to St. Monica, something I found myself doing whenever my mother took it into her head to come and visit me.

You need to come home, Malina, she told me, but she said it in Spanish, venir a casa. It’s her preferred language of lecturing, spitting the words quickly and urgently, almost too fast for me to keep up, and I’ve been speaking it since I could remember.

I gave her a warning glare and glanced over at my oldest son, Manny, who was playing some game on his tablet.

He’s not listening, look, Mami said. Manny. Manny! Manuel!

His head finally popped up at the last, from years of training that a full name meant trouble.

Huh? he asked, past the glazed look in his eyes.

"Sit up straighter, mijo," she chided him, before he nodded absently and went back to his game.

It’s not that I wasn’t grateful for her visits. In the past six months she’d been a godsend while I was selling off Lucio’s business, his supplies, and all his equipment, which had filled the back of the property where we lived. She’d been there through the tears, the anger, and the exhaustion, feeding my children and caring for them when I could barely leave my bed. I’d quit my job almost immediately to deal with everything, thankful once again for the small emergency fund we’d saved.

We were past all that now, though, and finally starting to feel like a family again, but still she nagged at me.

Mami, we’re good here. We’d be worse off if we moved.

I didn’t need to say how hard it would be for the boys. They were already having problems, no need to add to them.

They need a new place, a fresh start. Do you know what Carlo told me this morning? That precious boy told me he hears his father whispering to him sometimes and it scares him.

I frowned, taken aback by her words. Carlo had been worried about Lucio from the start, since his father didn’t go to mass with us and children take a literal view of faith. For weeks after his father died, Carlo would ask me if he would be waiting for us in heaven—on which I had been careful to reassure him that yes, of course he would.

What do you mean? I asked, dread filling me.

She leaned in, hand on the counter next to me, as she murmured, He thinks his father’s ghost haunts this house. He’s been afraid to tell you because you’re so sad and tired. That is what he told me.

I flinched back from her, feeling the guilt weigh heavy on me again. Heart pounding, I thought of all the times he’d slipped into my bed at night, eyes wet, body trembling. Was he doing that because he was terrified of his own house? I’d thought this house was a place of comfort for them—a port in a storm of grief.

I bit my lip. My mother saw my look and moved in to take advantage.

Malina, you don’t have to live with your father and me. Buy a house nearby. Raise your children. But do yourself a favor and consider if it is best for the boys to stay here. Consider if it’s best for you.

I scoffed as tears filled my eyes. If it was up to me, we’d be gone already. I didn’t need to be in a place where I called my husband out of habit ten times a day. As far as I was concerned, Lucio did haunt this place with all of his memories.

After my mother had left, I sat the boys down at the table. All the devices that could distract them had been put away and we had about half an hour before the pizza I’d ordered would arrive. We’d been eating a lot of takeout lately.

What is it, Mom? came Manny’s impatient voice. He was already pissed because I’d taken away his tablet in the middle of a racing game.

What do you think about moving nearer to Abuelita and Abuelito? She seems to think that is something you’d both be interested in doing, I said. But I have no interest in packing up to move if either of you objects. We all get a vote and it has to be unanimous.

At Carlo’s puzzled look, I explained what the word meant.

I want to go, said Carlo, making my heart ache. Papa is everywhere here.

I nodded gently and looked at Manny, who I expected to argue immediately.

It’s hard to be here, he agreed. I keep waking up in the middle of the night, remembering.

His voice choked a little at the end of the sentence and his eyes were filled with tears—which meant mine soon were as well. My sweet boys. What had I done?

Okay, I said, voice husky. Okay. I’ll start looking for places down by my parents.

Could we get a house with a pool? asked Carlo, eyes wide.

Lucio had hated pools and the maintenance that came with them. He also had no interest in paying someone to maintain it for him. When he’d built our current house, it had been deliberately pool free, which was a constant source of sorrow for my children.

Yeah, I definitely want a pool! said Manny.

I smiled. If we were going to be down in the valley, I would need a pool to get through a Livermore summer.

I think we can put pool on the list of must-haves, I agreed.

With the boys’ excited cries, the decision was made.

It was nothing but easy to sell my current house. It was about 3500 sf of a family’s dream home, from the spacious and open living area, to the vaulted ceilings, to the view of the valley from our giant windows, to the fully loaded outdoor kitchen. Lucio loved to have parties for clients and every piece of our home was a showcase for our guests. While it was true that I hadn’t liked the giant, ornate furniture that filled the place, I had to admit it matched the aesthetic perfectly. And since the buyers loved it so much, I threw it in as a bonus.

It would be quite a change for us to move into some ranch style home that was about half the size of our current home. Bay Area prices being what they were, we’d still have to pay a pretty penny for a house, but since we’d sold our main house, we’d be just fine.

Most of the money from the sale of Lucio’s business had been put in trust for the boys, including into college savings’ accounts. There was still a large enough chunk for me to take leave from work for a while and to put a down payment on a new house. I would need to get a new job as soon as possible once we moved, however.

~~~~~

The hardest part of the decision, besides the selling, packing, and job hunting, was telling Terri.

My mom was up for the weekend, helping me go through several years of belongings. Thankfully, we’d moved from one rental to the next as Lucio’s business became more and more successful and then to our final house while we were building our current home. This meant we’d done a fair share of de-junking already.

It was early in the summer by this point, and we were hoping to move by the end of the summer. My mother would be taking back a load of boxes to put in their storage facility until we could find a house we wanted. Mom had also agreed to watch the boys for me while I went to Terri’s house to break the news.

She and Ethan had spent a week putting in a back porch area, and she was already out there with a big pitcher of iced tea when I got there.

What do you think of it? It was Ethan’s idea to put in those hydrangeas in the corner, so if you hate them, blame him, she said, crossing her legs as she leaned back.

Yes, he told me all about it when he let me in, I laughed. I don’t understand why you don’t like them. They’re lovely.

It was true. The beautiful bunches of flowered bushes were in gigantic pots around the edge of the yard. She wrinkled her nose and poured me a glass of tea. I took it, sighing over the refreshing taste.

I’m with Grams on this one, Terri told me. They’re not really flowers, they’re like… colored leaves or something. There are no traditional flower parts to them. And also, they’re super finicky. Anything and everything kills them. One of them already got a fungal infection!

Oh boy, I said, sensing we were headed for a Terri rant if I didn’t stop this train immediately. I opted for distraction.

I have news, I said.

She gave me an eyebrow raised look, waiting for me to spill.

I’m moving, I told her, waiting for the fireworks.

Sighing, she reached a hand across to me.

Closer to your parents, I imagine, she confirmed, and I nodded in agreement.

I think it’s a good idea, Terri told me, which surprised me into silence for a moment.

You do?

Mal, you’ve been looking so lost. And thin. And like you haven’t slept in almost a year.

Which I haven’t, I thought.

I’m not going to pretend to be happy for myself, because between you and Jenny abandoning me, I’m a sad lady over here. But your parents don’t live that far away, so we can still visit. And now you’ll have local, free babysitters so you can ditch the kiddos and come stay with me for a weekend, Terri finished. So as long as you promise come to my wedding, I’m going to be okay.

I shared what the boys had said and we both tried not to cry.

I’d be lying if I said I’m looking forward to changing every part of my life: new home, new job, new city. But I can’t deny that our house is so empty and rattling these days. Lucio was such a presence, you know? I mean, the entire design was practically his, not to mention the décor.

I had never cared as much as he did about those things. I just wanted to be cozy.

I didn’t see you in it that much, other than the occasional barbecue, but I can see why you would feel that way. Now, tell me everything you’re doing. How can I help? Terri asked.

We sat chatting and I told her about the clinic down in Livermore that was ready to hire me.

It’s only open until four every day, so I can be home with my kids for dinner every night, I said, since she knew that was a priority for me.

By the time I went home that night, I felt like I’d checked another box off of my long list.

Chapter 2:

"Who is that?" I asked Miri, leaning past her in the long pew to get a glance toward the back of the church.

Mami hushed me and I reluctantly turned back toward where the priest was giving today’s homily.

My sister Miriam whispered out of the corner of her mouth, That’s Lucio. He’s here for the summer, doing construction work.

Shaking my head, I marveled at my nine year old sister’s ability to be privy to all the latest parish gossip.

Anything else? I murmured back.

He’s nineteen and all the other girls are betting each other who will get to kiss him first, Miriam giggled.

I looked him over. He wasn’t that tall, probably around my height, with broad shoulders and a boxy body that looked like it was ready to work on a construction site. His eyes were open and friendly with thick brows and plump lips that I could understand any girl wanting to kiss. I wondered what they would feel like pressed up against my own. I’d kissed a few boys, but this was a man.

His eyes found mine across the church and I gasped, turning forward again. Hot blood raced over my face at being caught peeking.

Do you think we’ll get to talk to him? Miriam asked, alluding to the fact that Carlos Navarro and my dad were best friends.

I doubt it, I huffed.

I thought of locking eyes with him again, but the embarrassment factor kept my eyes faced forward. Still, I had the distinct feeling that his eyes were on me; I felt them at the back of my neck.

After church, I went outside with my sister to wait as my parents did their usual chatting, sitting on the stairs that were on the other side of the entrance. Miriam was seven years younger than me, but we still had a lot to talk about, surprisingly. Currently, we were trying to figure out how to convince my parents to let us go to the city pool alone. It was a ten minute walk from our house and all of our friends made good use of it during the summer.

Hey, said a male voice near us and I turned to see Lucio standing near us, hands shoved in the pockets of his khaki pants. I’m Lucio Navarro.

I wanted to say something, but the words didn’t seem to leave my mouth.

I’m Miriam Torres, said my sister, coming to my rescue. This is my sister Malina. Are you new to town?

He shook his head, coming closer to lean against the hand rail, eyes on me the whole time. They warmed me; I felt my cheeks flush.

I’m here for the summer working for my uncle. Maybe you know him? Carlos Navarro?

Her eyes lit up.

Oh yeah, he’s like my dad’s best friend. They come over all the time, she said. I’m sure we’ll see more of you, then.

That’s good, he said, looking at me again. I’m going to be pretty busy. I want to learn all I can before I start college in the fall. I might have some free time, though. What do you do around here during your free time?

My lips suddenly came out of stasis.

We go to the pool downtown, but mostly we just hang out.

Oh, right, my uncle told me about the pool, he said, smile growing.

My mother chose that moment to call for us, so we rose to our feet.

See you around, Lucio, said my sister, giggling.

So, I see you met the Navarros’ nephew, teased Mami on our way home. You know, he’s coming over for dinner today with them. I hope you’re on your best behavior.

Mom! I whined. I just met him. What exactly do you think is going to happen?

Just remember, no grandbabies until you finish school, she said, and Miriam started laughing at my face.

Can I have one day where we don’t talk about grandbabies? I asked.

~~~~~

By the time Lucio and his aunt and uncle got to our house, it smelled like my mom’s family’s restaurant. So what if my mom didn’t run it with them? She still knew how to cook.

Mami shooed us outside, where the summer sun had come out in full force, making me wish for the hundredth time that we had a pool. Instead, I had to make do with the juice my mom always kept in the fridge in a big pitcher. There was a tall glass for each of us and we sat outside in chairs shaded by the lemon tree in our back yard.

Don’t sit too close, I warned. That thing has nasty thorns.

Good to know, thanks, Lucio said, and we stared at each other for a long moment before my sister came outside with her own drink, pushing into my chair with her own until I was forced to move it right next to Lucio’s. Every look, every casual brush of his arm against mine, gave me chills. I felt the heat of his body next to mine, and it did things to the beat of my heart that no boy had done before.

It was a nice afternoon, without any of the pressure to talk to him that I thought there would be. We talked about our favorite music and movies and Miriam kept us laughing with her impressions of the various people in our family that annoyed her.

Then Mami called us in for dinner and Lucio held my glass when I got up so I wouldn’t spill any of it. I bit my lip to hold back my delighted smile. For a someone as handsome as Lucio to be so nice to me, all the girls would be jealous.

The adults at the table didn’t pay us much attention, until the topic of summer plans came up.

What are you going to do this summer, Malina? asked Mrs. Navarro. She was a nice woman, with two children already out of the house and married.

I might get a part time job to earn some extra spending money. One of my cousins works at the movie theater and he said he can probably get me something, I said. Other than that, going to the pool, hanging out with my friends, stuff like that.

Do you ever go dancing? Lucio asked.

Like Salsa? No, everything is adults only around here, I said. Sometimes we dance at my aunt and uncle’s restaurant, after closing. It’s fun.

After dinner, as we said goodbye, I walked down to the car with Lucio.

I hear there’s an underground club where they take you if you’re over 16, Lucio told me. Maybe we could go some time.

My cheeks flushed, as I considered our bodies pressed up against each other, his dark eyes staring into my own.

I’d love to, if my parents say it’s okay, I said.

Are they pretty strict? Lucio asked, brushing back a lock of hair that had fallen into his eyes.

Shrugging, I gave him a dubious look.

Sometimes. I’ll do my best to convince them.

Excellent!

He promised to call just as his uncle yelled at him to hurry up. I watched him get in and he waved at me as he drove off.

Miriam took one look at me and shook her head.

Mali, you are in so much trouble right now, she scolded.

Huh? What do you mean? I said, glancing back at my mom and dad standing on the porch. They didn’t look mad.

It’s pretty clear that you like him, she teased, ducking close to me. Mom and Dad are never going to let you date him, you know.

Whatever, Miri. We’ll see what happens, was all I said as I followed her back into the house.

Chapter 3:

Mom, hurry up! Carlo yelled down the hall. His excitement level was through the roof, as it was every Halloween.

Who could blame him? Candy, costumes, and running around the neighborhood were a perfect recipe for a good time.

This would be our first Halloween in the new house, a three-bedroom ranch style home in an older middle-class neighborhood. It was one of those neighborhoods where all the original owners had lived in the houses most of their lives and now the new generation was moving in and updating everything to their own taste.

Our new house had been one of those. The previous owner had bought it for a song before Livermore was considered part of the Bay Area and stripped out the 1970’s carpet in favor of pale hardwood. He’d ripped out the galley kitchen and expanded into the spacious backyard for a new kitchen and living space with a more open feel. He’d put in a pool and some beautiful landscaping, then taken a job in Spokane, which left this gorgeous gem for me to snatch up.

We were so newly moved in, in fact, that there were boxes scattered all over the place and we had yet to meet any of our neighbors, though the boys had spied kids on bikes going through the neighborhood at various times. They were hoping for more time to figure out who the kids around our house were tonight, as they were out on the hunt for a bag full of candy.

I adjusted the top on my Wonder Woman costume left over from Jenny’s wedding and wondered for the fiftieth time if I was getting too old to wear something so risqué when I took my kids out for Halloween. Lucio and I had always done it, though, and I didn’t want to lose all of our family traditions in the new place.

The doorbell rang and Manny yelled, Auntie Miri is here!

I breathed a sigh of relief. My sister Miriam had agreed to meet us so I wouldn’t have to do this alone and she already knew that costumes were mandatory. Leaving my room, I walked down the hall and out into my entryway to find Miri wearing a black cat costume. Not a Catgirl costume, which is more what I would have expected, but a black, furry coat and pants with ears and a tail. She’d used her amazing makeup skills to paint on a cat face, with alluring eyes and little whiskers.

Holy Crap, Mal. You look amazing! Are you trying to stun people at the door so you can steal more candy? she asked when she took in my attire.

I felt the blood rush to my face.

I didn’t have time to hunt down a costume this year, so this is my outfit from my friend’s wedding. Remember, it was themed?

Oh, right. Well, you look amazing. Rawr, she said, making a growling face and waving her hands.

The boys both cracked up.

You look amazing, too. Someday I’m going to present you with my bare face and just tell you to go for it, I said.

Clasping her hands, Miri jumped up and down playfully.

Oh goody! My viewers will love that. ‘See me make over my Plain Jane sister’ I’ll call it, she told me.

I spit out my tongue at her.

I don’t have time for the full court press like you do. I have two kids and a busy schedule.

She rolled her eyes.

"Whatever, Cobarde," she said.

I pulled a coat on over my cowardly self and turned back to where the boys were waiting.

Okay, boys, ready? I asked, seeing Carlo practically vibrating next to the door.

They both yelled an affirmative and off we went.

About an hour in, Miri started insisting that the boys give her candy to sustain her for the rest of the journey. I kept a close eye on Carlo, because in these situations he tended to go all out until he overexerted himself and had some kind of tear-filled collapse.

How are you settling in to the new place? my sister asked as the boys raced up to the door of a well-lit house.

Good so far. Thank goodness we moved in early enough to figure out what school the boys would be in. They both love their teachers and they’re making new friends. I love the house and its location. I walk in the park every morning before I shuttle the boys off to school, then I still have plenty of time to get home and get ready for work, I told her.

Wrinkling her nose, she looked at me in that typical way of hers.

How can you make something like a complete life change sound so boring? she asked. At least tell me you’ve scoped out some hot guy to date.

Laughing, I shoved her in the shoulder.

Now you sound like Mami, I said and she shoved me back.

How dare you! As if I could ever sound like that woman.

I shrugged.

My next marriage has become her new goal in life, I explained, shuddering.

"Good lord, no. I meant dating. And sex," she said, whispering the last part.

After I hummed wistfully and considered the prospect of having sex again, I shook my head.

I’m not ready for dating.

He’s been gone a year, Mal, Miriam chided.

And my heart is still broken, Miri. I’m not ready. Maybe after I settle in a little more.

Whatever you say. Good luck telling that to Mami, she said.

Around the time Carlo started to look like he was heading for a meltdown, we rounded the corner and spotted our house.

Ready to go home, boys? I asked.

They both protested vehemently, of course.

Okay, how about one more? I asked, pointing to our neighbor. I had yet to meet them, but their house was lit, so I figured now was the time.

The boys knocked on the door and I heard someone yell, Just a minute! in a deep, masculine voice.

Miri drew in a quick breath when he opened the door. He was really good looking, to say the least. The guy was as tall, dark, and handsome as the cliché, wearing a tight SF Giants t-shirt. He had closely cut black hair, long on the top, and enough of a five o’clock shadow that any woman who looked at him