Love at First Sight: Stepping out on a Maybe

By Rebecca Merz

After the death of her husband, Rebecca turned to God for everything. She was alone and needed God more than ever. This personal relationship with God became so intense that she experienced Him in ways she never dreamed were possible.

Rebeccas journey began when she became convinced God used a man she named Adam to awaken her passion to be a married lady again. When Rebecca shared every little detail of her life with God, she felt certain God orchestrated the funniest situations to give her confidence as she traveled into unknown territory. She insisted God was being playful with her and wanted her to relax and trust that He was the one that was in control. Those times Rebecca experienced doubt, God did some remarkable things to prove He was with her. As a result she developed a boldness to do what she believed God was asking of her. God always confirmed the decisions she made were the stepping-stones leading to her destiny. She learned God was pleased by her faith that she entrusted to Him alone.

God demonstrated two-way communication with Him was not only possible but was necessary in order to turn her dreams into reality. This two-way conversation brought her relationship with God to a deeper level. She knew He had prepared the way that would lead her to her future husband. Rebecca claims God is still in the match making business and is the best dating coach any person could ask for because Father knows best.

All proceeds from the sale of this book will go to a mobile ministry that gives women who are facing unplanned pregnancies image clear ultrasounds free of charge. When women are in crisis due to an unwanted pregnancy they need to know that God loved them at First Sight. Hopefully with knowledge of this truth these women will now be willing to step out on a maybe and trust God to work out a solution that begins with them choosing life for the child within.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 5, 2013
• ISBN: 9781490800486

Rebecca Merz

Rebecca feels joyous when she writes. She believes God pens her words through the gift of the Holy Spirit. She is confident God called her to promote Love At First Sight, Stepping Out on a Maybe throughout “the church” so that she will be able to speak for the at-risk unborn babies in this country. She knows the church is made up of all who believe in Jesus and is not confined within the walls of a building. She knows this body of believers holds the key to the solution concerning abortion not the government. Rebecca desires to encourage all Christians to help women in crisis first and foremost understand God is not mad at them. He loves them so much that He gave up His one and only Son so that they may experience a blessed life here on earth and for eternity with Him in Heaven.

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Copyright © 2013 Rebecca Merz.

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This work is a memoir. It reflects the author’s present recollection of experiences over a period of years, and may not coincide with what others depicted in the story experienced or remember. The author recreated dialogue from memory. Therefore, in consideration of that fact and in the interest of protecting identities and privacy, I have changed relationships, names, cities, states, and other locations. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

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ISBN: 978-1-4908-0047-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-7643-5 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4908-0048-6 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013915936

WestBow Press rev. date: 4/18/2014

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Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living

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Table of Contents

Preface

CHAPTER 1   ADAM AND GOD

CHAPTER 2   READING BETWEEN THE LINES

CHAPTER 3   MY HEART’S CRY

CHAPTER 4   GRANDMA’S DREAM OR A SILLY FAIRY TALE

CHAPTER 5   ADAM AND EVE

CHAPTER 6   THE LITTLE BRIDE

CHAPTER 7   THE BRIDE AND GROOM

CHAPTER 8   OBEY IS A FOUR LETTER WORD

CHAPTER 9   BELIEVE IN MAKE-BELIEVE

CHAPTER 10   TINY KISSES

CHAPTER 11   THE WEDDING INVITATION

CHAPTER 12   TICK TOCK

CHAPTER 13   STEPPING OUT ON A MAYBE

CHAPTER 14   LIFETIME TREASURE OF DESTINY

Afterword

Love At No Sight

Bibliography

To God:

Thank you for the gift of your Holy Spirit that is with me to guide me not just when I work but even when I play. You inspire me to want to share my love for Jesus.

To Adam:

Thank you not only for looking into my eyes and allowing me to look into yours, but also for encouraging me to write by showing me your desire to read my work and expressing that you find every word good.

Preface

This story would never have been told had it not been for the faith and prayers of my husband. I was married to George for almost thirty-one years. In 1995, he was diagnosed with stage four-colon cancer. After George learned of his eleven-month prognosis, he told me that he wanted me to remarry one day and that he prayed for God to provide a good husband for me. My response was, You aren’t going to die, so stop talking about me marrying someone else. I only want you.

George and I both experienced pain whenever we thought about our marriage ending. I couldn’t imagine my life without him. For that reason alone, I never dreamed I could want another man. During the last few years of his life, George often told me he was still asking God to provide another husband to take his place. We actually had arguments over that prayer. George would remind me that God had answered his prayers when we’d met each other. I believed that, and I suppose I believed God would answer George’s prayer about finding me another husband too. I think that’s why whenever George would tell me he was still asking God to bring me another husband I would reply, Who knows—I may die before you. Besides, I don’t want to get married again. George explained why he wanted me to remarry. His love for me prompted not only those conversations but also his prayers. George believed in marriage and wanted me to have a special someone. He knew the happiness being a wife in a loving relationship brought to me, and he didn’t want his death to rob me of ever experiencing that again. He said, You are still young and have a long life ahead of you. I don’t want you to be alone. He shared that he worried about that most of all.

Amazingly, George lived thirteen more years after his diagnosis despite his prognosis. After my husband died, some people asked me if I’d ever remarry. With tongue in cheek I used to say, If God has someone for me, He will present him.

I met Adam on July 17, 2009. The moment we looked into each other’s eyes and he smiled something happened to me. I sensed that God was in that moment. After meeting Adam, I went home and asked God this question: Is this the man you are presenting to me? I said it with more than a tinge of sarcasm because at that time I didn’t believe I would ever be involved with or care about another man. However, in time I began to hope that Adam was the answer to my late husband’s prayer. I even jokingly said, God, I guess the reason I’m so attracted to Adam is that you and George picked him out for me.

In some ways, George knew me better than I knew myself. He knew I would want another man again if the right one came along. George was a loving husband, and he was very special. Even while battling cancer, he was concerned about me. As I reflect back on the words George said to me, I’m reminded of the reason God created Eve. And the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a companion who will help him’ (Genesis 2:18 NLT). I see this verse is meant for me too.

Sometimes, I felt certain that Adam was the one God had presented to me; at other times, I wrestled with that idea. I questioned God about whether the desire I felt was really from Him or merely my own. I even questioned the discernment God gave me when it came to things regarding my connection with Adam. I started doubting that this was a God connection and began to think it was purely born out of my imagination.

While I found it easy to believe that God was involved in my love life, I had a harder time coming to terms with the task God was calling me to do to move forward in this area of my life. This book is the product of that call. Trusting that God wanted me to write this book and give it to Adam was difficult. What if I was wrong? I realized I was counting on the outcome of the story to determine if I was meant to give this book to Adam. That was when God stepped in and showed me this was about trusting God for Adam. Maybe it was for Adam meaning Adam and I would be together and God would use this book to help arrange it. Maybe it was for Adam meaning Adam needed to read this book as much as I needed to write it but for an entirely different purpose. Either way, it was all about trusting God. Adam has known for some time that I pray for him. I was pretty sure Adam sensed our relationship was not ordinary. Maybe he was confused too, and this story would shed some light. Maybe he just thought this whole thing between us was crazy or that I was crazy. I had no idea what Adam thought about any of this; that was part of the problem. I knew only what I sensed in my spirit. Maybe, in some ways, I was reaching out to Adam for confirmation.

At times during the writing process, I wondered if all the thoughts and dreams I had about Adam were just part of an addiction to love. I didn’t know if I was writing about a woman obsessed or a lady in waiting. Because of this experience, I developed a bit more understanding about how God is obsessed with us. He wants us to be in relationship with Him, and He thinks about each one of us. In the end, He wants nothing but good things for us. If you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those that ask him (Matthew 7:11 NLT). I believe God has more good gifts waiting for me when the time is right.

I do know I am a friend of Jesus, and that is the role that defines me. You are my friends if you obey me. I no longer call you servants, because a master doesn’t confide in his servants. Now you are my friends, since I have told you everything the Father told me. You didn’t choose me. I chose you. I appointed you to go and produce fruit that will last so that the Father will give you whatever you ask for, using my name. I command you to love each other (John 15:14—17 NLT). I trust that God is moving me forward to live a fruitful life. I pray this book will produce some fruit too.

During the times I struggle and am tempted to rely on myself, I am thankful for this serenity prayer to get me through. This is a powerful prayer when put into practice.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; Courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference. Living one day at a time; Enjoying one moment at a time; Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace; Taking, as Jesus did, this sinful world as it is, not as I would have it; Trusting that you will make all things right if I surrender to Your Will; That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with You forever in the next. Amen (Reinhold Niebuhr)

I’ll admit there were times I was anything but serene when it came to writing this book. In those moments, I had to trust God’s promises. Even youth will become exhausted, and young men will give up. But those who wait on the Lord will find new strength. They will fly high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint (Isaiah 40:30–31 NLT). This verse is the word I stand on when praying the serenity prayer, especially when I am wrestling with making a decision. I need courage to change the things I can, and releasing this book is going to be a change for me. I have no idea what, if anything, it will do for Adam. I need serenity to accept whatever the outcome is after Adam reads this. While I have no control over his reaction to this book, I don’t want this story to harm him in any way. God knows that is my desire. No matter what happens, I trust in the end it will all be good. Trying to pretend my feelings away wasn’t working; I’d hoped writing about my feelings and sharing them would bring me some peace. This was a big step for me because I’m used to striving to keep the peace. I am not saying I want to start a fight; however, God showed me that in order to have peace of mind and be an effective writer I needed to honestly bare all without worrying about what others, including Adam, thought of me. Always a people pleaser, this was hard for me to do. I learned I needed to be concerned with only what God thought of me.

Even though I struggled, God found a way to let me know He had heard my prayers and was directly involved in this situation. When some of my thoughts were confirmed to be true, I giggled. I still don’t know if this thought that Adam and I will be together one day is a foretelling, but I know the idea is good material to base this book on because it is the dream God gave me. Perhaps one day I will understand it all. One thing I know for sure, God let me know He has His eye on me. Through this situation, God taught me not to run ahead of Him and to trust Him for discernment and confirmation. I am waiting on God, and perhaps Adam, to see where this relationship will go.

Dreaming of a life with Adam gave me a new focus, and it broadened my relationship with God too. When I’ve talked to God about Adam, we’ve laughed together and I’ve felt my spirit soar. During these times, I not only had peace, I had true joy. The feeling is a foretaste of what it will be like when I am with God in heaven one day. Even though, at times, I get frustrated with wanting to have all the answers, I am thankful for the situation. I’ve learned that when I think about Adam, I do not have to hide it from God. Many times these thoughts help me be aware of God’s presence. It’s so refreshing having God involved in my love life. I say my love life because dreaming about a life with Adam is one thing I love about my life right now.

I don’t really allow myself to think about details of what a future with Adam might be like other than to dream that Adam is a man who loves God. I know God loves him. I try to concentrate on the idea of what an amazing story this could turn out to be, and I don’t just mean for the book. I hope Adam wants to share this amazing story about what God has done to bring us together. In my dream, Adam not only desires to be with me, he also wants to be involved in promoting my work. Adam delights in telling everyone what a good God we have who brought us together. He wants to be in a ministry that gives hope to people who have had their lives affected not only by cancer but also by depression, addiction, divorce, or unhealed hurts. He understands firsthand how these things can stand in the way of living the life God has planned for all of us.

In this dream, Adam loves to tell everyone about my first book, not only because he believes in its message and that it was God inspired, but because of his joy in knowing God destined him to be involved in its creation too. In my dream of dreams, this book, Love at First Sight, Stepping Out on a Maybe, changes the direction of both our lives, putting us on the same path walking hand in hand.

When I dream along with God, I know I dream big. It is not because I think I am able to accomplish anything by my strength, rather it is because I know there is no limit to what God can do. I know He can do the impossible. I know God is pleased that I believe in my dreams, but He wants to see me act too. Believing in dreams is one thing; acting on those dreams is where faith comes into play. Big dreams call for bold action. God can make big dreams come true, especially if He is the one who initiated them, but He also wants me to trust Him in the small things. Giving this book to Adam is a small thing by some standards, but God knows just what a big and scary deal it is to me.

At times I get carried away with my dreams, such as when I think my books will become best sellers. I dream about starting a nonprofit called Love One Another and using the proceeds from my book sales to help others who are struggling financially. I know these are my dreams, but I will have to wait to see if they are God’s too.

I don’t know if having a life with Adam or starting that nonprofit are what God has planned for me. Regardless of whether those dreams come true or not, I believe I was meant to write this story. The writing process helped me acknowledge the Holy Spirit. I am now in an intimate relationship with Him. I trusted Him, especially when my mind thought this whole experience was just plain crazy. Sometimes I thought, This really cannot be happening or I am just reading way too much into things. Then I realized if I have faith in what I wrote, I have to show it by acting on it. I am delighted to say God found ways to help end my doubts. God kept arranging so many coincidences that involved Adam. I deduced that God was not going to stop prompting me until I gave Adam this manuscript. God used visible signs to keep me encouraged and help me believe He was involved in this. Many of these signs were in black and white, or shall I say in print—and not just what I printed, either. God you are so amazing. That’s all I can say at this point. I truly believe I was meant to experience those things and write about some of them too. Trusting that writing was what God called me to do is enough of a dream come true for now.

I do believe the bigger picture is what is most important. This book is not just meant for my Adam, the name I call my crush, but for all Adams, meaning all humankind. God wants all of us to learn to trust Him. God wants us to know we can learn to discern the voice of the Holy Spirit among all the other voices. He wants us to know praying is not a one-way conversation; He speaks back to us in many ways. His Word, the Bible, is the measure of all things spoken. Because I believe that, I have confidence and obey what God asks me to do.

God is with me, and He leads me. He knows my every thought. I want to have this ministry through my books that reaches others and brings hope, encouragement, and healing into their lives. I want to have someone beside me to share in my dream to reach others for Christ. Most of all, I want each one of my readers to believe God loved you at first sight. He has plans for you too. For we are God’s masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things he planned for us long ago (Ephesians 2:10 NLT).

If Adam and I end up together and share this ministry, it would truly be an awesome bonus. Even though I am writing the words to the story, God is really the only one who has the power to bring it from a fairy tale to a reality. No matter how this love story ends, one day all God’s children will experience the greatest love story of all. We will know what it feels like to be swept away by the King of Kings and have the experience of being loved for eternity. We will each be one of the characters in the most magnificent love story of all time. We will be in that romantic state of love with Jesus and will live happily ever after with Him.

I am willing to give this book to Adam and risk looking foolish, because I am willing to love Adam in the way God wants us to love each other. We are to reflect God’s love and love unconditionally. I believe God wants to use this story to let Adam know he has been chosen by God to be a friend of Jesus. He may already know this, but just in case he doesn’t or he has doubts, I don’t want to risk missing this opportunity to tell him. I am willing to look foolish so Adam will know for sure that God loved him at first sight too. I am also willing to take this risk because I don’t want to live a life of regrets, either.

I trust God with my life, including my love life. I am counting on God to guide me. Next to accepting Jesus as Lord and Savior, becoming one with another person is the most important decision I will ever make. Whether or not Adam is the one, or if I ever remarry, I need to trust God for discernment to reveal the plans He has for me. In the meantime, I am doing what He has called me to do. I want to obey God not only by keeping his commandments, but also by living the life He has called me to live. I believe God has called me to write about my life experiences and share how He has been there for me in good times and in bad. By doing this I hope to encourage others not only to trust God, but also to dream along with Him. Dreaming is a way to discover what He has planned for you. It is one of the steps to fulfilling your destiny. Then be willing to step out in faith and act, knowing that even if it isn’t the right call it will bring you one step closer to finding what is.

Knowing that this eternal life I dream about will all come true and that I will spend eternity with my bridegroom Jesus helps me to dream and act. I know God is pleased that I have faith and trust in Him and am willing to take risks for Him. Right now I am here on earth, and I am writing about what I am experiencing. I am a woman who thinks she has met the man God is presenting to her—but for some reason, there is a pause in the story. What I thought was moving right along came to a screeching halt. And that is where this story really begins.

Adam and God

W hen I first saw Adam—I would call it a chance meeting—I was surprised. He was the first man to catch my eye since I’d met my late husband, George, thirty-three years before.

I met Adam at his workplace. My sister Nora came with me that day. She was there to listen because two heads are better than one, but I was the client. Although I was there for a professional reason, Adam and I began to strike up a conversation that had nothing to do with my reason for being there. As the conversation took on a more personal slant, we both began exchanging lots of information with each other. My sister sat in the corner as she listened and watched Adam and I interact. While Adam and I were conversing, he removed a fallen strand of hair from my shoulder and held it up for both of us to see. It was such a natural gesture that I normally wouldn’t have given it a second thought. But as we looked at that strand of hair, our eyes met. At that moment Adam smiled, and the look on his face mirrored that of George’s whenever he would look into my eyes. Adam’s face just lit up, and I was shocked. That’s when I heard this voice say, Adam is 100 percent German. For a brief second, I actually thought Adam was attracted to me. Then I concluded it was just his reaction to the joke I’d made about the hair. I know it has to be mine, I had teased because his head was shaved.

During this initial conversation, we learned we both had houses in Indiana and South Carolina. Adam told me of his plans to spend his winters in South Carolina after he retired. He went on to say, Did you see the older married couple that just left my office? They have a house here and in South Carolina too. It was as if he was lost in thought as I heard him say, This is so strange … and now you’re here. Initially, I thought he was referring to the coincidence that all three of us would have the same dual residency. Later, I wondered if he was thinking something more.

As Adam continued to talk about the house he was having built, he said, almost as if he were thinking aloud, I don’t know why I’m building such a big house for just myself.

Inside my head, I heard a soft voice speak, Maybe he isn’t going to be there by himself. You’ll be there with him. That was quite a shocking idea considering I didn’t even know this man. I started to wonder about Adam’s marital status, and instantly he gave me an answer to my unspoken question.

Adam blurted out, I’m single. He went on to say, I am going to be retiring in a few years. That was when I made the mistaken assumption that we were the same age. Later in the conversation, he mentioned we were around the same age, so he falsely assumed that too.

I could hardly believe the turn in the conversation. Everything was happening so fast. My mind raced to absorb all that had transpired, but part of my brain felt like it was trying to clear out cobwebs. I pushed all thoughts of Adam being in my future away. I thought I had put the prospect out of my head altogether, but it merely snuck into the recesses of my mind. We continued to talk. We had so much in common. When he spoke about how he had been to every beach in Florida, it was as if I was speaking. I had said that very same thing many times. For that reason alone, I didn’t find Adam attractive; he seemed too much like me—and not in a good way. I thought he talked too much.

As Adam and I compared beaches that day, I found out that Siesta Key was Adam’s number two favorite. The beach he rated number one is found on Florida’s panhandle in Destin. (Is that short for destiny, I wonder?) He said he favored it not only because of the pure white sand but