37 Things I Wish I'd Known Before My Divorce: Learn How to Save Time, Money, Your Kids, and Yourself

By Francine Baras, Lynn Prowitt M.A and Nicole Baras Feuer M.S.

Whether youre just thinking about getting divorced, somewhere right in the thick of it, or working through post-divorce issues, this simple guidefull of great tips, lists and how-toswill help you emotionally and practically. 37 Things I Wish Id Known Before My Divorce is the result of countless hours of training, personal and professional experience, research, and collaboration. Carry it with you while you navigate this sometimes painful and exasperating, sometimes hopeful and energizing, life transition.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press
• Release date: Apr 24, 2014
• ISBN: 9781452589459

Francine Baras

Nicole Baras Feuer, MS, has worked in the divorce field for 10-plus years. She’s a mediator with advanced training in custody and visitation, she’s run divorce groups and events, and today has a divorce advisory practice. Nicole’s professional experience, coupled with her own painful divorce journey, was the inspiration for this book. Francine Baras, LCSW, earned a master’s degree in social work from Columbia University and has an advanced degree in child psychology and parent guidance. Francine has had a private practice in Manhattan for 25 years, specializing in child and family issues. She is also a divorce mediator. In 2012, the mother-daughter team founded Start Over Smart (SOS) and held the first-ever Divorce Expo, in Manhattan. The hugely successful Expo gave hundreds of people a chance to connect with divorce professionals and resources. Today, Nicole and Francine have a divorce advisory practice in Westport, Connecticut. Please visit: www.StartOverSmartDivorceAdvisors.com. Lynn Prowitt, MA, is a veteran writer and editor, whose work has appeared in national magazines, books, newspapers, and on websites and TV. She has a master’s degree in psychology. Visit: www.LynnProwitt.com.

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Copyright © 2014 Nicole Baras Feuer and Francine Baras.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Printed in the United States of America.

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8944-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-8945-9 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2014900062

Balboa Press rev. date: 04/24/2014

Contents

Notes on Using This Book

Foreword

Preface

Introduction

Part 1: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

#1. Have you tried everything?

#2. Take the driver’s seat.

#3. Don’t hang on for the wrong reasons.

#4. If you’ve got even a smidgen of doubt, consider a trial separation.

#5. Get support while you’re deciding; don’t agonize over the decision alone.

#6. Organize your finances and get extra ink for your copier.

#7. Start making a plan before you do anything.

#8. If there’s violence in your home, don’t suffer in silence.

#9. Look in the mirror and say, I’d rather live alone in a teepee than spend another month with this person.

Part 2 Okay, You’re Getting a Divorce

#10. Choose the divorce process that will work best for you.

#11. Recruit your team of professionals.

#12. Keep calm (and carry on).

#13. Tell the kids, together (but not until you read this!)

#14. Understand your child’s developmental stage and reactions to divorce.

#15. Be smart about finding a lawyer or mediator.

#16. If you have to keep living together, create rules for doing so until you can move apart.

#17. Don’t move out in a huff.

#18. Make a new nest.

#19. Be a detail freak with your parenting plan.

#20. Stay away from the crazy divorce people (and don’t become one).

#21. Love your children more than you hate your ex.

#22. Take the high road, always.

Part 3: After the Divorce Dust Settles

#23. Practice forgiveness: it’s never too late to bury the hatchet.

#24. You’re free of being wed in matrimony; don’t be bound forever in acrimony.

#25. Nobody said this was going to be easy.

#26. Follow the golden rules of co-parenting (and share them with your ex).

#27. If you can’t co-parent, parallel parent.

#28. Abide by these communication dos and don’ts.

#29. Don’t coddle; empower your children.

#30. Make your kids’ transitions consistent and stress-free.

#31. Watch your kids for emotional and behavioral red flags.

#32. Don’t burn bridges; the kids need them.

#33. Don’t start dating before you’re ready.

#34. Don’t introduce your kids too soon to a new significant other.

#35. Prep for the holidays when you’ll be alone.

#36. Going back to work can be a positive change.

#37. You will get through this.

Appendixes

Appendix A Budget Form

Appendix B Net Income Sheet

Appendix C Assets and Liabilities List

Appendix D Sample Move-Out Agreement

Appendix E Children’s Bill of Rights

Appendix F Children’s Transition-Day Checklist

Appendix G Holidays and Vacations Scheduling Chart

Appendix H Affidavit of Parental Consent for Travel

Notes on Using This Book

Fill out the Important Contacts list at the back of this book for quick access. Include people you’ll frequently be in touch with throughout your divorce. Instead of searching for business cards floating around