Devastation or Destiny???: the Heartbreak Diaries, #3

By The Blakk Dahlia

"Devastation or Destiny???" (The Settled Heart) from the Heartbreak Diaries Series

Choose the love of your life, OR the life you love?
Tanya found her happy ending, but it wasn't the one she wrote. A lover of adventure and exploration found the heart of a hard-working traditional man. Kenneth is unwilling to take on her dreams, however, he gives the greatest love with no reservations. As their wedding day approaches, she finds herself thinking of what could have been. Did I give up on what I REALLY wanted too soon?

 

Fearing that she'll miss out on a chance of true love, Tanya gives in. But, the deep yearnings never end. The universe hears the inner cries of the life she wanted, as she prepares to take on a new life with Kenneth. Life eventually gives her want she truly wants but with a cost…Devastation!

Thrown into dismay, Tanya finds herself starting over. Will the devastation be worth it? Or should she have been grateful for the "once in a lifetime love"?

 

the Heartbreak Diaries is a collection of romance-suspense stories. This series dives deep into the various hearts we love, like, or lust with when approaching dating, relationships, marriage, and even situationships. What's unique about this series are the "hearts" in each book telling their story from a real and vulnerable place. Each book has a "dear diary" moment from an integral character, displaying their logic and true intentions within the heartbreak.
 

The Series:

Rushing to Distraction (The Foolish Heart)
Wrong Vengeance (The Toxic Heart)

The Perfect Sin (The Selfish Heart)

• Language: English
• Publisher: The Blakk Dahlia
• Release date: Jul 4, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393081036

The Blakk Dahlia

E. Alexcina Brown adds another slash to her name, auther, in writing under the moniker, The Blakk Dahlia. The Model/Actress/Blogger/Editor-In-Chief has released various ventures within the enertainment and fashion industries in front of the camera and behind the scenes. Wearing many hats, this entrepreneur shows that being a creator can open many doors while inspiring others to take risks in pursuing their dreams. The Blakk Dahlia will be releasing her first book series the Heartbreak Diaries delving into the true inner thoughts and various routes of heartache and how women cope and move on. Photo Credit: Kadijah Watkins

Book preview

The Dedication

This book is dedicated to the free-spirits. Keep traveling on your own path. What is destined for your life will always find a way to you.

Chapter I: An Unbothered Bride-To-Be

Tanya! Hurry up, we’re running late! Shauna yelled to her best friend.

I’m coming! She sighed with aggravation.

Tanya’s concern wasn’t being on time. Instead, she concentrated on her hair in the bathroom mirror.

Shauna suddenly appeared in the doorway with her hand rested on a perched hip. Tanya! Are you serious!?!? Why are you styling your hair now? We’ll have time to come back and get pretty before the rehearsal.

I know. But I wanna be pretty now. She responded, unbothered by her friend’s urgency. I’ll be done in a minute.

With the way I’m rushing and you slowing around, you’d think I’d be the one getting married. Now COME ON GIRL! Ms. Lucy opened the shop today just for us. We can’t hold her up.

Shauna moved closer, to hurry the process.

I said...I’m coming. Tanya moved away. Chill. We’ll have enough time to get there. We’re only twenty minutes away Shauna.

I’ll be in the car when you’re done! Shauna stormed away.

Tanya stayed in the mirror, relieved to be left alone. She wanted a peaceful morning before the wedding rehearsal. Determined to move on HER time, not anyone else’s.

Deciding the bun wasn’t going to work, she pulled the straight strands into a simple ponytail. Making her way to the bedroom, she noticed an engagement photo with the love of her life, Kenneth, in a silver frame. The photo showed a happy couple, staring into each other’s eyes. Tanya took a moment to focus on their love captured in the image. His 6’0 height towered over her 5’6 stature. Their romance exuded with his caramel hands connecting with her dark chocolate hands.

Kenneth was any woman’s dream guy. Lead landscaper at a notable company in Birmingham, AL. He made good money and owned a home in a decent neighborhood. Most importantly, he loved his fiancé' with everything in him. A simple guy who worked hard towards his dream of having a lucrative career, a home with his beautiful wife, and many kids to follow.

Tanya, however, had different dreams. She loved to travel and imagined spending her life seeing different parts of the world. Settling down in Alabama wasn’t on the list of life goals. She desired the city growing up, and a partner who wanted the same. Giving that up was a hard compromise, but the love she had for Kenneth was worth the sacrifice.

It became very clear that her fiancé was unyielding on her life plan when she received a job opportunity in Paris. At first, she was apprehensive to present it to him.  Tanya prayed that he would understand how much it meant, and at least consider it. But as she initially expected, he didn’t want to discuss leaving Birmingham. It wasn’t in his nature to chase experiences in other parts of the world.

Tanya didn’t put up a fight, nor give an ultimatum. Kenneth made her happier than any man she’d dated. The opportunity went to another candidate and she hid the disappointment to make the best of southern living with a good man. Choosing love over her dreams didn’t erase the sporadic temptations of desiring what could have been.

Living in the Heart of Dixie was only supposed to be a pit stop. Tanya relocated from Miami, to help restructure the finance department for the company’s subsidiary. The move was a big adjustment from having a condo by the beach and a lively nightlife. However, living in the city where she attended college, along with moving closer to her close friends, Shauna and Keena, made it a little easier. An added bonus was meeting Kenneth. After that, her plans of moving out of the country fell away as she fell deeper in love.

Their romance developed on a whim. Tanya hired his company for landscaping for her new townhome. The home, which was initially an investment property while working in Birmingham. Kenneth became captivated by her beauty and drive for success. Over time, he would come back to check up on the yard, free of charge of course. Their friendship quickly turned into love. Two years later he proposed, and six months after that, the wedding day was a little over 24 hours away.

After the brief trip down memory lane, Tanya smiled at the photograph before leaving.

She wasn’t the usual Bridezilla. Serene and nonchalant about the excitement going on around her. Although elated to be marrying Kenneth, she didn’t feel the bride-to-be spirits of anxiety and short patience. Shauna, the matron of honor, took over in that department.

All that time in the mirror and THIS is what you came up with!?! Shauna teased as Tanya reached the car.

Shut up and drive. She laughed, putting on her sunglasses.

I’m just saying, girl...

They drove down a winding road to get out of the neighborhood. Silence occupied the sedan as Tanya took in the view out the window. Gazing at the nice houses and grassy lawns, her mind drifted; unyielding to the temptation that plagued her.

Shauna noticed the mental distance from her friend. You okay?

A month ago, I laid in Kenneth’s arms, thinking about eloping on an island. I never wanted a formal wedding. Dealing with fussy bridesmaids, no offense, families meeting each other, and everyone speaking their opinion like it’s THEIR day. Nuh-Uh. Not me. I just wanted my man. AND a preacher because, you know, we need someone to officiate.

The outburst shocked Shauna, curious about what brought on the speech. She kept her eyes on the road and waited for Tanya to get to the point. Secretly praying that her best friend wasn’t thinking about canceling.

So I told him, and of course he immediately disagreed. Kenneth feels that his family wouldn’t like us eloping. Then he went on and on about the money we already spent. But I didn’t care about the money or family being upset. I just wanted a sacred moment with my love, in a beautiful place. And he didn’t want that. Tanya looked down at her phone, disheartened. She took a deep breath and continued.

So, I had to comply with my future head of household. She said in a sarcastic tone.

Well, he did have a point. It’s way too late to change plans. And everyone has rearranged their couple’s outings to watch you two get married on Valentine’s Day. Shauna attempted to lighten the mood.

Lucky me, I have a man who adores me in every beautiful way a woman desires. And, he has absolutely no sense of adventure. Kenneth wants to sell the townhome. MY townhome. Thinks it’s a waste of money to pay two mortgages. His house is bigger so it’ll be better to be there for our future kids. I wanted to hold on to the townhome, rent it out, and flip it when the market is better for buyers. Then, maybe buy a condo in New York or Miami as a second home. I hoped he’d at least be up for that, since leaving the country will never be an option for us. But, he says he doesn’t like it up north because it’s too cold and way too busy. And it rains too much in South Florida.

So what does he want to do?

Live in Alabama, and raise a family. Kenneth wants four kids! How can I keep up with having a career, being a wife, and a mother of four!? One would be nice....hmmm...maybe two. But FOUR!?!

Tanya shook her head and returned her eyes the window.

So after tomorrow, I’ll be an Alabama wife, a future mother of four, and living a stagnant life with the man of my dreams. She concluded.

That was the first time she spoke those words aloud. Tanya always felt that she was giving up something grand by not venturing into the unknown. She looked at the future as something that she settled for.

You’re starting to sound like a depressing novel Tanya.  Shauna replied. Where is all of this coming from? And how do you know that life with Ken won’t be adventurous?

Nope, it’s not depressing. I’ve always dreamt of meeting a man like Kenneth. But in my dreams, things ended differently, you know? He’s almost everything I want in a man. I never had to worry about playing mind games, cheating, him not making time for me...none of that. She smiled. But, there is that missing element from my list. He’s not open-minded about my ideas. Just shuts them down, and I have to get on board with what he wants.

Tanya, you’ve GOT to let that dream go. We all have a road not taken. That’s life. But maybe being with Ken saved you from something.

Saved me from what?

More heartache, the terrible dating scene, STDs, drugs. Anyways, I’m glad you realize he’s a good man and holding on to that. Only a foolish woman would give up because he doesn’t have everything on her ‘list’. Shauna preached.

Yea, I know what I have. I’m not crazy. It’s a happy ending. Just not that one I wrote in my book. She replied in a low tone.

Are you happy?

She laughed and held up the phone to take a selfie. Shauna didn’t push for an answer. Settling with the thought that her friend caught the usual case of cold feet.

A call from her fiancé placed the selfie session on hold.

Hey honey, are you done working? She answered.

Yea I’m done, finally. Been up since 5am digging holes. Where are you? I stopped by your place and you weren’t there. He replied.

Dang, you just missed us. Shauna and I are on our way to the dress shop so I can do a final fitting. Hopefully, I won’t need any alterations done.

Isn’t it a little late for dress alterations? Kenneth laughed.

Yes it’s last minute but, whatever. I’ll marry you in my robe if I have to!

The truth of the matter, Tanya kept putting off the last fitting. She wasn’t very enthused about going back to pick up the dress. Deep down, wishing the fiancé’ would change his mind and elope.

Oh, noooo baby. I want to see the dress that’s costing us a lot.

Well, that’s what happens when you want a wedding. Money gets thrown around.

I know baby...I know. I think we’re over budget.

Ken. Honey, I already told you what I wanted to do. She sighed, checking out her manicure.

Tanya, I told you that wasn’t an option. My parents don’t like to travel, and I want everybody in Birmingham talking about our wedding. That can’t happen if we ain’t here. He replied.

You sound like a bride honey. Tanya laughed.

Whatever! Am I going to see you before the rehearsal dinner?

She peeked over at Shauna. Maybe. If Sgt. Shauna doesn’t have me doing random wedding duties.

That’s cool. I thought we could sneak in a little ‘session’ before we see the fam. Kenneth whispered.

You’re so bad! But I like that idea...Ok honey, I gotta go we’re pulling up to the shop now.

Alright baby. I’ll see you later....I love you. He said.

His deep voice speaking those words sent a warm feeling straight to her heart.

I love you too honey. See you soon.

Tanya hung up and held the phone to her chest smiling.

Now THERE’S the blushing bride I’ve been waiting to see! Shauna shouted while parking the car. And for the record, it’s my duty as the maid of honor to keep you on task. So I’ll wear the title of Sgt. Shauna proudly!

Matron...Shauna. You are not a maid. Tanya corrected.

Shauna shot a blank stare. Just get out of the car before this lady turns us away for being late.

Tanya stepped out of the car and took a view at Shauna’s failed attempt to park.

Girl! Did you even try? She asked pointing to the slanted vehicle. Doesn’t look like you did.

We are the only ones here, doesn’t matter. Shauna rationalized.

As soon as they walked into the shop, Ms. Lucy handed the bagged gown to Tanya, motioning her to go try it on.

Awe, here we go! Can’t wait to see it on you! Shauna said with enthusiasm.

Okay, here goes. She said taking a deep breath before walking towards the fitting room.

Tanya stared at the bag like she was about to make a big decision. She knew by putting on