Beltway Gremlin: Parody & Satire

By R. L. Saunders

Indecision has been known to kill people. In politics, it just makes fund-raising harder.

That's why we gremlins love the politicians. When they built Washington on our swamp, we got the best deal out of it.

Us and the faerie-folk.

Until then, we only had the natives and the migrant colonists to work with. Influencing their minds and helping them to live more "interesting" lives."

But when they paved over that swamp and replaced it with all sorts of statuary, and homes and lots of unelected bureaucrats, then the fun began.

It's said that the Beltway changes people. No - they are all listening to us - and changing their minds, constantly. Just to keep from going crazy...

Except:

Let's be clear: Gremlins bring out the worst in humans. They make them say the "darnedest" things. Because humans are often more like children than adults. All that poppycock about brains "maturing" is more gremlin-speak for having parents who were sheltered and spoiled as children raising spoiled children of their own who also can't determine fact from dreams or from opinion.

There. I said it. Even fairies like me have to stomp our pretty feet at times.

Not that it bothers gremlins. It only bothers humans to be "wrong" about something or to not get their "way."

And our job as fairies to to bring out the best in humans. So we work to balance the gremlins as we both ride on the shoulders of our selected humans. All around the Washington Beltway.

If you can see us "faerie-folk" you can probably see the gremlins, too - they are just on a different wavelength. We're both over-talking the other at the same time. Over-shouting, in many cases.

That's the stupid, blank looks you see on TV. Deer in the headlights. Non-sequitur responses when people are interviewed. Losing their "train of thought." Even going so far as quoting song lyrics as statistically-proved facts. (I think Meat Loaf still holds the record for direct quotes to support the senator's arguments.)

Not that they don't have a lot of actors there (regardless of any witness's ability to swoon the press.) In general, it seems that if you had a character that ended in -er, like "Gopher" or "Cooter" you had a better chance at a nationwide office. (And this doesn't include so many who made the transition just up to or beyond local May-or, like Salvato-re Bono) And having a president with an acting background seems to help on the campaign. Apparently, the more movies you've been in, the more Republican you get...

All this constant play against the Gremlins has made my own otherwise light-hearted responses a bit sarcastic, so I apologize.

We fairies often have to take breaks in Statuary hall, and read the inscriptions on the buildings around Washington, just to get our balance back. Something like the observation – that you become like the five people you most associate with. So we try to rotate our staff occasionally.

It's unfortunate that the humans cannot "tag-team" their position.

This is what makes their infection become more permanent.  

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• Language: English
• Publisher: Midwest Journal Press
• Release date: Dec 30, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386138488

R. L. Saunders

R. L. has always had a hard-edged humor. But he's been working on toning it back when it interferes with the straight entertainment value of the story he's bringing to life. Saunders likes his parables exciting and his sharp wit is often a surprise. Of course, there are contemporary mentions you have to keep an eye out for... Satire is like that, he says - no fun if you don't deflate an over-blown ego every now and then...

Book preview

Beltway Gremlin

(with The Lonely Witness)

by R. L. Saunders

This is a work of fiction. Similarities to real people, places, or events are entirely coincidental.

BELTWAY GREMLIN

First edition. December 30, 2018.

Copyright © 2018 R. L. Saunders.

ISBN: 978-1386138488

Written by R. L. Saunders.

Table of Contents

Title Page

Copyright Page

Beltway Gremlin

The Lonely Witness

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Further Reading: R. L. Saunders Satire Collection 01

Also By R. L. Saunders

Beltway Gremlin

I

THAT LAST COMMITTEE meeting was the greatest fiasco we ever created. Everyone got pissed off at everyone else, and all but went at each other's throats. At least in their speeches.

Made us gremlins happy. Upset the fairies. (Well, they only really get very disappointed.)  Gremlins can get positively torqued - because we are built that way. Cousin to trolls, you know.

The trick is that we feed off their upset and discord. And when there is lots of food around, we gorge. Don't want to let all that great angst and hate go to waste, now do we?

Fairies try to balance us out. (Good luck with that.) They live on the great speeches and oratory, where the original high ideals are espoused, and re-dedicated, and repeated in the hallway and building descriptions as so inspirational.

Whatever.

Us gremlins live for the down-and-dirty, backstabbing, vicious lying that goes on in the cloakrooms and private offices.

That meeting gave us gremlins just had so much fun, and we rode away on the shoulders of our hosts fat, happy,