T.H.O.A.S 1

By Michael Martin

T.H.O.A.S navigates through several storylines in its quest to define Michael T. Martin.

Book # 1 describes an ultimate love story through the bond of a mother and son. A single mother sacrifices her all to provide the best for her son, but is it enough? Will their bond last through his adolescence and young adult life in Michael’s quest to define himself as a man?

Some evils go undetected in our lives. In a lot of cases this can be life altering if not fatal. (Rest In Peace Jonathan Larson) All the signs of the abnormality were there in Michael’s life. Doctor’s never diagnosed the problem through his awkward physique and neither does book 1...but his peers did.

Before Anti Bullying was a campaign for protection against bullying, there were just emotional scars and broken spirits left behind in the residue of this painful practice. So many have been affected...so many remain voiceless...one man shares his experiences.

If you ask 10 different people what their definition of true love is you will get ten different answers. Follow Michael as he searches for true love in all of the wrong places, hoping to right all wrongs of his past with empty promises in his future.

To what great lengths will a young father go, for the life of his son and a better tomorrow for his family? Book 1 introduces the first portion of this complex answer to its readers as Michael attempts to define himself as a parent as well as in relationships with women.

T.H.O.A.S (The Heart of a Survivor) Prepare To Be Inspired.

(***Disclaimer*** I stand behind every sentence, regardless of how humiliating or victorious they paint me out to be...everything I speak of is 100% true to my knowledge at the time I wrote my story up until now)

• Language: English
• Publisher: Michael Martin
• Release date: Aug 26, 2013

Michael Martin

Michael Martin, a Mennonite pastor turned blacksmith, is founder and executive director of RAWtools Inc. and blogs at RAWtools.org. RAWtools turns guns into garden tools (and other lovely things), resourcing communities with nonviolent confrontation skills in an effort to turn stories of violence into stories of creation. RAWtools has been featured in the New York Times and on Inside Edition and NPR. Martin lives in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

Book preview

The

Heart

Of A

Survivor

I

A Mended Heart Publications Presents

T.H.O.A.S

The Heart of a Survivor

Book I

All rights reserved © 2013 by Michael T Martin

No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system, without the written permission of the publisher.

This novel is a work of nonfiction.

Author: Michael ‘The Penmnist’ Martin

ISBN: 978-0-9844078-3-5

LCCN: TBD

Editing/Typesetting:www.TwentyFirstreetUrbanEditing.com

What is a Penmnist?

A Penmnist is an individual who is unique and versatile in their writing. Such an individual is equally as thought provoking and effective from one literary style to the next. 2. A timeless writer.

I figured since I made the word up...I should give it a definition.

Roses of Remembrance

John Kent:

Granddaddy I lost you when I was a little boy, but there’s so much I want to say to you as a man. Life for me was truly hard. A lot of things I went through turned out for the worse based on my poor decision making. I can only wonder, if I had you at least going into my teenage years, would I have become a better man. Your wisdom coupled with Grandmomma’s, would I have been wiser, calmer, maybe even a chef? Now as I look back on all of the situations I was in growing up, even as an adult, you were definitely watching over me. I believe every family needs at least 1 representative in heaven that negotiates 2nd chances and protection for those of us left on earth. I bet you were cussing me out behind some of the things I got into. My memories of you as a child made my childhood golden. So many of my cousins never had the chance to know you, which is why I feel so thankful to have been given the opportunity. With each one of them that reads about you, I hope they are able to feel your spirit lift from the words in this book and just get a feel for who you were and how special you were to me. As a child, you were my first experience of losing someone close. I knew you were gone, and when you left, but with this creative imagination of mine under development back then, I always thought you would come back…sometimes, even to this day I still do. Rest In Peace Granddaddy. Love isn’t a strong enough word to express how I feel about you.

Willie ‘Pops’ Martin:

Pops I will always remember your infectious smile. You had a heart of gold…and when I struggled with my feelings concerning my father when I was young, whenever I saw you, you made me feel like I was your grandson, and I found pride in being a Martin. At your funeral, I had never seen my Aunt Shirley so hurt…so shattered. I remember her standing over your casket saying No…not yet. My father’s arm wrapped around her shoulder comforting her…Uncle Dennis and Aunt Carolyn on her right. My father’s words, Remember when we were young and Pops would say it’s time to go? It’s time to go. I remember standing at your grave site as it began to drizzle…I stood there with my fists clenched as they lowered you in the ground…angry at your passing. As everyone made their way back to their cars I stood there and spoke these words. Pops I may never be as great of a person you were on the inside, but I promise to make you and the Martin name proud. – (To Be Revisited Once This Promise is Fulfilled) -

Ruby Lee Rufus:

Ms. Rufus you had the sweetest spirit and you were one of the proudest mothers I had ever seen. The love and protection you showered Greg with kept him safe, kept him focused, and helped him pursue and achieve his goals even after your untimely departure from us. Greg is one of the coolest, smartest, and greatest fathers I know. Your baby boy has turned into a great man and role model. I know you are truly proud.

Ms. Beverly A. Martin :

The mother of one of my closest friends, Mr. Bruce Hanks (character Bobby Hanks) She was one of the sweetest women I ever had the pleasure of meeting. Always soft spoken, her strength and perserverance will always exist through Bruce. He’s one of the strongest people I know in life. A true example of when life gets you down, never ever give up on yourself and your dreams. May your spirit continue to watch over him as he continues to make you proud.

1

I was awakened by a cool morning breeze, as it swept across my skin.

Code blue! Code blue! a voice bellowed in the distance.

Where am I? I wondered. Surely, this wasn’t Roseland Community Hospital, the place I begged the EMT not to send me. Oh, no! I’m, I’m, I’m…

His pulses are fine, doctor.

Replace this IV, nurse. We’re going to need a miracle.

His blood pressure is unstable, doctor!

Please, nurse. Give him oxygen. It’s a good thing he’s asleep. We need to sedate him now.

Doctor, he’s conscious!

Where am I? I asked confusedly, as I attempted to sit up frantically.

I was surrounded by all of these people, dressed in baby blue scrubs, with white masks covering their faces.

Please try to relax, my son. You are at St. Margaret of Mercy Hospital, a stern voice replied.

Then, he turned his attention away from me and said, Someone, please get him sedated quickly. Where’s the anesthesiologist?

I’m right here, doctor, a voice responded from a close distance.

Am I going to die? I asked.

We don’t know, son, but we are going to do everything in our power to keep that from happening, the one they called doctor responded.

Wait! Wait! I have to spit, I announced through my gurgling.

Here! Spit in this, the nurse replied.

As I spit onto the oversized napkin, I felt afraid, yet tranquil at the sight of my own blood leaving my mouth.

Get a suction tube over here immediately! His blood is backwashing into his lungs, the doctor yelled.

Now, Michael, I need you to listen to me, the anesthesiologist requested. I need you to breathe normal and relax. Start counting backwards from one hundred.

One hundred, ninety-nine, ninety-eight… and that was all I remembered.

This surgery solidified the transformation in my life from normal to blessed, but how did I get to this point?

2

Nine months of morning sickness, rhythmic kicks, and solitude from the outside world

What a cross for a sixteen-year-old child to bear. Her beauty so flawless; however,

So premature, yet her innocence was stolen from her in a sense. By a man in his distant twenties whose words spoke to her soul, leaving her helpless to his Deceit.

Despite the imperfection of their direction, as a result of their lust filled affection,

A perfect example of their unity shall befall them in thirty-six weeks.

This little girl, now adopted into the adult world, will soon witness the power God

Gave to the woman, to be called M.O.T.H.E.R.

(Man’s One True Happiness Ever Received)

If not for them, none of us would have ever been conceived.

My MOTHER.

It was a cold January afternoon in 1976. A teenage beauty was exiting the train with her three sisters — Cindell, Tyreen, and Yulaina.

Hello, Ms. Thang! You’re looking mighty fine this morning, he said softly.

I’m fine. Thanks for asking, Cindell responded confidently.

That you are. However, I was speaking to the one in the middle. What’s your name, young lady? he asked.

Why does it matter to you? she asked sassily, trying not to give away the fact that she was quite intrigued by this slender fellow with the soft voice. What’s yours? she quickly asked before he could attempt to answer the first question.

My name is Marcus. Marcus Martin, he replied as he admired her caramel complexion and beautiful eyes. And your name is?

Doreen. Doreen Kent, she responded.

Let’s go, Doreen. We have to be home before Mama goes to work, the tallest of the four urged.

He walked toward the other three ladies with an awkward swagger and said, I’m sorry. How rude of me. My name is Marcus, and you are?

He stood tall, with his hand extended.

I’m Cindell. You met Doreen. This is Tyreen and Yulaine. Now, we have to go, she informed him.

Wait! Can I, at least, get your number, Miss Doreen? he asked as the four headed in the opposite direction.

Do you have a pen and a piece of paper? she asked nervously.

No, but I have a good memory, he responded.

It’s 312-555-4252, but don’t call me before seven P.M., she said as she made her way in the direction her sisters were traveling.

No problem! he replied as he slightly stumbled and regained his balance.

Did you give him your number? Cindell asked.

Yeah, Doreen replied.

Ooh! You better hope Mama don’t answer the phone, Doreen. You know how she is, Yulaine advised.

Please! He probably won’t call anyway. He didn’t even have a pen to write it down, so I’m not worried about that.

I’m telling Mama, Tyreen announced deceitfully.

Telling Mama what, Tyreen? It’s nothing to tell, Doreen snapped.

So, what? I’m still telling, Tyreen replied.

Oh, shut up, Tyreen! the three said in unison.

After a fifteen minute wait for the bus and a ten minute bus ride, the four girls raced across the street to their home, trying to make curfew and escape a beating.

What time is it, Cindell?

It’s 5:25 P.M., Doreen. We got five minutes.

Hurry up! I gotta use the bathroom, Cindell, Yulaine yelled.

We’re almost home, little sister, Cindell convincingly replied. I hope granddaddy is ‘sleep, too.

You know, he’ll wake Mama up if he’s not, Doreen speculated.

We’re here, Doreen. You get the mail while I open the door, Cindell instructed.

Doreen quickly opened the mailbox and pulled out three letters. Two were addressed to Elaine Evans, and one was addressed to a Joseph Kent.

There are two letters for Mama, and one for Granddaddy, Doreen said.

Quick, Tyreen! You take this letter downstairs and put it on Granddaddy’s table, Cindell ordered.

Why I got to do it? Doreen got the mail!

Because I told you to. That’s why. You want me to tell Mama you weren’t doing what you were told today out in public? Cindell sternly replied.

Fine then, but wait till Mama wakes up, Tyreen threatened.

As Cindell scurried to open the door, it suddenly flew open.

Y’all are so lucky, the voice replied.

Cindell looked upon the athletic physique of the young man standing in the doorway.

Move out of the way, Joseph, she commanded. It’s time to wake Mama up!

Mama! They’re home! Joseph hollered out. Wait! Where’s Tyreen? he asked.

She’s giving Granddaddy his mail, big brother, Yulaine answered.

She better hurry up from downstairs. Granddaddy is not home. You know he doesn’t like anyone down there when he’s not there, he replied.

As he finished his sentence, the back door slammed, and Tyreen entered the living room and joined her other siblings.

Mama, get up. It’s 5:35 P.M., Cindell said.

I told y’all to wake me up at 5:30. You must’ve been late, Mama implied.

No, Mama. They were on time, but barely! Joseph interjected.

Mama, Tyreen whispered, looking at Doreen. She said it too softly to be heard by her mother; however, it was just loud enough to be heard by her siblings.

Tyreen, find you some business, Doreen suggested.

Mama, Tyreen whispered a little louder this time. It still, however, was too low to be heard.

What happened? Joseph asked curiously.

Nothing worth talking about, Doreen replied.

Mama, Tyreen whispered.

Damn, girl! What? Mama asked.

Um, Doreen was talking to this boy at the train station! Tyreen blurted.

No, I wasn’t, Mama, Doreen replied.

Shut up, Tyreen. Mama, it was perfectly harmless, Cindell replied.

I know one thing. He better not call this house. My phone bill was forty-five dollars this month, and none of you have jobs, Mama said sternly. I’ll see you all in the morning when I get home from work.

Bye, Mama! Have a good day, they all said.

Bring me back some potato chips, Mama, Tyreen whined.

Move. Go sit down. She’s not bringing you anything back. Stop begging, Doreen said.

Close my door and do your homework! Mama yelled from the car as she pulled off.

Yes, Mama! they both replied as the door closed.

*****

The next day was routine. The kids could sleep late if the house was clean. When Mama came home at six A.M., she would make herself some coffee and drink it in the kitchen. Granddaddy would make breakfast and start on his daily errands. And if the children did not have permission to do other things, they were in front of the house. The day had come and gone, and, before Mama knew it, she was getting prepared for work the next day. The children were home by 5:30 P.M., and Mama was off to work by six. Oh, I almost forgot, my mother received her unlikely phone call, by 7:15 that evening.

3

It had been four months since their first conversation. Doreen and Marcus had established their love, and everything was great!

That was, until Doreen started feeling funny. She had had a stomach virus before, but, this one wouldn’t seem to go away! She was very scared that the symptoms she was experiencing were related to the P word. But how could she be? True, she had just experienced sex for the first time in her life. And although she knew pregnancy was a part of it, she wanted no part of it. She was young and having fun, experiencing love on an adult level, and feeling grown enough to handle love’s sensual side with the strength in her heart and her hands. Though she was no longer innocent, the scent of innocence still surrounded her, even as it faded slowly. She was no longer a carefree teenager. It was an age of adolescence that she didn’t get the chance to totally enjoy.

She was now a woman, doing womanly things, experiencing love and all that it brings. All that it brings! Love is a multi-faceted emotion with several partners, but its favorite partner of all time is reality. Reality is color blind in nature, has no true sexual existence. However, it is the truest existence in life. It cares not about right or wrong. It stands for S.E.L.F. For Doreen, reality’s self stood for Stop Experiencing Love Foolishly.

Cindell, I need to talk to you. I’m pregnant.

Pregnant! What are you going to do?

I don’t know. I’m too young to have a baby. I took a pregnancy test, and it says I’m pregnant. The other day, Mama called me in the room and told me about a dream she had with me being pregnant.

Well, what did you say? Cindell asked.

I denied it. What else was I going to do? You already know how Mama thinks the neighbors all have something negative to say about her having five children at an early age. What do you think she’s going to do to me?

Well, that’s the least of my worries, little sister. No matter what we have to do, that baby’s not coming into this family. Give me till this evening. I’ll think of something, Cindell requested.

"What time? You know tonight is family night. Mama is taking us to the drive-in on Halsted Street to see Claudine," Doreen replied.

Don’t worry. I’ll see you when you get home, Cindell responded.

*****

Hurry up! The movie starts at six o’clock! Mama instructed Yulaine, Tyreen, and Doreen. Let’s go! Where are Cindell and Joseph?

Joseph is at the park, and Cindell is on a date, Tyreen replied.

They all got into Mama’s gold and beige 1974 Chevelle. While at the drive-in, a scene took place in the movie where the daughter told the mother that she was pregnant. The mother beat the daughter. Then, the mother told her daughter that she just didn’t want the daughter to make the same mistakes she had.

While watching this, Doreen cried uncontrollably.

What’s wrong, Doreen? Mama asked. Tell me what’s wrong, baby. Talk to Mama. What is it?

You might as well tell her. She already knows, Tyreen interjected.

Shut up, Tyreen! I wasn’t talking to you.

Yes, Mama, Tyreen quickly responded, in fear of receiving one of Mama’s famous back hands.

Mama, I’m pregnant, Doreen said with a shaky voice.

Mama turned around and faced the screen. Then, she said, Don’t worry, baby. Everything is going to be alright. First thing tomorrow, I’m going to take you to the doctor to get this taken care of. You’ll see. You’ll see.

*****

The next day, Mama took Doreen to the doctor’s office, only to find out that Doreen was well into her second trimester. An abortion was totally out of the question. No hospital or clinic would perform one in the state of Illinois. The only other choice was New York, but Mama couldn’t take off work at such short notice. She couldn’t send Doreen alone, and Cindell was leaving to go back to college in a couple of days.

Daddy, I need some advice, Mama said. Doreen is pregnant, and it’s too late to get an abortion because she’s in her second trimester and—

Where is Doreen? Granddaddy interrupted. Tell her to come down here right now.

As Doreen came in and sat down, Granddaddy spoke, Your mama told me what I already knew, baby. I’ve always told all of you, ‘If you gonna dance to the music, you gotta pay the piper.’ Now, I know you’re scared. Your mama was scared, too, when she first got pregnant, but being scared is not gonna chase reality away, and the reality is, that baby needs a mother and a father. Just like you have to be a responsible woman, he’s got to be a responsible man.

But he doesn’t know yet, Granddaddy, Doreen interjected.

Well, when were you planning on telling him? Christmas? Granddaddy asked sarcastically.

Daddy, we weren’t planning on having it. And we still haven’t decided yet, Doreen said.

I wish I could find someone to go to New York with her, Mama responded.

New York? Elaine, you sound foolish. That child don’t need to go to no foreign city to destroy one of God’s blessings. Doreen, you can do what you want to, baby, but listen to what I have to say, Granddaddy instructed. You chose to enter the adult world and play by adult rules. Now, you’re faced with adult consequences. You’re too far into your pregnancy to chance your health. Now, I’m gonna tell you the same thing I told your Mama. Good girls have their babies; bad girls don’t.

*****

The next day, Mama woke up and fixed her coffee like she routinely did. She read her paper and looked over her mail from the previous day. After her morning ritual, she woke Doreen up and told her, I have decided, Doreen, that you will have this baby. There is no way I can send you safely to New York to get an abortion. Besides, it ain’t safe unless I’m there to see that it’s safe. So, here’s what I’m gonna do. I’m gonna buy you some pretty maternity clothes, and you’re gonna sit out on that porch and be proud of being an expectant mother. And you will get your high school diploma. You’re not gonna make the same mistake I did. You’re gonna go to night school and get your GED, and your son will be in the front row watching his mother walk across that stage.

But what about the neighbors, Mama? I don’t want them talking bad about me, Doreen replied.

Who gives a damn about what they think? They already told me about you being in hotels with this fella and about you and your cousin sneaking out of the house when I left to go to work. Now’s not the time to be shameful. Now is the time to be responsible. You have to find pride in what you’ve done in order to rise above the lie and exist within the reality. The lie is that you’re a failure because you’re having a child at the age of sixteen. The reality is that you’re having a child at the age of sixteen, but you’re gonna finish school, and you’re gonna take advantage of every resource that the system has to offer for the betterment of you and my grandson.

*****

December 19, 1976. Cindell was home from college on Christmas break, and my mom was in labor with me. For twelve grueling hours, she bared through each contraction. It was a complicated labor because the umbilical cord somehow wrapped around my head, and the doctors had to perform a C-section. And at 12:15 A.M. on December 20, 1976, a prince was born to a queen with no crown. Well, I could see the crown on her head because she was royalty to me. To me, she was life. She was priceless. She was MOTHER.

4

As we both stared into each other’s eyes,

We established a bond of unbreakable ties.

Everything seemed so perfect in your angelic stare.

God sent an angel to an angel. What a perfect pair.

I hope you know I’m going to keep you up at night,

But it’s just my way of making sure you’re alright.

Wait. Where are you taking me? Who are you giving me to?

Yuck! His breath smells horrible, and he’s scary, too.

Please stop with all your kisses. Please put me back down.

Uh, oh! Now you’ve done it! I am about to clown.

You see this face I’m making? It’s called a frown,

And these eyes will spit out enough tears, so we all can drown.

Give me back to the angel, the one I came here for.

There she is! Whew! That was a trip! Don’t put me through that any more.

I hope your eyes aren’t tired because this story is just startin’.

Now begins the life of Michael Torjuan Martin.

December 24, 1976. The day I came home from the hospital. I don’t remember much, other than the six new faces in my little world. Where was that scary face I’d seen in the hospital? I don’t see him. Well, if I don’t see him much, that’s fine by me, I must’ve thought.

Cindell, put him on the bed. I have to change his diaper, Doreen requested.

Wow! Who is this Cindell person? She looked like Mommy. Sike! Mommy looked better. Something tells me I’m going to like you, I thought as I smiled at my aunt.

What’s wrong with his head? He’s funny looking, Yulaine said.

Shut up, Yulaine, Cindell responded.

Auntie Yulaine, why are your eyes so close together? And she says I’m funny looking! Oh, my goodness! Who is that just staring at me?

Tyreen, don’t just stand there. Move! You’re in the way, Doreen said.

Yeah, Tyreen. Don’t look at me like that.

Joseph, do you want to hold him? Doreen asked.

No, he’s too small, Joseph replied.

Give him to me. I’ll hold him, Mama said.

Yeah, Mama. You hold him. I’m about to warm up his bottle.

Wow! Who is this? Whoever she is… she sure knows how to hold me. She feels better than the crib mattress. She keeps saying, Grandmudda, Grandmudda over and over. I guess that’s her name. She looks very serious. Something tells me I better not get on her bad side.

Where’s Granddaddy? Doreen asked.

Right here, Doreen. Granddaddy replied. Well, would you look at him? Now, Doreen, are you glad that you made the right decision?

Yes, Granddaddy. He is so handsome, Doreen replied.

Yeah, but you weren’t saying that in the hospital. Those contractions were kicking your behind. I bet you’ll keep those legs closed from now on. Won’t you? Granddaddy said.

Daddy, hush, my grandmama responded.

*****

I guess, as a child, I couldn’t wait to become mobile. Once I discovered how to roll over, it was downhill from