Seeking Your Legacy

By Dr. Stephanie Ann West

Many of us have had to stand by and watch the grief that accompanies the lose of a loved one. The year 2020 brought many of us to our knees as we watched the pandemic play out around us. Many of us lost loved ones to the pandemic, which took family members too early in their lives.

Have you ever thought about what you are leav

• Language: English
• Publisher: Stephanie A West
• Release date: Mar 26, 2021
• ISBN: 9781087957531

Book preview

Table of Contents

What is Legacy ................................................................4

PART ONE: Husband, Children, Pets, Oh My!

Chapter One – Marriage to My Best Friend.............................9

Chapter Two – Children, Oh My!....................................................20

Chapter Three – My Prodigal Son.......................................30

Chapter Four – Grown Children and Grandchildren...................39

PART TWO: Following Your Passions – The Place Beyond Dreams

Chapter Five – Becoming a Teacher.....................................50

Chapter Six – Changing the World, One Students at a Time.........57

PART THREE: Staying the Course, No Matter What

Chapter Seven – Trials, Anxiety, and Depression......................72

Chapter Eight – Serving Those Around Me..............................89

Chapter Nine – My Testimony of Christ................................101

What Is Your Legacy?......................................................................105

What is Legacy?

"The goal isn’t to live forever, the goal is to

create something that will."

~Chuck Palahniuk

She stands next to her husband of 46 years, with tears streaming down her face not understanding why she is the one that must move forward on her own. Her husband’s body is prepared for burial after passing away from the horrific Corona Virus of 2020 a week earlier. She looks around the room at their posterity that includes 10 children with their spouses along with their 30 grandchildren in a quiet, somewhat stark funeral home chapel. Not able to contain herself, she lays her head on her childhood sweetheart’s chest and starts to sob. Unable to hold the tears back. One final time of resting her head on his chest. Trying, trying, trying to say goodbye. How to say goodbye to the boy, man she has known almost her entire life. They fell in love at the age of 14. She must go on, but unsure of how-to walk-through life without him next to her.

I look to my right at my husband, her brother, through tears, not knowing how to console either of them. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold on, just as I have for the past 34 years. The scene in front of me so unbearable and so unexpected. Still not sure how any of us got here or where to go next. Just watching. Hearts breaking. Small children sobbing. Grown children openly crying.

Just four short months earlier, I stood next to my mother as we laid my father to rest. They had been married for 58 years. Together since my mom was only 19 years old and my dad 23. Again, a room full of 9 grown children and their spouses. Even a couple of ex-spouses whom my dad loved deeply, and they loved him. Looking at the 30 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren silently grieving. Watching my mom, who is and has been the rock of the family, so gracefully greeting life-long friends and family. Comforting my siblings, nieces, and nephews.

As I watch the Bishop come in and signal that it is time for the family prayer, I look to my husband for support. This death was expected. My dad had been ill with heart issues for several years. He was one of the lucky ones to peacefully go to sleep and not wake up. Comfortable in his home and chair. But the time had come to close the lid of the casket that my brother had so lovingly crafted. Each of my siblings took turns saying goodbye, whispering in his ear, or simply crying and holding his hand one last time. Mom too said her goodbyes. My older brother said the prayer and the casket closed, finalizing my father’s life on this earth. Like Paul stated, finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus... (Acts 20:24). Great advice, but are we finishing our course and ministry with joy?

Funerals are an interesting occurrence. We cry. We laugh. We talk. We are sincere with one another, and for my family, my dad’s funeral pulled all nine children together. Something that had not happened for over 8 years. We listen to spiritual talks on the Plan of Salvation. We hear life sketches, retold stories about the person’s life. In my dad’s case, each of my siblings told a story or something we remembered about our dad. We listen to the legacy that they leave us.

But what is a legacy? Do we understand the meaning of that word? Merriam-Webster states that the definition of legacy is something transmitted by or received from an ancestor or predecessor or the past. Interesting. Something that is transmitted from the past, or an ancestor or predecessor. I like that. Something transmitted. Transmitted to me tells me that it would be the things that I have taught, told, extended, explained, to my posterity for their betterment. It could also mean that we are passing on the lessons we have learned, good and bad. I seem to always be learning something new each and every day. Not just about myself, but about those around me and how to be a better person, a better Christian, a better servant of my God.

Thinking back on those life experiences, funeral talks, life sketches, and what those lives lost have left behind, leaves me with unanswered questions. What is My Legacy and what am I leaving behind? Did I transmit or teach my children enough for them to stand on their own two feet? What about the people around me? Did I teach my students enough? Do people remember me as a good person? Did I stand for something? Did I serve enough? President Gordon B. Hinckley stated, Stand for Something (Gordon B. Hinckley, Take a Stand, The New Era, August 2001). Can I look back on my life and say that I stood for something? Will my children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren know how much I loved Christ and our Heavenly Father, their dad and papa, and most importantly them? Will they remember me as a person of strong convictions and testimony? As a person that helped my students, old and young, to find and follow their passions? Are my children following their passions and dreams?

In this book, you read pieces about my life and my story. I am not an expert on the topic of leaving behind a legacy, but I am hoping that by reading my story, you will find ways to write your own story or legacy. You will find in this book my life’s struggles with marriage, raising children, being a working mother, an educator, and most importantly a daughter of God. There are lessons that I have learned that may connect to you and your own life’s struggles, including a deep, dark depression and severe anxiety issues. This is a book based in Christian beliefs, mainly in the teachings from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, which may not be for you and that is okay. This is a book that I hope you will find helpful in finding your own legacy, along with either building on what you already have, and even changing your life in ways that you are able to leave behind a legacy to your posterity that you can be proud of.

Building a strong legacy is not just one event. It is a story. A life story. It is my story, and it is your story. So, let us start this journey by seeking our legacy together.

Part One: Husband, Children, Pets, Oh My!

The family is ordained of God.

~The Family Proclamation

When my daughter was in the 6th grade, she played the Cowardly Lion in the school play, The Wizard of Oz. As the Tin Man and Dorothy are encouraging the Cowardly Lion to go with them into a place of fear, the phrase, Lions, Tigers, Bears, Oh My, rang out. The place of fear. The place the Cowardly Lion did not want to go into. The place of fear that stayed with him, until his friends encouraged him forward. The same is true as we move forward into our marriages, along with bringing children into the world we live in. Each person playing a big role in one another’s lives. Those roles play a big part in how we build not only our own legacy, but our family’s legacy as well. Husband, Children, Pets, Oh My!

Chapter One - Marriage to My Best Friend

Marriage is ordained of God for His children (D&C 49:15),

and also whatsoever God doeth, it shall be forever. (Eccl. 3:14)

Some of my family’s favorite stories revolve around my husband and my courtship. We had the typical Mormon meeting and courtship. I was 19, Scott 21. So young. Met at a young adult dance. Dated for six weeks. Engaged. Married in the temple six months later. Easy right? Wrong. Do not get me wrong, I married the best person for me, but it took my family, especially my dad, awhile to see that.  

It was a warm summer night. Saturday night before Labor Day, 1986. Standing in the cultural hall of the stake center, I noticed a nice-looking boy sitting on the stage pointing at me. He would point and then whisper something to his friend and then smile back at me. The glances from the stage were unnerving. I was not sure what he was saying or why he was saying it, but what a smile. I was not able to turn away, but that captivating smile. Oh, he was handsome. Muscular arms. I would find out later that he had been in gymnastics as a boy and then a Yell Leader in high school. A smile with the cutest dimples. I know I am not supposed to say cute about my husband, but the dimples were so cute and irresistible. He had glasses and wore suspenders. What can I say, it was the 80s and he was handsomely dressed. He finally asked me to dance at the end of the dance to "Footloose." He introduced himself as Scott. We parted ways that night with only one dance together. 

The following week, same place, same time, I saw him again. Once again, he stood back and watched, from the stage, which must have been his regular hang-out spot at these dances. This time around, I was with my older brother and his friend that night. The friend was