Bicycle Day

By Ali Allyson

A suspenseful, action-packed comedy about surviving the GFC with a lot of ingenuity and luck. Full with plot twists, shape-shifters and deception, Ali Allyson's Bicycle Day delivers on all fronts. 
When three US Army soldiers in Afghanistan feel the lingering effects of the global financial crisis and have limited options, the idea of "exporting" high-grade Afghani hashish seems so crazy, it just might work. All they have to do is convince army intelligence officer, Agent Mike Bronson. 

As he assembles a motley crew consisting of a flamboyant Taliban warlord, a CIA officer, and international military personnel, Project Hush-Hush begins to come to life and turns into a multi-million dollar drug empire. 
Back on U.S. soil, the crew face challenges from multiple parties: a ruthless organisation known as the Enlighters, a doggedly determined DEA agent, and the Pentagon, all hot on their heels determined to crumble their empire one "hashish brick" at a time.
With the tension rising, new Australian and Chinese partners entering the game, crumbling alliances and special forces closing in, they quickly realize the stakes are higher than they ever imagined. The syndicate is forced to face a startling conundrum: does the challenge lie in creating an empire or defending it? 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ali Allyson
• Release date: Mar 7, 2020
• ISBN: 9781393311683

Book preview

EPISODE I - MEET OUR HEROES

2009/2010 Global Financial Crisis Era

Kunduz Region - Afghanistan

We glide over a treeless, almost barren, uninviting Afghani landscape. In the distance there is a city: Mezar-i Sherif. As we approach the city, we pass over ISAF* Kunduz Airbase. (*International Security Assistance Force)

The military aircrafts of the Coalition Forces are landing and taking off. We see the UN, NATO and international flags waving.

We are now over the busy city of Mezar-i Sherif. People, cars, buildings, more people...

Once we pass the city, we float towards an Army base. This one has lots of troops, and ground combat vehicles. There is a large American flag waving effortlessly.

Camp Hyena - US Army 43rd Infantry Regiment

Troops, Humvees, ACVs (Armoured Combat Vehicles), APCs (Armoured Personnel Carriers) moving in and out of the base.

Tired and confused faces of the soldiers who just returned from the combat zone and the anxious faces of the ongoing combat veterans...

We now come close to a small convenience store in the base.

A chubby, almost fat, soldier in his early twenties walks out of the store. He is SACHA COZBERG – a private first-class. He turns the ‘open/closed’ sign over and locks the door.

A soldier passing by greets him.

SOLDIER: Yo, Sacha, what's up?

SACHA: Not much. Just another day in Afghafuckistan.

(They chuckle.)

Sacha walks towards the PT (Physical Training) field. His eyes catch the US Army personnel training a group of Afghani soldiers. The Afghanis don’t keep up with the instructions. The American instructor shows them how to raise their arms up, touch their toes and do side bending. The Afghanis have no clue. They just jump up and down like kids high on candy.

He walks pass the field, towards the basketball court. A few guys are playing. The one with the ball stops the game.

PLAYER 1: Hey Sacha, did you get the Swiss rolls?

SACHA: Yeah, I have them, bro.

PLAYER 1: Jus' keep a couple for me, will you?

SACHA: Sure thing.

(One of the other players who has an asshole grin on his face steps forward.)

PLAYER 2: Don't eat the rest on your own, man.

(That is the Sacha’s kryptonite.)

SACHA: (rapid talking) I can't eat all them rolls - I catch diabetes - they're full of sugar and fat.

(Player 2 lifts his shirt up to show his six pack.)

PLAYER 2: I don't know much about fat. But I bet you do...

PLAYER 1:  Leave my boy alone, will you? (to Sacha) I'll drop by later.

SACHA: (relieved) Cool. See you then.

Sacha walks away trying to hide his anger and embarrassment.

PLAYER 3: Who is the fat dude?

PLAYER 1: He runs the convenience store.

PLAYER 3: Literally, the fat kid in the candy store.

They laugh. Sacha hears this humiliating conversation. He gazes at the impenetrable Kunduz Mountains standing tall in the distance.

An eagle gets Sacha's attention. He watches the bird gliding in the sky majestically. Suddenly the eagle dives towards the ground.

High School - Flashback

Junior high student Sacha gets his ass kicked by a bully.

Camp Hyena - Back to Present Day

The eagle’s claws are out, descending close on a hare.

Sacha's Childhood Home - Flashback

Young Sacha with a black eye and bloodied nose stands in front of his parents. His mom

tries to comfort him. His mean father looks at him with disgust.

Camp Hyena - Back to Present Day

The hare gets clawed. The eagle is ready to be airborne.

Sacha's Childhood Home - Flashback

His mean father looks at his mom.

MEAN FATHER: Congrats, honey! You've raised a fluffy bunny.

Camp Hyena - Back to Present Day

The eagle flies away with its claws clamped on to the hare. Sacha stops walking for a few seconds to breath and to shake off the dark memory.

A loud horn of a Humvee brings Sacha back to the busy base. The driver, a middle-aged man in a civilian outfit, points to him to get out of the fucking road. Sacha salutes him childishly.

Sacha walks towards the Chow Hall. At the entrance of the hall, a POG (Person Other than Grunt) with a clipboard in his hand enters the building with him.

Sacha and the POG get stuck in the doorway.

Chow Hall

The POG and Sacha jostle with each other for a few seconds to enter the hall.

Finally, they are in. While Sacha tries to make sense of what just happened at the doorway, the POG is scanning the Hall. It is not the busy time of the day. A few soldiers chat lazily or just watch the DVD movie on TV.

The POG turns to Sacha.

POG: Hey man, do you know a Jamal, um- (to himself) What was his last name?

(While he is going through his clipboard,)

SACHA: Yeah, I know Jamal. He's over there.

Sacha points out a table where two soldiers, a black and an Asian, are having an intense conversation. Whatever the black guy is saying, it makes the Asian guy's nostrils flare wide open with anger.

The POG starts to walk towards their table. Sacha follows him sheepishly.

When they arrive at the table,

SACHA: Hi guys.

BLACK GUY: Hi bro, how-

(The POG interrupts their greetings.)

POG: (to the black guy) Hey Jamal, guess what?

(The Asian guy taps the POG's arm gently.)

ASIAN GUY: His name is Will. I'm Jamal.

The POG stares at these two young Private First-Class soldiers: JAMAL WANG - Asian and WILL VULPINE - Black.

POG: (to Jamal) But you are Asian?!!

JAMAL: Yeah, thanks, I didn't know that.

(Will pushes his chair back to stand up.)

WILL: (to the POG) Hey bozo, just because I'm black, I'm a Jamal. Is that so?!!

(The POG ignores Will.)

POG: (to Jamal) You should be a Kim or Lee or something.

(Jamal rolls his eyes.)

JAMAL: Okay buddy, you asked for it. Here is the story behind my name.

(The POG's face drops with disgust. But it is too late...)

Hospital Delivery Room - Flashback

It is the late 80s. An Asian woman holds her newborn baby with a motherly smile on her tired face. There are some relatives in the room. A nurse writes notes into a medical record book.

The door of the room opens.

JAMAL: (Voice Over) My father has always been into hip-hop and bling-bling!

(An Asian man in his early thirties enters the room. He is dressed up like a ghetto thug and acts like one.)

JAMAL’S FATHER: (heavy Asian accent) Yo Yo Yooo! Bitches, check this out. My lil' baby boy in da house... POAAA!!!

The relatives roll their eyes. The wife gives an embarrassed smile to the folks in the room. The nurse stares at him, dumbfounded.

Jamal's father gives his wife a loving kiss. He takes his newborn son and lifts him up like Rafiki lifts up Simba.

JAMAL'S FATHER: (loud) All Hail to King Jamal!!

The wife, the relatives and the nurse are all shocked. They are looking at each other with disbelief: Jamal, Really?!

Chow Hall - Back to Present Day

Jamal puts his hand on the POG’s shoulder.

JAMAL: ...and that's how I got my name.

(The POG holds his hands on his chest like a teenage girl and sighs.)

POG: (soft girly voice) Aww! Thank you for fucking up my time with your dumbass story.

(The POG hands the clipboard to Jamal.)

POG: (normal voice) Tonight, you're cleaning the shitters at Section 3. Sign here.

(Jamal grabs the clipboard and signs on where it says ‘Latrine Duty’.)

POG: Oh, by the way it's Taco Night... extra spicy.

(Will is not happy; his buddy Jamal is getting insulted by this POG.)

WILL: Hey, office bitch, get da fuck out of here!

(The POG charges towards Will and grabs him by the collar.)

POG: Who you calling bitch, Bitch!? Tomorrow you gonna clean the showers. You gonna scrub jizz and pubic hair. You low life mother-

Jamal and Sacha pull the POG back. Soldiers at the other tables are looking at them. The POG pulls his shit together. Just before leaving, he does the ‘W’ sign with his fingers.

POG: West Coast, motherfuckers!

(As POG walks away, the old Chef sticks his head out of the kitchen and sees Will all red and angry.)

CHEF: Hey Will, is it that time of the month again? Somebody, get him a box of chocolates and some tampons.

(Everybody at the chow cracks up.)

At the entrance, the POG turns around, shows our boys the finger and leaves the Chow.

SACHA: Can you believe that guy?

JAMAL: Fuck him. He's an asshole. Oh, speaking of assholes, (pointing at Will) Mr. Vulpine may want to share some of his unique entrepreneurial ideas with you.

(Will removes a notebook from his pocket. Sacha and Jamal watch him writing the word ‘entrepreneurial’ wrong.)

JAMAL: Dude, it is E. N. T...

SACHA: Yeah, it's a tough one. There is no E. between P. and R.

(Will finishes writing. He places the notebook on the table with a very calculated move. He takes a sip from his soda in the same manner.)

WILL: First of all, Private Wang, you are the asshole. And second of all, young Mr. Cozberg here has every right to hear my visionary ideas.

SACHA: I don't even remember when was the last time somebody called me Mr. Cozberg.

JAMAL:  Hold on a second. Will, did you just say your visionary ideas?

(Will nods like a stubborn kid.)

JAMAL: It's a crazy brain fart, not a visionary-

SACHA: Most visionary ideas have been considered as crazy at the initial stage.

WILL: My man!!!

JAMAL: Come on, Sacha, don't encourage him. He's-

Will puts his index finger on Jamal's lips and softly hushes him. Sacha and Jamal are shocked.

Removing his finger, Will points at the TV. Meanwhile Jamal licks his lips with disgust.

WILL: Sacha, can you look at the TV for a second, please?

(Sacha turns his head towards the TV. There is a movie playing.)

WILL: So, what do you see?

SACHA: I see Denzel and Russell.

WILL: Have you seen this movie before?

SACHA: Yeah, Russell blows Denzel at the finale.

(Jamal and Sacha fist bump while cracking up. Will tries to keep up his Zen stance with a fake smile.)

WILL: No, he doesn't. Nobody blows nobody.

JAMAL: Go tell that to your mom.

(Another crack-up between Sacha and Jamal.)

WILL: (yelling) Can you two motherfuckers be serious for a few minutes, please?

All the heads in the hall turn towards them. The Chef sticks his head out of the kitchen.

CHEF: Is that lil’ nigga yellin’ again? Boy, how many fucking times did I tell you not to raise your voice in my holy chow?

WILL: Sorry Chef, it won't happen again.

Chef goes back to the kitchen swearing between his teeth. Will puts on a ‘car dealer’ smile.

WILL: The movie is about the true story of a brother from Harlem. He smuggled shit loads of heroin from Thailand to the US during the Vietnam War.

(Jamal has a grin on his face. Sacha stares at Will.)

WILL: He sent the dope using the Airforce cargo planes.

(Sacha tries to make sense of Will's words.)

WILL: Like the ones on the other side of town - the big C-17s. Remember?

(Jamal is very much amused by Sacha's ‘Will, what da fuck are you on about?’ face. Will is irritated. He takes a deep breath.)

WILL:  We can do the same.

(Jamal cracks up. Sacha gets nervous.)

SACHA: You mean, smuggle heroin? That's evil, man.

WILL: Come on Sacha, wake up, man! We are in Afghafuckistan. It's the HASHISH capital of the world.

(Will puts his hand on Sacha's cheek in a very assuring manner.)

WILL: Hashish is herbal and it's not evil.

SACHA: (submissive) Yeah, weed is good.

WILL: Atta boy, that's the sprit!

(Jamal shakes his head in disbelief.)

JAMAL: Will, I got a question for you, buddy.

WILL: Shoot.

JAMAL: Are you aware of the consequences of smuggling an illegal narcotic substance into the US by using military resources?

(That is a long sentence for Will. He opens his notebook and starts writing.)

SACHA: No no... It is C. O. N. Yeah there is a Q.

WILL: (as he writes) Con-se-quen-ce.

JAMAL: Before you ask, it means potential negative outcomes.

WILL: Negative outcomes?

(Jamal leans towards Will.)

JAMAL: Yeah, like Court-Martial or like turning into a cum-depository at the prison shower.

SACHA: (scared) I'm too soft and chubby for prison. They'll eat me like a marshmallow there.

WILL: First of all, General's Order Title Forty-Seven, Article Two strictly prohibits rape in military prisons.

(Sacha seems to be convinced; he breathes a sigh of relief. Jamal's mouth is wide open.)

WILL: Also, we will never end up in prison because I've got a solid plan.

SACHA: (childish) Oh, what is the plan?

JAMAL: Sacha, come on man, stop that... (evil face on) He's walking at the edge of delirium and with every question, we are driving him into an abyss of insanity. (pause) There you go, a couple of fancy words to write down, Private Vulpine.

WILL: You're one mean asshole.

SACHA: Yeah Jamal, that wasn't very nice.

(Jamal sits there, embarrassed.)

JAMAL: Sorry Will, I was just-

WILL: It's OK. Don't worry. Listen, you guys are missing the big picture here.

(Sacha and Jamal stare at him.)

WILL: It's the fucking economy, man. The GFC - Global Fucking Crisis!

(Will lets that sink in for a second.)

WILL: They say it'll take many years for the economy to recover. We have to save our asses. I hate to say this but by the time we're out of the army, we'll be diving into a big pile of shit.

(Jamal taps his fingers on the table nervously.)

WILL:  Some of us are already in a big pile of shit. (to Jamal) Have they talked to the bank yet?

JAMAL: (sad) Yep.

SACHA: What's going on?

JAMAL: My parents' laundromat business is going bankrupt. Next month, the bank will renegotiate the mortgage on our house as well.

(Jamal stands up. He pushes his chair towards the table.)

JAMAL: Anyhow, it is what it is. Listen, I got a go and snooze a bit. I need to be well rested to clean the fuck loads of taco shit.

(He puts his hand on Will's shoulder.)

JAMAL: By the way, no is my answer. But I wish you all the best in your upcoming enterprise. Let's hope that the other inmates are aware of the General's Order Title Forty-Seven. Otherwise it's literally your ass.

(Will grabs Jamal's arm.)

WILL: Please sit your Chinese ass down. Please?

(Jamal thinks for a second. Sacha pushes the chair towards to him.)

JAMAL: (while sitting) I'm an American; so is my ass.

WILL: Aww, adorable. Look, whether you like my idea or not, you have no choice. You are with me on that. (pause) Do you want to save your family? Here is your chance.

(Jamal is confused. He looks at Sacha. Will seizes the opportunity.)

WILL: And you my chubby friend, do you recall why you joined the army?

SACHA: (quietly) To be a tough guy.

WILL: How's that going for you so far, Candy Boy? Tough guy, yet?

JAMAL: Will, that is enough.

WILL: (ignoring Jamal) All your life you have been bullied and picked on - even in the fucking Army. Remember what happened in Iraq?

(Sacha's eyes begin to fill with tears.)

JAMAL: (to Will) You're a dick. You're gonna make my boy cry.

WILL: He's my boy as well. This is a chance to prove himself as a real man.

(Will lifts Sacha's chin up.)

WILL: Think of it - what is more manly than breaking the law?

Sacha stares at Will like a little kitten.  Jamal stares at Will like a son of a bitch.

JAMAL: You're trying to fuck us up.

WILL: Come on, man. That's not my intention at all.

JAMAL: Then, why are you doing this?

WILL: Why? Do you know what they call me back home?

New York - Flashback

Civilian Will strolls along a street in the hood. He wears a big puffy jacket, black bandana, camel colour timberland boots and, of course, saggy pants.

He walks towards a group of young men and women standing on the corner. He tries to blend in. The men casually greet him, while the girls think he is creepy.

He attempts to chat with them but they ignore him. He pretends everything is cool. He walks away from the group.

WILL: (Voice Over) They call me Double N- Nobody's Nigga. That's my fucking nick name. I don't belong to anybody or anything. I'm nobody's and I'm nobody.

(Meanwhile, from a passing car, a young guy yells out of the passenger window.)

YOUNG GUY: (to Will) Pull your pants up, faggot!

(The people in the car crack up.)

Will starts to run after the car. After a few steps, his saggy pants trip him up and he falls. His face is planted in the dirt, his bum is out - exposing his Spider Man undies. Everybody on the street laughs at him.

Just in front of Will's face, there is an Army Recruitment Flier. It reads:

IT IS TIME TO BE SOMEBODY, JOIN THE US ARMY.

Chow Hall - Back to Present Day

Sacha pats Will's shoulder with empathy. Jamal gives him a sincere look.

JAMAL: The flier sounds a bit cheesy though.

WILL: I can't remember what it said word by word, but that's pretty much the gist of it.

Sacha and Jamal chuckle. After a few seconds,

WILL: Come on guys. Let's go.

SACHA: Where we going?

WILL: To see somebody who knows everybody.

(Sacha is still a bit confused.)

WILL: Come on Sacha, up'n up, buddy. We are going into the second phase of my brilliant endeavour!

(Jamal and Sacha don't move at all.)

JAMAL: (firm) Will, where you takin' us?

WILL: