Holding On: Callaway Family, #1

By Kaithlin Shepherd

Take the journey with the oldest Callaway brother as he finds and fights for true love.Jamie Caldwell has always been the odd woman out but after being captured and tortured during a humanitarian mission in Darfur she finds herself at a crossroads in her life. When her only chance at a full recovery sends her to Montana, she doesn't know what to expect but the minute she sees Cole Callaway everything changes. Jamie knows that this man could make or break her and giving in to their instant attraction could change her life. 

 

Cole Callaway came back home from Afghanistan a different man; a wounded man. He's taken the cards he's been dealt and build a clinic to help wounded veterans get back some of what they lost. He's fighting some of his demons but the moment Jamie walks into his life he finds himself fighting a different kind of fight. He knows he could never let her walk out of his life, but Cole faces the biggest mission of his life: Make Jamie stay in Montana and if he has his way in his bed. 

Can Cole get pass Jamie's defenses and make her see that she belongs with him?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pretty Lovely Publishing
• Release date: Aug 16, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386041030

Kaithlin Shepherd

Kaithlin Shepherd was born and raised in Canada where she learned to figure skate and crafted a love affair with coffee. Growing up in a household filled by strong-headed women, she learned early on that life is what you make it. You've probably never met a bigger country music fan and in the words of Brooks and Dunn, she's a die-hard 'George Strait junkie.' Constructing a world away from her real life, Kaithlin loves the feeling of creating a universe where her fans can forget about everything in their life. She loves writing about hot alphas and doesn't shy away from turning up the heat with scorching hot sex scenes.

Book preview

Holding On

Callaway Series book 1

Kaithlin Shepherd

Pretty Lovely Publishing

Copyright © 2019 by Kaithlin Shepherd

All rights reserved.

No portion of this book may be reproduced in any form without written permission from the publisher or author, except as permitted by U.S. copyright law.

Memories are meant to serve you, not enslave you. 

― A.J. Darkholme, Rise of the Morningstar

Chapter one

There comes a point where everybody breaks. You see it in the movies, you heard bad ass navy seals talk about it, but until it happens to you, you have no idea what it means. ″I’m going to die here.″ Looking at the four walls of her cell, Jamie officially lost hope of ever going home.

She’d lost count of how many days she had been held hostage; she had no idea where she was being held, and the thought of returning home, the one thing that had kept her strong throughout this ordeal, no longer felt real.. They had done everything to break her. They beat her and destroyed any dream that someone would come and rescue her. Her body was brutalized beyond what she thought was humanly possible. She wasn’t a doctor but she knew her cuts were infected, the bullet holes in her shoulder and thighs felt like they were on fire, and blood…there was blood everywhere. Cradled in the corner of her cell, unable to move, she was ready to die.

She thought about the things she would never get to experience: she would never fall in love, she would never get the chance to get married or bring a child into this world. She would never get to travel the world or drive down the PCH with the wind in her hair. She closed her eyes, and took a deep breath, inhaling the scent of her own urine, when the sound of gunfire echoed through the walls.

The place was usually so quiet you could hear a pin drop, but right then, screams filled the air. She didn’t know how much time passed before the gunfire stopped and the door to her cell opened as five Special Forces soldiers walked into the room. A large man slowly walked toward her as he put his gun behind his back and held out his hands to her. He dropped to his knees in front of her and took her hands in his, slowly assessing her injuries. Finally, he locked his eyes with hers and said the words she had been praying to hear. Ma’am, I’m Sergeant Cassidy, and I’m here to take you home.

Looking at the same bookshelf she had been looking at over the last few months, Jamie felt a sense of peace she hadn’t felt in a long time. Sitting on the sofa in her therapist’s office, Jamie took a deep breath, ″You know what I remember most about what happened over there?" No matter how at peace she may feel, or how much time had passes since returning home, the memories of what happened to her kept haunting her. Everytime she thought she was making a step forward, something would trigger a flashback, setting her back. . The last six months had been a harder fight than she had expected; not only was her physical recovery taking longer than originally planned, but she was still a long way from getting her field clearance back. At this point, she didn’t even know if she would ever get it back. All her life, she had worked toward the ultimate goal to make a difference in the world. And now, as much as she wanted to get back to her normal life, a part of her never wanted to face that kind of danger ever again.

What do you remember most about what happened? Courtney asked her. She had to give it to Courtney for digging and never giving up on her. It had been a little over six months since her first therapy session with her, and she’d come a long way since that first appointment. At least, she’d like to think so. Talking about what happened during her captivity was getting easier every day and coming to terms with the trauma finally seemed within her grasp, which was something she never thought would happen.

Jamie knew she was still a long way from a full recovery, both physically and emotionally, but finally seeing some light at the end of the tunnel was a small comfort she cherished.

″The gunshots from the night they rescued me. After weeks of beatings and torture, the one thing I choose to remember is the sound of the gunshots as they came in to save me. It’s the only memory that allows me to cope with what happened." The day that Sgt. Craig Cassidy rescued her was the day hope took its rightful place back in her heart.

She tried to contact him time and time again to thank him for saving her life, but the military wasn’t too keen on her making contact with a member of a Special Ops team. She understood the reasoning behind their decision, but still, she wished she could thank the man who saved her, the man who gave her hope.

″That’s a normal memory to hold on to, Jamie. You have to remember that you are stronger than what you went through over there. What happened to you does not define you as a human being, and it does not define you as a woman." Jamie watched the many conflicting emotions dancing across Courtney’s face.

When the time had come for Jamie to start therapy, she had insisted her best friend Emilia take the lead, but Emilia had refused, concerned their friendship would risk her professional integrity. Jamie respected that and after one session with Courtney, a referral from Emilia, Jamie felt confident that Courtney was the right match for her.

The progress she had made in the last couple of months was astonishing, or so Courtney told her. All she really knew was her road to recovery was still a long one. She admitted though, after Courtney pushed her to see it, that the light had returned to her life, which was a big step forward.

″I know you’re right, but it’s just so hard to get past that. To have intimacy with a man is something I want to be able to experience, but it’s really hard for me to imagine what that looks like. . Finding a man she was comfortable with was a harder task than she ever thought possible and finding someone who understood what she had been through was almost impossible. She loved her job and she knew the risks when she signed up for the humanitarian mission, but she’d never expected that one mission would change her life the way it had.

You go through training, you go through various simulations, but nothing prepares you for the brutality of captivity.

″When you meet the right guy, you’ll know, Jamie. He’ll be there every step of the way for you. He’ll be your partner in all of this. You just have to give yourself time to heal.″

She almost laughed out loud because the simple idea of bringing up what happened to her to a potential date made her whole skin want to crawl. How did you go about telling the person you are dating that you were kidnapped and tortured for days? When was the right time in a relationship to bring something like that up?

"I know, I just don’t think someone like that is in the cards for me right now″ Jamie’s words echoed throughout the room, and it was obvious Courtney wasn’t buying that last part. Jamie didn’t blame her for calling her bullshit out.

Peeking at the clock, she noticed they were out of time. Usually, she wouldn’t mind going over her session, but she had another physical therapy session right after this and she didn’t want to be late.

She grabbed her purse. "I have to get going. I have a PT appointment with Becca in half an hour,″ she said, walking toward the door.

"All right, I’ll see you at our next session. Remember not to be so hard on yourself.″ Courtney walked over and gave her a hug. Even at this stage in her recovery, Jamie still felt like she wasn’t healing fast enough, concerns she’d voiced to Courtney who had insisted she was doing great and that recovery didn’t have a timeframe. It wasn’t because she didn’t want to get better, because she did; she just couldn’t get past this rut she was in.

Courtney and Becca had been encouraging her to try something different, but she couldn’t see herself sharing what she’d been through with others just yet. She had fought so hard to be comfortable with Courtney and share her story and the thought of adding another person to her recovery process scared her. That was a step she might never be ready for.

One of the things Jamie loved about her two appointments was that their offices were within walking distance of each other. SShe was really thankful for the fresh air between appointments. She took the time to clear her head and refocus on the present and not the future. She smiled when she reached Becca’s office. Her best friend had built something pretty spectacular for herself. Becca’s clinic was a haven for people looking to rebuild a part of themselves, and nothing was more important than that. It takes a village to support someone’s journey, and Becca had done such a good job at creating a welcoming environment.

She soaked in the fact that she was blessed with a great support team for her recovery. She was also grateful that she could open up about her trauma and that her friends didn’t try to baby her. It was one of the things she couldn’t handle when she got back, the look of pity in people’s eyes; seeing that look was worse than any pain from her injuries.

She waved to the staff and walked to Becca’s office. When she opened the door, she heard Becca yelling on the phone and stopped in her tracks, not wanting to interrupt the conversation.

″I am not coming back…. You don’t understand…. I can’t face him again…. I just can’t do it, Andrew…. I won’t do it.″ Jamie watched as Becca slammed the phone down and grabbed the edge of her deskJamie knew that Becca’s brothers had been pressuring her into coming home for the holidays, and Becca’s reluctance didn’t escape anyone. Whatever or whomever she was running from, it was obvious she wasn’t ready to face it just yet, something Jamie understood better than anyone.

You okay? At the sound of Jamie’s voice, Becca turned around and gave her best fake smile, which Jamie chose to ignore for the time being.

.She watched as Becca took a sip of water as if she was trying to gather her thoughts Oh, I’m fine, just a little family drama. How did your session with Courtney go today? She took the bottle of water Becca handed her, opting not to push the conversation about her friend’s heated phone call.

″It was good. Gruesome and exhausting as always, but good." Both of them clearly had a lot on their minds because their usual conversation about hot men and their day-to-day was absent. In all the years she’d known Becca, she had never seen her look so defeated.

The day’s session was brutal, to say the least. Every inch of Jamie’s body was on fire, and the pain soaring in her shoulders and her legs was almost unbearable. ″Come on, Jamie. Just one more set and then we’re done; don’t quit on me now. You’re almost there.″ She looked up at Becca, who was smiling down at her. Sitting on the bench seat, she had to fight her body to finish the set.

″I’d like to see you down here, trying to lift this thing over your head after your shoulder had been crushed by two bullets.″ Ever since the beginning of her therapy, Becca had put her through a challenging physical therapy plan, but she was still a long way from a full recovery. Her shoulder still killed her when she extended her arm above her head, plus her knee that had to be surgically replaced still wasn’t allowing her to do much more physical than walking, and that was on a good day. Overall, her body was a mess, and while she had moments of being emotionally wrecked, her head and her heart were healing, slowly.

You give me that nonsense and you’ll be doing another rep, Becca said to her, laughing.

Forging friendships wasn’t something Jamie did easily, but she’d been friends with Becca since college and it was comforting to have friends who weren’t afraid to kick her ass when she needed it.

She got up to grab a bottle of water then laid down for Becca to ice her body. Becca, what’s got you on another planet today? she said, a little out of breath sipping on her water, trying not to cringe at the pain that accompanied every small movement she made.

You know, we’ve been at this for two months. You’re not progressing as well as I would have liked, and I think you know that. It feels like you’re at roadblock, and honestly, I’m stuck in how to help you. So, I thought maybe we could try something new for the next eight weeks. Becca told her clearly uneasy.

There was no way Jamie could disagree. It did feel like they were at a standpoint. If it gets me there faster, you know I’ll try and do anything. What did you have in mind? she asked.

Well, you know my brother Cole, right? Becca asked her as she applied ice to Jamie’s shoulders. She didn’t know much about Cole except that he was a retired Marine who ran a clinic for wounded vets back home.

From past conversations with Becca, she knew Cole’s rehabilitation after coming back had been difficult, but that was where her knowledge of Cole Callaway started and ended. It was hard for her to guess what Becca was getting at but whatever it was, she had a feeling it was going to change everything. ″You’ve mentioned him a time or two. He runs the rehab clinic back at the ranch, right?"

"Yep, that’s the one. After he got discharged from the military, he went back home to the family ranch and started a clinic where wounded veterans go. It wasn’t easy for him to find his purpose after he got home, but he’s finally found it.″ Becca helped her position the ice packs over the sorest spots.

She shifted on the table, trying to better position herself to avoid pain, and turned her head to address Becca. Cole was a medic in the army, right?

"That’s right! When he got discharged, he was a little… lost.″ Jamie could sense the pain Becca felt for her brother. She knew firsthand what it was like to be out there in the world and then suddenly find yourself homebound, unable to do what you love.

"Well, anyway, now he runs the clinic and he’s really good at it. He works with soldiers who have been seriously wounded, and he puts them back together mentally and physically… literally! With the winter coming, he usually closes, but I told him about you and asked him if he would be willing to give your therapy a shot…. I hope you’re not mad that I didn’t talk to you first.″

The idea of being away from home, away from her friends and her support system, scared her. She had become so comfortable in her own surroundings that the idea of not only changing therapists but going to another state was unsettling. But she also trusted Becca to do what was best for her recovery and to not put her in a situation that would make her uncomfortable. She lifted the ice to get up but had to sit a minute because every muscle and bone was screaming at her.

″If you think working with Cole is the best thing for me to do, then I trust you, and I’m ready to give a try.″ Then it hit her; Becca had said Cole usually closed down the clinic for the winter months, and there was no way she was going to be an intrusion into someone’s life like that.

Wait, didn’t you say he closed down during the winter months? I can’t be an imposition to your brother and to the rest of your family. Jamie gathered enough strength to get up and walk over to where her duffle bag was sitting then turned to face her friend when she spoke up.

"I already talked to Cole and he said he was more than happy to work with you. Plus, it gives him someone to nag and saves the family from having to deal with his cranky ass for a few weeks.″ There was something in Becca’s eyes which told Jamie that Cole hadn’t really been given a choice in the matter, and she didn’t know how she felt about that. The last thing she wanted to be was someone’s pity patient.

Jamie hesitated, trying to make sense of what she was feeling. When she felt Becca’s hand on her forearm, she looked up into Becca’s eyes as her friend spoke to her. "Cole is a grown man; if he really didn’t want you there, trust me, you wouldn’t be going.″

Do you think it’s really going to make a difference? At this point, Jamie was ready to try just about anything to get past the rut she was in.

"I really do. I think he’s exactly what you need.″

As Jamie walked home from her appointment, she couldn’t quite shake Becca’s last words. Could working with someone else really make a difference? Could going across the country give her back what she had lost?Walking inside her house, she leaned against the door and sighed. She couldn’t believe she’d let Becca convince her to do therapy