Tom and Becky Against Larry and Kevin

By leoxx cucomb

A young boy Tom ran away from home.
Accidently Tom gets involved in illegal business.
An inexperienced crook Kevin gives Tom a bag with money by mistake.
Kevin's Superior Larry and Kevin himself chase Tom to get the money back.

82000 words

• Language: English
• Publisher: leoxx cucomb
• Release date: Nov 20, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386252474

Book preview

Tom slowly walked along the country road. It was hot and stuffy. He wanted something to drink. Finally he ran away from home. Perfect. But if somebody asked him now that was it really what he desired for? He didn't know the answer. At least not for the moment.

Cars pass in both directions. Passenger cars, trucks. Nobody takes notice of him. That's good. If it wasn't that hot, would be very good. And a little water. That would be like in paradise. Like at home. Memory came. He loved his home. His family. Mother, father, grandma, sisters. And of course, his best friend rooster Buddy. Buddy was romantic dreamer, just like Tom himself. And Buddy could almost fly. Or, to be precise, could fly on the short distances. Like athletes, some run miles and some are sprinters. Buddy was obviously a sprinter. And a loud singer. Tom remembers that watching Buddy made him eat a lot of eggs. He didn't really want to, but he ate them, because he wanted to fly like Buddy. At least for a short distances. That's why, probably, he gained weight. May be not. Once again, he didn't know the answer. Tom hears mother's voice in his head, 

'Tom, you can't practice throwing lasso on our TV set!'

But what to do if TV set looks exactly like a head of a huge bull? And like any other real cowboy Tom accepted the challenge!

Tom hears voice of his father,

'Tom, you can't perform a demolition derby driving our pig!'

How to explain them what is it to live on the edge! Tom remembers that he heard from somewhere boy must prepare himself to be a man from the very young age. Tom didn't have a car, but pig looks almost exactly like a four wheel motorcycle. And Destroyer was as fearless as Tom himself. How many times they've broken their backyard gate, how many bruises and scratches, just countless!

Tom hears voice of Ann, elder of his two sisters,

'Tom, if you'll go fishing to my aquarium again, I'll burn your guitar! I hate you!'

What does she think about herself? She is only twelve, but she considered herself the Queen of Earth planet and the princess of the Universe! Tom remembers he heard from somewhere that all girls consider themselves as a princesses.

'She doesn't look like a princess!' Tom thought, 'Of course, she is pretty, I'll give her that, but she always wears jeans, t-shirt and baseball cap. Princesses don't walk in public like that. Princesses should wear long dresses, sophisticated hair-dos and shiny sparkling shoes, not the snickers.'

Tom sighed and scratched his nose. He didn't really want to catch Ann's fish, he just wanted to test his new scientific creation, universal bait. If she'd dare touch his beautiful guitar, he'll pour cherry syrup in her snickers and put a plastic spider in her baseball cap.

'If she is a princess,' Tom thought, 'I am a prince.'

He told her once about that. But Ann said that there is no such a thing like a fat prince.

'I am not fat,' Tom thought, 'I am overweight. But that's all right. And what does she know about hate? Absolutely nothing! Chummed with one guy and he dumped her. He did a right thing! Nobody needs freakish princesses. Only in movies they are popular and everybody wants to marry them. And princesses behave with false modesty and are waiting for a really rich specimen. Straight soap opera. But life is nothing like a soap opera. Life is more like a tragedy or horror movie. Actually sometimes with a comic droplets.'

Tom hears a voice of his grandma,

'Tom, if your favorite rooster would use my rose garden as his bathroom again, he'll end up his days in the oven!'

Beautiful, beloved grandma! How much Tom loves her! And of course, grandma loves him too. But she also loves her rose garden. Who she loves more? Tom or her rose garden? Probably she loves Tom more. But who she really doesn't like, is the rooster Buddy. They just couldn't get along. Different styles of thinking. And Tom thinks that Buddy likes that rose garden too. He just likes it his own, rooster's way. He fertilizes it for free. And again, if grandma decide to cook Buddy, how she gonna catch him? She is old, walks slowly, but Buddy is professional sprinter-flier, full of energy and ideas. And Tom has never seen grandma flying, even on Halloween. That means, she'll hire a hitman. But who? Most likely, grandma will hire Ann. She'll buy her candies and a new baseball cap. Nothing is sacred to Ann. Except her aquarium.

Tom mentally pictured his sister slowly aims sniper rifle's optical sight at unsuspecting beautiful Buddy. There is an evil sarcastic smile on her face, her eyes are cold and empty. Index finger on the trigger. Cheerful Buddy lively chats with chicks, pecks seed, enjoys sunny day. The Index finger slowly moves. Death is already in the barrel and counts seconds. Now Ann and the sniper rifle become one entity. Buddy raises his head to admire the scenery, and... horror of horrors! Tom closed his eyes and tried to chase away terrible vision. But the vision is still here.

Tom sees the table in their dining room. Grandma puts on thermal mittens and opens the oven. Everybody sitting by the table gets quiet. Grandma slides out a metal tray. Ann gloatingly smiles. She wears a brand new t-shirt with inscription 'The best sniper of the year'. Ann impatiently picks her nose with her Index finger. Very same finger she pulled the trigger of the sniper rifle, that killed Buddy. Tom sees a corn on Ann's Index finger. The corn is big and obviously old.

'Lord!' thinks Tom, 'How many innocent souls she wiped out to make this corn so big!' 

Grandma cuts Buddy in pieces. Ann asks her,

'Grandma, please, scoop some rooster's fat for me, I want to grease my sniper rifle. I use it a lot lately.'

Tom shrugged his shoulders and closed his eyes. The same moment another vision came to him. His baby sister, little, but already commanding,

'Tom, go mak your bed! And mak it snappy!"

'Ann thought her!' Tom thinks, 'Gazed long enough at the Super girls movies. Just atrocity!' 

Tom was walking, plunged in his thoughts. He woke up when saw in front of him a big eighteen wheeler, covered with a tarpaulin. Some man, around sixty, wearing blue jeans and washed out t-shirt, did something with rear tire. The man noticed upcoming Tom and said,

Hey, buddy, can you help me, please?

If Tom had a lack of something, that wasn't a time. 

Sure, why not?

The man started to explain,

You see, I got flat. I have a spare, but the bolt is rusty. I got a cheater bar, but I still need a helping hand. 

OK, let's do it! Tom said.

The man set a wrench on the bolt, took the cheater bar, but changed his mind. He said,

Look, it is hot around like in the hell! I'm really thirsty! There is a small business in five minutes walk from here, I want to get some water for both of us.

Tom shrugged his shoulders, 

What do you want me to do?

The man took a thorough look at Tom and said,

I see you are a nice guy... you know what, just hang around for a while, I'll come back, we'll fix the tire and I'll give you a ride where you want.

Tom thought for a moment and said,

Works for me!

The man cheered up,

OK, then! Be back in twenty minutes!

The man turned around and Tom saw an inscription on the back of his t-shirt 'What was first, egg or chicken?' The man walked away. Tom started thinking,

'Chicken hatch from eggs. He knew it exactly. Those little,  beautiful, yellow, very funny. Then chicken grow and became hens or roosters. That's understandable. Roosters flirt with chicks to make chickens. At this point, do roosters know their mission? Or just eager to show that they are tough? Very often roosters fight over chicks. And not just fight, but fight like a roosters. Basic instinct. So, hen brings an egg. But somebody brought the hen! Who? An Egg! But who brought an egg? The hen! A vicious circle! And let's not forget that without rooster even most healthy hen wouldn't be able to deliver at least one chicken. So it's all about sex. First was sex.'

Tom thought about it until he heard chicken cackle.

'I am going crazy because of heat,' Tom thought, 'Or because of philosophical conclusions. I think I see a large hen flying to me. She will hatch a big egg, full of cold clean water. I'll drink some water, and then I'll ask her what does she know about sex.'

Meanwhile somewhere on outskirts of a small beautiful town in California two persons have been sitting inside an old shabby car and talking. One of them, sitting behind the steering wheel, was short, fat man around fifty years old. His name was Larry. The other person, sitting in the front passenger seat, was man about thirty two years old, tall and scrawny. His name was Kevin. They were semi-professional crooks, or at least they thought they were. For Kevin it was his first assignment. He was excited, nervous, looked around all the time, and in everyone, passing by, he saw an under-covered cop. Larry was mysterious creature. Looking at him nobody would think Larry got a classical education, but life is such a thing, that can teach anybody a few tricks, if the person is not a perfect fool. Larry wasn't a fool. He was smart and even sly in common sense of life. But he probably wouldn't be able to run a Company, if he had a chance. He was a foreman with some abilities of a supervisor.

So! Larry said, I am explaining the situation one more time.

Larry looked at Kevin. Kevin was looking through the side window at walking by girl in mini-skirt. Light breeze was blowing around and Kevin waited it will raise the skirt and Kevin will see girl's panties.

Kevin! Larry said with a harsh tone in his voice. 

Yes, what is it? quickly answered Kevin, still looking through the window.

Kevin! Larry's voice was much louder. Kevin reluctantly  turned his head to Larry,

Yes, Larry? Kevin asked. 

Kevin, Larry said, This is your very first mission, so you must be very attentive! 

Kevin without turning his head from Larry tried to squint his eyes in the direction of the girl in mini-skirt. That didn't work. Kevin quietly sighed,

Yes, Larry, Kevin said in a disappointed voice. 

OK! Larry said and looked at Kevin with an air of importance,

One more time about what we gonna do. We unhurriedly...

Kevin meaningly looked at Larry,

Unhurriedly...

Larry crossly interrupted Kevin,

Don't repeat after me!

Kevin scowled,

Why not? I just want to memorize the instructions correctly! Spies in movies do it all the time!

Larry  condescendingly looked at Kevin,

Kevin, we are not spies, we are criminals!

Kevin thought for a second, moving his lips like he was saying something to himself, and asked,

What's the difference?

Larry was quite taken aback at the question. He frowned, took a look in the window, tapped at the steering wheel and slowly started,

Well...

Larry didn't know what to say and tried to gain time, but Kevin interrupted him, 

All they are a big friendly families and they live like a brothers.

Larry, displeased that Kevin cut him, said,

Look, brother Kevin, you are new in our business, right?

Kevin raised his brows in perplexion,

So?

Larry appreciatively looked at Kevin and asked,

What did you do for a living?

Kevin smiled, settled back in the seat, and said,

I am glad you asked! Kevin gave Larry a sly look and said,

For a living I breathed, sometimes deeply, sometimes not, and, by the way, from time to time I went to mountains, to have a clean, fresh air, that's very good for your health, also for a living I ate some different food, like a meat balls, stew, coleslaw... I still do it eventually...

Larry looked at Kevin with sarcasm, and interrupted him, 

No, no, you funny philosopher! Tell me what is your profession, what did you do to earn money for a living! 

Kevin straightened in the seat, made a noble face and solemnly pronounced, 

I was a Designer. I mean theeeee Designer!

Kevin jerked his head up.

Larry looked at Kevin with doubt and said,

Oh, I see! High fashion world, glamour, beautiful girls...

Kevin slightly frowned, looked around, like hoping for help, dropped his head down and quietly said,

Well, not exactly. I worked in the Supermarket. First, Larry looked like he didn't believe what he heard, then he screamed,

In the Supermarket! What did you design, a horse radish?

Kevin began to fidget in his seat,

N-no, I was arranging canned merchandise...

Larry patronizingly nodded his head,

Oh, OK. Cat's food. Lots of glamour.

Kevin fired up,

So what! Did you work in Supermarket yourself?

Larry negatively shook his head,

No. Never had a chance.

Kevin's eyes were flashing,

If you worked there at least two-three months, you would learn a lot! And you would suffer a lot!

Larry looked at Kevin in disbelieve,

Suffer? What are you talking about? Couldn't be that bad!

Kevin's cheeks became red,

And now I'm gonna tell you, what does that mean, 'to work in the supermarket!' When you came in the supermarket to work first time, everybody treat you like a shit. Actually, co-workers are divided in two major categories, good and bad. But you don't know about it yet. Later on you'll see that bad co-workers will treat you like a turd, and good co-workers will treat you like you are a robot. You gonna face irregular hours. Weekends, holidays, early mornings, late nights. And the schedule changes weekly. The job is physical. Very, very physical. And dirty. You have to clean bathrooms every shift. Every shift cleaning shit. It hurts. And stinks. You feel yourself already low, but they tell you to get lower and stock shelves. On your knees. It hurts too. In both senses. And stinks. Don't forget the kitchen. It stinks and hurts. Pushing carts, mopping, all that bitch-work. Lots of people are angry, aggressive, especially on holidays, and you can't fight back. Crying children, creepy customers, asking what time you finish work. And you must smile all day long! And those drafts! The doors are always open, you can catch cold any minute, and you eventually will! And on the top of that, no tips! 'Thank you very much' is the most you can squeeze out of customer! And on the top of the top, you know who you are!

Kevin went limp and his eyes got tears. He sobbed,

And those shoplifters...

Larry got frightened for Kevin and interrupted him,

OK, OK, Kevin! Calm down! I see the picture!

But Kevin continued,

And about girls. There was one girl. She worked only on weekends, I really liked her.

Finally Kevin stopped. Larry looked at Kevin with some kind of sympathy,

OK, Kevin, I get it. Just tell me, how do you know Big Melon, our boss?

Kevin sobbed again and said quietly,

He is my uncle-in-law.

Larry's face brightened up,

OK, I see! Most likely, you've been fired from supermarket for some reason, and you asked your sweet uncle to place you somewhere 'heavy lifting not required'.

Kevin bridled with anger,

Not true! I mean, yes, I had some problems at my work, but I was fired practically for nothing! 

Larry looked at Kevin suspiciously,

What do you mean, practically for nothing?

Kevin made a noble face and took a deep breath,

I like groceries very much. Vegetables, fruits, all kinds of greens... meat, fish, sausages... and when I've been putting price tags on them, I really enjoyed looks of them and, by mistake, I've put price tag of an eggplant on wild caught salmon. And that's why I was fired. 

Larry looked at Kevin with a doubt,

But you didn't do it on purpose?

Kevin became exited,

Of course not! I'm just absent-minded...

Larry scratched his temple,

If you are, like you said, absent-minded, so how Big Melon entrusted you this mission?

Kevin smirked,

I told him that I have extremely vivid imagination and I am able to deliver an ingenious plans!

Larry laughed,

Right, just like with those salmon and eggplant! 

Kevin scowled,

Every artist has a right to make a mistake.

Larry asked with a sarcasm in his voice,

Did you ever miss your ingenious supermarket's job?

Kevin suspiciously looked at Larry,

What do you mean?

Larry grinned,

I mean cleaning bathrooms, catching shoplifters... I believe that is an art too!

Kevin squinted his eyes at Larry,

I understand all the poisoned humor of your question. No, I don't miss cleaning bathrooms. But I miss that girl. Larry nodded,

OK, brother-designer Kevin...

Kevin interrupted him,

You can call me Designer.

Larry looked at Kevin with fake surprise,

Why? We don't have any cat's food around!

Kevin said meaningly,

Every famous criminal got a nickname. That guy in London had a nickname 'Jack the Ripper', but I want to be just 'Designer'.

Larry asked sarcastically, 

And you wanna be as famous as him?

Kevin thought for a moment,

Well, probably not that famous, but I want to live bright, shiny and interesting life!

Larry smiled,

Right, right. Fiddling with price tags and ripping off innocent women!

Kevin negatively shook his head,

Not at all. For your information, there is intellectual, white collar crime wide spread in the civilized world.

Larry nodded, 

Yes, of course! I'll put on a white shirt, will steal a computer from my neighbor, and that's gonna be an 'intellectual white collar crime'. Ha.Ha.Ha.

Kevin scowled, got silent for a moment, then said, 

Anyway, I'll be famous one day.

Larry scratched his ear,

Yes, why not. Could happen. But while you are not famous, I'm gonna call you simply 'Kevin' like it or not. Kevin  puffed up his cheeks, but said nothing. Larry looked at Kevin thoroughly and slowly started,

OK... Kevin...

Larry looked at Kevin, watching his reaction,

What we gonna do... we slowly  drive along the road and somewhere at some point we'll see a big eighteen-wheeler truck, covered with tarp and with a cock, painted on it. Kevin made a wry face, 

It's illegal in California. You should know that. First, Larry didn't understand, then he realized and launched a counter-offensive,

Are you saying, that there, in the supermarket, among tomatoes and cucumbers, you've been practicing law? So why you didn't become an attorney? Or you were too busy, secretly replacing price tags and selling stakes for the price of bananas? To yourself? Larry triumphantly looked at Kevin and said, I meant a rooster, you eggplant shyster! First, learn good manners yourself, then try to teach others!

Kevin scowled. Larry looked like a gladiator, just killed lion,

So! Larry said, We see a big truck, pulled over. We see a rooster on the tarp.

Larry meaningfully looked at Kevin. Kevin was pretending he stared at something outside. 

Kevin, are you listening? asked Larry, although he knew that Kevin is listening. 

Uh-h mooed Kevin without turning his head. 

Good, Larry said, "I stop the car behind the truck, engine running, I sit inside. You get out of the car, take the bag with money and walk to the driver of the truck. He should be in the truck or somewhere around the truck. You approach the driver and tell him the password,

‘What's going on this beautiful morning?’

The driver should tell you back the countersign, 'We are changing straight'. You understand?"

Kevin, still having a grudge, slightly turned his head and muttered, 

Of course I understand! It's easy!

Larry inquisitively looked at Kevin and said,

Repeat what I just said.

Kevin mincingly pursed his lips and started,

We slowly drive along...

Larry sharply interrupted him,

The password and the countersign, you bozonerd!

Kevin cheered up,

Bozonerd! That's the good one!

Larry waited till Kevin's convulsion of mirth became weaker, 

Well? asked Larry.

Kevin nodded assent,

OK, OK. I say 'What's going on this wonderful morning... 

Larry jumped in his seat,

Beautiful, beautiful, you idiot!

Kevin made an affected face and sleeked his hair with his hand,

Why, thank you Larry!

Larry became more angry,

I mean 'beautiful morning', not beautiful you, you, ostrich head!

Kevin realized his mistake,

Oh, I am sorry! I say 'What's going on this beautiful morning.

Larry's eyes flashed angrily,

And?

Kevin blurted out,

And the driver must tell me back 'We are changing straight.

Larry contently nodded,

Right. You got it. Then no more talk. You give the driver the bag with money, hop in the truck, and drive to our place. I follow you. Questions?

Kevin slightly frowned, moved his brows up and down and finally asked,

Larry, why we are changing straight?

Larry made expression on his face, like he was a professor, explaining a theorem  to a stupid student,

Because we change a bag of money for a truck of stuff straight, without any hidden charges. Got it?

Kevin grinned,

Piece of Esturgeon!

Larry raised his brows,

What?

Kevin smiled complacently, 

I said 'Piece of sturgeon.' I study French, you know... In France 'Piece of sturgeon' equals our 'piece of cake.

Larry tiredly let his shoulders fall,

Kevin, how would be 'drink' in French?

Kevin was happy to show his attainments,

Boisson, why?

Larry sighed and closed his eyes,

I need a boisson.

Tom was waiting when the driver come back with the water. It was hot. Tom thought,

'If I'm gonna stay in one spot without moving I'm gonna get sunstroke. I'll walk around the truck. Very good idea!' He started walking and noticed that on the side of the tarp there was a painting of big beautiful all bright colors rooster. Tom immediately remembered Buddy. But Buddy was much more beautiful and charming. Interesting, where is Buddy now? Is he still running among rose bushes, or... Tom was afraid to think farther. Although chances to survive Buddy definitely had. Grandma was old, and speaking about Ann, she was hussy but she was rather afraid of Tom, he knew that for sure. She wouldn't dare to kill alive creature just because of easing oneself in public place. And was that place so public? Except grandma herself, nobody never walked in there, only when her sister paid a visit. On that occasions they've been strolling around every rose bush, groaning, moaning, and talking something about 'heterocline pollination', although even if you'd put a gun to Tom's head, he wouldn't tell what it is. Tom didn't like that kind of conversations, that continued during tea drinking. That is, Grandma and her sister have been siting, drinking tea and talking about rose bushes and 'heterocline pollination', whatever it is. And about Grandma's sister. She was really something special. Years as a widow, older than Grandma, but so energetic! Walking back and forth in the garden, admire roses, but at the same time staring at passing by grandpas. Heterocline pollination. Birds and bees.

And about her granddaughter Emma. Same age as Ann. Every time they got together, that is, Emma and Ann, they starting right away; blouses, tunics, jeans, shoes, boys. Then jeans, tunics, blouses, shoes, boys. Then shoes, boys, jeans, blouses, tunics and so on. They can forget about tunics. They can forget about blouses. They can forget about any item. They never forget about boys. Birds and bees. No, that's not like Tom was against friendship or even love. Those things are kind of necessary and even useful.

And about the cloth. Very necessary thing too. You can't live without a cloth. Although when Tom saw beautiful girl, Tom with some reason always wanted she didn't have cloth on her. Probably that way would be easier to evaluate her personality. Everybody around are saying something like 'You must not show your private parts!' What exactly do they mean? Tom knows about those places. Are they private? Of course they are, because only I use them. But are my other parts public? Like hands, legs, head, and for example, ears? No, they are not, because still only I use them. OK, some of people's parts are more private, then others. Like the nose. Especially if it is wrong size. Or if