Divorce Is Not Adultery

By Thulani Emmanuel Mdladla

This book is inspired by the need for Christians to recognise the necessity of divorce and to condemn the abuse of this right, that was recognised from Genesis till today by the laws of all the civilized states under the sun. This book is not written to encourage divorce, but rather to show that if a man or woman divorce and remarry after a lawful divorce, he or she has not committed adultery according to scripture. Divorce itself is not a sin but a right. The related Bible text has been mistranslated and then misunderstood.

The author found from his own experience that God can be found even in the midst of divorce and that the pain of divorce can be likened to the death of a loved one.

Should a couple decide that their marriage has irretrievably broken down, and that there is no hope of reconciliation, religious parties allow for divorce, which like marriage, is the voluntary act of both the parties, and it is effected by the husband delivering, and the wife voluntarily accepting, a Bill of Divorcement, known as a ‘Get’. The concept of the Bill of Divorcement is very ancient, referred to in the book of Deuteronomy (24: 1-4). It was made to protect a woman from abuse by men.

Thulani Emmanuel Mdladla is the Senior Pastor and a founder of Soul Winning Community Church in South Africa. He is a director and founder for Soul Winning Community Project and a businessman. He holds a Senior Dip. In Theology, Bachelor Degree in Biblical Archaeology and is pursuing a Bachelor Degree in History at University of South Africa. He has visited more than 80 cities of the Bible world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Thulani Emmanuel Mdladla
• Release date: Sep 14, 2018
• ISBN: 9780463026564

Book preview

DIVORCE

IS NOT ADULTERY

DIVORCE

IS NOT ADULTERY

THULANI EMMANUEL MDLADLA

Copyright © 2018 Thulani Emmanuel Mdladla

Published by Thulani Emmanuel Mdladla Publishing at Smashwords

First edition 2018

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording or any information storage or retrieval system without permission from the copyright holder.

The Author has made every effort to trace and acknowledge sources/resources/individuals. In the event that any images/information have been incorrectly attributed or credited, the Author will be pleased to rectify these omissions at the earliest opportunity.

Published by the Author using Reach Publishers’ services,

P O Box 1384, Wandsbeck, South Africa, 3631

Edited by Sheena Carnie for Reach Publishers

Cover designed by Reach Publishers

Website: www.reachpublishers.co.za

E-mail: [e-mail]

To my wife, Elizabeth Busisiwe, the best thing I discovered in Africa, and my two daughters, Pistis and Emmanuel Jr.

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Introduction

1. Fatherhood

2. God the Husband

3. Don’t Trust a Man

4. The Religion of Failures

5. Friendship and Dating

6. Exemplary Wives

7. Marriage and Ketubah

8. Women and Their Rights

9. Sex and the Sabbath

10. Women With Two Husbands

11. Men and Women Are Equal

12. Polygamy

13. Divorce

14. Holy People and Unholy History

15. Jesus was Not a Greek Prophet

16. Gentilising Jesus’ Movement

17. Prostitution

18. Sources

Index

Acknowledgments

There has never been a time in which the need for self-expression was so greatly emphasised as it is now. Ironically, there has also never a time in which self-expression was so rarely achieved as it is now, a time in which there’s so much pressure on people to conform to the current conventions.

This book is the result of my own experiences through the passage of youth to adulthood, and the transition to being married, divorced and remarried.

I would like to thank my beautiful wife, Busisiwe Elizabeth, for giving me the opportunity to write this book which involved me sharing my life experiences, including discussing our own healthy courtship and relationship. Secondly, I want to thank my beloved daughters, Pistis and Emmanuel Jr, for their support even when the many hours I spent writing, studying and researching kept me from them. Lastly, I want to thank Reverend Dudley Thompson for being a good counsellor when I was in my Jericho after a deeply painful divorce, and the Reverend Dr Scott Couper, the author of Albert Luthuli Bound by Faith, as he encouraged me to write, since I’m one of those who love to read but hate to write. I also write this book as a challenge to Christians.

God did not send the Son into the world to condemn the world, but in order that the world might be saved through Him. The one who believes in Him is not condemned (John 3:17).

Introduction

I’m not trying to use this book to justify divorce; I do not believe that God is double-minded and I am sure that nobody loves divorce. However, through my own journey I have learnt that God is above all religious groupings and above all philosophy and theology. God is above divorce, polygamy, homosexuality, and all the gender variations and any other status. In other words, your sexual orientation doesn’t make you less human or an animal today and even after resurrection. It is unfortunate that our churches have become like the high courts of the land where sinners are judging sinners. When it comes to homosexuality, who is gay or straight, Jesus said that after resurrection we will be like angels – there will be no men or women, (Mat 22:30). Sadly, I believe that there are many sinners and failures who are not divorced who are causing damage to their children and wives on a daily basis. I have learnt that you must try to be as much of a blessing to your family as you can. Since everything begins with seed, you need God before you get married, not only when you encounter problems, because He is an initiator and visionary of the marriage. God is not a wedding planner, but a marriage planner; ask Him to arrange your marriage before you say I do. Marriage was not man’s idea, it was God’s idea right from the beginning. You cannot sustain your marriage in your own strength, but only by the grace of God. Tomorrow morning your spouse might wake up and say he/she is leaving you, and what will you do? How can you stop him/her? You don’t have complete control over your marriage. Adam’s wife had a conversation with the serpent and she did not talk to her husband before she ate from the Tree of Knowledge. The woman blamed the serpent, saying he beguiled her and that’s why she ate the fruit. The question is, why didn’t she discuss the matter with her husband first? In today’s situation it might be because of her position at work – maybe she’s a CEO or director of a company, and she thinks, I don’t have to discuss everything with my husband because I hold a high position and I’m the boss. Who is he?

In the Hebrew language, when you write the words man and woman they contain part of the name of God in between; if you remove the name of God you will be left with fire and fire – pure destruction. Your marriage is like your life; you do not live just because you smart, but by the grace of God – like King David said, because God is good and his grace endures forever. (Psalm 136:1) You cannot boast about your strong marriage, as what you need to understand, is that you need God’s grace today, tomorrow and forever. If you are Christian, my advice is this – change your house into a church or a small temple and bring the Ark of the Lord into your house. Biblically, the temple is The House or the house of the Lord (Acts 7: 47, 49). According to my African culture, the house is the house of somebody, for example the House of…. When 12-year-old Jesus got lost and was finally found in the temple, He said to Mary, His mother, Don’t you know I must be in my Father’s house? (Luke 2:49) Where there is a presence of God, the blessings of God can also be found. If you are a friend of God’s (as Christians are called to be) He will direct you to a suitable man or woman to marry, then your home will be a temple, a house of prayer and where the Holy Scripture speaks. You will be a priest, the light in your home will be a burning bush, your dining table will be your family altar and your bedroom will be your holy place, not a court room. Trust me, your sex will be good and blessed too. Scripture says you must reserve this pleasure for you and her alone and not share it with another. Your sex life will be blessed as you take joy and pleasure in the wife of your youth. Let her breasts be your satisfaction, and let her embrace intoxicate you at all times. Delight always in her love! Amen.

Many Christians are holy when they’re at church, but their marriages and their homes are not holy. Make sure your home is not a boxing ring or a court of law. In 2 Samuel 6:11 we read that the ark of the Lord remained in the house of Obed-edom the Gittite for three months, and the Lord blessed him and his entire household. When King David was told that the Lord had blessed the household of Obed-edom and everything he had, because of the ark of God, David went down and brought up the ark of God from the house of Obed-edom to the City of David with rejoicing.

I wish there were a special remedy to prevent divorce, but divorce is not an illness, it is a risk of marriage, a risk taken by everyone who decides to marry. It’s a bit like buying a car – you’ll probably still buy a car even if your father died in a car accident; it’s a risk you’re prepared to take. Some are not in a relationship but are burning in hell. According to Deuteronomy even a slave-wife had the right to divorce her master-husband; not a direct divorce, but technically, with grounds for her right to: clothing, food and sexual needs. Do you believe that a slave-wife has more rights than a free wife? Women had a right to divorce in neighbouring countries like Egypt and Babylon – the scriptures tells us this. In Deuteronomy 21: 10-14; Exodus 21:7-11; Judges 19 – I think they were using the opportunity as a technical divorce. In short, she has a right to go back to her father’s house or where ever, if you don’t fulfil her sexual needs. So one could say by going back to her father’s house, it’s a divorce. Sometimes divorce is like owning/taking responsibility for the stupid decisions you made the day before.

I wrote this book as a divorcee, and I’ve often asked myself, Why me? After helping others in my roles as a pastor and marriage officer, I was expected to have the formula to prevent my divorce. If you are a pastor, people sometimes assume that you are an angel or ironman – invincible. However, the fact is that we are just human; that is why some pastors are corrupt. Pastors and politicians were friends in corruption from way back around 150 BC. The Tobiads purchased the office of high priests by offering to pay a higher tribute (2 Maccabees 4:7-10). Jason was deposed after three years when a fellow Tobiads ally, Menelaus, outbid him for the office of high priest by tree hundred talents of silver (2 Maccabees 4:24). Even in the new South Africa after the advent of democracy, many pastors are puppets for politicians, and not just because we don’t have any role models – our Zechariah or righteous priest is Archbishop Desmond Tutu. We must understand that pastors (like me) are just people like you and sinners like you, but who have been saved by grace. Some are not even saved, they are just here to make money. We must also remember that corrupt religious leaders sent Jesus to Pontius Pilate. Jesus’s teaching went against some of the temple practices, so corrupt religious leaders were losing business. Also remember what He said to the Samaritan woman about the temple. (John 4:21) Essentially Jesus said to people, You don’t need to go to the Temple for forgiveness of your sins, I can forgive you and your sins anywhere, anytime. Jesus died for failures, with failures and he rose-up with failures.

After a deeply painful experience, today I’m one of those who are happy and blessed in their marriages. I don’t care what man says, I don’t even care what Christians say, I only care what God says. My day starts when I go home, not when I’m leaving home. It is good to go home with praise and worship in your heart, as if you’re entering the house of God. Our houses represent gods – the question is, which one? That is why I still believe in arranged marriages – your Father in heaven can arrange it for you; He is a marriage planner and an initiator. I believe that Abraham prayed for the woman who would be God’s choice as Isaac’s wife to appear, even though Eliezer had mixed feelings about his mission to find a wife for Isaac. (Genesis 24) Don’t ask me the formula for choosing the right wife because I don’t have one. Sometimes your divorce decree is the reward for man’s stupid decisions as the initiator of his own marriage. If you are a pastor remember that, your Church is not your wife.

The New Testament commentary on divorce comes from three gospels, Matthew, Mark, Luke, and the first letter of Paul to Corinthians. Jesus taught on the subject of divorce in three of the Gospels. Let not the wife depart from her husband...let not the husband put away his wife (1 Corinthians 7:10-11). Paul’s position on divorce in a letter of Romans was, For the woman which have an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he live (Romans 7:2-3). So then if, while her husband lives, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress. In Matthew 5:31-32, Matthew 19:1-10 and Mark 10:1-5, Jesus came into debate with the Pharisees over divorce concerning their well-known controversy between well-known scholars and sages, Hillel and Shammai about Deuteronomy 24:1.

(Gittin 9: 10) The School of Shammai says: A man may not divorce his wife unless he has found unchastity in her, for it is written, because he has found in her indecency in anything. And the School of Hillel says: He may divorce her even if she spoiled a dish for him, for it is written, because he has found in her indecency in anything. Akiba says: Even if he found another fairer than she, for it is written, and it shall be if she finds no favour in his eyes. They are all interpreting the same scripture, Deuteronomy 24. Divorce is a human right from the book Genesis (Genesis 21:10). Sarah said: ‘Divorce that woman’. God said to Abraham, ‘Listen to what Sarah tells you’. It seems as if Sarah knew Abraham’s right, power and authority to divorce his wife according to the tradition of the Patriarch. She knew the power of the father over his family, wife, children and slaves and the father as a lawgiver and a redeemer. Woman came from God as the father to Adam and as the husband. Marriage is a good example of the process of a father handing over his daughter to her husband. Before marriage a woman is bound by the law to her father, but after a marriage she is bound by the law to her husband. Christians must consider the fact that it is not God’s original plan that we must die, but we die. It is not God’s original plan that we must divorce, but we divorce. All those things are not new before God; He knew them before He created Adam and Eve. Jesus said: I have come that they might have life, and have it abundantly (Rev. 22:15). Divorced people are not outside the gates. Paul tells us that There is no condemnation for those who are in Messiah because they have the right to the tree of life.

This book can be an eye opener, if you believe in learning, like me "the more you learn, you gain more wisdom."

Chapter One

Fatherhood

Abba, Father is the leader, the strength of the family, the first citizen (Alef) or strong shepherd. The father is the one who holds a stick or the shepherd’s staff. In Hebrew the father is described as the leader and the instructor or teacher of the family (Lamed). Josh 24:15 says that if you are a real father your family will follow your voice, but only if you lead them toward God. The first commandment Honour your father and mother – this commandment is the commandment with the promise of the future (the Land), and the parents’ responsibility is to instruct their children in the instruction of the Lord. Paul talked about presenting the church members to Messiah as a pure virgin (2 Cor. 11:2). Jesus said, If you love me, you will obey what I command… if anyone loves me, he will keep my word or my teaching. My father will love him, and we will come to him and make our home with him (Joh.14:15, 23). The fathers is the strength or leader of the house or the family, but I do as the Father has commanded me, father is the master of the house and the lord of the house (Jud 19:23). Paul also said, We must bring up our children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord (Eph.6:4). In John 10:27 Jesus said, My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth (Genesis 1:1).

The book of Genesis is known as the book of the beginnings and is also the book of the fathers. God the father and the father of the world, Adam, the first man that was ever formed. The book of Genesis details the works of the fathers, their spouses and their children. In the book of Genesis we see fathers leading their families. Adam, as the father, teaches his children