Kill For Me

By Candace Dowds

My life is a rollercoaster of madness, one I would like to get off but that won't happen anytime soon. 

Gage is the only person who understands what I'm going through. But when so many people are trying to keep us apart, we go against everything and everyone that tried to stop us. I will not let them dictate my future, no matter who they are. 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Candace Dowds
• Release date: Dec 25, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393249122

Candace Dowds

Candace began writing after the passing of her son in 2009. It has been an emotional release for her. She is supported by her family and friends. Other than the time she is writing, she sits back for hours reading books by her favorite authors, Tijan Meyer, Rachel Vincent, Richelle Mead, Colleen Hoover, Claudia Gray, Jay McLean and so many more. That or she will go for a calming drive while listening to Eminem, Slim Shady, Marshall Mathers or The Rap God, whichever you would like to call him. Her kids are just like her, sarcastic, but fun loving. The rules she lives by 1 Don't take life too seriously 2 Don't live up to others ridiculous expectations 3 Surround yourself with people who love you for you 4 If life becomes too much, have a stiff drink and start again tomorrow.

Book preview

Prologue

Raine

My childhood was one of pure madness. My father, Max up and left when I was just twelve-years-old. He left behind my mother Mel, my younger brother Maddox and me, and financially, we were barely surviving.

I’ll never forget that day. It was midday; the weather stifling and I was sitting in my bed with my bedroom door open when I saw my father walk past carrying a suitcase.

Dad, why do you have a suitcase? You goin’ somewhere?

He stopped mid-step and looked over at me. I didn’t think anyone was home.

Yeah, it’s just me. So, what are you doing?

His head dropped, I can’t live with your mother anymore. I’m leaving.

The words felt like a punch to my gut, and my eyes stung as the tears welled. You can’t go. No, I cried as the tears slipped down my cheeks.

Sorry, but I don’t want to be here anymore. And that was it, Max shrugged his shoulders and he left the house.

For some time, I sat, and I cried, but the second I heard the engine of his car come to life, I panicked, and I raced out of the house.

As my dad reversed his black Impala out of the driveway, I bashed my fist down onto the hood, screaming out to him. The car came to a halt and he turned his head to face me.

Rolling down his window, he popped his head out as I ran around to the driver’s side. You can’t, sniff, Go! Sniff, If you love me, you will stay! My chest was burning as I tried desperately to catch my breath.

Sorry. I need to start living my life for me and not for everyone else. I’m going. Get away from the car.

After I’d fallen to the ground and watched as he drove away, I didn’t see or hear from Max for the next year. He was gone. He was done with us.

After he’d up and left, my mom was working two jobs just so she could keep a roof over our heads and my asshole of a father quit his job when he discovered just how much child support and alimony he would have to pay to us.

Occasionally he’d show up for the big occasions, but we never held our breath.

For the longest time, I felt isolated. Because of my shy nature, (something I overcame) I found it rather difficult to make friends, but there was one constant in my life and that was my best friend Angie.

Angie and I met in elementary school on the first day, we clicked and we are as close as two friends can get. She is my rock, the person I turn to when I need to let go of my emotions.

Until I was seventeen, I was living under a rock. I wasn’t attracted to the boys at school and I continued to keep you myself. But suddenly, the boys paid attention to me. They would forever hang around and follow me home. The attention made me a target, a target because the other girls in school were jealous of the attention I was receiving.

Never had I been in a relationship, however, that all changed one night when Angie and I went to the local burger joint so we could grab two burgers and shakes.

Chapter One

Raine

Raine, make sure you’re careful and I want you to call me the minute you get there, my mother calls as I open the front door of my house.

Rolling my eyes at Angie, I call, Yes, mom. I will call you when we get there. And we leave, closing the door behind us. I’m twenty-four-years old, for Christ sakes, I mumble.

Once we’re inside my black, Dodge Charger, I look over to my best friend in the passenger seat. That woman drives me insane. She’s never home and yet she’s always on my case. She needs to loosen the apron strings before it does my head in, I tell Angie as I slip the key into the ignition and turn the car on bringing the engine to life.

She’s worse than my mom. Mel always needs to know your every move and yet Maddox is only seventeen and he can pretty much do as he pleases.

I know, and then there’s the fact that he hangs out with that crew of dickheads.

Davis and Mellom have been arrested more times than I can count. Why does your mom allow it all to happen?

Pulling out of the driveway, I then slammed the gearshift into drive and I rip up the road before screeching away.

My mom doesn’t know about the arrests. Or else she would have a hissy fit. She’s dating a cop, but she still has no idea. Erik only tells her when I’m in the shit and not Maddox. It must be a part of the guy code. Hell, she hasn’t a freaking clue whom he spends his time with, and he manages to slip through the cracks each time. When the cops become involved, he’s gone. It’s every man for himself. The kid can run. He’s never been caught.

How does she not know? Hell, she still has no idea that your brother smokes and that he sneaks out at night. Why don’t you dob the sucker in? she asks incredulously.

How she doesn’t know, beats the hell out of me. We live in a small town, and she manages to hear everything that my friends get up to from her gossiping work colleagues and yet she never hears shit about them. It yanks at my ass. I swear, if Max wasn’t so self-involved, I’d try to move in with him. My father loves his single life, he just broke up with the last chick he was involved with. Taking me in would only be a burden to him and he’d make sure I knew it. Nope, if it doesn’t stop, I’m going to move away from here. I hate this town anyway, I shrug as I press down on the clutch and pull the car back into third gear, slamming down on the accelerator, drifting through the corner until I straighten it out.

You’re going to lose your damn license, Angie squeals as she grabs onto the dash.

Fuck the cops. I hate them.

You only hate them because your mother is dating one.

She’s right, never have I had any issues with law enforcement before that dipshit, Erik came along.

How my mother and the loser got together is something I will never understand. My mom is almost forty and Erik is only turned twenty-five a few weeks back.

They’ve been seeing each other for just under a year, and at first, I wasn’t fazed, but as the weeks turned into months, he felt more and more comfortable telling both myself and Maddox what we could and couldn’t do.

Although Maddox plays along and he puts up a good front, my brother now detests our wannabe stepfather just as much, if not more than I do.

If my mom stays with Erik, Maddox has told me he wants us to move out together. It’s something I’ve been thinking about since he mentioned it and I have more than enough money to accomplish it.

As I pull my Dodge into Cheezez, the local burger joint, I tell Angie, I know you’re right, but it doesn’t change my opinion of cops, I shrug as I pull the car into a spot directly in front of the entrance.

You’re twenty-four, you can do what you like, and your mom can’t do a thing about it.

Killing the engine, I then pull out the keys and open my door, I can’t freaken wait to get out of there. Just a few more deals to go.

I wish you wouldn’t deal weed. I know it’s quick cash but that idiot Erik, will sniff it out sooner rather than later.

Not if you keep it in coffee. He has no idea there are so many baggies up in my room. Coffee granules are the key to staying in the shadows of the weed dealing world. I’m good at what I do, I shrug once again before exiting the vehicle.

While walking towards the front doors of the establishment, I notice two black, Cadillac's are parked beside us, and the tint on the windows are so dark, I can’t see inside. It has me feeling uneasy. Why? I’m not sure, but I’ll keep an eye on them.

After our orders are placed, we find a booth in the back of the very yellow restaurant.

As good as the burgers are, the gaudy decor of plastic burgers and fries that surround us, takes away from the meal if you’re dining alone and have no one to talk to.

Oh, damn, Angie leans in and whispers and when she does, I stop scrolling through Facebook on my phone and look up at her.

What?

She nods her head to the right, and I take a look.

Damn, is right.

When I see the six-foot-something, guy standing in the queue, my mouth turns dry. He is a perfect specimen of a man with his dark hair, athletic build, black T-shirt, faded, worn jeans and a pair of black, Nike sneakers.

Who the hell is that? I ask Angie but I don’t dare take my eyes off him.

No idea. I’ve never seen him before. Oh, I hope he is new to town and not just driving through, she whispers.

Agreed.

When Brad, the pimple-covered kid brings over our order, I do my best to ignore him.

He’s been chasing me since the early days in high school, to make matters worse, he’s four years younger and it’s just plain embarrassing. For him, not for me. He comes across as needy, something no woman could ever find attractive.

Brad, who’s the hunk over there? Angie asks and my curiosity peaks.

Looking up, I cringe when I see that Brad is staring at me.

Not looking away, he responds, That’s Gage. He’s a friend of Dallas’.

You mean, whore-bag Dallas? Angie questions, her face scrunched up in disgust.

Dallas Landburg was the whore of our high school. She would and still will sleep with anyone. She thinks it makes her popular with the boys, but what she doesn’t realize, is that she’s only a joke to them. They fuck and dump her. She’s the girl they fall back on when they don’t score at parties. She’s known as the ‘always game, booty call’.

Of course, he’s friends with her. That bitch’s knees haven’t been together in years. Slut, I mumble.

Brad leans in, You’ve got that right. Keep this to yourself, but I’ve heard that that guy is climbing the ranks in the mafia. He’s a big deal in the drug world. They say he’s going to be the one to look out for. Anyway, I’d better go, my boss, is on the warpath today. Bye, Raine.

That explains the two Cadillacs parked outside. They must be his minders.

I give Brad a fake smile as I reach for my crinkle-cut fries drenched in cheese sauce before Brad sheepishly turns on his heels and walks away.

Dallas has no doubt already slept with that Gage guy. Drug dealer or not, it’s the first time I cannot disagree with her whore ways because I’d let that guy do whatever he wanted to me, she chuckles as she picks up her large Styrofoam cup and takes a long sip of her chocolate milkshake.

I totally agree, I chuckle.

His shoulders are broad and just the way he stands commands attention and he screams authority.

As I continue to eat and stare, my stomach jumps when Gage’s gaze falls on mine, and when it does, neither of us look away.

It’s something I’ve never done before. I’ve never been one to outright show my attraction to anyone, but this guy has my full attention and my body reacts.

When he smiles, my damn vagina tingles, because his dimples only make him that much sexier.

Crap, I don’t have time to crush on a guy. I need to focus on my brother and getting us out of that house. Sure, I do okay money-wise with the small-time drug operation I run selling to the locals, but I want to get out of here and live in a big city like Vegas. It’s a town I’ve always wanted to visit and one day, I will. I will not get trapped in Moreville for the rest of my life like my mother.

This town has only 2,600 residents. My mother had always dreamed of moving to Los Angeles, but she fell pregnant with me at a young age, so she never had the chance.

Not me, that will not be how my life turns out.

To my surprise, when Gage is handed his tray of food, he saunters in our direction, putting me on edge.

Oh my god, is he coming over here? Angie asks while leaning in, but I can’t open my mouth to answer her.

When he’s only two feet away, he smiles, Can I sit with you? Our eyes are locked.

Of course, you can, Angie is the one to answer and she pushes our tray aside, and as she does, Gage slips into the booth beside her, putting his tray down.

Thanks. I don’t know many people out here and you two looked around my age, so I figured why not ask to sit with you. I’m Gage, Gage Beckham, he introduces himself.

It’s nice to meet you, Gage. I’m Angie and this is my best friend, Raine, she returns, but when I don’t utter a word, Angie steps on my foot under the table, catching my attention.

Ouch. Why the hell did you stomp on my foot, you bitch? I question, annoyed.

Because you were being rude, you dumb cow, she snickers causing Gage to laugh.

Sorry, I say sarcastically.

Shifting my attention back to Gage, I ask, So, I heard you’re friends with Dallas, the town's bike. No point in holding back.

Gage almost spits his drink. Wow, you don’t sugar-coat anything, do you, Raine? he asks as he picks up his drink and tries again.

Shrugging, I tell him, Why beat around the bush? Life’s far too short for that. It’s as Axle Rose says, ‘Live and let die.’

His brows raise in surprise. A Gunners fan. I like that.

I’m more of an Eminem kind of girl, but I can appreciate good music, regardless of what era it’s from.

Love his stuff. And he only gets better as he gets older.

Agreed. So, back to the Dallas subject. Are you screwing her? I only ask because every single guy that has a dick in this town has fucked her. If you are, make sure you suit up, so you don’t catch whatever sexually transmitted diseases she’s no doubt carrying.

Shaking his head, Gage fills us in. I’m not sleeping with her. I know she’s a whore, but you can believe me when I tell you that she’s tried on multiple occasions. I don’t do whores. Charlie Sheen scared me straight, he laughs. No, I’m here because my friend, Cole has a few days off work and we’re going to go hunting.

Picking up a fry, I ask, Do you mean that asshole Cole Summers?

The very one. Yes, I know he can be a dick, but can I ask why you hate him?

When I’ve finished chewing and I’ve swallowed my food, I give him an explanation. He does the same to me that Dallas does to you. He’s always trying to get me to fool around with him, but he can’t seem to understand the fact that I hate all the guys in this town. I’m not going to get tied down and find myself trapped in this hell hole.

It’s not that bad here.

Oh, he is so naive. You must come from a true hell hole if you think this town is anything but shit.

I live in Bronson, a town that consists of five hundred people. There’s a corner shop, bar, pharmacy, and a gas station, that’s it. If I need something, I have to drive over an hour to get it. At least here, you have everything you could ever want.

Fair call.

As we continue to chat and finish our food, Gage is mid-sentence when we hear the bitch yell out. Why the hell would you want to sit down and talk to these two losers, Dallas asks Gage as she stops by his side, leaning over. Her arm drapes over his shoulders and her tits are almost in his face.

This bitch will cop a beating from me soon if she doesn’t pull her head in. Shut up, skank. Or I’ll shut you up, I warn.

I know I’ve threatened this cow previously, but I’m far from being in the mood to bicker today.

My fist will have to do the talking.

Her top lip curls up into a snarl, You wouldn’t dare. Who would bail you out of jail? Not you mommy because your family is poor. I wonder what it’s like to be poor? Hmmm, I guess I’ll never know. And then there’s the fact that you suck so much your own father wants nothing to do with you, she snickers.

The anger is now bubbling within me, rising to the surface like a bear about to jump out and catch its prey.

Without warning, I slip out of the booth and I rise to my feet. I move so fast the bitch has zero time to brace herself from my impending attack.

Reaching out, I grab fistfuls of her hair and I use it to pull her towards me.

Let go of me, you stupid whore! she yells while she grabs at me in a desperate attempt to loosen my grip on her.

Letting go of an evil laugh, I lean in until my mouth is close to her ear. You have the balls to call me a whore when you’ve fucked everything that moves, you disease-ridden slut. Keep your fucking mouth shut, because if you don’t, I will make sure you regret ever uttering a single word about me, I pull harder, and as I do, her head yanks back with the action.

If you keep... I’m cut off when I feel someone’s arms wrap around my waist. I let go of Dallas’s hair and I kick my legs when the person raises me off the ground.

As I continue to kick and thrash, I kick the whore in the face.

Ahhh, you stupid bitch! Someone call the cops, now! Dallas squeals like a little bitch.

Turning my head, I see that Gage is now carrying me away from the table. Put me down! I demand.

Nope, not going to happen. I won’t let you get into even more shit than you already are. You’re far too sexy to go to prison where a fat ass lesbian will make you her bitch, he chuckles.

Finally, I stop fighting against him and when I do, he lowers me until my feet are again planted on the ground.

As I try to focus on my breathing, I see a crowd has formed around Dallas. Everyone is wanting to know if she’s okay.

Fuck this, I’m out of here, I mumble to no one in particular.

As I head towards the glass double doors, two men in Cheezes uniforms block it off and they hold out their hands.

Nope, you aren’t going anywhere, the older of the pair tells me.

Like hell. You can’t keep me hostage, dumbass. It’s against the law, I sneer.

You just kicked that girl in the face. You are to stay put until the cops get here. Oh, and you’re banned for life from this establishment, oh my god.

This guy will cop what Dallas did if he doesn’t move.

Like I care. This place is shit anyway. Yes, the restaurant is an eyesore, but I will miss the food. It’s the best place to get burgers in this crappy town. I wonder if I’m banned from the drive-through? Surely not.

I guess we’ll find out soon enough.

At least I can send Maddox in if need be. Wow, how the hell did I get banned before my brother and his cronies?

Since I’m not permitted to leave the establishment until the cops arrive, I sit down in a booth close by and when I do, both Angie and Gage come and sit on either side of me.

Holy cow, girl. What the hell happened? You never get violent, you usually just verbally attack the mole, Angie asks.

I’m so over her shit. She’s the whore and she comes after me? I’ve always tried to keep to myself, but she has to push me. Fuck her.

The bullying has gone on for far too long. Never, have I ever been the one to initiate an argument.

It’s always been her, or her friends coming for my blood.

To my surprise, I feel Gage’s leg press up against mine, his hand then rests over mine on my thigh, and when he does, I take in a deep breath before letting it go.

His touch has me on edge.

That’s true. She’s always had it out for you. I’ll make sure I tell the cops the whole story. Angie is the kind of friend everyone wants. She’s fiercely loyal.

I know she can be a handful, but even I was surprised by the fact that she walked into the place and verbally attacked you, Gage adds, but before I have a chance to respond, I see Erik walk into the restaurant.

Oh great, I mumble.

What is it? Gage questions, keeping his voice low, following my gaze.

It’s my mother’s boyfriend. Hell, I know the town is small, but we do have an army of cops, and they send that idiot here to deal with the situation. My mother will kick my ass when she finds out about this.

That’s some seriously shit luck, he chuckles, and I elbow him in his ribs. Ouch, what was that for? I wasn’t the one that called you a whore.

You laughed, that’s all it takes, I give him the stink eye, but he isn’t buying it.

Raine. What happened here? Erik asks, his face stern as he makes his way towards us.

The bitch called me a whore, a skank and everything else she could think of and I snapped. It’s her own fault, I explain, crossing my arms across my chest.

That doesn’t give you the right to attack her. Now I have to take you to the station. I’m not going to cuff you, but I will if you don’t cooperate, got it?

What a douchebag.

Whatever. Using my free hand, I reach into my pocket, I dig out my keys and I hand them to my best friend. Can you bring the car to the cop shop so I can get home after he’s done tormenting me? I ask while nodding my head in Erik’s direction.

I’m going to need to get statements from you both. Can you meet us at the station? Erik asks both Angie and Gage.

The pair nod, No problem. I’ll follow you Angie since I don’t know where to go. Gage squeezes my hand under the table before he slips out of the booth.

Chapter Two

Raine

As I sit in the dark and depressing interview room down at the police station, the door opens I’m pleasantly surprised to have a female cop enter the room.

When the short, blonde, skinny woman is seated opposite me, she places a Manila file onto the surface she looks up at me and smiles. Hello, Raine. I’m detective Jackie Warren. Now, before we begin, would you like something to eat or to drink?

Coke. I don’t see the point of ridiculous pleasantries. She’s going to fake being nice in hopes I will crack and let her in. Nope, I will stick to the facts and only the facts.

I’ll be right back.

Not two minutes later, Warren returned. When the can is cracked, I take a long sip before placing it onto the table.

Okay, so, can you tell me what happened between yourself and Ms. Landburg this evening? She then takes out a pen from her top pocket and rests her hand down onto the yellow legal pad in front of her.

No problem. Dallas has been verbally attacking me for years now. We attended the same school. Both she and her dumbass friends are forever bullying and teasing me. They call me all types of names.

What names have they been calling you?

Slut, whore, twatwaffle...

The detective stops me. Twatwaffle? she asks slowly. What is a twatwaffle? She looks as if she’s trying to hold back laughter.

Shrugging, I tell the woman, I have no idea.

Unable to help herself, the detective snickers. I’m very sorry, but that is funny.

It is when it isn’t directed at you, I state and immediately her smile disappears.

Very true. I’m very sorry. Please, continue.

The teasing was an everyday occurrence. She loves attacking me over social media. I’ve taken screenshots of everything so if you want proof, it’s on my phone. Erik confiscated it from me downstairs.

Her brown bunch. Do you know detective Massa personally?

He’s dating my mom. They’ve been together for nearly a year. I can’t stand him. He’s trying to take over the ‘dad’ roll. I wish they’d break up, but my ‘desperate for attention’ mom won’t, we will be stuck with him for at least a couple of years, if not longer.

Interesting. I had no idea, but the look on her face has me curious.

For whatever reason, hearing that Erik is in a relationship, has her rattled. I need to know why.

Why does it matter to you so much?

Her eyes dart to mine and she does her best to compose herself.