Remembering You: A Practical Guide for Bereaved Parents

By Andrea Notman

Death and grief are not about forgetting, but about finding ways to
remember. Sharing memories and talking about your child enables
you to keep their memory alive and validate their existence.
Memories can be found everywhere, and by taking an active part in
creating ways to remember you can turn your memories into cherished
possessions. Finding ways to remember can help you through the healing
process and bring comfort when you need it most. Remembering you
gives you practical advice on creating treasured memories and provides
a guide for friends and families who wish to support bereaved parents.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris NZ
• Release date: Jul 8, 2011
• ISBN: 9781462849673

Andrea Notman

Andrea Notman is a full time Kindergarten teacher and part time artist. She is married with four children and volunteers for Child Cancer. In 2004 Andrea lost her two year old son Archie to cancer. Through the grieving process Andrea has been able to draw on her creativity to memorialise Archie. Andrea has found that by pouring her heart into projects in memory of her lost son, she has found healing. This book is one of her memorials to Archie and if it helps just one other bereaved parent, then it has served its purpose.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 by Andrea Notman.

Library of Congress Control Number:       Pending

ISBN:         Hardcover                               978-1-4653-0004-1

                   Softcover                                 978-1-4653-0003-4

                   Ebook                                      Pending

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

To order additional copies of this book, contact:

Xlibris Corporation

0800-891-366

www.Xlibris.co.nz

[e-mail]

700144

Contents

Introduction

The Funeral

Visiting Your Child

Another Place To Visit

Symbolism

Planning Your Memories

Remember With Nature

A Permanent Memorial

In Memory Of

Remembrance Services

Hand And Footprints

Memorials

Remember With Colour

Remembering With Photographs

Memory Book

Remembering Through Video

Memory Box

Remembering With A Shadow Box

Remember With Belongings

Remember With Light

Remembering With Music

Remember With Sound

Remembering Through Scrapbooking

Remembering Through Visual Arts

Remember With Writing

Memory Quilt

Remembering With Images

Remember With Temporary And Natural Materials

Memorabilia

Remembering Through Craft

Name Sake

Remember With Jewellery

Frame It

Remember With Inscriptions

Remembering Using Technology

Remembering Through Websites

Other Ideas

Asking For Help

Keeping Your Child’s Memory Alive In Others

Thoughtful Things Others Can Do To Show They Remember

Helping Siblings Who Are Grieving

Having Another Child

Fathers Remember

Your Loved One Lives In Your Heart

Remembering On Anniversaries And Special Occasions

Remembering On The Anniversary Of Your Child’s Death

Remembering On Mothers/Fathers Day

Remembering On Birthdays

Remembering At Christmas

Summary

IN MEMORY OF

Author unknown

You never said I’m leaving

You never said goodbye

You were gone before I knew it,

And only God knew why

A million times I needed you,

A million times I cried

If love alone could have saved you,

You never would have died

In life I loved you dearly

In death I love you still

In my heart you hold a place,

That no one could ever fill

It broke my heart to lose you,

But you didn’t go alone

For part of me went with you,

The day God took you home

This book is dedicated to our son Archie who enriched our lives for the short time he was with us and taught us to live each day to the full.

This book is also dedicated to my family who have found their own ways to remember Archie and who are making their own personal journey through grief.

Without the love and support of each other we would not have come so far.

Remembering you Archie, from mummy with love xx

INTRODUCTION

The death of a child not only includes the physical loss, but also the loss of a future together. We are simply not supposed to out live our children and no parent is ever prepared for their child’s death. Children are biologically and emotionally a part of us, forming a parent-child bond that is more intense than any other relationship. When you lose a child you often feel that a part of you has also died.

The length of your child’s life does not determine the size of your loss. No matter what age your child died or how, they are still your children and this form of grief is like no other.

As a parent you are intimately involved in the daily lives of a younger child, and their death changes every aspect of family life. Suddenly finding spare time to fill that would normally be used to attend to your child’s needs is a constant reminder of their absence. The unconditional love you gave each other is irreplaceable. The overwhelming sense of loss and loneliness can sometimes be so strong it feels physical.

You may be less involved in the everyday lives of an older child or adolescent, but death at this age denies children the opportunity to reach their full potential and become independent individuals. You grieve the loss of your child’s chance to grow, to develop relationships, to explore their strengths and interests and to follow their dreams.

When an adult child dies, you not only lose