A Three Hundred and Sixty -Degree Perspective: A Mother - Daughter Journey of Come Here Meets Been There

By Dr. M. Jeanne Dolphus Cotton and Core' S. Cotton

This book will make you giggle and brush away a tear or two as you take a revealing journey into the extraordinary sacred relationship between a mother and daughter. This journey is made more special because it is an adult daughter and mother. As you read the book, it is like eavesdropping into the lives of two incredible women as they share their parallel stories.
I recommend this book be read by mothers and daughters together because there is tenderness the mother can share about being young, in love, vulnerable, passionate and private dreams. For the young ladies who are not yet an adult, read this book as a primer to the legacy that awaits you and the relationship you will discover with your mother as an adult daughter...This book is like a great comforter on a chilly night. It makes me long for the adult relationship I never had with my mother who died when I was 11 years old.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 13, 2013
• ISBN: 9781493110063

Book preview

A THREE HUNDRED

AND SIXTY-DEGREE

PERSPECTIVE:

A Mother-Daughter Journey of

Come Here Meets Been There

Dr. M. Jeanne Dolphus Cotton

and Coré S. Cotton

Copyright © 2013 by Dr. M. Jeanne Dolphus Cotton and Coré S. Cotton.

Library of Congress Control Number:   2013917893

ISBN:   Hardcover   978-1-4931-1005-6

   Softcover   978-1-4931-1004-9

   eBook   978-1-4931-1006-3

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted

in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system,

without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Certain names and identifying details have been modified to protect the privacy of individuals.

Rev. date: 03/29/2017

Note: KoCo Entertainment, Inc. referenced in this book is now known

as KoCo Women and Youth Empowerment Foundation, Inc. and

is a non-profit organization based in Charlotte, North Carolina.

For more information on this organization and its founder,

Coré S. Cotton, email Ms. Cotton at [e-mail].

Xlibris

1-888-795-4274

www.Xlibris.com

540242

CONTENTS

Libations

Foreword

Testimonials

Acknowledgments

Introduction

Music And The Early Years

Chapter 1 Remembering Home (Been There)

Chapter 2 Growing Up Coco (Come Here)

Chapter 3 Singing Wonder (Been There)

Chapter 4 Finding My Voice (Come Here)

Into New Worlds

Chapter 5 Transitioning (Been There)

Chapter 6 Jeanne & The Darlings (Been There)

Chapter 7 From Little Rock To Evanston (Been There)

The Journey Of Discovery

Chapter 8 Every Rose Has Its Thorns (Come Here Meets Been There)

Chapter 9 The Sounds Of Blackness (Come Here)

Chapter 10 The Whirlwind (Come Here)

Chapter 11 Passion Vs. Dream (Come Here)

Chapter 12 Journeying On (Come Here)

Coming Full Circle

Chapter 13 Women’s Evolution (Come Here And Been There)

Chapter 14 The View From The Sibling Circle (Come Here)

Gems

Chapter 15 On Womanhood (Come Here And Been There)

Chapter 16 A Letter To Men (Come Here)

Chapter 17 Through Thick And Then: Lessons In Friendship (Come Here)

Chapter 18 On Extraordinary Leadership (Come Here)

Inward And Upward

Chapter 19 On Spirituality (Been There)

Chapter 20 He Has His Hand On Me: On Health And Healing (Come Here)

Chapter 21 What Shall I Tell My Children? (Come Here)

Chapter 22 You (Been There)

Epilogue

About Dr. M. Jeanne Dolphus Cotton

Discography

About Coré S. Cotton

Limited Discography

DEDICATION

In honor of Family who have gone before us;

In support of Family who are here with us; and

In hope for Family who will come after us—

Continue to pay if forward.

Our Love,

Mom and Coré

Libations

I call upon the spirit of the ancestors far and near, mothers of our mothers and fathers of our fathers, to render mercy and bear witness to this Three hundred and Sixty-Degree body of work. The ancestors—the Dolphuses, the Goodes, the Cottons and the Johnsons—who echoed through the centuries clearing the path and paving the way for your entry giving you the tools you would need to express your sassiness and unique style for such a time as this.

It is important to remember them and their legacy of music, ambition, struggle, pain and love.

At this place, their labor and love of family rose like the sun and gave strength and meaning to the day.

On this same soil we shall sow our seeds, bind our family together again and remember and honor those who dared to define, defend and develop our interest as a family.

May our eyes be like the eagle, our strength be like the elephant, and the boldness of our life be like the lion. May we and our children and their children and their children’s children remember and honor our ancestors and those who will become ancestors, and the legacy that has been and will be left for us as long as the sun shines and the water flows.

For our children and the fuller and freer lives they will live because we have struggled; and for the continuing strength through which we will rescue and reconstruct our history and family in our own image and according to our own needs.

HARAMBE! HARAMBE! HARAMBE!

—Eleanor Murkey, CEO Murk Resource, Inc.

Adapted from the Libation Statement of Dr. Mualana Karenga

Foreword

There is something special about the mother-daughter relationship. A mother is often her daughter’s first best friend. Recently, celebrities like Robin Roberts and Vanessa Williams have written books with their mothers. Even though those books were written by well-known women, mothers and daughters from all walks of life are interested in the topic. For that reason, the publication of A Three Hundred and Sixty-Degree Perspective: A Mother-Daughter Journey of Come Here Meets Been There ("Three Hundred and Sixty") is timely. The authors, Dr. Mary Jeanne Dolphus Cotton (Dr. Cotton) and Coré Cotton (Cotton), are mother and daughter recording artists who have performed nationally and internationally. Victoria Secunda, the author of When You and Your Mother Can’t Be Friends: Resolving the Most Complicated Relationship of Your Life, stated, A daughter is a mother’s gender partner, her closest ally in the family confederacy, an extension of herself. And mothers are their daughters’ role model, their biological and emotional road map, the arbiter of all their relationships. In Three Hundred and Sixty, Dr. Cotton and Cotton examine the complexity of the relationship between mothers and daughters and shows that, with prayer and patience, mothers and daughters can be best friends forever.

Cotton and I first met during my second year of law school. However, we did not become fast friends. Our friendship developed over the course of my final year in law school. Since that time, my friendship with Cotton has been one of the many blessings in my life. I have now known Cotton for more than half my life. Nonetheless, while reading Three Hundred and Sixty, I learned new things about Cotton. For example, I never knew that when she was a small child, Cotton travelled around the country ministering to people. Nevertheless, that revelation did not totally surprise me because I have watched Cotton minister to people through her music for years. My mother died the year before I met Cotton. Thus, I am forever grateful that Cotton has shared her mother, Dr. Cotton, with me. I am also thankful that Dr. Cotton has treated me like a daughter. She has shared her love, wisdom and understanding with me. When my dad died, Dr. Cotton’s kind words helped to ease my pain and mend my broken heart. Dr. Cotton always knows the right words to say; she was born to counsel and minister to hurting people. Like her mother, Cotton has the ability to go beyond the ears and speak to the heart. Mother and daughter complement each other like soft music and moon light. Thus, it is appropriate that they collaborated to write Three Hundred and Sixty. Dr. Cotton and Cotton are experienced songwriters. They used that talent to give life to the stories they shared in the book. Consequently, Three Hundred and Sixty has the tone of a well-crafted song. From the first page to the last, the book practically sings to the reader.

When Cotton asked me to write the forward to Three Hundred and Sixty, I was honored. I read the book with a friend’s heart and a writer’s soul. The friend in me loved the book because my best friend and her mother wrote it; the writer in me enjoyed the book because it is a good read. While reading the book, I laughed, I lamented and I learned. After I completed the book, I took a few days to digest it before writing the forward. (I always digest the meal before asking the cook for the recipe.) The book showcases the similarities between the life journeys of Dr. Cotton and Cotton. For instance, God blessed both of them with the gift of song. They have both struggled to balance their passion for music with other compelling parts of their lives. Dr. Cotton had to balance the passion for music with her love for her family and the church. Cotton had to balance her passion for music with her dream of a law career. The experiences of both women will offer guidance and insight to anyone who is struggling for balance. The stories shared in Three Hundred and Sixty will speak to women who are often forced to balance personal and professional responsibilities. Dr. Cotton shares how she balanced her roles as wife, mother, professional singer and pastor. Cotton discusses how she balanced her roles as wife, stepmother, professional singer and corporate attorney. In the book, Cotton candidly talks about her difficult decision to put her music career on hold to pursue her dream of becoming a lawyer. When Cotton started law school, she did not appear to leave any room in her life for her music. In fact, we had been friends for over a year before I even found out that Cotton could sing. I was planning an event for the Black Law Students Association (BLSA) and I needed some entertainment. One night, Cotton smiled at me and said, Lewis, I’ll sing for you. At first I ignored my friend’s offer, but desperation forced me to put her on the program. The night of the event, Cotton stepped up to the microphone. I said a simple prayer, God, please don’t let her embarrass us too much. When Cotton sang her first note, you could have knocked me over with a feather. Afterwards, I asked her, Why didn’t you tell me that you could sing? It was as if Cotton wanted to keep her singing and her lawyering separate. Thankfully, Cotton figured out a way to embrace both halves of herself. In Three Hundred and Sixty, Cotton takes the reader on her journey to wholeness.

In the book, Dr. Cotton and Cotton spend a lot of time talking about their music. Dr. Cotton shares stories of how she spent her childhood traveling with her daddy on weekends performing musical concerts. She talks about how she had to stand on top of the collection table or on top of a box so the church audience could see her. Dr. Cotton takes the reader on a journey into the music world. She candidly discusses the highs and lows of her career as lead singer of Jeanne & The Darlings, a group comprised of her sisters. Dr. Cotton’s discussion of her time as a recording artist at Stax Records highlights an important period of American music history. She writes about her experiences with other Stax recording artists like The Bar-Kays, Johnny Taylor, Otis Redding and The Emotions. In addition, Dr. Cotton shares fond memories of the time she spent hanging out with legendary recording artists like Sam Cook, Lou Rawls, the Staple Singers and Isaac Hayes. Even though she enjoyed her experience as a professional singer, Dr. Cotton explains why she stepped back from the music and embraced her calling as a counselor, psychologist, inspirational speaker, author and spiritual leader.

Many people will be able to relate when Cotton states that it took her a while to find her musical voice. Cotton was a late bloomer who overcame illness and shyness in order to step onto the stage and sing her song. When she finally discovered that loud, beautiful voice, Cotton went on to do wonderful things in music. Like her mother, Cotton honed her craft by singing in the church choir. She was a featured singer in the Howard Gospel Choir. Eventually, Cotton would join The Sounds of Blackness as one of the lead vocalists. In Three Hundred and Sixty, Cotton lets the reader experience what happens in the rehearsal hall, in the recording studio, and on the tour bus. She also invites the reader to join her on the concert stage in places like Lugano, Switzerland and Toyohashi, Japan, and on national television shows like The Jay Leno Show and The Arsenio Hall Show. Cotton shares the excitement of singing with legends like Luther Vandross and Stevie Wonder and of winning multiple Grammy awards. The reader will find Cotton’s stories about meeting President Bill Clinton and Denzel Washington particularly interesting. As a professional singer, Cotton was following her passion, but her dream of being an attorney was calling. In Three Hundred and Sixty, Cotton explains how she answered the call of her dream without giving up her passion for singing. But the book is not just about music, it is about life’s journey. It is about the choices we make and the risks we take. The book can provide inspiration for someone who is struggling with the decision of what to do with his or her time on earth. Three Hundred and Sixty is the story of the evolution of two remarkable women. It is about Been There loving, protecting and caring for Come Here when she was a child and Come Here now returning the favor.

—Browne C. Lewis

Leon & Gloria Plevin Professor of Law, Cleveland-Marshall College of Law

Author, Papa’s Baby: Paternity and Artificial Insemination (New York University Press, 2012)

Testimonials

This book will make you giggle and brush away a tear or two as you take a revealing journey into the extraordinary, sacred relationship between a mother and daughter. This journey is made even more special because it is an adult daughter and mother. As you read the book, it is like eavesdropping into the lives of two incredible women as they share their parallel stories. I recommend this book be read by mothers and daughters together because there is tenderness the mother can share about being young, in love, vulnerable, passionate and full of dreams. For the young ladies who are not yet adults, read this book as a primer to the legacy that awaits you and the relationship you will discover with your mother as an adult daughter. This book is like a great comforter on a chilly night. It makes me long for the adult relationship I never had with my mother who died when I was 11 years old.

Eleanor Murkey,

Murk Resource, Inc.

This book is a strong but vulnerable personal story with an artful twist of reality and wisdom that is perfectly poised for the young and seasoned reader alike. It is a truly awesome and inspirational mother-daughter collaboration that is just as delightful to read.

Regina R. Adams, COO

KoCo Entertainment, Inc.

Acknowledgments

This book truly has been a labor of love through which we have laughed, cried and reminisced. But this endeavor would not have been possible without the grace and tireless assistance of others, for which we are eternally grateful. Above all and everything, we thank the Almighty God for His grace and the vision for this work. Thanks also to the Cotton, Martin, Adams, Butler, Johnson and Murkey families for their undying support, interviews, candid feedback and encouragement throughout this process. Thanks, Stephanie, for your copious and tedious editing (though you may never want to see this book again). Thanks, Dale, for your understanding and patience during those many nights with my eyes glued stuck to my computer screen. Thanks, my Lo, for hanging in there with me through the seemingly endless process of collecting all those photos and other logistics. Thanks Gin Gin for your honest feedback and encouragement. Thanks, Ms. El, for participating in the early days when this book was a series of discussions. Thanks, Lewis, for always having my back and honoring Mom and me with such kind and inspiring words as only you could express. And last, but never ever least, thanks Mom (Been There) for the root and impetus upon which the vision for this book was founded. I am because you are.

Introduction

Come Here

I had recently performed my one-woman show, Timeless: My Journey, My Song (TMJMS), at a historically black college in Houston, Texas and was looking forward to celebrating Mother’s Day with Mom in the Chicago area. I had a few matters to handle in my role as an assistant general counsel at Wells Fargo & Company in Minneapolis, Minnesota. My life had been busy in those days given the fast-paced environments of both my music and law careers, and there was much planning to do on both fronts. Still, at the forefront of my mind were changes I had noticed in Mom.

I often thought about these changes I had seen in Mom. She seemed to have been unusually deep in thought and introspective lately. I knew she had had a lot on her plate: vocal coach and spiritual advisor for TMJMS; care director for a sibling with early stages of Alzheimer’s disease; confidante to her grandchildren; pastor of a non-denominational church; CEO of a youth and family development non-profit organization, which she founded; and self-proclaimed worrier of each of her six grown children.

What is it Ma? I asked tenderly one day on one of our typical telephone calls. What’s next? Mom responded, wondering aloud. Have I done enough? What is my legacy? Here was a woman who had raised six college-educated children, each with their own gifts and talents. One who had mentored so many people, who had given so much hope to young children, and who had lived such a rich and diverse life—from Little Rock and North Little Rock, Arkansas to the suburbs of Chicago, Illinois—as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, recording artist, minister and pastor. Now, this incredible woman whom I admired and cherished dearly was pondering what impact, if any, her life had left on her family and the world.

Days later, as I sat in my home office in Woodbury, Minnesota, I replayed this conversation with Mom. I could not conceive of how a woman who had made such a huge impact on my life and the lives of her children, grandchildren, siblings, congregation and community could not see the incredible legacy she had left in and through her children. I thought about how similar were our lives and thoughts, despite the thirty-two year age difference between us. I thought about how, when I look in the mirror or through my journey of a woman still evolving, I see Mom’s eyes, her thoughts, her struggles.

As I looked back on my life, I remembered when I was a young girl who, wise beyond her years, knew how to articulate much more than she had actually experienced. I thought about the successes and failures I had experienced on my life’s journey and realized not that I was clever or lucky, but it was Mommy’s seed growing stronger inside me every day. I thought about the wonderful gifts of voice and intuitiveness with which I have been blessed and about how Mom’s musical acumen and emotional intelligence had inspired and mentored me. I thought about my love for education and learning and how that love was second nature to my being raised by a woman who honored and respected education, she herself having been raised by an educator. I thought about the Timeless music series (TMS), my own theme-based music volume of timeless music, and how, like the music my Mom had written and produced, my music tells a story that compels listeners to feel, to laugh, to love. I thought about TMJMS, the story of my inner woman evolving, the mirror of she who bore me. I thought about her legacy, the woman in the mirror. I am your legacy; I am because you are.

I lunged at the telephone to call Mom and heard that comforting, singsong voice. Hey Babe is what came through the telephone at me. Let’s write a book! I exclaimed as I sat on the edge of my seat, smiling excitedly and staring at the receiver as if to see my mom—my mirror—smiling excitedly back at me.

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Been There

As I sit here on the deck of the beautiful home of my baby daughter, Coré, basking in such beautiful and peaceful surroundings; watching the trees