Regional Best 2012

By William Roetzheim

Second in the annual series of the best plays that have had a premier in a regional theater, but no NYC premier.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Level 4 Press, Inc.
• Release date: Aug 1, 2011
• ISBN: 9781933769554

Book preview

Curve

The Hum

By: Robert Tsonos

THE HUM

Robert Tsonos is a Canadian playwright, director, and actor currently living in Toronto. The Hum was first produced in Hong Kong and has received readings at the Tarragon Theatre in Toronto, Dezart Performs in Palm Springs, CA, and with NAAA in London, as well as being a finalist for The Herman Voaden National Playwriting Competition. His play William & James has been produced in Toronto, New York, Montreal, and Ottawa with staged readings in Melbourne and Washington. His other plays include Sharnoozle! which toured international schools in Tokyo, the CBC Radio play Ice Age, as well as I Am Not The One, Running - 3 short plays, and the short film Coffee Dogs. Robert has acted in, or directed, over 50 productions across Canada, Japan, England, Venezuela, and Hong Kong during his long career. He has been the Artistic Director of Sometimes Y Theatre for the past 14 years and was the resident director at the Canadian Embassy Theatre in Tokyo from 2003-2006.

Production Credits

The Hum was first produced by Sometimes Y Theatre, opening in Hong Kong, China on May 9th, 2007.

Directed by:                Giles Burton

Produced by:               Penny Day

Production Designer:    Ernie Corpus

Stage Manager:            Van Chiu

Cast

Bruce               Henry Coombs

Michael        Michael Pizzuto

Carol               Suzy Sampson

David               Robert Tsonos

Production Rights

Charles Northcote

Literary Agent

Core Literary Inc.

140 Wolfrey Ave.

Toronto, ON

M4K 1L3 Canada

416.466.4929

[e-mail]

Characters

Bruce - (late 30’s/early 40’s) An aspiring politician

Carol - (late 30’s/early 40’s) Bruce’s wife, a writer

Michael - (50-60) A professor

David – (30’s) Bruce’s assistant

Setting

A large city.

The stage is divided into separate playing spaces.

The play needs to move. These are agitated, restless people in an agitated and restless world.

Politics

Any political references mentioned in the play can be adapted and changed to different countries/times/history appropriate to the production and with permission of the playwright.

THE HUM

SCENE 1

Sound Cue: A hum

Bruce, dressed in a business suit, is delivering a speech. Michael is seated at the back of the theatre watching intently.

BRUCE: The current government has been stalling, postponing action, pushing the day of hard decision ahead, they’ve been pretending that the status quo can be sustained, they’re hoping that luck will shield them from the winds of change. The fact is the world has been transformed, and no matter how secure we may feel, the need for structural change has arrived. The needs of our country, and indeed the world, have evolved, but the present government has not.

MICHAEL: (from audience, quietly) Oh Shit!

BRUCE: The world is a different place than what our opponents would have you believe. We must play our part and not cower from our responsibilities.…

MICHAEL: (from audience, to himself) Jesus Christ!

BRUCE: …The Party has been revitalized by these new challenges. We have a new vision for the future, a united voice that will allow this country…

MICHAEL: Stop.

BRUCE: …to take its place amongst the great nations/

MICHAEL: (exasperated) I SAID STOP!

BRUCE: (frustrated) What now?

MICHAEL: Just stop.

BRUCE: What, what, what is it?

MICHAEL: What are you doing?

BRUCE: You keep interrupting me, how do you expect—-

MICHAEL: What the fuck are you doing?

BRUCE: You just did it again.

MICHAEL: You’ve lost it.

BRUCE: Interrupting me.

MICHAEL: Everything we’ve worked on.

BRUCE: It’s very…RUDE.

MICHAEL: Well if you’d just—-

BRUCE: No, no I am not the—-

MICHAEL: Is this all a joke; is it a joke to you?

BRUCE: Your interruptions, they’re, they’re…

MICHAEL: All of it, right out the window.

BRUCE: …they’re unhelpful.

MICHAEL: It’s too painful to watch.

BRUCE: If you allow me to finish my—-

MICHAEL: Painful do you hear me.

BRUCE: Oh, come on! I thought it was going well.

MICHAEL: Not even close.

BRUCE: I’m sure I had it.

MICHAEL: You did not have it.

BRUCE: No, no, I’m sure I—-

MICHAEL: You had shit! (beat) Do you know how close you are? Do you realize you might even—-

BRUCE: Yes, yes I realize that.

MICHAEL: No, no, I don’t think you do. The importance…

BRUCE: The importance.

MICHAEL: …of this one night, this one fucking night is—-

BRUCE: What then, what, what was I doing?

MICHAEL: Your hands.

BRUCE: My hands, my fucking hands again. (A cell phone rings)

MICHAEL: Yes, your fucking hands again. What’s this? (he shoots his hands out) They were moving like this.

BRUCE: I didn’t notice.

MICHAEL: Well I did.

BRUCE: Does it really matter? (phone rings again)

MICHAEL: Does it…of course it matters. Looked like you had a twitch.

BRUCE: A twitch?

MICHAEL: What would you call it then?

BRUCE: What are you saying? (phone rings again)

MICHAEL: I’m saying who should I vote for, the guy with the twitch or the guy without the twitch?

BRUCE: I beg to differ, I was not twitching.

MICHAEL: A spasm then do you like that word better, how about a tic, a convulsion, a spastic movement, I’m still not fucking voting for you.

BRUCE: (answering the phone, to himself) Why do I do that? (into phone) Yes.

MICHAEL: Because you’re not convinced, if you’re not why should we?

BRUCE: I’m clear about what I’m saying. (into phone with hostility) What do you want?

MICHAEL: The hands don’t lie.

BRUCE: The hands don’t lie. (into phone, sarcastically) Do you hear that - the hands don’t lie.

MICHAEL: If you’re going to make a gesture, make a gesture.

BRUCE: Fine let’s do it again. (into phone) I have to go.

MICHAEL: Confident, decisive, clear movements.

BRUCE: We’ve gone over this. (into phone) We’ve gone over this before.

MICHAEL: Several times.

BRUCE: Several times.

MICHAEL: You have half an hour.

BRUCE: You think I don’t know that, you think I don’t know. (into phone) My decision is final David.

MICHAEL: You weren’t concentrating, you were somewhere else.

BRUCE: (into phone) No, Carol’s picking me up at seven. I don’t want you there.

MICHAEL: Not him again.

BRUCE: Apparently I can’t get rid of—-

MICHAEL: Where were you?

BRUCE: Right here.

MICHAEL: No you weren’t.

BRUCE: (sarcastically) It looks like I’m standing right here, where else would I be? (into phone, angrily) What part of you’re fired didn’t you understand David?

MICHAEL: You know what I mean.

BRUCE: I may have been distracted…(quickly) just for a second.

MICHAEL: You can’t let that happen.

BRUCE: (into phone) Stay away from me and stay away from—-

MICHAEL: Do you believe in what you’re saying?

BRUCE: Yes, I do. (into phone) No, I don’t think—-

MICHAEL: Do you believe in what you’re saying?

BRUCE: Yes.

MICHAEL: Than prove it to me.

BRUCE: I will. (into phone) Yes, at seven, I’m going to get this over with and then—

MICHAEL: Commit, commit to the words.

BRUCE: Stay connected.

MICHAEL: Stay connected, yes.

BRUCE: (into phone) No not you David, you stay unconnected. (he hangs up)

MICHAEL: Turn off that fucking phone!

BRUCE: It’s off.

MICHAEL: I need you to forget about everything that’s going on in your life right now.

BRUCE: Well that’s easy for you to say.

MICHAEL: Deal with it later, right now I need you here.

BRUCE: I’m just not able to put everything aside.

MICHAEL: YES GODDAMNNIT YOU CAN AND YOU WILL!

BRUCE: (beat) Hey, why are you getting so worked up over this?

MICHAEL: We were making progress.

BRUCE: Yes I know, worked up, you’re all worked up.

MICHAEL: This afternoon you had it, now I don’t know.

BRUCE: Why?

MICHAEL: Why?

BRUCE: Yes, why are you getting so worked up over—-

MICHAEL: Worked up, why am I getting worked up?

BRUCE: Yes!

MICHAEL: BECAUSE IF YOU FAIL, I FAIL.

BRUCE: If I fail, you fail?

MICHAEL: (pause) Let’s just get back to this.

BRUCE: I have half an hour.

MICHAEL: You think I don’t know that, you think I don’t know.

BRUCE: You haven’t helped me one bit, the speech is worse than it’s ever been.

MICHAEL: And you’re saying that’s my fault?

BRUCE: (defiantly) Well whose fault is it then, you tell me that?

SCENE 2

Sound Cue: A hum

A Living Room. David enters half dressed and begins to put on his shoes, tie, jacket, etc.

DAVID: (Calling out) I have to get back to the office.

CAROL: (Off stage) Yup.

DAVID: (Calling out) You OK?

CAROL: (Off Stage) Sure.

Carol enters smoking a cigarette.

DAVID: (Calling Out) I’ll call you…(realizes she’s now in the room, quieter) I’ll call you later.

CAROL: David, are we going to talk about this or is that too much to ask?

DAVID: No, no of course not, I’m open to talking about it. I actually have no qualms about discussing this subject or any other for that matter. I do have to go but I have some time…to stay and talk. So, please, please let’s, let’s talk about it. (beat) I have 7 minutes.

CAROL: You’ve been uncomfortable.

DAVID: Not in the least, not at all, why would you think that?

CAROL: This isn’t the first time this has happened.

DAVID: Yes, I know. I realize that.

CAROL: In fact I can’t remember when—-

DAVID: O.K. O.K. lets talk about it, yes, yes let’s talk. Um, well you go first.

CAROL: Things were so good at the beginning, they always are, but now it seems like you’re not really—-

DAVID: Yes, I see where you’re headed.

CAROL: No, I don’t think you do.

DAVID: I haven’t really been feeling well lately, stress at the office, lack of sleep, more than just a lack of sleep, I haven’t actually slept in several…drugs have helped…well not drugs, power drinks actually, have you tried them they’re really good, full of caffeine I’m sure…perhaps too many rum and cokes after work, alcohol can effect certain things I understand… I really enjoy being with you… I,I,I love you in fact.

CAROL: Oh bullshit, don’t throw that in now just because you’re feeling vulnerable, come on David.

DAVID: But I do, I do…I have very strong feelings for you.

CAROL: Very nice, but don’t throw that word around just to get out of this conversation.

DAVID: I’m not, I’m not, I‘m perfectly comfortable with this topic. I have no qualms about quickly discussing this or any topic for that matter. So please let’s continue, I find it fascinating and enlightening and…helpful, it really is—-

CAROL: David. You’re impotent. We’re adults, we can say these words out loud, can’t we? These powerful words that you men seem to…I’m sorry I just had to interrupt, you start to ramble on, it’s a defensive thing you do.

DAVID: I didn’t know I was…

CAROL: An avoidance.

DAVID: …rambling on, I thought I was being quite clear. I’m not avoiding the topic.

CAROL: Why David? Why? We don’t have to make a big deal about it, I’m sure it’s a temporary thing. I just thought we’d have a quick discussion and get it out in the open. (finishes cigarette and reaches for another)

DAVID: (frustrated) Yes, I really have to go but we can certainly have a quick discussion and get it out in the open.

CAROL: Where are my cigarettes?

DAVID: I thought they were on the table.

CAROL: No, they’re not. (she searches) Where did I—-

DAVID: They were right there.

CAROL: (finds them but doesn’t light another right away) Ah, found them. They were under the…O.K., well, what do you think it might be?

DAVID: It’s not you, it’s me.

CAROL: Oh shit, come on David a little more original please. Throw me something I can live with over here.

DAVID: Well, it’s just that—-

CAROL: Maybe you don’t know, maybe…you’re involved with someone else and—-

DAVID: No, no there’s no one else.

CAROL: That’s fine if there is, it’s not a big deal, you can do whatever you like.

DAVID: I’m not interested in anyone else.

CAROL: Are you sure, because really—-

DAVID: Hey, hey, there’s no one. (he kisses her) O.K.?

CAROL: All right. Well that’s a relief. Not that it would be a problem, you can do as you please but it would just be…well it would just be obvious that’s all and right now all I need is one more obvious turn of events to send me spiraling…but if you know what it might be please let’s get this out in the open. Anything, anything at all.

(During the following, Carol is trying to light her cigarette but the lighter doesn’t work and her frustration builds)

DAVID: Well…it might have to do—-

CAROL: It’s making me anxious David, this uncertainty, this lack of well…relief. I need something to give balance to my life, to make me feel something other than the monotony of everyday existence. Oh, that sounds terrible, but you know what I mean. I have my role as a wife, as an employee, as a modern woman. I feel chained by these David. By their rules and regulations, and duty, and this, this, well this, it was allowing me to lash out at these restrictions. To make me feel like I have a choice in what I do. I’m not explaining myself properly. When everything is forced upon you, you need to rebel against it, to transform it into something else. (her frustration peaks) Oh god, what is it David. Just tell me what it is?

DAVID: It might have to do with your husband.

CAROL: Oh great now he’s sabotaging my sex life. What else does he want from me?

DAVID: It’s just that ever since I went to work for him—-

CAROL: You asked me to help you find a job and I found you a job.

DAVID: Yes, but with your husband?

CAROL: My connections are very limited.

DAVID: (beat) I’m working with him all day and coming here during my lunch break or when I know he’s in a meeting and then rushing right back, it’s just stressful that’s all.

CAROL: Stressful.

DAVID: I can’t concentrate, I’m thinking about this and that. The other day he asked me to go to lunch with him but I was heading over here. So I had to say I was meeting a friend for lunch and then he started jabbing me again about who’s the lucky lady…blah, blah, it’s driving me absolutely—-

CAROL: Well quit then, it’s not worth it.

DAVID: I’m not going to quit because it interferes with your sex life.

CAROL: That’s not what I’m saying. You’re stressed and you can’t perform and you seem distracted all the time, is it really worth it?

DAVID: Yes, but we’re only a few days away from the big speech and—-

CAROL: He’s not going to win, how exciting can it be knowing that he doesn’t have a hope in hell?

DAVID: Well that’s true but—-

CAROL: It’s a Party run by dinosaurs, puny little men frantically clinging to power…I don’t know why Bruce…but that’s his choice, he can do whatever he wants, you can do whatever you want, everyone can do whatever the fuck they want. But please David please get this over with quick because I really, really need to get laid!

SCENE 3

Sound Cue: A hum

Bruce is finishing his speech. David and Michael look on.

BRUCE: …and I look forward to a very interesting election and I appreciate the opportunity to share these thoughts with you today, thank you very much.

DAVID: (unconvinced) Well…it’s really coming along, very good in fact. (recovering) You’ve made tons of progress on that finish. I had chills, did you have chills, or was it just me?

BRUCE: All right David. Have those ad placements been taken care of?

DAVID: Yes, I believe so. Bruce this is Professor Hutchinson, he’s here to do a bit of consulting.

MICHAEL: Pleased to meet you.

BRUCE: Hello. (to David) Can you double check this afternoon?

DAVID: Sure.

BRUCE: And what time am I meeting with Ed?

DAVID: Four O’clock, and Susan at four thirty.

BRUCE: Right. (To Michael) What type of consulting do you do?

MICHAEL: I’m here to help you with your speech.

BRUCE: Great, great, David, can you also…(stops) I thought you said it was coming along?

DAVID: It is, it is, you’re doing very well, it’s just that George thought it would be a good idea to send Michael here over for a few pointers.

BRUCE: George did?

DAVID: He’s an expert, professor of Speech and English at…where is it you’re a professor at?

MICHAEL: Clarington.

DAVID: Clarington College. And he’s an author, he wrote a book called Speaking Allowed, A-l-l-o-w-e-d. There’s a copy at the office, you should read it, very interesting, very educational. I haven’t read it yet, but I’m sure it’s all those things. He’s got tons of experience, corporate magnates, heads of state…

MICHAEL: That might be a bit of an exaggeration.

DAVID: …he’s the one they call in at times like these.

BRUCE: What do you mean times like these?

DAVID: Nothing, nothing, I—-

MICHAEL: Don’t worry I’m just here for the next few days to polish things up a bit, believe me I won’t get in your way.

DAVID: No, no, no, no one’s getting in each other’s way. Three days Bruce, we have three days until—-

BRUCE: Yes, but I wasn’t informed, how am I going to—-

DAVID: It’s all right, I’ve adjusted your schedule so you’ve got a few hours each day to work with Michael.

BRUCE: This is all a bit of a shock that’s all, George didn’t mention…(stops himself) hey, welcome, anything would be helpful at this point.

DAVID: That’s the spirit. Was there anything else?

BRUCE: Um…I can’t remember, I’ll call you when it comes to me.

DAVID: Well I’ll leave you gentlemen to it then. (starts to leave)

MICHAEL: Before you go David, I was wondering…

DAVID: Yup?

MICHAEL: Do you have…um…

DAVID: What?

MICHAEL: An envelope for me.

DAVID: Oh, yes, of course, here you go. (hands it to him) The rest of it’ll be paid when you’re done. (Michael quickly counts the money) I assure you it’s all there.

MICHAEL: I’m sure it is.

BRUCE: David, where you headed?

DAVID: (slowly) I have a lunch date.

BRUCE: (obnoxiously, but it doesn’t come naturally) Not again, who’s the lucky lady this time?

DAVID: (embarrassed) Oh you know me, I can’t keep track, one after the other.

BRUCE: Come on, spill it. (to Michael) This guy’s quite the ladies man. I bet it’s Sandra from downstairs.

DAVID: I’ll see you back at the office. (exits)

BRUCE: (Calling after him) Come on, I have to get some fun out of this, us old married guys need to live our lives vicariously through someone. (pause) There he goes. (beat) Off to meet my wife.

MICHAEL: Um, excuse me.

BRUCE: Nothing, nothing, it’s just that my assistant—-

MICHAEL: Yes.

BRUCE: I think he’s sleeping with my wife.

MICHAEL: You don’t know?

BRUCE: No, just a suspicion.

MICHAEL: You seem quite calm about it.

BRUCE: (obviously not) Oh I am. I am…I am. Well, not really. We’ve been through this before, my wife and I. It’s unpleasant. If I find out that he is—-

MICHAEL: (breaking the awkwardness) Hi, nice to meet you, my name’s Mike. (shakes his hand)

BRUCE: Sorry, Bruce, nice to meet you. A bit too much information huh?

MICHAEL: You could say that.

BRUCE: (beat) So?

MICHAEL: Soooooo.

BRUCE: Where