Missing Sgt. Max: Reflections of Our Journey Through Addiction

By Karen Malandruccolo

A young man having a hard time finding the right path through the turbulent years of adolescence, Max rather reluctantly agrees to join the Army to please his mother. She has arrived at the difficult decision to send her son into harms way, with the country waging war on the other side of the world, with a very heavy heart. She wonders what kind of mother would voluntarily send her son off to war. She feels he is headed down the wrong path, bound for big problems ahead, and doesnt know what else to do. She hopes and prays hes never deployed to the Middle East but eventually he must go with the rest of his unit to Balad in Iraq. Hes been stationed at Fort Bragg for over two years and consumed with fear for his safety, wants to be there for the send-off. She flies from New York to North Carolina to spend his last few days with him while he is still on American soil and safe. She joins the family members of all the soldiers in his unit to see them off and pray for their safe return to Green Ramp. After fifteen months of constant worry, she flies once again to North Carolina, this time accompanied by Maxs older brother Santino, to joyously welcome him back home. Soon after his return from war, far from the continuing war in the Middle East, this family will find themselves engaged in the most deadly battle of their lives. This is their story.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Oct 31, 2014
• ISBN: 9781499071665

Karen Malandruccolo

Karen Malandruccolo has been an avid reader since childhood. She also gets much satisfaction from expressing her thoughts and feelings through the written word. Shortly after Max passed, she felt the urgent need to write about him and the special bond they shared. It began as a poem and evolved into this book. She was born in The Bronx, New York, spent a year in Bristol, England as a young woman working as a secretary for the British Aircraft Corporation and currently lives in Queens County, New York with her husband, son Santino and two furbabies, Gino and Ssimo.

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Copyright © 2014 by Karen Malandruccolo.

Library of Congress Control Number:      2014916380

ISBN:      Hardcover      978-1-4990-7167-2

                Softcover        978-1-4990-7168-9

                eBook              978-1-4990-7166-5

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

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Rev. date: 10/31/2014

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This is dedicated to a number of people including, first and foremost, my brave soldier boy, my son Sgt. Max Silvio Malandruccolo, whom I miss and yearn for more than words can say, more than one mother’s heart can possibly bear. In recent years, my Max too often used very poor judgment, causing him undeserved pain and confusion, the reasons for which I will likely never understand. So I am learning to cease analyzing what went wrong and am focusing on the legacy of his pure heart, a heart very grand and bigger than all the oceans of the world.

Secondly, I honor Max’s older brother, Santino Darren Malandruccolo, who tried his very best to save Max from the Addiction Monster. He suffers greatly from the loss of his brother and still carries a monkey on his back, the Guilt Monster. He hasn’t yet been able to accept that this was a challenge he would not be able to overcome through no fault of his own.

And to the countless good and decent people who have been afflicted with and cursed by an insidious disease called ADDICTION, in ever-increasing numbers, as well as to their families and all those who care for them, I wish you hope and courage. I hope my story will shed some light on this mother’s sad and difficult journey with her son and perhaps help one and hopefully many readers begin to understand and learn to cope with a very tragic new normal.

I would also like to acknowledge the various medical and mental health professionals who did what I believe was the best they could with the tools available to them at the time to reach Max and help him beat this disease. These include the Manhattan VA, the Brooklyn VA (Dr. Sigiv and Ms. Denise Gatto. RN, C), the Montrose VA (especially Dr. Fortner, Dr. D’Amato and staff), St. Barnabas Hospital, Samaritan Village and Bellevue Hospital as well as a few facilities on Long Island, the names of which I cannot recall. To those I have neglected to mention, please forgive me as there were many throughout this challenging journey.

I would like to make a particular point here regarding the medical community and the issue of addiction and mental disorders/diseases. I feel very strongly that the scientific community needs to acknowledge addiction as a disorder of the brain and to approach it, whether it is classified as a mental illness or not, in a far more aggressive manner. This awful curse is destroying far too many lives and killing far too many people of all ages, especially the young. Until science strives to achieve a far better understanding of the complexities of addiction and how it affects and dramatically changes the brain and its very complex chemistry, and formulates a more effective method of treating this problem, it will not simply vanish in the wind but rather will continue to destroy lives and kill and wreak terrifying havoc on our society in ever greater numbers. In addition, the insurance companies play a pivotal role in the treatment of this horrific disease and in the name of decency, should not continue to allow the almighty dollar to take precedence over human life and suffering and aggressively learn how this disease operates and formulate more appropriate and successful treatment modalities. The current rehab facilities are also failing miserably, for the most part, in truly helping drug addicts achieve and maintain sobriety as evidenced by the relapse rate of approximately 90%. We have to do better, much better, and the time is now, before many more people die and more families are shattered. The current newspaper headlines are shouting about this epidemic that has infiltrated all communities around this nation.

Thank you to my grief counselor who has been working with me and whose empathy, wisdom and gentle encouragement have been most welcome and very beneficial in my journey towards healing and recovery. He has been helping me understand and accept my own personal way of grieving and my own human limitations and guiding me in how to be kinder to myself.

Thanks also to Elizabeth Tarr, an amazing social worker at my husband’s dialysis center (Rogosin Institute). She is the one who referred me to her colleague, my grief counselor, as well as to my support group, GRASP.

GRASP (Grief Recovery After a Substance Passing) is also a part of our story. Being in a GRASP meeting with others who know and share my pain has had a positive influence on my slow journey towards healing and I thank the founders of this group and, in particular, all the members of my special GRASP chapter.

I’d like to also thank Dave of R & D Tattoo in Glendale, New York, for always accommodating me and for his artistic talent and integrity as well as his gentle touch in creating my beautiful body art.

Tanisha, I thank you for being Max’s bestie all through the Ft. Bragg and Balad Air Base years, and after he left the Army too, having his back as he had yours, and all you did during your grief-stricken days during those last dark hours, all the many thousands of miles you drove back and forth to be there for him and for me at the end and for our relationship that grew out of our mutual love for him.

I want to give thanks also to the United States Army that, despite its many shortcomings and imperfections, was instrumental in allowing Max to enjoy the best years of his young adult life. It provided much-needed structure and a strong sense of responsibility that were instrumental in helping Max grow into the man he became. The brotherhood of his Army buddies and the camaraderie he shared with them all through a difficult and challenging period of his life was also the most rewarding and satisfying period of his young adult years. I want to also mention his recruiting officer who kindly and tactfully helped him overcome his initial fears about going into the Army. Thank you, Josh. I owe a special thank you also to Sgt. Eric Rico and Sgt. Jody Rowe, two members of Max’s unit, both of whom he worked under and very closely with. These two special soldiers took Max under their wings and hold a special place in my heart. Whenever I see a member of the military in uniform, especially their BDU’s (battle dress uniforms), it touches my heart in a very special way and always will. And the U.S. Army was there for us, his brokenhearted family, at the end.

I want to also thank my mother, sweet Jennie, who, given her own personal issues and many struggles, did her very best to raise me well and teach me to be a good person. She passed on suddenly and most unexpectedly in 1998 and I miss her more and more with every passing day. We had our differences but she was a kindhearted woman and now that I’m entering those golden years myself, I realize more and more what I sincerely wish I had realized while she was still here with us. Although our outlook on life was very different in many ways, she did instill in me certain invaluable teachings which have enriched my life and become ever more invaluable as I get older. There are so many things I would love to talk to her about, including offering a very heartfelt apology for every time I was insensitive as too many young people are. Instead of attempting to ease her struggles, I only added to them due to youthful self-absorption and ignorance. While I cannot beat myself up over something I cannot change, it is a source of sadness I carry in my heart. I like to believe she knows how I feel and how I’ve changed and hopefully forgives me for my mistakes. I know she’s taking good care of her grandbaby now and know that he’s walking with her too. Miss you and love so much, my Ma!

I would be very much remiss if I did not also express my thanks to Dr. Douglas Goldberg, cardiologist/internist, to whom I brought Max early in 2009 after he left active duty for a comprehensive medical evaluation. Dr. Goldberg remained available to us throughout our struggles and whenever I needed advice, was always there and always showed the greatest concern and empathy. Thank you, Dr. Doug.

Last, but most certainly not least, thank you from the bottom of my heart to my family, both near and far, who has always stood by me through thick and thin, and who I know suffer as I do for this tragic loss, a loss that changed our lives and should not have happened. Mille grazie, Antonio, for getting on a plane from Italy at a moment’s notice to spend Max’s last moments on earth with him. Thank you to all my very dear and amazing personal friends, both near and far, who were there with me through all the heartache, confusion, pain and suffering and hung on with me during this mad rollercoaster ride that ended in such sad tragedy as well as to the many other friends who came to the hospital and wouldn’t leave Max alone for a single moment as he passed from this earth to his new home in Heaven. They were there around the clock surrounding Max with their deep and endless love during his last days and moments at Bellevue Hospital. This brightly shining star, our most beloved Max Silvio Malandruccolo, will never ever be forgotten, not for one single moment. He was loved and respected profoundly and always will be. He has left a legacy of which he should be very proud because I certainly am. All those mentioned above are part of my story and have become part of my extended family along with every mother who grieves for her lost child.

Note to the reader: This was written over the course of just over two years. I apologize for any confusion that may