Would I Lie to You?

By Brian D. Davis

"Would I Lie To You" is a book that makes witty and satirical comments about how we live our daily lives in this fast paced race we all call life, it highlights the silly things we all do, what we buy, see, hear, ad do, and it uses captioned pictures to poke fun of our daily lives and activities as we do them. It satirized the foolishness of our government who borrows three million dollars a minute so it can give it to other countries as foreign aid, or the absurdity of today's television advertising that promotes things like the Brazilian Butt Lift that will lift you all important butt, but at no time does television ever offer to elevate your mind. It makes fun of our governement, some of our silly laws, how we shop, buy, sell, find a date-on-line, and marry, how we use our cell phones, the cars we buy, raise children, exercise, and all the silly things we do to make ourselves look, fee, and try to be younger.
"Would I Lie To You" is about how we humans are the only animal on the face of the earth that can be silly and commit an act of foolishness and are able to laugh about it, shake our heads, then go out and do it all again, so, "Would I Lie To You" is about the human condition and how we can't seem to help ourselves, it's about being human.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: May 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781481741200

Brian D. Davis

The author was born at the United States Military Academy West Point, New York, into a military family. Being born at West Point and being delivered by an Army doctor instantly made him an item of government issue, a GI at birth. Being born into this world of spit and polish also included domestic and international travel which is part of any military life. Because of this nomadic life the author was exposed to a world of multicultural people and places at an early age which gave hima uniques perspective concerning people, places and the cultures that he lived in and visited. Mixed into the myriad of country travels the author was able to obtain an education that was sufficient enough to allow him to enter the U.S. Army. During a long and proud military career the author was able to continue his travels which added to his experiences of meeting people, observing their cultures, mores, customs, and traditions, and analyzing their actions as they went through their lives. Upon retirement from the military the author had lived in or visited 14 countries both in Europe and Asia, and served in two wars. At the same time he was able to obtain a liberal arts AA and BA degree, which has served as a stepping stone to his MA. At present the author is still traveling, reading, runnin, writing, and studying, but despite his busy schedule he still finds time to observe the human condition as he, an we, all negotiate the bumpy road called life.

Book preview

Would I Lie To You?

Brian D Davis

AuthorHouse™

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Bloomington, IN 47403

www.authorhouse.com

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© 2013 Brian D. Davis. All Rights Reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system,

or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/13/2013

ISBN:   978-1-4817-4120- 0 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

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Comments

Observations

Opinions

Quotes and Paraphrases

and anything else that I Think Of.

In The Book

Words Have Meaning

Silly Advertising

Political Insanity

Internet Dating

Thinking Outside The Box

The Silly, Stupid, and Idiotic

Pictures, Pictures, and more Pictures

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Good times are meant to be shared.

I’m a deep thinker, the problem with deep thinking is at times I think myself into a hole and have trouble getting out, but that never stops me from trying.

I think, therefore I am

The first duty of intelligent men is the restatement of the obvious.

George Orwell

The best books…are those that tell

you what you know already

George Orwell

This book is

Dedicated to

Common Sense

an under rated, under utilized, commonly ignored,

gift from God

"For the wisdom of this world is

foolishness…" 1Co 3:19

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Critical thinking is an important part of any job, except in the case of the government, then its optional but not required.

Preface

In the Jewish- Christian community it is widely acknowledged that King Solomon was the wisest man to have ever lived. Because Solomon asked God for wisdom rather than riches God granted him both. Solomon recognized that to be wise was to be rich and that wisdom would also lead to material wealth. So Solomon was wise to be wise.

Towards the end of Solomons life after having been King for four decades Solomon reflected on his life and all that he had accomplished during his reign. He had amassed a fortune in gold, silver, jewels, and ivory. He had vast herds and flocks of livestock. He had built a temple to God, as well as cities, fortresses, and palaces. He had written psalms, songs, books, and proverbs. He had 700 wives and concubines. In his life he had accomplished all that a King could do. He had wisdom, fortune, respect, love, and security. Their was nothing more that Solomon could obtain in life except one thing, and that was happiness, the one thing that eluded him.

In 935 BC Solomon wrote the book of qoheleth, also called ekklesiastes, or Ecclesiastes. In his book Solomon reflected on the futility of a self-centered, self indulgent life, which he had experienced. He recognized the uselessness of human philosophy, the emptiness of pleasure and wealth, and the vanity of great accomplishements. He had experienced great power, fame, respect, wealth, and sensual pleasure, yet he realized in the end it all added up to nothing but emptiness, and disillusionment, to quote Solomon, meaningless, meaningless,…everything is meaningless. Solomon recognized the futility of a person basing their life on possessions and personal ambition, as he put it, its like chasing the wind.

Solomon came to recognize the futility of life lived without God at its center. He realized that the pursuit of happiness through materialism only lead to more dissatisfaction and emptiness. He knew that only by leading a life that honored God and having God as its foundation would he really obtain peace and happiness. Solomon realized in the end that all you have and all that you work for will eventually become someone elses when you die, and that the only thing that will always be yours in this life and the life after is your relationship with God.

With that realization Solomon wrote, Now all has been heard; here is the conclusion of the matter; love God and keep his commandments, for this is the duty of man, for God will bring every deed into judgement…whether good or evil.

So, with Solomon’s testimony in mind its for you to decide how to lead your life. Will it be one of peace and happiness, or will it be as Solomon said, the fool folds his hands and ruines himself.

Keeping Solomon’s lessons in mind I have written this book about life as it is today, all that we see, hear, and do. I have written about our, chasing the wind.

To the man who pleases him, God gives happiness.Ecc, 2:26

I Think

Life is a lot like a carnival ride, its up, its down, its all around. The only difference is that once you’ve had enough, you can get off the carnival ride.

You can tell what a person is thinking by what they do.

A small idea that is accomplished is worth more than a great idea that never becomes a reality.

The best way to judge a person is not by what they say but by what they do.

Complaining about a problem will never solve it, action is the only solution to remedy the situation.

Be wise in your ideas and your deeds.

People can doubt what you say but not what you do.

I like the rain, it refreshes the natural world around us. The only problem is that its wet, and it frizzes my hair.

Idiot, (ide ot), a noun, derived from the Greek. According to Webster’s New World Dictionary and Thesaurus, an idiot is a very foolish or stupid person. The origin is Greek which tells us that there were enough stupid people around in ancient times that the Greeks thought it necessary to create a word to describe them. What’s sad is that we haven’t progressed very much because they’re still here today. Unfortunately the human race seems to have come to a stand still regarding the education of idiots.

I like talking to God, he’s a good listener, and he never interrupts.

Life is serious, so treat it as such, but take your pleasures just as serious.

Grits are a southerners caviar.

According to Fabio the Italian Chef real men can bake cookies, have a green thumb, and know how to change a diaper. I say we can also eat cookies, thumb a ride, and we can make babies that need their diapers changed. Manly men doing manly things.

Some people think that the best weekend is the one you spend doing something completely useless.

Weekends are always a time of great promise, but it becomes less so once it arrives.

I’ve always thought that the problem with weekends is they just don’t have enough days.

I don’t know which is worst, work or day time television, probably day time TV because I don’t have to work with Jerry Springer.

There is a new product being advertised on the radio called, Fix anxiety, the ad says that it will fix all of your problems in three minutes, a life time of problems fixed in three minutes, that’s incredible. But then I started thinking, if I take bourbon, gin, vodka, or any alcoholic beverage and make it into pill form or as a liquid and put it in a medical looking bottle I could cure peoples problems too. Bartenders have been doing it for years. The only challenge would be getting results in three minutes. I guess the pills or capsules would have to be really big or the dosage something like eight pills every two hours. As for the liquid, that would be easier, it would be 180 proof pure grain alcohol taken at regular intervals. I could be a doctor too, an MD, a doctor of Medical Deception.

When children argue, and blame each other for something its called being childish, when politicians do it, its called being political.

A politician will never admit to telling a lie, when they‘re caught, they will only acknowledge a lesser offense called, miss-spoke. For a politician a miss-spoke is a lie that you get caught telling for political gain.

The best advice to follow is the advice you give to others.

We have no choice but to grow older, but growing up is optional.

Why is it that when your young that days seem to be short and years are long, but when your older that days seem long and the years short? There must be some sort of cosmic calendar.

The Environmental Protection Agency is against carbon and has declared it a pollutant. Humans breath in oxygen, and expel carbon dioxide which is absorbed by plants, they in turn expel oxygen which we breath. The cycle is a symbiotic relationship where we are dependent upon each other for our existence. So carbon is not a pollutant but a necessary nourishment to the earths vegetation just as oxygen is a necessity to its animal life. The EPA is a good example of an organization being founded for the best of intensions, but after being left to the management of politicians has become a political bureaucracy that doesn’t know flora from fauna and practices voodoo science, while it only gets worse because it continues to hire more

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The EPA doesn’t like carbon emissions so now you have to breath in and then exhale into this special balloon, then you breath in, then exhale into the balloon, then you breath in and…

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Environmentalists call it active transportation, I call it waking my ass off.

politicians to work in the agency. Its like NASA getting a politician to fly the space shuttle, the result can only be disastrous .

The irresponsible legislation and spending by the U.S. congress should come as no surprise to anyone, its what you get when irresponsible people are put in a job that requires responsible action. They’re like a playground full of kids that has no adult supervision.

Like children, life is untidy, so you have to cope with it the best you can. Attention to detail is always the best starting point.

What’s great about a smile is that they’re free, they don’t cost anything to give or receive.

We all know that there are idiots in this world. As much as we hate to admit it, they’re out there, waiting to do something stupid that can have a negative effect on our life. They’re the person that puts a dent in the side of your car with their car door. They’re the one that takes up two parking places in a parking lot. They’re the person that tries to go out the entrance door. They pull their shopping cart through the store from the side and take up the entire store isle so you can’t get passed them because they aren’t pushing it from the rear where the handle is, (which is a hint as to where you should be when you push the cart), they’re the one that leaves their cart in the middle of a parking spot so you can’t park there, they’re the person that has a minimum wage job and spends their money on tattoos, cigarettes, beer, and lottery tickets and then complain that they don’t have any money. So how do you identify these people so that you can avoid them and don’t become one of their victims? There are several warning signs that you should look for, much like stop signs, or yield signs. A sure give away is a hat worn backwards, to put a hat on correctly requires minimal intelligence, they have a lot of tattoos, an art form that will eventually fade, spread out over time and eventually look like a severe skin disease, they wear pants hanging below their butt with their underwear hanging out, (another hint for the idiot, its called underwear for a reason, it goes under what you wear, hence the name.), and lastly wearing a big knit winter hat pulled down to your eye brows and over your ears in ninety degree weather. These are but a few examples of how to identify an idiot in a crowd. So with this information you can take what ever measures are necessary to protect yourself and your family. This message has been provided by the LOFIC, the Look Out For Idiots Coalition, a public service, non-profit organization for the protection of mankind.

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So, you got that straight, the handle goes in the front, not the rear, so don’t let me see you wearin’ your hat backwards again. What are you, some kind of idiot?

Not long ago I watched a documentary about the ongoing research and development of robot technology. Both Sony and MIT have developed robots that can carry out rudimentary tasks. My first impression was, why would I need a robot? After listening to the news recently about the antics of shoppers on Black Friday, where they pushed, shoved, punched, kicked, fought, and sprayed each other with pepper spray, and generally partook in less than socially redeeming behavior I now see that there may be a market for a shopping robot. It would be a mixture of a transformer, terminator, tank, and ATM machine, that could locate your desired items, fight its way through all opposing shoppers, carry the conquered booty to the check out counter, defend all the acquired articles