The Groping Don

By Vukani Khumalo

This work of satire aims to inspire courage and optimism particularly to the victims of bigotry, misogyny and sexual misconduct. It revolves around a narcissistic character, the wealthy and seemingly invincible President of a country called the United Scandals of Trumperica, Mr Donald Josh Graft. President Graft has a decidedly unsavoury attitude towards women, and a distinctly unconventional and scandalous personality. Despite these negative characteristics, however, he has always had access to stunningly beautiful women, by using his family’s wealth to satisfy his sometimes depraved desires towards women. The seeds to his conflicted personality were planted early in his life and were exacerbated by his excessively doting parents, as well as his unchecked fascination with the most horrible political dictators of the past century.

Although Donald Graft was elected democratically to become President, he ran his country almost like an absolute monarchy, with astonishing dictatorial tendencies. His unconventional approach to virtually everything that he did, which sometimes inadvertently depicted him as a clown, threatened to dismantle the foundations of democracy and to destroy the moral standing of his country among the nations of the world. Ironically, it was his penchant for gorgeous women, which eventually led to his unceremonious downfall, and saved the country from the giant wrecking ball that was his Presidency.

Prompted by extraordinary circumstances into writing a tragic tale with a happy ending, and thereby hopefully inspiring optimism amidst the pessimistic environment generated by the uncertain current state of affairs, the author is an avid consumer of news, whose interest in this project has been influenced by the dreadful trajectory towards which international politics is sliding.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vukani Khumalo
• Release date: Jul 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9780463043820

Book preview

Preface

This book is dedicated to all the victims and survivors of bigotry, misogyny and sexual violence. Its underlying message is that, regardless of the toxicity and hopelessness of the current global political environment, as well as the possibility of a treacherous journey ahead, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. A very twisted man once set out to establish a regime that would live for a thousand years. To the deluded, the idea not only seemed plausible, but was also feasible and achievable. Hence the massive support that the project seemed to generate. However, despite the formidable military might behind it, because of its diabolical nature, that regime survived for only twelve years. Its destruction was unprecedented in the history of humankind. In no time, its traces were all but completely obliterated. Suddenly, no one wanted to be associated with it. Those who could not successfully disassociate themselves from it, all of a sudden had amnesia about the crimes against humanity committed in its name. The negativity and pessimism it once provoked were replaced by positivity and optimism, which soon defined the era which followed the demise of this evil project. This is classic testimony to the undeniable fact that good always triumphs over evil. Survivors of bigotry, misogyny, and sexual violence, in particular, must resist the temptation to feel isolated, and must always remember that they are not alone. They must not despair because their struggle is for a just and noble cause. Amid concerted insults and vilification, they must remain resolute and positive, because, with courage, patience and perseverance, the day is certain to come when their voices will finally be heard. For, no matter how powerful and invincible the perpetrator may appear to be, the day is coming when his power will not be able to shield him from justice, and his victims will be victims no more.

1

Inside the Courtroom

The year was 2017. Sixty-nine-year-old Mr Donald Graft entered the courtroom in his usual attire: an expensive, tailored navy-blue suit, red tie and black shoes. He confidently strolled down the passage, looked in the gallery, smiled and pointed his finger appreciatively at the supportive crowd and gave his trademark thumbs-up sign as he walked to his seat and settled down. He still had plenty of loyal supporters who believed in his innocence and he continued to exude an aura of being president of the country, although it had been a while since he was unceremoniously impeached by parliament and ejected from office for allegedly trying to force himself on one of his female Cabinet Ministers, Ms Jessica Huckabee, who was the Minister for Garbage Disposal. This allegation was the reason for Donald Graft’s indictment and appearance before a judge today.

Donald Graft was a tall and well-built man, a charmer who, although in his late sixties, showed neither signs of greying nor balding. Even though the advancing years showed in a few wrinkles on his face, it was still evident that he had been a pretty handsome man during his younger years. He used this trait to his advantage to become one of the most prolific players of his time, much to the envy of his peers. His almost perfect looks for his age were attributable to his privileged upbringing and to his healthy diet and regular exercise regimen. Even when he played his favorite sport, golf, he opted to walk rather than to use a golf cart – an activity which he said was a great contributory factor to a healthy body. He had never smoked and had drunk alcohol only sparingly during his university days. After he left university, he stopped drinking altogether.

Before the beginning of all his legal troubles, Donald Graft – who was seen as a serious underdog and considered unfit to hold public office – had surprised everyone by successfully entering and winning the presidential race in his country. Once he gained this high office, his country transformed from being a beacon of hope into a pariah amongst the nations of the world, as he swiftly began to dismantle its democratic underpinnings.

In the process he also turned his country’s politics into a farce, with his brash distortion of the truth. He also turned the previously highly respected office of the President into an object of ridicule and embarrassment. All this happened as a result of his quest and determination to transmute the country itself out of its original form by intertwining its very existence with his own scandalous personality. Only he and his blinkered supporters considered his methods admirable and exemplary. The movement he had initiated to clinch the Presidency resulted in his followers calling the country the ‘United Scandals of Trumperica’. This name stuck and prevailed in the country for the duration of his Presidency. Although Donald Graft initially used the name, United Scandals of Trumperica, to taunt and spite his opponents who had said during the election campaign, that if he were to win and become president, the country would have to change its name to the ‘United Scandals of Trumperica’, he soon adopted it for the country when he ascended to power. The many who supported him soon started calling themselves Trumpericans.

His opponents, who had given him a nickname, ‘The Trumpet’, because of his uncharacteristically excessively-verbose character for a presidential candidate, had mockingly said that this name change would be necessary because of his scandalous and erratic nature, and his fondness for trumpeting himself as the most important and intelligent person on the planet, which they argued would rub off on the country, were he to take its reins. Donald Graft and his supporters soon coined a name for the movement he spearheaded, which they called ‘Trumperism’, during and after the election campaign. Even during his swearing-in ceremony, to his and his supporters’ delight – but to the rest of the nation’s bafflement – the presiding judge suddenly used this new name too. Unfortunately for the country, it soon also followed its scandalous name under Graft’s stewardship, despite a strong and vigorous pushback by many citizens who were opposed to this dangerous trajectory.

Donald Graft was notorious for his disparaging views, an unconventionally polluted tongue, childlike outbursts and name-calling towards people he disagreed with or those he considered his enemies.

He also had an extremely elastic relationship with the truth and tended to say things publicly which were known not to be true, only to later blame others for having given him wrong information or simply ignore the truth and stick to what he called alternative facts. At other times he would simply become evasive, which was one of his more negative attributes. He also possessed an extraordinarily objectifying view of women, an insatiable attraction to beautiful women, as well as a twisted and overrated sense of self-worth, all of which combined to cause him to initiate unsolicited and unwelcome advances towards members of the opposite sex he found attractive.

His family’s wealth and his good looks were the ingredients that had led to the development of this narcissism from early childhood, making him believe that beautiful girls had an irresistible attraction to him, and that he could do whatever he liked to them, whenever he wanted to, without encountering any resistance. As a result, from his early days as a boy, and later as a young man, his excessively doting parents, Greg and Rosanne, often had to come to his rescue whenever he had unpleasant encounters with members of the opposite sex. They would sometimes even use the muscle of wealth that they possessed to protect him during these encounters – a situation which first planted the seeds of the myth of ‘the invincible Donald Graft’. It was this delusion of invincibility and his sickening attitude towards women which characterised and came to define Donald Graft’s entire life and which eventually led to his unceremonious and jarring downfall. As they say, the bigger they are, the harder they fall.

Despite all this, Donald Graft denied having ever acted inappropriately towards women, including Jessica Huckabee, who had laid a formal charge of attempted rape against him. Many of his supporters sincerely believed in his innocence and were not prepared to listen to anyone who held a different view, despite his history of being a known player.

Donald Graft had also earned notoriety for his bigotry and strong views on race, which sometimes inadvertently slipped out and were expressed in public, even though he preferred to keep this side of his character away from the public eye.

These strong views were developed and nurtured when he was a young man. He had a fascination with the history of World War II and was specifically interested in Adolf Hitler’s Nazi Germany and his Aryan Master Race project. Graft religiously read all he could find about this and then coined his own weird personal views. His propensity to making blood-curdling utterances in public – be they incestuous, misogynistic or bigoted – without flinching had come to define his unconventional character and normalised it in the eyes of many, particularly his supporters, who were behind him wholeheartedly no matter what.

Judge Margarita Martinez, who was presiding over Donald Graft’s case, entered the courtroom, which was filled to capacity. The court orderly immediately announced, All rise. Judge Martinez’s court is now in session. The judge bowed, took her seat and then all people present resumed their seats.

Judge Martinez opened the court session by addressing the accused directly. Mr Graft, please confirm your full name for record purposes.

Donald Graft leaned forward towards the microphone and confidently introduced himself with a broad smile, seemingly oblivious to the grave situation that he was facing after being accused of attempted rape. I’m Donald Josh Graft, the former president of the United Scandals of Trumperica. Everybody knows me very well, Your Honour. I’m a very famous man and by far the richest guy in the land.

Judge Martinez raised her eyebrows and spoke in a tone that showed she was unimpressed by the amount of unsolicited information given her, as well as her uncertainty regarding the truthfulness of the statement made regarding the extent of wealth Donald Graft claimed he possessed. Oh, really?

Donald Graft sensed from the judge’s tone and demeanour that his statement might not be entirely true or correct. He raised his eyebrows, shrugged his shoulders and gestured with both his hands as he responded with less certainty. That’s what they told me, Your Honour.

About your own wealth in comparison to that of other wealthy people in this country? asked the Judge doubtfully.

Yes, Your Honour. That’s what they told me. I may have to look it up to be sure. We’ll see what happens, said Donald Graft with even greater uncertainty than before.

Judge Martinez peered at him over her spectacles, her eyebrows still raised, and went on, Mr Graft, I am reliably informed that today you have come to court alone, after you parted ways with your lawyer. Is that the case?

That is true, Your Honour. I fired her, said Donald Graft, looking at her more intently.

Judge Martinez seemed a little perplexed. She was momentarily quiet as she paged through the file in front of her. She then responded, while looking at a letter, Well, Mr Graft, not according to this letter that I have before me from your lawyer, Cassandra Summers. According to her you did not fire her.

Donald Graft was adamant. Well, I’m telling you now, Judge. Read… my… lips. I fired her!

Judge Martinez was not convinced. She cleared her throat and then proceeded. "Perhaps, for record purposes, let me read the letter from Cassandra Summers:

‘Honourable Judge Martinez,

I wish to inform you that from now on I will no longer be representing Mr Donald Graft as his lawyer.

This follows an incident in my office which occurred last Thursday, 08 June 2017 where, out of the blue, Mr Graft, while we were consulting on his pending rape case, started professing his attraction to me. When I tried to politely dissuade him from this conversation, he started invading my space. I became sterner in my dissuasion, but he did not listen and started touching me inappropriately around my breasts. I asked him to stop but he would not listen, but instead he drew me closer to him and attempted to kiss me. At that point I threatened to call security to remove him forcefully from my office, at which point he retreated and apologised.

However, even as he apologised he still stated that he thought I wanted him, which I found very repugnant, since I am a happily-married woman and I have never given any hint to any of my clients that I would ever wish to be romantically involved with anyone other than my husband—a topic, in fact, which never arises during my consultations with my clients.

Regardless of his apology, I will no longer be representing him, and I am also weighing my legal options regarding this very humiliating incident.

Yours sincerely

Cassandra Summers’."

When Judge Martinez finished reading the letter, there was a collective gasp of disbelief from some court spectators, who were shocked that Mr Donald Graft would still have the nerve to try and force himself on another woman, and, at that, his lawyer, while he was attending a court case for alleged sexual misconduct against a different woman.

Despite this reaction, Donald Graft was unshaken, and once again leaned forward to the microphone and retorted nonchalantly and in a very disparaging manner, which was characteristic of his reaction towards women. That is not true, Your Honour. That fat woman is a pathological liar. She was not good enough for me. She does not know her work. I had to guide her all the way on what she needed to do, instead of the other way around. That is why I fired her. She’s now trying to get back at me for firing her, for not doing the job I was paying her to do.

Judge Martinez was perplexed by Donald Graft’s glaring inaccuracies when it came to his description of Cassandra Summers, and she decided to engage him on that issue, partly to assess his state of mind. Mr Graft I must say that your idea of fat, as it relates to Ms Cassandra Summers, seems to be rather inaccurate, to say the least. Even though my training is in law, I would describe Ms Summers as being distinctly slim, nowhere near fat. Why would you describe her as fat? Are we talking about the same person here? The Judge removed her glasses as if they were causing some barrier to her clear sight or perception of the accused.

With a little nasty look on his face, Donald Graft retorted, "With due respect Your Honour, Cassandra is fat. For your information, I was previously heavily involved in the beauty pageant industry for a very long time. In fact, I owned the pageant. I know a fat woman when I see one. I can smell a fat woman from miles away. Believe me when I tell you that I can, in fact, identify a fat woman by her voice on the phone as well as her breathing pattern as she talks. That’s how good I am, Your Honour. Trust me."

The judge shook her head as she put her glasses back on and moved on with a kind of incredulous despair in her voice. All right, Mr Graft, I didn’t intend to start a debate on Ms Cassandra’s body weight or size. After all, I have no training whatsoever in the field and therefore may not be a proper person to comment on the matter, particularly against someone who attests to having such extraordinarily overwhelming experience in the field. However, I hope for your own sake that you fully understand the gravity of the situation that you are already facing with Ms Jessica Huckabee’s case that we are currently dealing with. Adding such grievous accusations from an officer of the court, Ms Cassandra Summers, is not going to help your case at all. This is just friendly advice, which I am not obliged to give you, but I feel, as a fellow human being, that I should.

As if he was not listening to the advice from the judge, suddenly Donald Graft looked disgusted at her as he asked in a rather demeaning way, Judge Martinez, did you really have to read that letter? I mean, was that really necessary to read the letter?

Judge Martinez was taken aback because she sincerely thought that she had been clarifying an area of contention between Donald Graft’s account and that of Cassandra Summers regarding their reasons for parting ways. She tried to clarify further. Well, Mr Graft, for record purposes and for the mere fact that your version of events is clearly different from that of your lawyer, I—

Donald Graft interjected rather disrespectfully before the judge could finish her explanation, by learning forward to the microphone and retorting, "Correction, Your Honour. Former lawyer!"

The Judge smiled tightly and then corrected herself. You are correct, Mr Graft. Ms Cassandra Summers is your former lawyer now but could soon be a complainant against you and the matter may well end up coming before a judge. The letter I just read out would most likely form a greater part of her testimony during the proceedings. What I was trying to say before you interrupted me was that I had to read the letter because your version of events is totally different from hers, and we need this as a formal record that has to be entered into the court records for today’s proceedings. That was the reason I had to read the letter.

There was silence from Graft’s end.

The judge was also quiet for a while as she paged through her diary. After a short while she pronounced authoritatively. She took her glasses off as she looked at Donald Graft straight in the eye while making her point.

Mr Graft, I want you back in this court on the morning of the 12th of July 2017. You must have appointed a new lawyer by then, and you must come with that lawyer to court. If you fail to do so, the court may have to consider appointing a lawyer for you so that the hearing may proceed expeditiously without further delays. Your one-million-dollar bond remains in force. So too, does the condition that you should not interfere with the witnesses, failing which your bond will be revoked immediately and you will be held in custody for the duration of the proceedings of your case. Is that clear, Mr Graft?

An incensed Donald Graft forced a response, trying to hide the rage boiling inside of him. Crystal clear, Your Honour.

The judge then concluded by once again offering a friendly word of advice to Donald Graft. Let me also suggest that, for your own good, Mr Graft, you must consider appointing a male lawyer to avoid further incidents that may eventually compromise your case and worsen your situation. Court is adjourned.

As Donald rose from his seat and prepared to leave the courtroom, to everyone’s disbelief, he once again leaned forward towards the microphone and uttered his parting shot towards the judge. Nasty woman!

The judge looked shocked. She was clearly disturbed and shaken by Donald Graft’s unconventional attitude. She was tempted to reprimand him, but, being the professional that she was, she managed to control herself. She simply stared blankly at him without uttering a word as he exited the courtroom with a cocky look on his face, as if to say that he had won that round. This clearly displayed one of the characteristics he was notorious for: picking unnecessary fights that he was not even supposed to be involved in, in the first place.

Although the 53-year-old Judge Martinez came across as unassertive, since she was soft-spoken and petite, that image was very deceiving. In truth she was a strong-willed, highly intelligent woman, who knew and understood the real power that she possessed and had the absolute ability and resoluteness to use it effectively, after carefully considering all the merits and demerits of the case, whenever she presided over such case. Many who had stood before her as accused and had mistakenly judged her abilities based on her gender and her outside appearance realised when it was already too late that she was as tough as nails. They all had had to learn that the hard way.

2

Outside the Courtroom

Donald Graft exited the courtroom in grandiose style to meet a crowd of journalists outside, all of whom were clamouring to pose questions at him. He seemed intent on meeting and engaging with them, even though he pretended that he was being ambushed by them. Without wasting any time, the first journalist fired her question.

Mr Graft, is it true that you have just called Judge Martinez nasty? Don’t you think that it may not be wise to antagonise a judge who is sitting to hear your case?

Donald Graft paused on the courtroom steps and started responding to the journalists in a manner which characteristically not only openly displayed his disdain for women, but also revealed his deep-rooted lack of respect for the truth, while at the same time making a very weird comment about his own daughter.

That is not true. I don’t know where you got that nonsense from. I never said Judge Martinez is nasty. I’m sure everyone who was inside the courtroom and was listening attentively to what I was saying can attest to that. Though she’s wrinkled now and looks much older than her real age and looks more like a Sunday School teacher than a judge, one can tell that in her day she possessed some decent looks. Certainly not the kind of stunning looks possessed by my voluptuous daughter, Eva, whom I would definitely be dating if she were not my daughter, but one can tell that at one stage in her life she certainly was a looker. The answer is no, I never said she is nasty. I like Judge Martinez very much. I have the highest level of respect for her. I think she is a decent woman with impeccable credentials as a judge and I am sure she will be able to handle this case objectively and without any prejudice, despite being a woman and being of Mexican descent herself, just like my accuser who is spreading lies about me.

After his response Donald Graft descended one more step towards his car. As he did so, another journalist had a follow-up question for him.

But, Mr Graft, the microphone was on and your voice was clearly audible when you uttered the words ‘nasty woman’. Are you saying that everyone who was inside the courtroom at the time did not understand you, or perhaps you misspoke?

Donald Graft was adamant in his response. "No, I didn’t say that. You, the media, are once again twisting what I said. I did say ‘nasty woman’, but I was not referring to the judge. I don’t know why you journalists would think that I would insult a judge like that. I have an incredibly high IQ. Everyone knows that, and my extensive wealth bears testimony to that. I wouldn’t do something so glaringly stupid," he said, as he descended one more step.

A third journalist quickly threw in a question.

"Mr Graft if, as you now claim, you were not referring to the judge when you uttered the words ‘nasty woman’, who then were you referring to?"

Donald Graft once again paused and gave a broad smile as he responded, clearly enjoying keeping everyone in suspense. Well, I will reveal that very soon and, boy, are you going to be disappointed when you hear who I was referring to. We’ll see what happens.

Not satisfied, the fourth journalist prodded further.

When are you going to reveal that information, sir?

Donald Graft responded as he started slowly walking towards his car. Very soon! Don’t worry, you will hear that very soon. We’ll see what happens.

He then put his hand above his brow to protect his eyes from sunlight as he ran his eyes through the crowd of journalists and saw a familiar nemesis of his from the Credible News Network and he shouted at him mockingly. Oh, I see we have the Credible News Network in our midst, whatever that means. Hey, Jim, do you have a nice question for me today? An honest one this time around, not fuelled by lies from your phony news network like you always do?

Jim Woodward, who always posed difficult questions to political figures, obliged with a question and took a swipe at the sarcasm from Donald Graft.

"As always, Mr Graft, I’m grateful that you recognised me. I do have a question for you. It is indeed an honest question, sir,