Mistakes

By Amanda Wilhelm

Lauri is a stay at home mom who was overwhelmed enough with a three year old and a new baby on the way. When she finds out her husband was cheating on her, she doesn't tell anyone, not even her best friend Alex.

Alex's marriage isn't perfect either but she's never confided in anyone about it and she's not about to start now.

Together they go about their everyday lives raising their children. Separately, Lauri attempts to fix her marriage and Alex struggles to decide what to do about hers. Neither realizes their choices are intertwined. Until it's too late.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Amanda Wilhelm
• Release date: Jan 10, 2018
• ISBN: 9781500390785

Book preview

MISTAKES

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By Amanda Wilhelm

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© Copyright 2014 by Amanda Wilhelm

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No part of this eBook may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or by any information storage and retrieval system, except for brief quotations in reviews, without written permission of the author.

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This is a work of fiction. Any names or characters, businesses or places, events or incidents, are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

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Cover artwork designed by Jes Richardson.

Table of Contents

Prologue

Lauri - Now

Lauri - September 19, 2009

Part One

Laurie – January 8, 2009

Laurie – January 15, 2009

Laurie – January 25, 2009

Laurie – February 1, 2009

Laurie – February 27, 2009

Laurie – February 28, 2009

Laurie – May 18, 2009

Laurie – June 20, 2009

Laurie – July 4, 2009

Laurie – July 15, 2009

Laurie – July 25, 2009

Laurie -August 17, 2009

Laurie – September 8, 2009

Laurie – September 12, 2009

Laurie – September 13, 2009

Laurie – September 15, 2009

Laurie – September 16, 2009

Laurie – September 18, 2009

Part Two

Alex – June 15, 2006

Alex – June 22, 2006

Alex – June 30, 2006

Alex – August 3, 2006

Alex – November 24, 2006

Alex – June 3, 2007

Alex – September 4, 2007

Alex – October 15, 2007

Alex – October 31, 2007

Alex – November 11, 2007

Alex – December 15, 2007

Alex – December 26, 2007

Alex – February 3, 2008

Alex – March 30, 2008

Alex – June 22, 2008

Alex – July 22, 2008

Alex – September 8, 2008

Alex – September 27, 2008

Alex – October 31, 2008

Alex – December 24, 2008

Alex – January 9, 2009

Alex – February 1, 2009

Alex – February 27, 2009

Alex – March 10, 2009

Alex – May 20, 2009

Alex – August 20, 2009

Alex – September 12, 2009

Part Three

Lauri – September 19, 2009 3:00 PM

Rachel – September 19, 2009 5:00 PM

Lauri – September 19, 2009 5:30 PM

Lauri – September 20, 2009

Lauri – September 28, 2009

Lauri – September 29, 2009

Lauri – Now

Carl – May17, 2004

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Prologue

Lauri - Now

I watch my girls, when they aren't looking. I always have. I love the secret glimpses into their personalities, their thoughts, their relationship with each other. I always enjoy the crazy ideas they come up with, when they don't quite know, or understand, what they are talking about. I love the insight into the child's point of view. With Megan, it's still like that. With Rachel, it's different now. I watch for signs. For damage. From what I did. From what I shouldn't have done.

Lauri - September 19, 2009

Silence in the back seat, I sneak a look back. Megan is conked out. Great. Nap at five o’clock. That means she will be up till midnight. Well, maybe not. She was exhausted from the fever and the strep test. She will get another dose of antibiotics before bed. Nine, maybe I'll try to put her to bed at nine. I suck down the rest of the water in the bottle from the cup holder. Then I feel around, in the bag on the passenger seat, for another one, even though I know there isn't one there. The nurse practitioner was nice, and very enthusiastic, about me still nursing. She'll get better in no time, she said. Nursing is so great when they are sick.. She forgot to mention the part about Megan sucking my bone marrow dry. I feel like I have been perpetually dehydrated for about six years. Dinner. Crap, what was for dinner again? I don't remember. Think, think.

Almost there. Okay, just get Rachel, figure out dinner when you get home. Maybe there is pizza in the freezer. One nice thing about Bill, he would never give me a hard time about not having dinner ready, especially not if one of the kids were sick. Ugh, don't even try to deal with that now.

I park in Alex's driveway and walk around to the back. Not getting Megan out of the car, better be quick. I see Rachel out on the swing set, pumping hard, swinging as high as she can. No sign of Alex or Candy, they must have run inside for a second.

Rachel, I yell, we’ve got to go. Megan's asleep in the car, hurry up.

I look back at the car.

Rachel looks up and sees me and stops pumping. When the swing slows down, she drags her feet on the ground until it stops. Then she gets off and comes over to me, slowly.

Come on baby, we’ve got to boogie, where's Miss Alex and Candy?

As she comes closer, I see she is smeared with red paint. It is all over her shirt and her arms, some on her legs.

Were you guys painting? Why didn't you wash up before you came outside?

This isn't like Alex. In fact, painting isn't like Alex. Alex is more store-bought craft kit with minimal mess involved. Painting with kids terrifies Alex.

What's going on Rachel?

She looks at me. A look I've never seen before. No smile, no expression at all, really. And her eyes. They are different somehow. Lifeless. I reach out and touch her shirt and feel the paint. And that's when I realize it's not paint. It's blood.

Part One

Lauri - January 8, 2009

The timer wakes me up. I was dozing, on the couch. Now it's time to pick Rachel up from school. I haven't been sleeping at night, I’m much too uncomfortable. So I gave myself a half hour, after getting home from dropping her off. Then when the timer went off, I reset it. Then reset it again. And again. Now it is time to go pick her up and I literally accomplished nothing. I grab my keys and slide into the only shoes that still fit me. It is probably thirty-five degrees outside right now, but I don't need a coat. I walk out to the car. Just as I get outside a blue sedan pulls into the driveway. No one I know. If I wasn't so tired, I might be concerned, but I don't have the energy for concern. I don't have the energy for anything. A man gets out of the car. I don't know him. He looks pretty average though. He comes over to me.

You're Bill's wife? Bill Prescott?

It’s kind of a strange way to introduce himself. The thought passes through my head and is immediately replaced by extreme exhaustion.

Lauri, I say, Lauri Prescott, do I know you?

No, he says.

Then nothing.

Should I know you? I say.

No, he says, I don't think so.

Now he is being weird, but I am still too tired to care. And I have to get to preschool pickup.

Well, I have to go, I have an appointment.

Okay, that's good, my brain is still functioning, a little. Don't tell the weirdo about your kid.

I'm sorry, he says, I had no idea you were pregnant. You must be due any day.

No, I say, two more months.

Since people have been saying that to me since OCTOBER, I am pretty used to it. It is slightly less annoying now.

Wow, he says, are you having twins?

Now that is still pretty annoying, but I don't have the energy for annoyance either.

No.

Are you sure?

Yes.

Yes, I am sure asshole, you want to hear about the vaginal ultrasound? They checked EVERYWHERE. Real thorough. I start towards my car.

Wait, he says. He holds out a large yellow envelope. I came to give you these.

I take the envelope automatically.

What is it? I ask.

My wife, well, ex-wife, well, we are getting divorced, he stops.

What?

I'm sorry, I didn't know you were pregnant. I'm sorry. They've been having an affair.

Who?

My wife and your husband. Bill. Those are e-mails. I printed them out. I thought you should know. I thought about it a lot and I decided you should know.

I stand there holding the envelope and try to decide if I am so tired that I am having some sort of psychotic break. It could be possible. The man walks back to his car and as he turns to get in, he looks at me.

I'm sorry. Really. Very sorry.

He gets into his car and drives away. I get in my car and drive to the preschool. When we get home, I put the envelope under some jeans, on the closet shelf. After Rachel is in bed, and Bill crashes in front of the TV, I go back up to the bedroom and lock the door. I read what the man gave me. All of it. Then I put it all back in the envelope and back on the shelf, under the jeans. I go and sit on the bed and I try to think. Try to feel. Something. Anything. But I can't. When Bill comes up later, I am still sitting there.

Hey he says.

I don't say anything. He comes over and sits next to me. Puts his arm around me.

Two more months babe, you can do this.

Two more months, he is talking about the baby. He thinks I am sitting here, not moving, because of the baby. He doesn't know that I know.

Uh, huh I say.

I force myself up.

Lauri, he says. I turn and look at him. I can sleep on the couch, you know, if you want the bed. I know you aren't sleeping well lately.

No, I say, I want the couch. It's good for my back. The support.

Okay. he says, and he hugs me and kisses me on the top of the head. Good night.

Good night, I say.

I watch him walk into the bathroom and I go downstairs. I force myself to think. About the baby. About Rachel. About my marriage. And I decide now is really not the time to deal with this. Eventually I fall asleep.

Lauri - January 15, 2009

How are you doing?

I wake with a start.

Oh boy, sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. I saw you were here and just stopped in to say hi.

It's my doctor. Takes me a second to remember where I am. The hospital, maternity, the twice weekly non-stress test. Courtesy of my advanced maternal age. But I'm not the oldest patient in the practice having a baby right now. The nurse informed me they had an expectant mom who was 49.

Good for her, I said, but mentally I was preparing the vasectomy conversation in my head.

I actually gave it a lot of thought that day, given that I was pregnant for approximately an hour when I realized that A) this pregnancy was going to be infinitely harder than the first (blame the even more advanced maternal age?) and B) the mere idea of having a newborn, when I am fifty, scares me enough to think about B-1) knocking him over the head and doing the procedure myself (must be instructions on the internet) B-2) waiting until I am back in somewhat reasonable shape and giving him the kind of sex that will get him to agree to anything.

Of course, that was before I knew what I know now. Which is why I am thinking that it is great that Joy is here. I should talk to her about it now and not wait. Which means talking about it now, which is definitely not great.

Joy comes over and looks at the print-out, on the strip of paper, flowing out of the monitor.

Looks really good today, we'll get you out of here soon. Where's Rachel? Preschool?

Joy delivered Rachel. She's been my gyno for what, fifteen years now? Alex's too now that the doctor who delivered Candy retired. Actually, we joke that Candy made him retire. She was so wedged in it took forty-five minutes of pulling to get her out, via C-section. That was also the easiest thing anyone ever got Candy to do against her will. Not a joke and on a bad day for Alex, not funny at all.

Joy would be a close friend except I'm sure all of her patients want to be her friend and that would be physically impossible. We also share an addiction for Law and Order (all of them, but agree Criminal Intent is not as good as the regular or SVU) and she is the only one I know who watches it, or admits to it. Bill calls it Law and Boredom.

Alex is watching her, you know, Alex Barnes? She and Candy are best buddies.

Plus, Rachel hates the hospital. Really, really hates it. First time I brought her armed with coloring books and snacks, figuring it was not a big deal, but everything freaked her out. Everything. The announcements, the machinery and they do the non-stress tests in maternity, you can hear, well, not everything, but too much. The next time we had to go she freaked. I ended up calling to cancel. Oh, they were so unhappy with me.

Oh yeah, sure. What else is going on? Joy asks.

Um, well, there was something I wanted to talk to you about, but I was going to save it for the next appointment.

No worries, Joy is always, breezy, that's a good word for it. No one in labor, at this very moment, shoot.

Shit, I should have waited until the next appointment; I am not up for dealing with this now. But I will not be up for dealing with it then either.

The thing is, I think...

Joy looks curious, as it is not like me to take so long to say anything.

I need an HIV test, I think.

She blinks, hard, once. Not much of a reaction, a doctor reaction, not a friend reaction. I realize I really need a friend right now. But I would have to tell them, and I can't, I won't. I don't want anyone to know, not now, not ever. I think I would feel even more pathetic, if I knew someone else knew. The thought crosses my mind that it is very possible that other people know. Maybe a lot of them. Joy starts to say something. I force my attention back to the present and interrupt her.

Syphilis, gonorrhea, whatever along those lines you think that I should be tested for. We need to know, so we can treat it. Do what is right for the baby, I say, very carefully.

She takes what seems like a long time to answer.

I can take the cultures now, no problem. We'll have to draw some blood, I don't know when I can get the phlebotomist down here, can you wait? Or you can get it done at the lab. When you have time. Joy is also choosing her words very carefully.

The lab, I think. I need to get out of here.

Want to get out of here. Desperately.

Alright, but the cultures? We should do them now? That will just take a minute.

She has crossed the room and is ready to pull out what she needs.

I nod.

Okay, now, I say."

She comes back over to me with the stuff.

Just like the pap, basically. I just need more of them. Only take a minute.

It does only take a minute. Joy is the best. Alex says so too. But mostly I am thinking about how we are usually talking when she does this. About her kids, or Rachel, or skiing, she is a big skier too. But now there is no talking, just silence. When she is done, she rolls back on the stool and gets up with the cultures in hand. I didn't even notice how many there were, more than usual, for sure.

I'll get the paperwork done for the blood work, the nurse will bring it in for you.

Thank you.

She turns to leave but, before she makes it to the door, she turns back.

Lauri, she says, and I am sure there is pity in her voice, we have procedures for this. It is kept confidential. Very confidential.

Thanks, I nod, that's good to know.

Then she leaves. When the nurse comes in to tell me I am all set, and I can go home now, she hands me a sealed envelope with just my name written on it. I thank her and put it in my purse. I will take Rachel to the lab with me tomorrow. I will have to tell her approximately eight hundred times that we are going to the medical building for me, and not her. The pediatrician's office is in the same building.

As I get dressed to go, I wonder if, when this is all over, I will need to find a new gynecologist . There is no point in changing now, because any new doctor would have to know about the tests. I'm not even sure if one test will do it. They may have to keep checking. Damn Bill to hell and back if I have to find a new gynecologist. Joy is fucking perfect. The idea that in all this I am concerned about losing my gyno is so ludicrous I start laughing, but the crying takes over pretty quickly. I mop up as best as I can and sneak out of the maternity ward. I know the nurses see me, but they are kind enough to pretend otherwise. Confidentiality my enormous pregnant ass.

Lauri - January 25, 2009

This weekend.

That's the subject line in the e-mail from Bill. I click it open.

Hey Babe, Matt wanted to do a day trip up to Vermont Saturday, Killington, or Mount Snow, is that okay by you? I know that in a couple of weeks it probably won't be a good idea, but I really wanted to get one more day of skiing in, I only went four days this year. But if you don't want me to, I won't. Just let me know either way so I can tell Matt. Love you, Bill

Skiing, figures. And just like him to act like he is being considerate, by giving me the opportunity to tell him no, he can't go. I don't want to tell him he can't go. Why do I have to be the bad guy? What I really want is for him to look at the situation, and decide on his own, that it's not a good idea. That he doesn't want to leave his pregnant wife alone with the three-year-old all day on Saturday, especially since she is alone with the three-year-old all day, five days a week (okay minus two and a half hours of preschool, Tuesday and Thursday).

And this is New England, so we will not be playing outside, which makes it so much harder. I can't believe how long winter is, when you have a little kid to entertain all day. A little kid who hates wearing a coat, hat, snow pants and boots. Especially boots. What little kid doesn't love to play out in the snow? Mine.

I should check the weather, maybe if it is going to snow two feet he won't go. No, if it is going to snow, he'll want to go even more, drive up on Friday night probably. Crap. I don't want to tell him okay. I want to sleep late Saturday, and Sunday, or at least not get out of bed as soon as Rachel does.

This Saturday, shit, there is that Chuck E Cheese birthday party, for that kid, Michael, in Rachel's class. I was planning on asking Bill to take her to that too. The only thing that could possibly make me feel worse right now, is two hours at Chuck E Cheese. The noise is unbelievable. Even when I'm not pregnant, I can't stand it.

Only four days of skiing this year, gee sorry. How many times have I gone this year, asshole? When I was pregnant with Rachel, we went up to Vermont a lot. It wasn't bad. Before I got pregnant, I figured not skiing would bother me a lot. But once I was pregnant, I couldn't believe how awful I felt all the time. Sick and tired for nine straight months. I didn't give a crap about not skiing. So, I brought lots of books and while Bill skied, I slept a lot, and read. We'd always go out to nice dinners. It was really nice, those times, we talked a lot about the baby, and we were really happy together, even though I felt so lousy. The only thing that stunk about those weekends was everywhere we stayed there was a hot tub, that was off limits. Not that I would have gotten into a bathing suit while I was pregnant anyway.

God, can't he see things are different now. I can barely walk across the room, how can he even think of this right now?

I type Okay and hit send. I knew I would. I never want to be the one to tell him he can't do what he wants. I've always wanted to make him happy, make whatever he wants happen for him.

Then my mind snaps back to what I know and somehow forgot, (How? How is it even possible that I could forget, even for a minute?) in my usual ordinary annoyance at him. I realize he is probably not going skiing at all. Or if he is, probably not with Matt. I wonder what he was really doing those last four days of skiing. I close the laptop and start to cry, again. And I keep crying, until Rachel starts yanking on my leg.

Momma, are you sad?

No baby, I'm just really tired.

I drag her onto my lap, what's left of it, and hug her until she starts squirming.

What do you want to do, sweetie? Read a book?

Yes! she takes off running, to the living room. On the couch, she shouts back to me.

So I meet her at the couch and read books and pretend I am not thinking about what I am thinking about. I'm getting really good at pretending.

Lauri - February 1, 2009

I pull into the parking lot and park carefully. The whole parking lot is a sheet of ice. No, a sheet would be smooth. This is an icy, gravelly, sandy, puddlely (yes puddlely, so sue me if it's not a word) mess. Grab my phone to look at the text I heard ding, while I was driving down here. It's from Alex.

Not going to make it, Candy hurled, I read.

Great. Now I'm at Chuck E Cheese and I have no one to talk to. Complain to, more likely. I look back at Rachel.

You ready? I ask her.

Ready! she says, with a big smile.

Of course she's ready. She freaking loves it here. Bill brings her sometimes, on rainy days. I don't know how he stands it. I should text Alex back, probably. Say I hope Candy feels better. But I just shove the phone back in my pocket. Waddle (that's what it is now, a waddle, not a walk) carefully around the car and get the present out of the front seat and Rachel out of the back. Should I take my purse? No, then I'll have to carry it. Maybe some money, I could get a coke. Yes. I grab a couple of bucks out of my purse, then throw it on the floor and throw some junk on top of it. Last thing I need to deal with right now is a broken window and a stolen purse.

The present is too big to carry comfortably under my arm, or to carry in front of me. Rachel and I are both slipping as we walk, a lot. Watch me drop the present in a big icy puddle. God if I fall, I'll probably go into labor. I'll deliver the baby at Chuck E Cheese. We'll have to name him Chuck, probably. And what if it is a girl? Maisey? For the damn mouse. Not happening. And Bill will miss it. He called, presumably to check in with me, an hour ago and I didn't pick up. Asshole. Fucking asshole bastard. I want him to miss it, I think. But not if it means falling and it is too early. Not good for the baby.

I waddle towards the building. God I am so tired. Think about the coke. A real fountain coke. Where I used to work, they made fun of me for it, because I said the one from the fountain, with the ice and the straw, tasted better than the can. Then one day some guy from marketing came over and said he heard some woman was suing Coke, because the fountain recipe and the can recipe were different. When I was pregnant with Rachel, the best I ever felt was after drinking a huge fountain coke. It didn't last very long, the feeling good part, maybe twenty minutes, and I didn't have more than two or three cokes my whole pregnancy. But I still gained like seventy pounds anyway.

We're at the door, thank god. I open the door and we walk in. Rachel is bouncing, she's so excited. Once the heat and the noise hit me, I'd give anything to be back out in the parking lot. I have to grab Rachel and force her to wait her turn, for our numbered hand stamps.

Wait your turn, honey, I tell her.

Okay, okay! she says.

And then we have to find Michael and give him his present and say happy birthday.

Okay!

And you need to be where I can see you at all times.

Yes, we have the hand stamp, but it is usually insane here and I wouldn't let her out of my sight for a second. Another reason it would be great to have Alex here, wouldn't have to drag Rachel to the bathroom, if I need to go. Damn.

We are stamped, we are in. I drag Rachel over to the birthday table, where Michael's mom is standing guard over the presents.

Hi, I'm Kelly, she says.

Lauri, I remind her, we see each other twice a week at preschool.

For like, the past five months, or something? Boy, I am in a bad mood.

Have fun, she says, and hands Rachel a cup of tokens.

Which I quickly snag from her, before she dumps them on the floor, which would probably incite a riot.

I'll hold them sweetie, I tell her. What do you want to play first?

Ice-ball!

One time playing ice-ball, she released the ball on the back swing and threw it into the crowd. I hope she can hold onto it better now, it's a miracle no one got hurt last time, those balls are really hard. I'm not feeling terribly lucky though. She marches determinedly through the crowd and I waddle behind her, waving to a couple of the preschool parents I know. There is a kid from her class playing ice-ball. Joey. With his dad. The good looking one. I mean, really good looking. I mentioned it to Alex once, how hot I thought that guy was. She made a weird face. Not her type, I guess. Rachel runs over.

Hi Joey!

Hi Rachel!

Joey finishes his game and looks at his dad.

Again! he shouts.

Let Rachel have a turn, his dad tells him.

Joey begrudgingly moves behind Rachel and I hand her a token.

Thanks Joey, I tell him.

Preschool does a heck of a job teaching them they have to wait their turn, but you can't teach them to like it.

I think he'll play this the whole time, his dad says.

Her too, I reply.

I'm wondering where I'm going to find the energy, and creativity, for a prolonged conversation, for the next half hour. Trying to have a conversation, through all this noise, is near impossible. Wonder if I could drag Rachel away to get a coke? I peer over at the food line. Huge. Fuck.

Hey, will you watch him for a second?

What?

I wasn't listening. I was mourning the loss of my coke.

"Would you keep an

Reviews for Mistakes

[julied2 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Winnie Masters' vow of celibacy doesn't stand a chance after she's met Mark Bishop, she thought may be she'd start tomorrow instead of today when she first saw him. But no it didn't matter any way, Mark was just too much too resist and he couldn't keep his hands off Winnie either, and they had a hot, steamy time, and it was fantastic.Then it's back to work, and Winnie finds herself in a different job....and working for Mark, and the banter is not so amenable as their slutty time together, and they try desperately not too jump back into that kind of situation again.A hot, steamy, romance, low on tension and drama but high on fun and laughs, a great read.

[pelusa41-1 · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Received an ARC for my fair review for netgalley. I did enjoy book, liked how Win and Mark got together, and we all know that forbidden romance is the best. I also liked the fact that Win loved her sister and went out of her way to take care of her, because really it is not her responsibility. Mark was sweet and hot, but Win did him wrong in how she just stopped the relationship instead being open with him, that was my pet peeve, she may have felt she had her reasons, but it was cold and he did not deserve that. Enjoyed the rest of crew, Ainsley, Lucy and especially Hasty. Could have done without her aunt Jo and her grandfather. Hope this is not the end of there story.

[nelispelusa · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

Received an ARC for my fair review for netgalley. I did enjoy book, liked how Win and Mark got together, and we all know that forbidden romance is the best. I also liked the fact that Win loved her sister and went out of her way to take care of her, because really it is not her responsibility. Mark was sweet and hot, but Win did him wrong in how she just stopped the relationship instead being open with him, that was my pet peeve, she may have felt she had her reasons, but it was cold and he did not deserve that. Enjoyed the rest of crew, Ainsley, Lucy and especially Hasty. Could have done without her aunt Jo and her grandfather. Hope this is not the end of there story.