Memoirs of a Chocolate Hippie

By Darryl Diggs

Darryl P Diggs, retired high school math and computer technology teacher. Married to Judi A Diggs in 1968. Darryl is the chocolate half of an interracial couple whose life represents a unique view of race relations in the 20th century. Brought up in the Bronx, NY, fatherless and raised by a very religious but disturbed mother and sister of Tony Williams, lead singer of the Platters. Darryl's story chronicles his transition from "Freedom Fighter" to "Hippie," from NYC to San Francisco. He became the first in his family to graduate college and obtain a Master's degree and the second to marry a white woman.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Darryl Diggs
• Release date: Jan 23, 2020
• ISBN: 9781792326974

Book preview

Chapter 1

Angel Light

As the last cloud fades under the waning moon and the covers of darkness rolled across a bed of earth her spirit christened named anew:

~ Angel Light ~

  Mary tossed and turned in bed. Her dream state had taken over her body. She awoke with her legs still mimicking a desperate flight from some unknowable terror that pursued her into reality. Sitting up in bed she realized the meaning of the dream she was experiencing. She knew this day would come but had not expected it so soon nor that it would arrive at 2 in the morning. But she was prepared.

She got dressed without stirring Sunny, I mean brother Martin. He lay sleeping as did every other member of the household. Her 4 year old son Dennis and 9 year old Darryl slept soundly through the muted sounds of her packing.  It was better this way, she thought. It would be better for the little brothers too. They knew that this was going to happen some day. They knew that she would be leaving.

Three months ago Mary had had a similar experience. She had been praying for help to quit smoking. There was no room for such indulgence in her new religion. She needed to quit smoking if she wanted to move into Father Divine’s Mission. That night she dreamed that she had quit and that Father Divine had given her a new name. When she woke up the next morning she had no desire for her usual morning Pall Mall cigarette. When she looked into the hall mirror she could hardly recognize herself. Something had changed in her appearance. The name that Father had given her in the dream floated across her memory, Angel Light, she heard him call her. Every time she told the story her face glowed like a child at his first Christmas. From that day forward she was known as Angel Light, a sister that didn't smoke. In one day she had morphed from a mother to a sister and now she was about to complete her calling.

One last look at her baby as she tipped out of the bedroom. She picked up her suitcase and turned down the long hallway that led to the apartment door. She headed for the door and caught a glimpse of Darryl coming out of his bedroom. She thought he saw her just before he disappeared into the bathroom. Angel Light put her bag down and greeted her son as he came out of the light. Darryl, she whispered, he looked up glassy eyed, only partly aware of her presence. Let's get back to bed now. He acknowledged and climbed back into bed. She tucked him in. Where are you going? he asked, blinking his eyes as if he was trying to shake out the sleep dust. She didn't want to wake him fully but she couldn't lie either, she said, Go to sleep now and I'll tell you all about it later. All Darryl heard was those reassuring words, go to sleep and he drifted back into the innocence of sleep.

A sigh of relief passed Angel Light's lips as she made her way out the door. She had no desire to confront Darryl, she knew he would take the move badly. Of all people, he depended on her the most.  Well, he would have to learn to do without her now, cause Father had called her to serve and he was what she needed to survive.

Although Darryl knew it was Saturday, when he opened his eyes and he didn’t have to go to school, he was submerged in this feeling of dread. His mind was piecing together what he thought had been a dream. In the dream he saw his mother, she was all aglow with this aura of light encircling her head and body. He reached out for her but she backed away. She kept retreating until she had merged with the darkness and was gone from his view. Somehow the dream seamed so real that there were tears in the corner of his eyes, they were just waiting for him to remember his vision. He wiped them from his face before they could fall. After all it was just a dream, he thought. Still something was wrong, that feeling of dread drove him to get up, get dressed and investigate what was making him so uneasy.

Darryl passed through the living room on his way to the kitchen. He hesitated by Sunny and Angel Light’s bedroom where he listened to hear if his baby brother was up yet. Usually Dennis would have gotten his mom up and she would be in the kitchen getting breakfast for them. But there was not a sound today. In the kitchen he fixed himself some cornflakes and ate it alone. Where was everyone, he thought, and most of all where was Angel Light? It was only 7:30 so he relaxed into the idea that Dennis would have them up soon and that everything was okay.

He couldn’t make any noise because if he woke Dennis up and Dennis woke Sunny up, he would be in trouble. Sunny, Darryl’s step father, always slept in on weekends and didn’t put up with anyone waking him up early. So Darryl grabbed his Bible, the only book in the house, and took it into his room to read. He opened it to Matthew, Chapter 5, The Sermon on the Mount, as it was called by those who followed Father Divine. Darryl had memorized most of the chapter but was still a little shaky on verses 45 to 48. He began however, at the beginning and mouthed the words as he read.

An hour went by and finally he heard Dennis calling for his mommy. They couldn’t get him to call her Angel Light or Sister Light, he insisted on calling her mommy, not that Darryl could get away with that. He went into the living room straining to hear the slightest movement or sound. Sunny’s voice was overheard, telling Dennis to quiet down, he was coming. Darryl could see the shadow of the big man as he snatched Dennis up from his crib and began to carry him toward the bedroom door.

Peace, he said as he handed Dennis to Darryl. Here’s his clothes, get him dressed, make him some cereal and keep quiet until I get up. Darryl barely had a chance to ask him where was Angel Light before the bedroom door slammed, cutting off his inquiry. He tried to take a quick peek into the forbidden room but he didn’t see the full bed and couldn’t tell if she was inside or not. Dennis squirmed out of his arms and onto the floor. He reached for the bedroom door but Darryl caught him before he could turn the doorknob. Come on let’s go to the bathroom and get you washed up, Darryl advised. Where’s mommy, Dennis asked as he scurried to the bathroom. In the bathroom Darryl asked if Dennis had seen his mother this morning, was she in the bedroom? No, Dennis responded, where is she, I want my Mommy, he whined.

All the while Darryl was getting Dennis dressed and fed, he couldn’t help but wonder where was Angel Light and did her absence have anything to do with that dream he had last night. Or even was that a dream, it seemed so real and yet she couldn’t have gone out before he got up, she went shopping yesterday and since she stopped smoking, she hadn’t gone out for cigarettes. Where was she he thought and his mind answered, she’s gone, he shuttered.

Dennis was actually Darryl’s half brother. He was the son of Mary and Sunny Martin. So his name was Dennis Martin and Darryl had the last name Diggs, from a father he had never known. He was five when Dennis was born in Teaneck, NJ. Shortly after Dennis’ birth they moved to the Bronx and this apartment on St. Paul’s Place. The only thing he could still remember about New Jersey was the woods and the quiet. He lived in a house with a winding staircase whose banister was perfect for sliding. Back then they shared the house with his Aunt Lucille and her kids. They too had moved to the Bronx and lived about 5 blocks away on 3rd Avenue, right next to the El station on 172nd Street. He spent a lot of time over Lucille’s house lately because of his mother’s total change of behavior since she got serious about Father Divine.

The bedroom door creaked open, Sunny stepped out fully clothed. He had his hat and coat on when he told Darryl to watch his brother until he got back. He had to go to the Mission because that’s where Angel Light had gone. Darryl could see the strain on Sunny’s face as he spoke the words. Yeah go to the Mission and bring her back, he thought, she must be having a spiritual episode. Cause in his dream she was like a ghost or someone in a trance like those women who got the spirit in church. Maybe Sunny could snap her out of it and bring her back, he was sure of it.

This wasn’t the first time his mother had disappeared without a word. But it was different this time. It wasn’t spontaneous, she and Sunny had talked about it and Darryl had overheard them. She told Sunny she would have to leave, she said it was the only way she could keep going, the only time she felt happy was at the Mission and she didn’t belong here living with him. Darryl didn’t know what she meant by that but he did recognize that she was resolved to live with the sisters in Harlem.

Hours had gone by when Darryl finally heard a key turning the police lock in the door. He waited to hear the footsteps but there was only one set coming down the long hallway. It was Sunny, alone. He came in and dropped some bags on the kitchen table then proceeded to his room. Darryl could see from the look on his face that he had better not ask him any questions. Besides, he could see that Angel Light was not with him. He let Dennis go hoping he could get some information out of Sunny but he just told Dennis to go play and yelled at Darryl to keep his son out of the bedroom.

Sunny had brought home some hot-dogs from the Deli and some knishes, Darryl could smell them the moment he came into the house. Darryl was extra careful around Sunny when his mother wasn’t around, since he wasn’t his father but he could discipline him if he wanted to. Just then he heard Sunny say go ahead and eat, it’s already past Dennis’ bed time. But Dennis wasn’t about to eat without his mother around. He started crying and asking for her. There was nothing Darryl could do to appease him, besides he needed to know the answer to that question too, where’s Angel Light and why didn’t Sunny bring her home. Sunny ignored his kid for awhile but when he couldn’t take anymore of Dennis’ whining he came out of the bedroom and roared, Angel Light is at the Mission and that’s where she’ll be staying tonight. He said maybe we would get to see her tomorrow if we were good. Dennis looked at me with a look of dread on his face, he ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed. Mommy, he called, over and over.

As Darryl listened to Dennis he began to realize the gravity of the situation. His mother, Sister Angel Light, as she was now called had actually left in the middle of the night. He had not been dreaming when he saw her that night. Sunny had never failed to bring her home before so this must be very serious, he thought. He could still smell her presence in the house even though she no longer wore perfume, he smelled her scent and the dam he had built in his mind came crumbling down letting all the salt water roll down his cheeks. He tried not to let Sunny see him crying as he stole away to his room. On the comfort of his bed there was no need for a dam. The tears flowed freely until he was asleep. The only hunger left in him was in his heart.

Clang, clang, clang the sound of people in the apartments below beating on the pipes woke Darryl. He noticed the cold right away because he had kicked all the covers off his bed. He picked up a shoe and joined the chorus, banging on the radiator in hopes that the super would hear the racket and turn up the heat. They lived on the fifth floor and sometimes it took most of the morning before the heat rose to his level. So the earlier he started banging the sooner he would be able to get up and dressed without freezing to death in the process. As the noise subsided he began to remember why he was so hungry and why his eyelids were so difficult to open. The sadness burned its way into focus as he recalled the events of last night.

How could she do this, how could she just up and leave like that? What did he do to cause her to leave him? Was it because he didn’t really believe in Father Divine. He attended the meetings, was memorizing the Sermon on the Mount and he didn’t slip up once and call her mom, he always referred to her as sister Angel Light. He was doing fine in school and considered one of the top kids in the class so why, what had he done to cause her to leave. Maybe it was because of the way he acted when she told him that they were not celebrating Christmas anymore and that he wouldn’t be getting any presents this year. Father Divine forbids his members to celebrate any holidays, including birthdays. He was also told that there was no Santa Claus. That she was the one who gave him the presents in the first place, so don’t expect to get anything from a fat white man that breaks into people’s homes to give gifts to kids, she shouted. No such person exists. There would be no tree, no lights, and no decorations. Although Darryl couldn’t show his real feelings, he did let on that he was very upset at her and Father Divine, for that matter. Maybe that’s why she had gone, because he was angry all through the Christmas Holidays.

It was Sunday, at last.  So maybe Sunny would take him to the Father Divine Mission on 125th Street. He could possibly see his mother and ask her when she was coming home. With that, Darryl washed up and got dressed. He stayed in his room until sunlight peered through the windows. The steam heat could be heard rising through the pipes and the familiar hiss followed by white clouds of steam came gushing out of the radiator valve. He opened the valve to relieve the pressure allowing the steam to fill the radiator. As he turned to head into the kitchen he could feel a dull pain emanating  from his left foot. He sat down on the bed and took off his shoe to see what was going on. There was a black dot surrounded by some swelling that when pushed emitted pains  in proportion to the pressure on it. That was the spot where he stepped on that tack. When his mother made him take down the decorations he started to put up for Christmas, he dropped a thumb tack on the floor and then stepped on it while searching for it. He pulled the tack out and squeezed some blood out but thought no more about it until now. He should have put some Iodine on it and a band aid, but neither item was in the house and besides it was just a tack, it only hurt for a minute. He put his shoe back on and tried to ignore the discomfort as he made his way silently into the kitchen.

Sunny must have put the food from last night in the icebox. Good thing or the roaches would have probably been all over it. He took a hot-dog and a knish out and left the rest. It was okay that the knish was cold but the hot dog had to be heated a little bit. So he tossed it over the stove’s pilot light where it warmed up enough to be eaten. He heard voices coming from the bedroom off the living room, Sunny and Dennis were up.

They took the 3rd Avenue El from 169th Street to 149th and switched over to the 7th Ave. express train to 125th Street. The mission was only a couple blocks away from there. The good thing was that it was located across and down the street from the Apollo theater. Darryl could often sneak down the block and see who was appearing on the marquee outside the theatre. They arrived at the Mission around 5 o’clock, just in time for the dinner line.

Darryl’s hopes were high as he, Sunny and Dennis moved closer to the dining hall entrance. He held the 25 cent donation that Sunny gave him for the meal until it was hot in his hand. As he dropped it in the collection his eyes probed the area for a glimpse of Angel Light. He didn’t see her but she could have been hidden from the entrance.

Although meals were served daily at the Mission, on Sundays they were most elaborate and followers had a chance to see Father and Mother Divine sitting at the head of one of the huge banquet tables. They weren’t there every Sunday but you had a good chance to catch them if you came a month of Sundays. So far the seats at the head of the tables were empty.

At least 300 people filed into the dining hall. Darryl ended up at the 4th table separated from Sunny and Dennis at the 3rd table. As soon as the tables were filled the waiters started bringing out the food. Each dish was duplicated and served at both ends of the S shaped setting of tables. If a dish became empty it was replaced by a full one. Vegetables were served with seasoning and a salt-less version was also served with each person who passed it saying salt-less to let the next person know it was for those with special diets. Sometimes the platters were almost too heavy for Darryl to handle and the brother next to him would have to help him out. It took almost 45 minutes just to pass out all the platters of meat and bowls of rice, corn, peas and breads of many colors and textures. Desserts followed the main meal and included pies, cakes, puddings, fruits and sometimes even ice-cream. The meals were truly the best part of Father Divine’s operation.

Throughout the meal Darryl had searched for his mother but she was nowhere to be found. Since men and women were kept separated it was easy to see that she had not come to dinner. After the meal most people left, those that had come just to eat a great dinner scurried out the front doors. Others stayed for the evening activities as did his group. Sunny went into the back rooms to ask the sisters where Angel Light might be. The mission was more for the public but the building in back of it was the men’s residences which included the Crusaders, young boys who were training to become brothers on their 18th birthday. However, the women’s quarters were housed in another brownstone that the church owned on 116th Street. That’s where Angel Light was staying.

Sunny had a sister call over to the women’s quarters and learned that Angel Light was on her way over. She was staying with the Rosebuds, the younger women as opposed to the Lillybuds who all had gray hair and many years of service to the Divines.

Dennis spotted his mother first, coming down the hallway. He immediately got up and started running towards her yelling mommy, mommy with his arms ready to grasp her. Darryl followed close behind but he knew better than to call her mommy. Angel Light moved like a quarterback stiff arming Dennis’ charge. She did not bend down to embrace him but held him at bay as her eyes told Darryl to calm down and remember where you are.  She ushered the two boys to a side room where she sat Dennis down on a bench.

When Darryl got back to the Bronx it was after 10 p.m. He was emotionally exhausted but his mind wouldn’t just shut up. Over and over his mother’s words echoed in his head. I’ll be staying at the Mission for good now, she told them. My path is to serve Father Divine and I hope both of you can join me in the future. Till then, Sunny will be taking care of you along with Anna-May over at Brother Martin’s house, she instructed. Actually that was the last thing Darryl heard before saying Peace and leaving the mission. He had hoped she would have arranged for his Aunt Lucille to take care of them while Sunny worked, but instead, she had contracted with Anna-May, Sunny’s crazy as hell sister.

Darryl’s foot began to pulsate the moment he took off his shoe. He had totally forgotten to tell Angel Light about the tack that stuck through his shoe and into his foot just before Christmas. When he pulled it out, he wasn’t even aware that it had wounded him. His mind was preoccupied with the thought of no more presents from the imaginary Santa Claus. Now the soreness gave him some concern but he ignored it, having more important things to occupy his mind. How was he going to survive being associated with Anna-May and how could he get his mother to come back.

He met Sunny’s family about a year after they had moved to New York. He was only six at the time but he remembered how scary everything about them appeared to him. Sunny’s father was called Brother Martin (due to his affiliation with the Divines). His sisters Sadie and Anna-May were both legends in the hood. Sadie was tall and wiry with normal features. She was not a member of Father Divine’s and would tell you so in no uncertain terms. She was known for kicking mens’ asses all over the bars in the area. Her features had a hard masculine line to them and some thought she preferred women to men. Anna-May on the other hand was anything but normal. She had huge yellow canine teeth that could have belonged to Dracula’s wife or something. On her head sat a black tam (beret) that nobody had ever seen her without. It was speculated that she was bald underneath but he once saw braids sticking out. She lived with her father, Brother Martin, because mentally she was not able to live on her own. Every phrase or sentence that came out of her mouth was preceded and punctuated by the word now. The kids in her hood teased and often chased her around whenever she came out. A timid rather small woman (not that you could tell her sex) who had the mind of a seven year old.

Back in 1950, Mary Williams was still Baptist, like her parents. She didn’t have much interest in Father Divine or any of Sunny’s family. They all seemed too strange even for her. But so were the Baptist churches she attended on a trial basis.  Darryl remembered being dragged from church to church. Some were store front churches with parishioners that caught the holy ghost and shook or twirled until they fell out and had to be revived by the minister or brother of the church. Darryl recalled an instance when the woman next to him in church began rocking with the words spoken by the preacher. She rocked out of her seat and began jumping up and down while flailing her arms in every direction. She was a rather large woman whose perfume was inadequate in hiding a certain odor associated with obesity and poor hygiene. Darryl was only seven but he knew to get the hell out of the way as one of her large arms missed his head by a fraction. Often as in this case, the woman got out of control and fell, hitting her hip on the hard wood of the pew before reaching the floor. Three men came over to hold and calm her as she trembled in full reception of the holy spirit. Darryl prayed that his mother wouldn’t get the spirit, he knew that he wouldn’t or couldn’t because of his own beliefs.

Since he was five, his mother had used the Bible to teach him to read and for religious training. By the time he was seven he had read the book from cover to cover and some passages dozens of times. The problem with that was at his age he tended to believe everything that was written in the Bible but had a hard time reconciling the words of the Old testament to what was promoted in the New testament. Even more troubling was how each minister or preacher interpreted the Bible to their congregation. To Darryl none of it jived. And when he found a discrepancy he judged it  according to the words in the Bible, if anything was off, he dismissed the  church or religion as phony. In this case, the concept of original sin was too much for him to accept. Born in sin, come on in, was not going to get it with this kid, he knew he was not born bad.

It was still dark out when Sunny woke Darryl the next morning. Dennis was already dressed so Darryl had to hurry because Sunny had to be on his way by 6:30 a.m. The three of them walked the 2.5 blocks from St. Paul’s Place to 1355 Washington Ave. They climbed the 5 flights of steps (everybody lived on the top floor for some reason) to Brother Martin’s apartment. When Anna-May opened the door, Darryl fought back the urge to run in the opposite direction. He had hoped that his memory of her was wrong or that she had changed and got herself fixed up. But no, she appeared with her Tam, legendary Tam, on her head, black skirt and black thick old lady stockings with an almost toothless smile (although her front teeth were missing, she had these large pointy yellow vampire canines). It was just those canine vampire teeth staring him in the face when she smiled and said, peace.

Anna-May stepped aside to let Dennis and Darryl pass. Sunny was not coming in. His father (brother Martin) still forbade him to enter his apartment due to his assessment that Sunny was not a true believer in Father Divine. Evidently Brother Martin disapproved of his son’s lack of fervor for the religion. Of course he was right about Sunny, he tolerated the religion and respected what others were into but he remained aloof of the whole dedication thing. So he gave Darryl milk money, told him to listen to Anna-May and watch over his brother. He said, he would pick them up after work as he stepped to the stairs.

Darryl could barely find his way down the hallway of the apartment as he walked towards a dim light coming from the living room. When he arrived he saw that the light was coming from a kerosene lantern perched on the mantel of a defunct fireplace. The odor of kerosene filled the apartment oppressing any other smell emanating from the interior. Yawl be quiet now, Brother Martin is still sleeping and you don’t want to wake him up, Anna-May said in a whisper. She gestured for the boys to sit down. Darryl sat in the rocking chair but was immediately cautioned not to rock because Brother Martin could hear the floor creaking in his room. His room was off the living room,  Anna-May slept just beyond the double class doors straight ahead. Darryl sat still with his feet firmly planted on the floor to prevent his chair from rocking. He didn’t want to make Brother Martin angry because he was known for being very strict. This was evident in his stubborn refusal to use electricity. Yeah they had electricity but they only used it on special occasions or when Brother Martin was out of the house.

By 7:45 Darryl was on his way to school. He walked the three blocks to PS 2 and joined his fourth grade class. He put his hat and coat in the cloak room and took his seat in the back of the first row. Needless to say his attention in class was scattered. Thoughts of his mother being gone and his new routine with Anna-May dominated all of his activities that day. For him the school day was too short. It ended abruptly and before he knew it, he was on his way back. He was so deep in thought that he almost headed up 3rd Ave. to his house instead of towards Washington Ave. to Brother Martin’s apartment.

Dennis saw Darryl approaching from half-way down the block. He came running towards him yelling out his name. Anna-May however, was not far behind him. She too was running and Darryl had no way to avoid this confrontation. He didn’t want anyone to see him with that, crazy woman, ‘cause he knew he would be teased by the other kids who were walking home from school. Dennis jumped up and grabbed him around the neck so he could be swung around in circles. When they stopped twirling Anna-May was upon them. Peace, she greeted him, now Dennis you get down now, before you hurt yourself, now. She grabbed Dennis’ arm and Darryl could see him cringe at her touch. Dennis put up a slight struggle but Anna-May held fast to his hand. She turned around and headed back up the block. Unfortunately she didn’t forget about Darryl as she shouted come on now, Darryl. Alerting everyone that he was with her.

Climbing the five flights of stairs seemed to be the last straw for Darryl’s foot. By the time he reached the top, his foot was aching. He complained to Anna-May whose only response was to put some iodine on it. He found a bottle in the bathroom but when he looked at the wound, he could see that it was too late for iodine. The puncture made by the tack was swollen closed and the area around it was turning blue-black. No matter, he put the iodine on anyway, put his shoe back on and tried to forget about it. He had three hours to wait until Sunny got home. It was winter and would be dark out by five o’clock.

Anna-May was probably the world’s worst cook having no concept of variety or spices or even what foods worked well together. After being in the kitchen for an hour she called the boys in for dinner. The dinner was to be the staple served by her. Navy beans from a can and white rice served with boiled hot dogs. Darryl was so hungry that he didn’t complain, he