Come Under Here, The Devil Ain't In It: Reconciliation and Restoration: Sex As God Designed

By Bruce Hadley and Stephanie Hadley

Written by: Bruce Hadley and Stephanie Hadley

Sex is undeniably one of the most powerful desires known to mankind. Yet, mankind, with all his intelligence lacks understanding of the true design of sexual pleasure and fulfillment. Just the mention of sex with most people conjure up different views, reasons, ideologies and philosophies about what sex is supposed to be like, who should be having sex, what’s the purpose for sex; i.e., procreation vs. pleasure or both. Is it to be experienced by all? Is it only for married couples? Is it a sin?
God created and designed sex as a gift of pleasure for mankind (mankind= male and female), which He pronounced to be “very good”. Although sex is a beautiful and delightful, an appetite and desire born in all mankind, sex and sexuality has remained one of the biggest misconceptions in the world. All of us are under a misguided perception of sex, Christians, non-Christians, the whole world.
For over 20 years I lived to the corruptness of God’s gift of sex. I was a whoremonger, an adulterer, a masturbator and a pornography addict. One-night God showed me how I was an idolater with my sexual desires and use. I was caught up in the spiritual realm, it was not a dream, I was awake but I was out of my body and there was with a sea of men, to my left, to my right, in front and in back of me. There were so many men as far as the eye could see all laying on the beach masturbating. I saw this huge creature about 20 feet tall in front of us floating in the air that looked like a woman, shaped like a woman but had an obscure face, kind of translucent. I looked around and all of us were worshipping her through our masturbation. As I came out of the spiritual state, God told me, “you are committing idolatry with the worship of your body for sexual pleasure”. I came back to myself, and immediately knew “inwardly” that any type of sexual gratification outside of God’s rules, design and plan for sex is nothing more than “idolatry”.
For more than 20 years in my marriage I continued to live as a whoremonger, adulterer, masturbator, addicted to pornography and idolater. I termed it “pornographercater” (adultery, idolatry by way of masturbation through the use pornography). I was tired of seeing this wretchedness in my life and marriage. So, I spoke from my heart and told the Lord, “I don’t want adultery and idolatry in my heart anymore.” The Lord spoke to me and simply said, “pluck your eye out.” Although, I believed I knew what this scripture meant, I had shared it and discussed it with many people, believing like many of you, what the Lord meant when telling us, “if thy eye offends thee, pluck it out” (Matt. 5:29).

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bruce Hadley
• Release date: Nov 23, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463356166

Bruce Hadley

Bruce and Stephanie have been born again Christians for over 32 years, married to one another for over 28 years and have three adult children, Tyler, Michaela and Kori. Bruce Hadley has Bachelor’s Degree in Sociology, attended California School of Law. He has founded and operated a successful legal clinic for over 15 years, before being led by the Lord to use his research and writing talents to serve the Lord. Bruce and Stephanie Hadley are cofounders of Fellowship In The Word Church, a Church without walls, which features daily marriage blogs and spiritual growth blogs. They also provide Bible Studies and Sermons for those who want to be enriched with God’s Word for the daily practical Christian life.

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Come Under Here

Where The Devil Ain’t in It!

Reconciliation and Restoration

Sex

As God Designed

Copyright © 2018 by Bruce Hadley

Published by Bruce Hadley and Stephane Hadley

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This eBook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your enjoyment only, then please return to Smashwords.com or your favorite retailer and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means – electronica, mechanical, photocopy, recording or any other – except for brief quotations, without permission in writing from the author.

Unless otherwise noted, Scripture is taken from THE HOLY BIBLE, KING JAMES VERSION, KJV®; NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc. ™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide. The KJV is public domain in the United States of America.

Marks of emphasis in the Scripture text (bold, italics) are the author’s.

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter One: The Purpose of Sex

Chapter Two: Why The World Is Confused About Sex

Chapter Three: Corrupted Nakedness

Chapter Four: The Sexual Nature of Man and Woman

Chapter Five: Sexual Appetites and Desires

Chapter Six: We Are Designed for Sexual Pleasure

Chapter Seven: Defiled and Undefiled

Chapter Eight: Nakedness Is A State of Mind

Chapter Nine: Women and The Placebo Effect

Chapter Ten: Women – Your Designed To Be Sexual, Don’t Fight It

Chapter Eleven: Men – The World, The Flesh & The Devil

Chapter Twelve: Sexual Rivalry

Chapter Thirteen: Sexual Dysfunction Causes Disharmony

Chapter Fourteen: Sex Is A Form of Worship

Chapter Fifteen: Reconciliation and Restoration

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INTRODUCTION

Sex is undeniably one of the most powerful desires known to mankind. Yet, mankind, with all his intelligence lacks understanding of the true design of sexual pleasure and fulfillment. Just the mention of sex with most people conjure up different views, reasons, ideologies and philosophies about what sex is supposed to be like, who should be having sex, what’s the purpose for sex; i.e., procreation vs. pleasure or both. Is it to be experienced by all? Is it only for married couples? Is it a sin?

God created and designed sex as a gift of pleasure for mankind (mankind= male and female), which He pronounced to be very good. Although sex is a beautiful and delightful, an appetite and desire born in all mankind, sex and sexuality has remained one of the biggest misconceptions in the world. All of us are under a misguided perception of sex, Christians, non-Christians, the whole world.

For over 20 years I lived to the corruptness of God’s gift of sex. I was a whoremonger, an adulterer, a masturbator and a pornography addict. One-night God showed me how I was an idolater with my sexual desires and use. I was caught up in the spiritual realm, it was not a dream, I was awake but I was out of my body and there was with a sea of men, to my left, to my right, in front and in back of me. There were so many men as far as the eye could see all laying on the beach masturbating. I saw this huge creature about 20 feet tall in front of us floating in the air that looked like a woman, shaped like a woman but had an obscure face, kind of translucent. I looked around and all of us were worshipping her through our masturbation. As I came out of the spiritual state, God told me, you are committing idolatry with the worship of your body for sexual pleasure. I came back to myself, and immediately knew inwardly that any type of sexual gratification outside of God’s rules, design and plan for sex is nothing more than idolatry.

For more than 20 years in my marriage I continued to live as a whoremonger, adulterer, masturbator, addicted to pornography and idolater. I termed it pornographercater (adultery, idolatry by way of masturbation through the use pornography). I was tired of seeing this wretchedness in my life and marriage. So, I spoke from my heart and told the Lord, I don’t want adultery and idolatry in my heart anymore. The Lord spoke to me and simply said, "pluck your eye out. Although, I believed I knew what this scripture meant, I had shared it and discussed it with many people, believing like many of you, what the Lord meant when telling us, if thy eye offends thee, pluck it out" (Matt. 5:29).

I knew the Lord was speaking to my spirit, not my mind, when He told me "pluck your eye out. So, I humbled myself and spoke to the Lord and said, Lord, I really don’t know what that means. The Lord said to me, I’ll show you. I said, okay Lord. A few days later I was in a department store and I was lustfully looking at this woman, as I had done countless of times before, but this time, I saw in my spirit that my looking at this woman was because of the lustfulness in my heart. I said to myself, I have an attractive wife at home, and the woman I’m looking at was less attractive than my wife. I said to myself, this makes no sense, it’s just adultery in me. I then really realized, it was nothing more than adultery in me! I immediately knew what the Lord was telling me about plucking my eye out, and how He would show me. He simply made me see, that my heart was full of adultery and my eyes were used to offend Him, my wife, myself, my kids, my community. I became conscience about the lust in my heart, the use of my eyes for lust. I started turning my full sexual attention towards my wife, stopped the use of pornography, no longer did I look or think on any other women. God began reconciling my sexuality and restoring my desires right within me, He began showing me and taking me through the process of a five-year journey of His design for sex and sexuality, it’s design, it’s purpose and it’s use to glorify Him in marriage.

The truth of God’s design for sex and sexuality has been an amazing journey of spiritual discovery of truths, how the world lives in misconceptions, lies and bondage from the evil-one about sex and sexuality, which culminated in this book. Unless, you seek in yourself to be reconciled to God’s original design for sex and sexuality, you are believing and living lies of the evil-one. No if’s and’s or buts about it. There is only one design for sex and sexuality, and that is God’s design.

It is imperative that husbands and wives have open conversations with each other about their sexual imagination, desires and appetites. Without such open and honest conversation, spouses will deprive on another due benevolence. However, when it comes to sex, most married folk, especially Christians, just do what works for them, but usually one or the other, if not both, are left with their true sexual desires not being met. The culprit for this is always fear of exposure and expression.

We pray this book brings the true spiritual understanding to your lives God’s blessing of Reconciliation and Restoration to your marriage. Amen!

Chapter One

THE PURPOSE OF SEX

God made us with physical bodies that house our eternal soul. The soul comprises that part of us that makes up our intellect, feelings and volition. The soul communicates with the outside world through senses of the body; the world and the body interact with one another. The soul of man (male and female) is the part that generates affections toward other man, animals and objects, which is expressed through senses of the body.

The physical body is designed to enables man's soul to communicate with the physical or natural world through our senses of taste, touch, sight, hearing and smell. Our senses are our soul’s way of interpreting our physical and natural experiences in this world. God created our senses to embrace and enjoy the pleasures of the physical world he created for us. He also created in our soul, affections, appetites and desires, that can be enjoyed through our body's senses.

Our bodies were designed to express and experience love and affection of the soul. Our need to express and experience physical love and affection is why God said, it’s not good for man to live alone, I will make him a help meet" (Gen. 2:18); not help mate, as many people wrongfully refer to. Mate limits to a partnership, one member of a pair; i.e., classmate, roommate, etc. God’s design for man and woman goes beyond just pairing.

The phrase help meet in the original language of Hebrew is ezer kenegdo. The ezer is helper, which has been misunderstood to connote the idea of subordination or inferiority. The word עֵזֶר (ezer) used in Scriptures is never used of subordinate or inferiority, but only of a superior or an equal. In fact, the word עֵזֶר (ezer) is always used of God in his role as savior, rescuer, or protector; e.g., Ex. 18:14; Deut. 33:7. The root noun for Kenegdo is negdo, which literally means, 'opposite'; 'over against'; 'corresponding to’. So, Kenegdo literally translates meet for him, corresponding to him.

God created for male, a female that is an equal but opposite helper to him. For example, my left hand is the ezer kenegdo to my right hand; both hands look alike except they are exactly opposite. Both hands are equal but opposite, so they could work better together. They fit together as the same but opposite each other. Imagine trying to pick up and swing a baseball bat with two hands that are positioned the same way?

Again, the ezer kenegdo of the right wing of a bird is the left wing; they look exactly the same except they are opposite each other. Both wings are equal but opposite. This is so that the bird can fly. One wing is no more important than the other. The same is true with man and woman. A Man’s ezer kenegdo is a woman. A woman's ezer kenegdo is a man. Both are equal but opposite. It requires both to fulfill the role of union before God, completeness in joining as one! Gen. 1:27: "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him, male and female created he them".

We read that God (Elohiym) created man and woman in His Image צֶלֶם ṣelemh, meaning His shadow, a representation of Himself in mankind. He filled them, male and female, with His attributes; His male attributes to the man and His female attributes to the woman. We do not normally think of God (Elohiym) as having male and female attributes. We tend to view God in masculine terms and imagery. Although, God (Elohiym) is a masculine noun it does not imply Elohiym is masculine only. For example, 1 King 11:5: "For Solomon went after Ash’toreth the goddess (elohiym) of Sido’nians." The term goddess [elohiym] is repeated again in 1 King 11:33 and 2 Kings 23:13.

Notice what Gen. 1:27 says, So God (Elohiym) created man (human race), in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female created he them. However, the actual Hebrew text omits the him. The original text actual reads:

וַיִּבְרָ֨א אֱלֹהִ֤ים ׀ אֶת־הָֽאָדָם֙ בְּצַלְמֹ֔ו בְּצֶ֥לֶם אֱלֹהִ֖ים בָּרָ֣א אֹתֹ֑ו זָכָ֥ר וּנְקֵבָ֖ה בָּרָ֥א אֹתָֽם׃

"and created God man in His own image of God he created them male and female he created them."

Gen. 1:27 tells us that God (Elohiym) made man in His image. which is defined as male and female, which we can conclude the attributes of God (Elohiym) are both masculine and feminine. We can surmise that God’s masculine attributes are in males and His feminine in females.

Understanding God’s attributes as both male and female, helps us gain a better perspective of woman being the עזר כנגדו ezer kenegedo of man, who is equal to, but the other half of the man. She is to provide him assistance, aid, strength, and give satisfaction to her other half - man. Woman, the "ezer kenegedo", the other half of the union of the attributes of God to man.

Now, before God created Adam a help meet, He brought every living creature before Adam to name. In naming every living creature, God wanted Adam to realize there was no creature that was his help meet (ezer kenegedo). God allowed Adam to discover for himself that there was no animal that matched him to pair with. Adam had no mate of his own kind to bond or mate with to produce after its own kind. Adam loved all of God’s creatures, but there were none that he could create a life bond with to share his soul. God in His profound wisdom told Adam, "it’s not good for man to be alone." Man needed a help meet (ezer kenegedo) to express his love towards, to the sharing of his emotions, feelings and walk with through life. So God, caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and took one of his ribs and made woman = אִשָּׁה ’išâ , and brought her to man (Adam), and Adam from inculcate (revelation) knowledge from God, said; "This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman (אִשָּׁה ’išâ) because she was taken out of Man".

Adam, who had no earthly father or mother, through inculcate knowledge from God, pronounced God’s command for the union between a man and a woman, "Therefore, shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife (same word = אִשָּׁה ’išâ) and they shall be one flesh. Adam knew woman was his ezer kenegedo": opposite and joined – woman and wife = אִשָּׁה ’išâ.

Why do we know that Adam’s proclamation of one flesh was of divine inspiration from God? Because the word "Therefore (על־כן kēn-‛al) is an adverb, a conjunction which means, in like manner or following. Adam pronounced God’s institution of marriage was inculcated (implanted statement or admonition) knowledge, establishing the law of conjugal relations, the joining male and female, as one through sexual relations. It is the exercising of affectionate attachment and bonding of male and female in shared physical love and commitment by the joining of their flesh through sexual relations. The Hebrew word flesh is בָּשָׂר ḇâśâr, means, body – pudenda (genital organs) or our nakedness. Adam says, they shall be one flesh, through joining of pudenda (genitals)". Meaning, man (husband) and woman (wife) are to be joined, glued to each other in person, body (pudenda=genital), nakedness.

The union of man and woman = marriage, is rooted in and founded on conjugal relationship - one flesh. Gen. 2:25 says, "they were both naked, the man and his wife and were not ashamed." The word naked is עָרוֹם ‘ârôm; nude, either partially or totally. They were not ashamed בּוּשׁ bûš; meaning, confounded, confused or disconcerted about the purpose of their nakedness – pudenda. They had natural affection and desires for one another, and knew with their bodies they could express their love and affections to pleasure and enjoy one another conjugally - joining their flesh.

Chapter Two

WHY THE WORLD IS CONFUSED ABOUT SEX

When sin entered the world, so did shame, fear, confusion and confoundedness. Gen. 3:5: For God doth know that in the day ye eat thereof, then your eyes shall be opened, and ye shall be as gods, knowing good and evil. The Hebrew word ‘evil’ is רַע ra‘, covers the gamut of wrong doings, misdeeds, hurts, distress, displeasures, wretchedness, etc; but, the most appropriate use for the word ‘evil’ (רַע ra‘) is noisome; meaning, offensive, naughty, improper, tasteless, indecorous (opposite of decorum) or indecent. Before Adam and Eve sinned, Gen. 2:25 tells us, they were naked- (עָרוֹם ‘ârôm: nude, bare) and not "ashamed (בּוּ bûš; confounded, confused or disconcerted), about their nakedness. Adam and Eve only saw their nudity (pudenda = sexual genitals), as a natural part of their expression of love for one another.

Before the fall, Adam and Eve only knew good- טוֹב ṭôḇ; beautiful, cheerful, at ease, joyful, kindness, loving, pleasant, pleasure. God pronounced what He had made as good - טוֹב ṭôḇ; which included sex and sexuality, the joining of their bodies. Adam and Eve had no conscientiousness or feelings of shame of their nakedness, and enjoyed plenty of sex. Why do I say this? Because, Adam was a man, and Eve had to be the most attractive woman ever. She was beautiful and had all the curves and lady bumps a man desires, and being "naked and unashamed" expresses their desires for one another. Enough said!

Shame is defined as having painful feelings arise from the consciousness of something dishonorable, improper or disgraceful. Since evil did not reside within Adam and Eve before the fall, they had no consciousness or feeling of their nakedness being shameful. They saw no difference between a hand, which purpose was to give and to do good deeds, a mouth with which one uses to praise God, or their genitals used for the expression of their union of love, be fruitful and multiply. With every organ they could fulfill and serve the will of God. So no organ was shameful or needed to be covered.

Before sin entered the world, Adam and Eve did know good from bad, right from wrong. We know this by the fact, they had the choice to disobey God, defy God, do wrong, and be held responsible for their choices. We know this by the fact God told them, "But of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, thou shalt not eat of it: for in the day that thou eatest thereof thou shalt surely die" (Gen. 2:17). Adam and Eve knew choice, right or wrong, obedience, disobedience, good or evil. However, what they had not done was internalize evil or sinful inclinations, so the urge to do evil did not come from within. Since evil did not reside within them, they were naturally good, and their nakedness was innocent.

The urge to disobey God is represented by the serpent (satan)—the external tempter.