F#@k You, Donovan Lassar: All The Wrong Reasons Episode Five: All The Wrong Reasons, #6

By KK Hendin

Magical scavenger hunts. Illegal sleepover parties.

Unsanctioned PDA (both public and private).

And, of course, some potentially ill-advised confrontations.

You know. 

The usual.

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Fated.

An award-winning reality dating show, or, as the network likes to call it, The Real Last Chance For A Fairy Tale Ending.

You know how this works.

One Prince Charming is picked. He's inevitably handsome, shredded, has a vague enough sounding job to be legitimate, and the ability to lie really well to the cameras. He's looking for his One True Love, and obviously, the best way of finding that person (who always happens to be a white woman, between five foot three and five foot ten, wearing approximately a size zero to four, and preferably blonde) is to have a team of producers round up seventeen women who are all more or less interchangeable, move them into a castle, ply them with alcohol, turn cameras on, and broadcast it all on national television.

Add in a plethora of the most ridiculous dates the producers can possibly think of, too many feelings, real and fake, and an emotional proposal at the end, and you have the highest-rated reality show in history.

Everyone is willing to play the game. Some walk in more willing than others, but in the end, they all believe in it. The show, the fairy tale, the happily ever after. Regardless of what's happened to previous 'winners' of the show.

It's not like anyone's ever been there for the right reasons. But never have the wrong reasons been so wrong.

• Language: English
• Publisher: KK Hendin
• Release date: May 15, 2019
• ISBN: 9781393923497

Book preview

Chapter One

Dear Veronica

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An advice column for the bewildered, the befuddled, and the people who should be breaking up with their significant other (you know who you are)

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May 20**

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Help, My Sister Is Joining A Reality TV Show.

Dear Veronica,

Let me start by saying that I love my sister. Really, I do. I would take a bullet for her, and if she asked me to hide a body for her, I wouldn’t ask any questions. She is my ride-or-die.

That being said.

I work in a very conservative company in an industry almost exclusively populated by old white men. There are fewer things they cherish more than their reputations, and the reputations of the people who work for them. I have been scrupulous about keeping a squeaky-clean reputation, and have my social media accounts under so many layers of security, even if they knew how to use Instagram, they wouldn’t be able to find me.

Which is all well and good, but my sister has just told us that she’s been accepted to be on a very well-known reality television show. One in which you compete for love.

Yes, the contestants only go by their first names on the show, but their last names are common knowledge. My last name is pretty unique, and people confuse my sister and I all the time.

This may be a great step forward for her in her career, but it might destroy mine. What am I supposed to do?

-Definitely Not Here For The Right Reasons

Schedule says the date announcement isn’t until this evening, Elijah whispered to CR the next afternoon at lunch. And I’m pretty sure it’s going to be running around an hour or two later.

Yeah, I saw the schedule, CR replied, filling up his cup with coffee.

Go talk to Noah, okay?

CR stopped. El, what’s going on?

Nothing, everything’s fine. Elijah wouldn’t meet his eyes, and CR couldn’t tell if it was because he was hiding something, or because he thought someone would notice them talking.

Outside of their little group, nobody knew who CR was acquainted with before walking onto the set of Fated. And he intended to keep it like that for as long as he needed to. Forever, preferably.

Elijah.

I swear, Chris, really. Nothing’s happening. But Noah has a phone and can cover your ass for the next hour or so. Elijah stole a glance at CR. Stephanie’s just in a shitty mood and wants me to reorganize the entire prop room because she thinks someone’s been playing around in there and moving everything. Won’t accept that maybe she just doesn’t remember moving shit, or maybe there are other people in this castle besides her. He blew out a frustrated breath. I’m sorry. I’m just…stressed about everything.

You don’t have to apologize. CR wished that maybe he had found a bigger cup to put his coffee in. Maybe one of those oversize vases he had seen in Cat’s office.

Which he should not be thinking about.

Just let me know what happens, okay? Elijah said, giving his coffee an extra stir. His voice dropped to just above inaudible. Tell Mom I love her.

I will. CR drummed his fingers on the table. Everything will be fine, El.

Shouldn’t promise things you don’t have control over, Chris, Elijah said.

Doesn’t matter what happens, CR replied. We’re going to get through this. Through all of this.

Elijah! Stephanie called.

Duty calls. Elijah picked up his coffee. Be careful.

You too.

Elijah winked and headed toward Stephanie and the prop room.

CR picked up his coffee and headed toward Noah and a cell phone to call his mom.

CR was about to call his mom when Belle walked into his room.

Fuck, he had been so wrapped up in worrying, he had forgotten to lock the door. Can I help you? he asked.

Cell phone, huh? Belle looked at it and at him. I distinctly remember you signing something about not bringing any communication devices with you.

CR didn’t say anything.

And I also remember checking your luggage myself, she continued. So unless you hid that phone up your ass, you must have gotten it off someone else. She held out a hand for the phone. Hand it over and spill.

CR laughed. You think I’m a snitch?

I think you realize that you can use this as leverage, Belle replied. And don’t pretend you don’t know that. At least pretend you respect my intelligence.

Never said I didn’t respect your intelligence, CR replied. Your humanity is a different question.

Snippy this morning, huh? Belle paused. Who were you planning on calling?

Why does it matter to you?

Belle stared at him. "I swear, for someone who I know isn’t stupid, sometimes you really deserve an Oscar for your performance as the world’s biggest idiot. Why do you think it matters to me, CR?"

I’m getting pizza delivered, CR deadpanned.

Bullshit. There’s no pizza store on the island. At least give me a believable answer. She paused. If there’s a secret girlfriend I don’t know about, I swear to God, Christopher Robin Westing, I will destroy you.

Secret girlfriend?

Don’t give me that shit. I’ve dealt with it before, Belle snapped. If you have one, at least tell me so I can make sure she gets paid off before she goes to the tabloids with your story. She rolled her eyes. Richard’s girlfriend was expensive. I hope yours just has a student loan or something I can pay off.

I don’t have a secret girlfriend, CR said, confused. I’m calling my mom.

Not yet, you aren’t, Belle said. Not time for the phone call to the mother to tell her your feelings are conflicted.

What the fuck are you talking about?

You have far too many girls left to eliminate before you can make the parental phone call. Belle glanced around the room. And where’s the camera crew if you are calling her?

This isn’t for television.

It’s cute, Belle said, that you think you’re going to do something here that’s not for television, when you signed nearly seventy-five pages of a contract saying you would not do anything of the sort.

Except for in an emergency.

What kind of emergency is this? Belle demanded. A big storm doesn’t count as an emergency.

A personal family emergency.

Did someone die?

No.

Then it’s not an emergency.

You know, CR mocked her words from earlier, for someone who I know must have a heart somewhere, deep down underneath all the producer, you make a very good showing of pretending you’ve burned it at the stake before you started working here.

You can call your mother if you let me film it.

You can let me call my mother or you can say I can’t call my mother, and if you say I can’t, I’m going to call her anyway, CR replied. And I will take that lovely little tidbit of information you just gave me about Richard’s ex, and I’ll be the one who goes to the tabloids with the story. He smiled, all teeth and no heart, because in order to beat a shark at their own game, you need to eat them. There was no negotiating. I never signed an NDA about gossip I’ve heard about former contestants or leads, and I’m sure that Richard’s ex-girlfriend would be thrilled to tell me everything, given I’d be more than happy to split the payment with her. Unless, he went on, watching Belle’s face, she wouldn’t care because they’re back together after he ‘broke up’ with Lauren.

Belle didn’t say anything.

You’re not the only one who knows how to get people to do what you want them to do, CR said. I thought we already had this discussion.