To Resurrect the True Self: The Spiritual Journey Inward to Awaken the Dormant Inner Self

By Celeste Hoeden

An awe inspiring, enthralling spiritual journey inwards into the Self awaits for you to embark on.

How long has the True Self been waiting to be awakened from its slumber and unconscious state of living? Its authentic identity has been forgotten and lying dormant within the Being, left obscured in a delusive world offering illusory and ephemeral pleasures.

Do you find yourself going around in circles, feeling lost with a sense of inner fragmentation and turbulence, like a chicken running aimlessly with its head cut off? Are you going through a crisis or at a crossroad in life whereby you are in need of answers, meaning and spiritual direction for fulfillment and purposeful existence? If your answer is in the affirmative, here is a book that will definitely be of immense help to guide and assist in resurrecting and connecting you back together with your True Self, aligning body, mind and spirit to become as One. What is this True Self that we dare talk about, let alone how do we resurrect it? These are the innate precious true jewels of unconditional love, divine wisdom, kindness, compassion, charity, joy, gratitude, the uncontaminated conscience and alert consciousness buried deep within the self, we want to raise all these dormant sacred qualities animating them back to everlasting Life!

Are you willing to undertake this journey to this unknown sublime abode to meet your True Self?

In this book my sole intention is to act as a lamp for you. A light for you to observe in a direct, honest and clear-sighted view of all the rubble and debris that you have to eradicate and to utilize the courage within yourself for what a seemingly impossible adventure to become possible. It is with my own radical spiritual transformational experiences, knowledge and insights gained that I journey with you.

All proceeds from the sale of the book will help benefit The Tibetan Nuns Project.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Tellwell Talent
• Release date: Feb 20, 2020
• ISBN: 9780228823773

Celeste Hoeden

I was born in Singapore, in the year 1957, of European and Asian ancestry. I was educated in a Catholic Convent taught by Irish nuns. I graduated as a Registered Nurse in 1977 and further studied at the British Columbia Institute of Technology specializing in Emergency Room nursing after emigrating to Canada in 1992. I live a quiet hermit-like life of joyful celebration wherever I am.

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To Resurrect the True Self

Copyright © 2020 by Celeste Hoeden

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other non-commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Tellwell Talent

www.tellwell.ca

ISBN

978-0-2288-2376-6 (Hardcover)

978-0-2288-2375-9 (Paperback)

978-0-2288-2377-3 (eBook)

I dedicate this book to my beloved parents

Harold Roland Hoeden and Monica Marina Morier

My loving siblings Virginia Gloria, Angela Philomena, Aloysius Dunstant, Edmond Matthias, Jude Karl and their families

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments and Gratitude

To Resurrect the True Self

Introduction

Chapter 1:Inception

Chapter 2:Fires of Suffering

Chapter 3:A Door Opening to the Unknown

Chapter 4:A Spiritual Ride on the Human Road

Chapter 5:The Voice Seeking Us

Chapter 6:Cleaning the Inner House

Chapter 7:Surrendering

Chapter 8:Prayer Along the Path of Life

Chapter 9:In this Moment

Chapter 10:Forgiving Power

Chapter 11:The Silence Within

Chapter 12:Resurrection of the True Self

Chapter 13:Living In Kindness

Chapter 14:Opening to Love

Chapter 15:Blockades on the Path to Peace of Mind and Love (Part 1)

Chapter 16:Surviving the Spiritual Shipwreck

Chapter 17:Blessed Moments of my Spiritual Journey

Chapter 18:Living in Freedom and Being

Acknowledgments and Gratitude

I didn’t have a friend to travel with me on this sublime pursuit of a spiritual quest. However, I did have a few ‘soul’ friends who walked a few long steps with me in the beginning of my spiritual journey, they were refreshing, understanding, attentive, supportive and were very comforting. My spirit kept renewing and rejuvenating all along the way, it was almost like they were planted on the path like a bed of flowers to assuage the difficult and challenging times. I have to acknowledge their invaluable friendship and put a name to the ones who were spiritually interacting with my True Self as they were so few, to them and to all I am immensely grateful, namely to Mary Elise Rasch (a religious sister of the Good Shepherd who helped give me the opportunity to be opened to courageous generosity of heart and spirit), Heather Mcdonald (my learned Ph.D nursing friend and ex-colleague), Doug Stelling (my dearest friend and co-founder of the already shutdown Magdalene Recovery society, a women’s shelter in Vancouver, BC), and Shirley Fish (whom I believe to have shared past life experiences with), Marilyn Ghorbanejad and Angelina Arugay (faithful friends). Olga Sequeira Perera for the lovely photo of my front book cover, she took while on holiday in Murmansk Russia, the Tellwell Talent Publishing team, Jonveth Tabar (Project manager), Jen Macbride (wonderful Editor), Benjam (cover designer) and all others of Tellwell who played a part in production of this book. Graciously, I thank the very many people, friends, family and strangers who entered into the direction of my spiritual path and acted as catalysts to help propel me onwards with spiritual growth and maturity.

To Resurrect the True Self

Introduction

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, he puts it on a stand so that anyone who comes in can see the light.

~~~~Jesus in the Gospel of Luke, Chapter 8: verse 16~~~~

I write to reveal my story of how one human being could be pulled from the wreckage of unnecessary suffering, self-destructive traits, misery, and the ignorance of frivolous frenzy into the full recovery of radical spiritual transformation, wholeness, and self-realization.

Here, in this book, I share with a compassionate urging, understanding, and simplicity of my heart to make known this possible feat of journeying into the inner self; delving into self-inquiry, spiritual discipline, devotion, and works of charity; seeking quietude and the importance of meditation practices. I express my sincere findings, lessons that I had learned from with a renewed fresh sense of understanding during this humbling self-inward journey.

My writings are, simply put, a sharing of my personal knowledge, insights and wisdom gained, healing, and learning experiences that I have come to fully understand. Just as Jesus says clearly and straightforwardly, when we light a lamp, we wish to help others see so they may not stumble and fall in the dark. This also means that no wise individual who has gone through the pitfalls, dangers, and triumphs of the spiritual journey would allow all their experiences, lessons, and discoveries go to waste.

So too I write with the same purpose and intention to put the light on for others to see, just as a lighthouse is constructed to help guide ships at sea in the dark of night so that they will not crash on to rocks and be doomed. Here, I gently want to be of help to the curious beginner who is searching for some idea and notion of what a spiritual life entails, or to help the lukewarm struggling spiritual seeker of truth and healing find a sort of jumpstart, encouragement, comfort, faith, and hope to continue along the path.

With compassion, I understand there are those who feel stranded and stuck on a spiritual path that may seem futile and tough to further undertake. I write in a way that is direct, simplistic, and easy-to-read, understand, and follow guidelines to the pointing of truths which will be witnessed within the self that I have uncovered and discovered. It is up to you, the reader, to make sense, analyze, and experience the truth in your own spiritual walk.

Throughout my quest for truth, I had no personal spiritual teacher, guide, or guru (meaning dispeller of darkness). Neither have I been associated with a spiritual community of like-minded seekers on the path, and so I had to be extra diligent with self-discipline, directly honest with myself, and practice self-assertiveness and effort to keep focused on the path. I made this journey alone without support, understanding, or guidance from anyone. Having no personal spiritual teacher doesn’t determine that one cannot attain self-realization or full spiritual enlightenment; we all have an inner teacher or light built within us to assist, direct, and guide us on the path when we are sincere and earnestly ready to undertake the journey. Our inner guru will lead us to a personal teacher if it is meant to be.

I was born into a Catholic family with a father who practiced his religion with charitable dedication, and so I practiced Catholicism most of my life with a fervour as well but not fanatically. While on this journey, I went on a few retreats conducted by Catholic nuns. Some were directed by others and some were self-directed silent retreats. I enjoyed very much being in the company of the Sisters, for they highlight a part of me that makes me feel sacred and that I have a sense of purpose in life.

I found out from this spiritual journey that one does not need to leave one’s home or job and go to a monastery, ashram, convent, or faraway land to find oneself; instead, we can find ourselves right here and now, where we are. However small part we partake in spiritual healing and self-betterment, we contribute to the Universal expansion and raising of human consciousness. We add grace to the world and foster peaceful relationships wherever we are.

While on this inner search, I must say I was blessed indirectly to have many teachers of various spiritual traditions of Eastern and Western philosophy (namely Christianity, Buddhism, Hinduism, Sufism and others) by way of ardently reading their books, understanding their teachings, and most importantly applying the messages they relayed to my life and to the spiritual disciplines I was practicing. I found their teachings were beneficial in helping propel my journey onwards. Their teachings helped move me forward with understanding whenever I was stuck and in need of clarification.

From all teachings, I learned to notice the log in my eye and that only I had the option to choose to remove it: nobody else could take it out for me. A spiritual path is truly about the path we take to relearn how to reclaim that missing authentic part within us which has been lost to elements of conditioning and limiting beliefs of who we truly are. We take this journey to undo and make rectification for past mistakes and regrets. We will want to expand our limited periphery to encompass everyone and everything; we will learn not to reject anything or anyone in order to give ourselves a renewed chance to learn and change. In order to resurrect that True Self, we have to go through a purification process by choosing a path suitable for us to attain the direction and insights into ourselves, of which the potential is unlimited and infinite. In this undertaking to undo the conditions and faults, we subject ourselves to a complete scan of the body, mind, and soul (inner self) where we get a deep view of all aspects of our lives that are defective and in need of healing. We then can truly see the functioning of our inner and outer human dynamics, including how we honestly interact and behave with each and every human being as we slowly progress on the path toward spiritual evolvement.

I realized that life itself, the people along the path, and the challenges that open on the road of life are our active teachers of truth! Always practice being watchful and vigilant of everyone who comes into your life, not in a cautious or fearful way but in an eye-opening way to see if there is a life-changing door that they might open up for you to walk through. Never underestimate or take anyone for granted; they might have a lesson, a teaching, or a gift to leave with you. For example, in 1992 when I first landed in Canada as an immigrant, I never knew that my sister Angela’s live-in nanny Elizabeth would open that pivotal door for me to meet, to know, and to be associated with religious Sisters of different congregations, in particular the Sisters of the Good Shepherd. She opened that door only in the first week upon my arrival to Canada by inviting me to a day of spiritual retreat with the nuns. This has proven to be beneficial and a worthwhile cause all along until I saw the how and why of my having to be in association with them. Every person, every life situation, every tragedy, every joy, and every obstacle is your teacher that allows you the opportunity to learn, change, evolve, grow spiritually beauteous, inspire, and be an asset by sharing your inspirational stories for the benefit of others.

In this book, I include my personal life-changing experiences, insights, and stories. I integrate these with the teachings, the messages, and my understanding of Jesus, Buddha, and Christian and Buddhist spirituality. I will share some tales and stories on Catholic lessons and saints as I have known them through my Catholic upbringing.

I invite you, the reader, to allow yourself the openness of heart and mind while reading this book to look deeply and reflect on how it might apply to your life and what you might gain from it, however little or much. It is my wish for simply one person, after reading this book, to glimpse and find a small ray of light and truth piercing through the cracks of your heart, for then my sincere and well-intentioned work of writing this book will be accomplished. On any spiritual quest for truth, being open to questioning, asking, honest investigating, and courageous delving into self-inquiry is of utmost importance without which doors will stop opening. I write with no scholarly knowledge. Instead, I impart my sharing and life lessons learned only by way of the loving heart.

We tread along life’s path, prepared to take an assortment of foolish risks. We lose sleep over losing our dignity, sanity, and self-worth; working hard; and then losing money wastefully. We subject ourselves to unnecessary hardships of seeking fame and wanting recognition, getting rejected over and over, and pursuing fleeting happiness, all in the name of suffering. We chase after the glitz and glitter of the world, when in truth we already have within us the brilliance of our non-distorted True Self. Why not instead risk losing nothing to pursue uncovering something that we can behold everlasting within us, that will never be or can ever be destroyed or taken away by anyone or anything.

Take the plunge inward to dispel the fear to that secret, inner sanctum of the heart where you have always been afraid to tread. You might just find something precious you never thought you could: yourself!

This book reaches out to readers of all age groups and all walks of life, whether you are already practicing a certain religious belief/tradition or whether you have no religious preference at all. Through the chapters of this book, you will be asked to observe your human dynamics, conditions, and limitations until subtly but surely you will come to an understanding of how to raise and resurrect the unconscious and unawakened dimensions of your True Self! Gently let this book speak lovingly and deeply into the depth of your being.

Chapter 1

Inception

Begin Now! It has been too long

Listen to its call

Become aware of its very small voice

It beckons

Quietly sit and listen; it will grow louder

It calls through---

disappointments…

hurts…

sorrows…

brokenness…

joys and happiness…

It will call innately

Till its voice is heard

The inception to Love!

A Mission to Resurrect the True Self

What is this True Self we Want to Resurrect?

We want to raise the dormant, sacred qualities of the innate precious true jewels of unconditional love, wisdom, kindness, compassion, charity, joy, gratitude, and the uncontaminated conscience and alert consciousness (awareness) buried deep within the self, animating them back to everlasting life!

We might all want to first know and ask this very pertinent question: What is the purpose of life and living? My very truthful, straightforward answer from a grounded standpoint after undergoing the journey into self-realization is to know and come face to face with the effulgence of our innate True Self (as per above), thereby freeing ourselves from the fires of human suffering and living in total freedom from a place of wisdom and loving awareness. Once we have found ourselves, experienced and understood suffering to its maximum capacity, and doused its flames, then we share with others by guiding them on their path. Each one in return helps another until the ignorance and darkness of the world are no more.

We are all born into this world not merely to exist and live out a mundane life, whether it is to be academically adept, grow up healthy, work and hopefully be successful and rich, find romantic entanglements, get married, raise a family, and continue to seek for materialistic and enjoyable outlets. While all of these are required for basic human survival and not to be condemned, there is a deeper, greater, and more wondrous task planted in each being. Each one is totally unique. From the Indigenous person of the Amazon to the president of a country, from the downtrodden of the poorest street of Calcutta to the richest celebrity star of Hollywood, from our own lives and homes to that of our neighbourhood, environment, society, and the world: each one is being called on a mission!

We might forget that we are all gifted with a Divine spark within that could light the world afire with peace and healing! So, despite the outwardly, worldly pursuits, we are truly on an inward mission, a divine pilgrimage unbeknownst to us, a journey, and an adventure within ourselves. No matter how long it takes to embark on this beautiful sublime journey, we remain at the edge, waiting for our ride: a spiritual teacher or a guide to help direct us into the self.

We all have the inner resources to help make a difference in our modern world which is becoming more and more frightening and crippling to live in, a world in darkness filled with suffering, greed, selfishness, terrorism, and chaos. We each have the potential to be enlightened and to bring peace and harmony to ourselves and those around us. We can generate compassionate wisdom to be ambassadors of goodwill; we can light a candlelight of love and pass it on so the world gets a little brighter with each flickering candle. We can do this one light at a time, beginning with where we are. We want to awaken the sleeping world by healing ourselves first.

We each only need a reminder of our innate, dormant, adept, spiritual abilities and capabilities to start igniting the spark within. We need to stand on a solid foundation of practicing a healthy spiritual life in order to act wisely in raising self- awareness and consciousness in a world where we are negatively pulling each other down with foolish dreams and notions.

To help further hasten our spiritual aspirations, we can acquire direct or indirect assistance of many enlightened teachers who are masters of various spiritual traditions of past and present with their vast repertoire of reading materials available, audio-visual presentations, and media outreach of spiritual messages, guidance, and teachings. We can open up ourselves to many aspects of learning from any one of them. Joining a spiritual community is also another option for support, for comfort, and to relate to like-minded people journeying together on the same quest. All spiritual teachers are pointing to that light switch needing to be turned on within the being. We do not need be afraid, for we are not truly alone on this road. There were and are many who went on to find themselves, and the world is being gifted with vast spiritual wisdom and knowledge easily made accessible to everyone, everywhere, throughout the world.

We often hear this phrase being said: ‘Life is short, so why not enjoy life!’ but truth will say, ‘Life is short and important, so why waste time on foolish illusive pursuits? Instead, pursue a meaningful and fulfilling life by embarking on the passage to witness your True Self!’ Can we be so blind and oblivious to not see that suffering is prevalent and evident within and surrounding us? Do we still want to continue opting to participate in chasing solely after self-gratifications? Do we not want to open up ourselves to loving, compassionate living?

How do we Begin on this Self-discovery Healing Journey?

First, we need to recognize the need for a spiritual healing mission. Perhaps we have had a slight inkling of uneasiness, disturbances, and/or major crises affecting our lives. Perhaps we have seen or witnessed people close to us suffering greatly. Perhaps we are also making a wise and forthcoming decision to want to better and improve the living conditions of ourselves and for others. If we acknowledge, say, or know we are suffering and in need of help, then we need to do something about it!

If anyone has gone on a travel adventure, they know that the key factor is in knowing the destination. Once we know where we want to go to, we can begin the preparation for travelling. In this instance, we want to go on a journey into ourselves, to understand the root causes of all our sufferings and the barriers that prevent us from truly living in love and loving conditions.

To get ready for this spiritual trip, you will need a dedicated willingness of self-discipline, self-control, effort, devotion, integrity, sincerity, and courage which are pertinent elements to prepare and brace yourself to start the practice along the spiritual pathway. Other important factors for this journey are to be lighthearted, to be flexible, and to have a good sense of self-reflective humour to help ease the hard, bumpy rides along the way!

Time is of the essence. You can start by asking yourself, What do I really want? Keep asking till you go deep with the question. You can begin at any point in your life, as you are. After removing all barriers, you will freely revel in the innate splendour of beauty found within the Self! There is a long and winding road to walk, a journey to undertake first!

A Long and Winding Road

The long and winding road sets the path and reverent reminder for the spiritual seeker of truth to undertake and persevere through. Like the brave knights in medieval times on a quest seeking the Holy Grail, the supposed cup that Jesus had drunk from at his Last Supper with his disciples, we are all seekers of this sacred treasure, whether knowingly or unknowingly. We are all on this quest into our own being, pursuing until relentlessly we meet this brilliance face to face. What is there in life to truly search for if not for our True Self? Everything else is mundane and irrelevant, tedious and illusory. The material world will disintegrate, but the face of truth remains everlasting; its brilliance spreads light on everything and everyone. Do we really believe that we are born into this world for empty worldly pursuits while unconsciously making a fool of ourselves in endless reverie and misery?

And where is this long and winding road leading to?

Toward and into the door of our hearts, into finding that absolute truth and unconditional love.

How long we have forgotten to get back on track. How many times have we felt lost and lonely, left abandoned in the dark and afraid? How often have we tried so hard and cried endlessly? We have gone wayward along our life’s journey with a myriad of distractions, but still we remember somehow that there is a place of refuge to come home to: our True Self, our original being, the pure clear light of consciousness.

Along this long and winding journey home, we would have known and fallen in love; gone through lots and lots of heartbreaks, not only romantically but through deaths and tragic circumstances; and enjoyed triumphs, success, gains, and riches. We might have endured sadness, poverty, losses, and failed ventures. We would have also learned a tremendous amount of life lessons, and we would have taught lessons to others as well that we might not have been conscious of.

This trek up along the road will not all be a straight path, nor will it be smooth, easy travels. There will be rocky patches, muddy puddles, and thick jungles to cut through, but more complex is the sudden stop in the middle of crossroads, a time of needing further directions to make decisions, and a feeling of being overwhelmed and overcome by a frenzy of fear, desperation, and perhaps even impatience to reach a destination or a goal. We will face many temporary times of testing, blockages, hindrances, and obstacles, but with faith and true purpose, we keep treading on.

What do we do at the crossroads when we encounter four directions? Which road do we choose to keep continuing on?

In the event of facing and being stuck on a crossroad, we simply choose any direction! Whatever road we choose will be a time of finding out; it will be a step forward to a clearer vision and experience, a chance to learn and grow. The relieving and comforting reminder is that the road will never disappear; it is always available and open till we have come home to ourselves. Even after many deviations, diversions, and divergences, we come again to merge with the road leading home. There is truly no shortcut on this journey. The path will be as it will be, perhaps longer for some and shorter for others depending on past karmic lessons already learned.

The worst situation we can allow ourselves to be in is to let the fear keep us trapped in one particular location and situation of our lives without being open and courageous to venture on. Without venturing, how do we know what is true or untrue? How do we experience our inner capabilities of strength, courage, and wisdom? How do we be open to resiliency?

From every hurdle jumped and accomplished along this road, doors of lessons already learned will be closing and new doors into which lessons needing to be learned and experienced will be opening. In the end, we are only truly learning to let go, to allow everything to be. We are slowly healing the past. As we grow and evolve, we will be putting down every tool, accessory, baggage, and burden that we have carried along. The road eases, and walking becomes effortless.

This journey may take a long time to traverse. It may be rigorous and arduous, but it is not an impossible task to undertake! We can get back on track at any time on the road, again and again, and we can begin again every time anew. While we begin to trek up the road of healing, we have to come to terms with being lost on the road and facing the fires of suffering courageously. We must come to understand and learn how to water down the flames within us.

Being Lost to be Found

Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them. Does he not leave the ninety-nine in the open country and go after the lost sheep until he finds it?

~~~~Parable of Jesus according to the Gospel of Luke Chapter 15: verse 4 (New International Version)~~~~

When we dare to be different, to be like the one lost sheep who strayed away from the herd, we can emerge from the crowd to be true to ourselves, unique, and inquisitive, desirous of going on an adventure in search of and wanting to know more.

Like the one lost sheep who is curious, who bravely ventures on its own to move away from the crowd, we take courage and have the opportunity to stand alone and act independently from the chivalry of our hearts, to be in search of something mysterious, unknown, and unfamiliar. We will be going in the direction of seeking and wanting to be earnestly found. We can call this the true spiritual experience.

When we are lost and unafraid to knock on doors and humbly say, I don’t know. I need help. Please show me the way, it’s the beginning of allowing each door of experience to open one at a time, thereby paving the way for inner questions to be answered. This is the true asking. If we are afraid, or feel aloof to ask for directions, we might not find the way toward our destination.

In life, we find ourselves to be so easily indoctrinated. We easily follow and believe what the others tell us in any way, shape, or form to be the honest truth. Whether it be through religion, in the media, in our own family dynamics, or in social, political, and environmental circles, we are told how we should live our lives, what we can or cannot do, and how to raise our children. The greedy strategies of the world tell us how to be rich and smart, encouraging multitasking in our lives to be productive and to generate material gains. We are encouraged to engage in various exciting activities in order to find happiness, etc.