From the Abyss

By Tessa James

This is a collection of mental thrill rides mixed with the terrifying prospect that these things can happen to anyone. The mind is an unknown place that has the ability to reach the darkest corners of the imagination. Its abilities are unfathomable and untested.
Mental illness, it affects everyone in different ways. For me it is a very personal thing as I deal with it on a daily basis both outside and inside my own mind. These stories and poems are bits and pieces of my own broken mind and, indeed, of my own pain.
Horror has always been my most favorite genre in both films and books. I wrote these stories to be as an homage to those that have come before me and have made this genre the amazing work of art that it is.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Black Velvet Seductions Publishing Company
• Release date: Mar 19, 2020
• ISBN: 9781912768790

Book preview

Introduction

Throughout the years of my life, I have battled with one mental illness or another. It seems they all had different names and indeed those names even changed every time I switched doctors. The list is now longer than I care to write out.

In the beginning, I looked at this as a tragedy. Like my life had been stolen away from me. It took me entering my thirties to finally be able to cope well enough to make it through these trials.

I’ve always loved to write. Ever since I was a very young kid, I have always had a journal with me everywhere I went. Poetry is how I started out. Emulating the great works of Poe and Shakespeare. I wrote everything into poetry. I gave it my all. And then suddenly, in my early twenties, I stopped. It wasn’t until entering my thirties that I picked up the pen and began to write once more.

With the great power of my own insanity as my muse, I wrote! I poured my heart out onto the pages with new ferocity.

Writing is my one true passion and, being a person who suffers from mental illness, it is a true outlet for me. It is a way for me to express myself in a way that I couldn’t otherwise. Due to this fact, most of these short stories and poems feature prose suffering from mental illness themselves. It is my own personal way of not only spreading awareness but of giving people like me a definitive voice in my most favorite genre… horror.

Be forewarned, these stories and poems are not light-hearted in any respect. I would even go as far as to give you a trigger warning for what you will experience within these pages. Just know, that I have done my best to make these stories and poems palpable while still staying true to the subject matter. Some of these selections are over 10 and 20 years old, some are brand new. However, ALL are written straight from the heart. Some of my most beloved works are included in this collection.

I do hope that you enjoy what I have written as I have enjoyed writing them.

I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity.

Edgar Allan Poe

Haiku Poems

It was a still night

There the sky grew pitch black

But the stars still shine

The world became still

The feeling came over me

Had I found myself?

In this dark, dark night

I for once had no weary fears

All I need is this

Worn

I am here but yet I’m gone

I’ve been angry for so long

I’ve been lying to myself

I really do need all the help

I am whole but still I’m hurting

I am clean but still feel dirty

I am lost and still so broken

All these words left yet unspoken

I am alone and still I wander

I can’t think but still I ponder

I hang on to hold me steady

I am here but still not ready

I’m on the outside looking in

Yet I’m still stuck beneath my skin

I’m not blind but still can’t see

All this pain inside of me

I move my lips but I can’t speak

I am strong yet I am meek

I masquerade that I am happy

But inside only demons laughing

I lead the pack and hold the torch

But yet my skin, the fire does scorch

I wish to cease but need to live

For all the gifts I have yet to give

MADNESS

Anna’s life was falling apart again. Her stay at the mental hospital was only 6 days this time but it felt like an eternity. She was really losing her grip on reality before she went in. Relapse yet again. She’d spiraled out of control and started cutting again. That’s just what happens when you have a list of mental illnesses a mile long and a list of medications even longer.

But no matter what went wrong in her life, Anna could always find comfort in cutting. Some people cut words or shapes but not Anna. She liked her scars raw and unreadable to anyone but her. And when the blood would flow and the pain stabbed at her she felt a little more real in this world of imaginary monsters. That’s when things went terribly wrong for Anna. You see one day when she was feeling particularly overloaded, she began to cut. She cut so deep and so large that her life began to drain right out of her. That’s how they found her... bleeding to death on the floor of her crappy apartment.

That’s why Anna finds herself here at Therapeutic Behavioral Health. The good news is she’s being released today. Checking out her personals and all things considered contraband. Signing papers. Oh, her cell phone felt so good in her hand again. Just a few last goodbyes and she was free! The air was so cool and crisp and fresh after 6 days in lockdown. Riding home next to her mother felt strange like an unfamiliar friend. She had hope that this time would be the last time that she’d feel this way. The last relapse. The last spiral.

As she walked into her apartment, she noticed everything exactly as she’d left it. Nothing touched, with the exception of a bouquet of flowers and small balloons arranged by her mother as a Welcome Home gesture. Her mother’s feeble attempt at supporting her before she disappeared for another few months in Reno with her new boyfriend. Ugh, they were so fake. She only loved him for his money and he didn’t even have much of that.

Anna said goodbye to her mother and plopped down on the couch next to her balloons. She noticed a card from her bestie which she read immediately. Nothing from her boyfriend however... typical. Then Anna saw something that she did not expect. A card from her aunt in Peru attached to a book with a brightly colored cover. She opened the card and read out loud Something to help keep your mind occupied in times of trouble. Love, Auntie Verna. She picked up the book and examined it. The cover was hardback with gold inlay splashing here and there to catch the eye. The designs were beautifully colored floral designs. Shells and leaves decorated the cover with grids of intricate designs contained within them. It was an adult coloring book. Only Anna had never seen one so fancy before. It was gorgeous to look at. Along with the card and the book she found a pack of fine-tip colored markers. What a thoughtful gift. Anna thought to herself. Anna set the book down on the coffee table, took her nightly medications and went to bed.

The next day was hard for Anna. She had to get back into the swing of daily life. Life at the hospital was very different. Groups, therapy sessions, even meals were different. She had people to talk to, people like her. Now there was no one. No one there to help her cope. Anna started with her apartment. She did the dishes, she washed the laundry, she swept, she vacuumed the floors, she took out the trash but then, when there was nothing more to do, she stood in the middle of her living room frustrated and alone. Her hands started shaking. No, not this again! She had to find something to do. Her eyes drifted to the coffee table. The book!

She picked up the book and markers and sat down on the couch. She flipped through the pages. The images were stunning even in black and white. Fairies, mermaids, angels, gods, all reaching out for her to color them. She continued to flip through until she came to an astonishing page. He was staring at her. His wings spread open behind him. A sleek, muscular body encased in flames. A seductive smile. And those eyes... those piercing eyes. They seemed to stare right through her. He was more than lovely, he was exquisite. She took out the markers and began to color him. Blues to make him regal. Purples to make him kingly. Reds and oranges for the flames around him so he seemed to jump right off the page. She poured the colors into him as she carefully went over every painstaking section. As she did so, she felt a bit of her soul pour into him as well. She worked so hard to make him beautiful. Her very own Adonis.

Before she knew it, it was late into the evening. She hadn’t even realized the time but when she stopped to check, she felt utterly tired and drained. She closed the book and put away the colors. She would finish her work of art tomorrow. She took her nightly medications and went to sleep. Her head swam with thoughts and images of the man in the picture. Her dreams were strange that night. Dreams of dancing flames and eyes burning desire. Of an embrace that she could not comprehend. A gripping, choking embrace. She heard a voice calling to her from somewhere she could not see. She did not want to go to that voice. That voice was evil.

After a night of tossing and turning, she woke up with only one thing on her mind... him! She had to finish him. But when she opened the book to his page something was very wrong. He had changed position! What the hell? Anna said out loud. Was she seeing things again? No, there he was staring at her from a completely different position exposing the backs of his wings which she was not able to see before. Yet he still stared at her from over his broad shoulder with those eyes. Anna was hesitant, but she continued to color. Blues and purples are what she chose again. But not for his eyes. Those were to be deep, emerald green. They seemed to sparkle even on paper. More of her soul flowed down from her hands and on to the paper. An hour went by and then another until she lost track of time completely again. By the time she stopped and looked at the clock on the wall, Anna felt utterly drained. Completely void of all energy. When she looked back down at the page she noticed that she was finished coloring. Finally! she sighed. Now I can get some rest. She didn’t even take her nightly medications but went straight to bed.

Anna was awoken later that night by a strange voice. Anna... The voice seemed to whisper from inside her head and all around her at the same time. Anna my darling, come to me...

No! Anna yelled back to the shadows. I’m not cracking up again. You’re not real! You’re just a hallucination! Anna said these words over and over to herself like a mantra but she was unable to go back to sleep that night.

The next day was a special one for Anna as she got to go out to lunch with her bestie. She told her friend what had been happening at night but all her friend could focus on was Anna’s medications.

Are you taking your meds like you’re supposed to Anna?

Yes.

"You know