Freddy Fumple and the Mindmonsters

By Vegard Svingen

"Freddy Fumple and the mindmonsters is most highly recommended. Marvelous!" - Readers' Favorite (5/5 STAR REVIEW)

Freddy Fumple's world is about to turn upside down, in this nail-biting, thought-bursting, hilarious and spectacular adventure that will enthrall you from beginning to end.

Freddy Fumple is 10 years old and not like most other people. For one, he sees things that others can't see. What is more, he likes to ponder upon a very special question: «How far is infinity?»

When he and the rest of his family move to an old house out in the country, everything is about to change. Soon Freddy is on the verge of discovering a world beyond his wildest dreams, where creatures from mythology, folklore and fairy tales are real. A world that desperately needs his help. An adventurous place where he finally can get an answer to his giant question.

Providing, of course, his neighbor doesn't make stew out of him first.
And that he manages to help the confused ghost which is poltergeisting his new room.
And avoids being devoured by the terrifying mindmonsters.

• Language: English
• Publisher: EnterTeller Media AS (Norway)
• Release date: Feb 21, 2015
• ISBN: 9788283931006

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Copyright

Freddy Fumple and the mindmonsters

By Vegard Svingen

(EPUB, v1.3)

Published by EnterTeller Media AS, Norway

ISBN: 978-82-8393-100-6

Mail: [e-mail]

Web: www.svingenandpedersen.com

The Meantime Newsletter: www.subscribepage.com/svingen&pedersen

Facebook: www.facebook.com/SvingenAndPedersen

(Vegard Svingen is also part of the writing duo Svingen & Pedersen, and has co-authored the humorous short read series The Meantime Stories)

All characters and events in this publication, other than those clearly in the public domain, are fictitious and any resemblance to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental.

Copyright © 2015, 2019 by Vegard Svingen

Translated by Øyvind Skogly Pedersen

Cover image by Håkon Lystad

All rights reserved. The author and publisher have provided this e-book to you without Digital Rights Management software (DRM) applied so that you can enjoy reading it on your personal devices. This e-book is for your personal use only. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, without the prior permission in writing of the publisher.

∞ For you that wonder ∞

Freddy Fumple and the mindmonsters

By Vegard Svingen

∞ PROLOGUE ∞

IT IS MIDNIGHT AND time to get up. Jonathan slides out of bed, rubs his sleepy eyes, and switches on the bedside lamp. As usual it doesn’t work, but Jonathan doesn’t care; he is used to it.

Jonathan ambles over to the mirror and the footstool standing underneath it. With a few wobbling steps, he climbs it and finally reaches up to see his own face. Enquiringly, he looks at himself. Jonathan has an oval face, is pale around the eyes and has lots of tiny brown freckles on his nose. Moreover, he is blessed with a very characteristic, spiky ginger hairdo. A sizable set of blue-striped jammies almost conceal his enormous tummy.

Hah, you don’t look a day older, he says loudly, spreading his arms triumphantly. 

As many times before, this movement causes him to lose balance, as his huge abdomen starts shimmying from side to side. 

Eep... is all Jonathan manages to say before hitting the floor with a soundless crash.

Being in the habit of constantly falling over, he is the world champion of crashing quietly. Every night he regards himself in the mirror. And every night, amazed by his youthful appearance, he topples over with crash and bang.

Despite the hefty circumference of his spare tire, Jonathan is quickly back on his feet. Practically weightless, he skips over to the goop-green wall on the opposite side of the room where there’s a calendar with a picture of a full moon. He studies the calendar carefully. 

8 ... 9 ... 10! Around the number ten is a big red circle. Jonathan first smiles, but by and by the uncomfortable yet familiar feeling returns. 

10!? he bursts out in anguish, arms flailing, ... I’m ten years old today! No, no, no!

The birthday boy walks over to his bed and sits down, looking extremely worried. 

Jonathan Witmoss celebrates his tenth birthday on January 10th, but is seemingly not too happy about it. He can’t explain why, but every birthday freaks him out the same way. This is just how things are. The only thing he knows is that birthdays give him both the heebies and the jeebies.

Jonathan sits completely still for a few minutes and is presently submerged in careful contemplation. Underneath his pajama top, faint quivers come from his protruding stomach.

I have a strong feeling this has happened before, he says to himself in a hushed voice.  Dish of blue, he mumbles on. Dish of blue. I’m having a Dish of blue! 

He rolls across the bed. It creaks and squeaks from Jonathan’s weighty body. A pale and plump hand grabs a thesaurus lying on the floor. 

B ... B ... Blot ... Blow ... Blue! Blue signifies a low-spirited and depressed feeling accompanied by heavy thoughts, Jonathan reads out loudly to himself. Sure, I’m a little sad, but that’s not what I am looking for.

He reads on to see if there’s anything on blue dishes, but finds nothing. 

I got it! he suddenly screams. Now I remember! I’m having a déjà vu!

Quickly he flips his way to this strange expression.

Déjà vu means seen before and is the erroneous conception of having experienced existing circumstances at a previous stage, he reads from the thesaurus.

It’s the very feeling Jonathan has, but it isn’t erroneous at all. Actually, it feels all the more true. He has the sense he has gone through this experience many times before: Looked in the mirror, studied the calendar... yes, and even looked up that strange phrase déjà vu.

He lies down on his back in bed with the thesaurus on top of his stomach and stares into the ceiling. 

Aigh!

Suddenly Jonathan hears someone screaming out in the hall. He sits up in bed.

Hello?! Is anybody there?!

Nobody answers, but he thinks he can hear the distinct sound of someone running down the stairs. Jonathan sits as quietly as a mouse, shaking with fear. A few moments pass, and soon he discovers that smoke is seeping in from under the door. Scared stiff, he is incapable of uttering a single word. Not even his stomach judders. A thousand thoughts run through his mind simultaneously, and hiding among some of them he finds the one reminding him to call for help and to wake his mom, dad, and little sister who sleep at the other end of the hallway. He opens his mouth to scream, but all he can utter is a short eep... before fainting from sheer terror.

∞ CHAPTER ONE ∞

Freddy Fumple

HOW FAR IS INFINITY?

Freddy Fumple ponders this question daily. It simply emerged in his head a winter’s night some years back, as he was watching the starlit sky. He had his eyes on a star that according to his book on astronomy, Mysterious Skies, could be found approximately 431 light years from earth, which didn’t sound that far away until he read how much this was in miles.

Roughly 2500 million million miles!

After some long and heavy chewing over how far 2500 million million miles really was, Freddy concluded it must be pretty close to infinite. But then, not as far as infinity.

Because how far is that, really?

And that’s when it happened. As soon as the word infinity lodged itself inside his head, it refused to let go of Freddy. It seeped into his every brain cell, just like a huge glob of chewing gum sticks in your hair. The more he tried chasing the question away, the more it got stuck.

Infinity, where does it end? And where does it begin? If something is infinitely far, it doesn’t end, or ...? But that should also mean that what is infinite never begins anywhere either ... or?!

Right now Freddy sits in the backseat of a huge, stylish American veteran car packed to bursting point, together with his sister, Daisy. In the front seat sits his father Fairfax and his mother Florence. 

Today is a special day for Freddy. The Fumples are leaving town and moving out to the country because Freddy’s parents are starting new jobs. Fairfax is taking on the position as manager of a local auto repair shop, whilst his mother is to work at the library. 

Freddy pulls out a small mirror from one of the pockets of his short pants. He regards himself and his bright, light blue eyes. They’re narrow, but this is due to his eyelashes hanging over them like Venetian blinds. This makes it look as if he is constantly squinting at the sun, even in cloudy weather. Actually, Freddy looks older than the ten years he really is, because of his bright, piercing gaze.

His hair is fluffy and curly, ending in a light yellow bang. The green- and white-striped jersey looks one size too large, hanging slack over his shoulders. A pair of blue short pants with front pockets hangs around his waist. Freddy must always have pockets on all his clothes  to keep his mirrors. Clinging onto his thin legs is a pair of red socks peeking out from a pair of dark blue sneakers. 

Freddy also takes out a second mirror. This one is a bit different, since there are two holes in it. He holds the mirror without holes in his left hand and extends his arm. He further proceeds to squeeze his face and nose into the other mirror, so that the eyes can peer out through the two small openings. Mirror reflects mirror, and Freddy gazes into a long, narrow, grey and rocky corridor. In it, buckets of eyes and mirrors’ edges lunge into the forever.

Freddy chuckles.

Infinity ... well, almost.

Look, here’s the school you’re attending this fall! Fairfax cheerfully interrupts Freddy’s mind experiment. He halts the thundering metal monster outside the schoolyard. Even though it is summer vacation, there are kids playing soccer on the asphalt-covered ground.

Can’t you guys hop off here, till we’ve done the groceries? And then we’ll come and pick you up afterwards.

Dad, can we come to the grocery store? Daisy asks in a way revealing that she doesn’t really want to get out of the car.

If you’re going to make new friends, you might just as well start right now. And that’s all there is to it.

Daisy opens the car door, annoyed.

Freddy does the same.

Before long the two siblings are left alone outside the gate of an unfamiliar schoolyard.

They watch their parents’ car as it disappears over a hilltop.

Daisy turns to face the schoolyard.

Freddy, listen. If you’re going to make new friends, you can’t keep staring into those mirrors of yours all the time, ok?

Ok.

Yeah, you get that, right?

Sure.

Come, let’s ask those guys if we can join them and play some soccer.

Ok.

Daisy has always been very straightforward. She is two and a half years older than Freddy, but she definitely does not look like much of a soccer player, walking towards that asphalt field. The white blouse and the red-green skirt outs her more as a fashion buff. What mostly makes her resemble her thought-ridden baby brother is her bright, golden hair, except hers ends in two pigtails.

Can we join you and play? Daisy asks.

Na’who’re you?! A heavily-built version of a boy, who is at least three years older than Freddy, gives them a fierce stare. The rural accent helps Freddy realize just how far away from his previous home he actually is.

We’re Daisy and Freddy Fumple. We moved here today.

Ya’ll play soccer? the same sturdy lad asks. 

Daisy immediately understands what the right answer is, but Freddy beats her to it.

No.

Ya don’t?

Daisy steps in front of her brother.

Sure we do! He’s only joking, you see.

Na’wha would he go’n joke with us? He beggin’ fo’ some whoop ass?

No, no, no, no. No whoop ass. You see, we’ve been stuck in a car for so long, and with this heat, no wonder one can get a little funny in the head, right Freddy?

Daisy gives her brother an elbow in the ribs.

You said it. In fact, I’m so dizzy I’ve got to sit down. You guys just go on and play without me.

The power plug looks skeptically at Freddy.

Just let him rest for a while, and he’ll soon be right as rain, says Daisy. Isn’t that so, Freddy?

Sure.

The rural brute says nothing. He turns, and walks over to the other players on the field.  Na’who wants coodies on their team? he yells, embarrassingly loud.

Still, Daisy smiles, relieved. She is in the gang.

Freddy is left sitting on a bench. His gaze is on the soccer field; however, his mind is not on the game. Nevertheless, whilst pondering over his favorite puzzle, it does feel nice to have other people around.

He fishes out his mirrors again, and holds them facing one another.

Ah, finally I can think in peace.

Freddy slides into a lovely feeling of wonder and awe. While his favorite question spins around inside his head, he feels happy and content. He tries bending his thoughts to their utmost limit in the search for an answer.

How far is really infi –

K-SMAASHK!

For a brief moment, there is nothing but darkness. Not because Freddy faints from contemplating infinity, but because a football has just hit him right in the kisser.

A few seconds pass and he regains vision. His first discovery is seeing his mirrors lying in the dirt, shattered to pieces. Freddy sinks unsteadily to the ground and starts picking up the shards.

Hey, thinkpad-lad, ya wonna goalkeep? We’re one short, the beefy barrel of boy yells from out on the field.

Nah, I’m still kind of woozy, Freddy mumbles, cautiously.

Na’git out heah, or I’ll thump ya’ good!

Freddy, join us! Daisy yells, to add effect.

Freddy gathers he doesn’t have much to put up with against the hundred and seventy pound colossus, and gets up on his feet. He puts the fractured pieces of mirror in his pocket, and walks towards one of the goals, stooped.

N’if ya let ‘em score I’ll smash yer kneecaps!

The strict encouragements don’t exactly help on Freddy’s mood. Luckily, it turns out he’s on the burly kid’s team.

Na’ that’s one on the plus side, no doubt.

It doesn’t take long before Freddy is leaning comfortably up against one of the posts, squinting at the other three players who are in constant offense, scoring one goal after the other. He takes out the pieces of mirror from his pocket to see if he can capture infinity, yet again. But since the peeping hole mirror is broken, he is unable to recreate infinity. What annoys him is that every time he tries looking into a piece of mirror, the line of images is broken, and all he can see is his own deflated reflection.

Suddenly, he spots in one of the shards, something greenish running faster than grease lightning. Freddy jumps and turns around. Over by the yellow-painted school, he sees someone slipping around the corner. Freddy forgets everything about goalkeeping, puts the mirror leftovers in his pocket, and runs over to the same corner. Rounding it, he can clearly see two, green creatures darting off towards the edge of the forest behind the school. Freddy runs after them, but has no chance of catching up with the creatures.

Hey, wait up! Who are you guys?! Freddy calls out from the top of his lungs.  

Sixty feet ahead of him, the green-clad beings come to a halt.

Freddy starts shaking.  

Those aren’t people ...

The creatures are about three feet tall, green-clad, each wearing a pointy, red hat. They have black belts around their waists, and their ears reach way above their heads. One of them wears dark-green clothes, while the other one’s garments are more light-green.

The Hoo-hah-boy can see us! Oh dear, oh dear, dash home with fear!

Wait ...

Scat and skedaddle, away, away from mindmonster boy!

The creatures zip through the forest. Freddy knows he doesn’t stand a chance of keeping up with them. He stays behind, motionless, excited, scared, and fascinated, all at the same time.

What was that ... and what did they mean by mindmonster-boy ...?

He watches as the green beings disappear among the trees. Freddy takes a few steps forward to see if he can spot them. He sees nothing but spruces blocking the view up ahead. Then he has the distinct impression of hearing a buzzing, electric sound, but within just a few seconds it’s gone.  

Freddy’s heart pounds like crazy. Not due to his running, but because he’s so agitated.   He turns to go back to the schoolyard, but bumps into something solid and damp.

A huge, sweaty chest.

Na’ they’s gone n’ scored on us! The voice of the ferocious soccer thug bellows through the forest.

Freddy takes a step back. He stares right into a pair of rust-tainted eyes; eyes which are surrounded by sweat and an angry furrowed brow.  

They scored. Na’ya’ wonna know whah?

Whah? Well... oh, I don’t know... Freddy stutters, anxiously.

’Cause our goalie was out pickin’ berries!

Freddy suspects there is trouble brewing and sneaks a glance at his other teammates. They’re not happy either. One of them has a face so red, Freddy fears the boy will explode any minute.  

Daisy, standing behind the rest of the group, calls out in despair:

How can you be so stupid?! If you’re the goalkeeper, you keep the goal!

But Daisy, I saw something...

Freddy isn’t allowed to continue his speech, before three disturbing words escape from the power pack standing in front of him:

Time fo’ whoop ass.

Freddy starts shaking again, this time with fear.  

No. I didn’t mean it. I saw something strange!

Ah couldn’t give a shit.

I mean it, I saw a couple of leprechauns, or ... I don’t know ...

They scored! Na’that means you get thumped.

But...

The boy grabs him around the waist and lifts him up.  

Freddy tries to break free, but the grip is so hard he has difficulty breathing.

Let go, let go!

I’m gonna squeeze ya good.

The boy squeezes Freddy like he was nothing but a tube of toothpaste.

Let go of Freddy, at once!

The soccer sucker turns around, though still holding Freddy in an iron-tight grip.  

Freddy can’t see or smell anything but the stocky brute’s sweaty t-shirt, but that voice he recognizes.

Dad! Freddy has never ever felt so happy hearing that firm, high-pitched voice.

Fairfax Fumple clears his way through the throng of kids and reaches Freddy. His father