Called to Peace: Companion Workbook
By Joy Forrest
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About this ebook
If you or someone you love is in, or has been in an abusive relationship, this companion study to Called To Peace: A Survivor’s Guide to Finding Peace and Healing After Domestic Abuse is the perfect resource. The workbook is a gospel-based support group curriculum specifically for domestic violence survivors and has been powerful and life changing for many women.
"This course brought so much healing in my relationship with God that was so incredibly damaged by an abusive husband who professed Christianity. When we surrender to Him and trust Him, true healing and freedom is possible!" Lauren F., NC.“
Joy and her work for abused women empowered me to confront the abuse I experienced with strength and courage.” —Sherry W.
Joy Forrest
Joy Forrest is the executive director of Called to Peace Ministries. She has been an advocate for victims of domestic violence since 1997 and holds an M.A. in Biblical Counseling from Southeastern Baptist Theological Seminary. She held the position of Community Educator for Safe Space Domestic Violence Services in Louisburg, NC from 2000-2001, and has served as a biblical counselor in church settings since 2005. Her own experiences as a survivor of domestic abuse, along with her involvement with Safe Space and church counseling, caused her to see a major need for churches to become better equipped to help families affected by DV. In January 2015, she helped establish Called to Peace to promote domestic violence awareness, particularly within the faith community. Joy is a Certified Advocate with the NC Coalition Against Domestic Violence .
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Called to Peace - Joy Forrest
Called to Peace Companion Workbook
Joy Forrest
Blue Ink PressCopyright © 2019 by Joy Forrest
Published by Blue Ink Press, LLC
All rights reserved.
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Cover design by Dee Graphic Design
www.deegraphicdesign.com
ISBN 9781948449045
Introduction
This workbook is a companion to Called to Peace: A Survivor’s Guide to Finding Peace After Domestic Abuse (CTP
). It can be done individually or in groups. If you are participating in a group, please see Appendix A at the back of this workbook or CTP for further instructions. My prayer is that this study will help you find God’s path to healing. While reading a book on healing can be helpful, true healing is a process that requires participation. If you’ve read CTP, you will have learned that my healing came as I spent time meditating on scripture and then choosing to believe what I read and discovered there instead of my negative feelings. In other words, healing was the result of a decision to seek Him and a commitment to act on the truths I was learning.
I understand that there are times when we feel too traumatized to act, and if that is the case, there are other things you can do to begin the healing process. Skip ahead to Lesson 4, Healing from Trauma,
for some practical tips to help you start moving forward. However, if you can find the time to do the entire study, it will be more powerful. In fact, we often tell the ladies in our groups that it is a good idea to go through this workbook more than once. Each lesson here could take up an entire semester-long class, and there are stages to the healing process, so repeating the lessons can be very beneficial. Before you start, I recommend you get a journal so you can write out your observations as you interact with the material presented. The process of healing will require you to do the following:
Identify and reject lies!
Plug into God’s Word and His Spirit
Surrender your hurt and anger to God—learn to manage your emotions
Choose to forgive
Know His love and goodness
Know your worth
Change your thinking!
Worship Him
Resist mistreatment
Learn healthy relational patterns
Work on each lesson for at least five days a week if possible. Even if you finish the lesson material in fewer than five days, continue to journal. You may notice overlap and repetition in the scripture passages from lesson to lesson, but that is because the truths they present are crucial to healing. Look up the passages and ask God to show you how they apply to your situation. If you see a verse more than once, it would be good to try to commit it to memory. Take time to journal what you are learning. ¹ This can be very powerful, especially when your focus is on deepening your relationship with God. I often tell people how I wrote my very own version of Psalms when I was coming out of abuse. There was so much emotion inside me that I even began to write poetry for the first time in my life. They weren’t just any poems though, they were prayers. Often, I found myself writing out promises from His Word and reminders of His faithfulness. I am sure that the biggest part of my healing came as I connected to God through this process. My view of Him had become so warped that this time was vitally necessary. He met me in these times and showed me His true nature. I treasure how He showed up in the midst of my pain. He became everything I needed, even when everything and everyone else failed. There is something very beautiful in connecting with our God in suffering. My prayer is that this workbook will help you connect to the healing power of His love, and that you will truly be able to say that He made beauty out of the ashes that were once your life.
Lesson 1
The Path to Healing
Heal me, LORD, and I will be healed; save me and I will be saved, for you are the one I praise.
Jeremiah 17:14
When I was younger, I was taught that traumas, such as abuse, wounded people for life. Those who experienced intense suffering in this life could only hope to find some way to cope with the pain and misery that would always be with them. So, when I ended up in an abusive marriage, I thought my children and I were doomed to a miserable life.
One day, when my ex had done something particularly hurtful to the children, I cried out, Lord, they’re going to be scarred for life!
Suddenly, I sensed the gentle voice of my Savior asking me, Can’t I use their scars for good?
He reminded me of some very bad situations He had used to create good things in my life, and He also reminded me of the ultimate good that came from the ultimate evil at the cross. Our God is a Redeemer! That means that He can take the worst of human suffering and turn it into something beautiful (Isa. 61:3, Rom. 8:28).
Maybe like me, you’ve thought what you’ve suffered means life will always be a struggle, and that you will never be able to experience lasting joy or find relief from the lingering pain you carry. But I’m here to tell you, that doesn’t have to be the case. Our God is a Healer. Nothing is impossible with Him. The only requirement is that you make a choice to believe and apply His healing truths to your life. It’s not an overnight process, but as you learn to identify yourself according to what He says about you, rather than what your past experiences or what a flawed person has told you, you will find healing. The One who made you is more than able to heal you. He treasures you, and you can trust Him with your heart. I love that Jesus began his earthly ministry with this passage from Isaiah:
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
Isaiah 61:1-3 (emphasis added)
After closing the scroll, He told those listening that He came to fulfill this passage. If your heart is broken, bring it to Him. If you’re filled with despair or mourning, come to the One who longs to heal you and set you free. You will not be disappointed as you commit yourself to Him. Healing is a choice. Many turn to shallow substitutes for comfort (alcohol, new relationships, or other cravings), but only He can bring true satisfaction. I pray that as we begin this journey together, you will resolve to take His path and find true healing.
Lesson 1 Exercises
Facing the truth is crucial to healing, and that includes first facing the ugly truth about what has happened to you. Don’t worry, you don’t have to hang on to that burden long, but you do need to get it out and give it to God. If you don’t, it will hinder the healing process. Get your journal out and pour out the truths you are discovering. Remember to write your entries as prayers to God. Here are some prompts and questions to get you started:
1. In Lesson 2 we will be reviewing a resource that has long been used by domestic violence (DV) programs called The Power and Control Wheel (Appendix B). This is a tool based on behaviors reported by a large number of DV victims, and it’s been very fitting for nearly every case I’ve seen. While most women report that most of the tactics on this chart occurred in their relationships, you may find that a few of these tactics do not apply to your situation. However, if you are experiencing any of the tactics on the Wheel on a regular basis, you are living with some form of domestic abuse.
Take time to look at the Wheel now. Do any of the tactics there seem familiar to you? If so, take the time to list incidences that fit. You might need to take several days to complete this. You also may want to come back and add to each of the following bullet points as memories surface. As you make your list, pour out your complaints and your hurting heart to God (Ps. 142:2) in your journal. (Note: If you find this process too painful, just do what you can, even if it is merely writing out a prayer to God asking for His healing.)
Emotional Abuse
Intimidation
Minimizing, Denying, Blaming
Coercion and Threats
Using Isolation
Economic Abuse
Using Male Privilege
Using the Children
2. Entrust your broken heart to God and believe He will bring the healing that you long for. Find at least two comforting passages of scripture from the Scripture Database (Appendix D) in the back of this workbook that speak to your particular struggles and write them here.
As you write them, read them out loud. Do this at least twice a day. Allow the truth of God’s Word to fill your heart and mind as you commit to focusing on His words.