SNIPS: Comments from The Black and Blue: Snippets, #3

By Phil Berto

Thank Gxx the Lxxx the Dxxxx the Earth Mother that I can now go to almost any American college, find the guy with three diaper pins (two functional), and be whisked to a safe space/free speech zone where I may think, and sometimes even say, whatever I choose as long as it agrees with The Word as revealed by Bill Ayers, Bernadette Dorn, Saul Alinsky and Angela Davis*. I will then eb gifted (re-gifted, actually) silly putty, a Black Lives Matter Coloring… I mean, Shading-in Book, a box of Capitulate3d Crayons wherein "flesh" is now "privilege", some aroma therpay that smells a lot like cannabis, and a chronicle of every instance of police abuse of power known to man absent a single example of lives saved by unparalleled bravery and devotion to duty.

Thank any Hillary.

*To become a tenured professor at UCLA one has only to murder a judge in his courtroom in Marin County. Do-dah.

• Language: English
• Publisher: StormFront Publishing
• Release date: Mar 27, 2019
• ISBN: 9781386055228

Phil Berto

Phil Berto is a retiree with a wicked sense of humor and an old typewriter. When he isn't writing his thoughts to share with his fans and the rest of the world, he enjoys fishing, hunting and motorcycle racing, and finding new ways to annoy his lib-ral acquaintances.

Book preview

Frontispiece

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POLITICAL PRIMER

(Finally found a good use for #)

REPUBLICAN PLAYBOOK: Be hapless and gutless. Cave to every politically –correct whim of your adversaries while letting them dictate the agenda. Control both houses of Congress but Find A Way to not pass Kate’s Law. Be some sorry sons of bitches.

DEMOCRAT PLAYBOOK:  It may be short, but it’s skinny: BE the establishment.

Gillibrand Glossary

Dirtbag: Wants to make his problem your problem.*

Bureaucrat: Solves dirtbag’s problem for him. With your money.

Democrat: See bureaucrat.

Lib-ral Democrat: The intelligencia of the Party. Quickly grow bored spending O.P.M. on home-grown dirtbags. Find Ways to spend O.P.M on strangers, preferably unskilled strangers, from very poor foreign countries. Seek out folks with no earthly interest in our Country, its people, its language & heritage, its customs & culture, other than it will provide lotsa free shit that their native hellhole cannot.

NOTE: In defense of Lib-ral Democrats, they have seen lotsa O.P.M  squandered. Sprinkled among people who are homeless because they choose not to work are people who are homeless because a tornado blew their house into the next county. Far too often these folks accept some gov-mint assistance, bust their asses, rebuild, get back on their feet, appreciate a booming economy, and end up voting for T...T...Trump. What a waste of resources! Better to assist those who appreciate a hand-out and have the decency to stay on it so we can be assured that they will always vote Democrat to keep their shit coming.

*Dirtbag: (unabridged definition) A sniveling, whining, needy little bastard who sits on his ass and expects the working world to take care of him, now that Mommy has (finally) thrown him out. His NEA (union, no competency testing) teachers taught him this uselessness, and very little else, so he will always vote for those who will, again (pay attention) keep his shit coming. See: Welfare State, Animal Farm, Venezuela/’Casio-Cortez (same thing).

O.P.M.: Other People’s Money

PS: Found a good use for $, too. See: $$$$$$$$$$ VINTAGE CLINTAGE $$$$$$$$$$$$$$

GALA MISOGYNY SECTION

* * * * * * * * * *

YOU MEN WON’T ASK DIRECTIONS , TEE HEE.

Her: We visited Carmel, and then went down to San Francisco.

Him: You mean up. San Francisco is north of Carmel.

Her: I thought it was south. 

Him: When you drove up the Pacific Coast Highway, what side was the ocean on?

Her: Ri...Le...driver’s side. What’s that got to do with anything?

Him: With the ocean (Pacific) on your left, wouldn’t you be heading north?

Her: Huh? Who knows? Anyway, I just Googled it.

MORAL: Prehistoric men hunted miles from the cave; women gathered within sight of Saks (look it up), but men & women are just the same. Ask any feminist.

Next week: anatomy.

ps: Today’s NEA (union, no competency testing) teachers have evened things out. Now yutes, male, female and undecided, are helpless absent their devices. Witness the latest Age in the History of Men: Stone Age, Bronze Age, Iron Age, Industrial Age, and Man Bun Age. Gee, d’ya think that three generations of bad parenting and pisspoor schooling have had an effect? Now, borrow me yer bong, Gramma.

For the doubters: young women now join the Army (hunters), young men become waitresses (gatherers). 10 year-old boys squeal like 5 year-old girls, 10 year-old girls play football. Victory: feminists.

’57 CHEVY: ADIEU (MORE LATINO-AMERICANO FREE SPEECH TORN FROM OUR LEXICONO)

The liberal thought & language police have deemed the old Ricky Ricardo trademark That splains it unacceptable. I suppose now I’ll have to stop saying, Bibdy-tseben Tcheby wee stannaad tdan-meeshun. Shit.

OK, OK, I will graciously (Huh?) accept the above if, and only if, I am still permitted to slap the shit out of the next leechy Latina who looks up (or down) at me and exclaims, Ay, Poppy!.

NOTE: With tedious predictability, I will now hear from a buncha new-money former street sluts in black dresses*. # ME TOO: Fuck Off.

*see: # WE TOO TOOK THE MONEY (GRAMMY, EMMY, OSCAR, WHATEVER)

Att # ME TOO (in case you didn’t hear me):  Fuck Off

OLIVE BRANCH

In the spirit of good comradeship with the New American Left, I promise to stop referring to Elizabeth P. Warren’s fatuous Native American tribe as the SLAPAHOS. Soon.  (Concept stolen from Battalion 1)

THE POLITICS OF DESPERATION

The Wall is a racist attempt at ethnic cleansing. (Yes, this was said.)

Hmm. 200 years too late for that, no?

Q: What do you say when you cannot defend turning your Country over to strangers?

A: Racists!

Q: Aw, who would fall for such obvious bullshit?

A: So, any lib-ral?

NO WONDER TRUMP IMPORTS NORWEGIANS. SO MANY NORWEGIANS!

I’ve never seen a Norwegian toss a diaper out of a car window and neither have you.

NOTE: Relax. Folks ‘round here usually bag it first, and they often try to land it in a creek, pond, river, etc. !Que indulgente!

ps: You...you gonna eat those fish? !Buena suerte!

PAVE THE PLANET? BARS ON EVERY WINDOW? HOMES FORTIFIED LIKE THE PELOSI PALACE?

The same kooks who kvetched about overpopulation now cannot bring enough joblessillegalalienparasites into the Country. But it’s OK, it’s OK; they’ll vote Democrat, we’ll be back in the Paris Accord, and we’ll dump $20 billion a year to decrease global warming by .001° every hundred years. Yay.

FAKE NEWS FACT CHECK

The President’s statistics were...huh? (They were spot-on?)

Boy, the President looked tired...

PS: You didn’t even have to ask if we meant CNN, did you?

PETULANCE

Trump needs $5 billion for The Wall.

Pelosi offered $1.

Trump is peevish.

-CNN

CIVICS

Obama lost 60 House seats: typical mid-term elections.

Trump lost 25 House seats: Trump lost an election*

-CNN  *You think I am making this up, don’t you?

THE USA SHOULD RETURN PUERTO RICO TO SPAIN, BUT THEY MUST TAKE OCASIO-CORTEZ TOO

Americans hacked a Country out of wilderness, fought and won two World Wars, put a man, excuse me, a person on the moon, and contribute more to charity than any ten countries on the planet. Meanwhile, Latin Americans sat it out, managing to remain two centuries behind us, hampered by socialism and their own indolence. Now, Democrats would have both, based on the canard that imported indigents are somehow deserving of the fruits of our labor. This is insane.

CHILDREN CRAVE DISCIPLINE. CATS: NOT SO MUCH.

Never hit a cat. He will get over it quickly; you won’t.

IF A COMMANDER IS RESPONISBLE FOR HIS SUBORDINATES, tell me why God gets a pass for letting Satan do her thing.

HARD ON IMMIGRANTS? NOPE. ZERO TOLERANCE FOR ILLEGALALIENPARASITES? YEP.

They came via Ellis Island with their heads up. They did not sneak through the sawgrass at Secaucus. There was no welfare, no foodstamps, no, Here. Let me pay your electric bill on the backs of our taxpayers. Anchor babies? Shee-it. These women went home (translation: 5 days in steerage on an ocean liner) to have their kids by old kunktry midwives because they feared American doctors*. Dad was a laborer, Mom scrubbed a hotel lobby floor on her knees (the floor that Mr. Weinberg spat on as he passed). They had no fear of hard work, possessed a heartbreaking capacity for suffering, and advanced themselves with pure