Finding Sanctuary: Book One:The Journey Begins

By Elsa Ward

Her mother was unhappy because Marid used the phone a lot so she put a passcode on it to lock her out. Although Marid couldnt call out, her friends could call her. She expected her mother to limit that, but she didnt. Instead, she waited to punish her until after the Christmas holidays.

Marid was talking about returning to school, when her mother lowered the boom.

Marid, she said, Ive decided that you are going to attend a different school.

Standing there in stunned disbelief, Marids heart started breaking in half. Shed lose all her close friends and her favorite teachers. Although she hadnt gone for more counseling sessions, most of all she would lose Myra Stantons protection. Myra had always asked how she was doing whenever she saw her in the hallways.

Her mother had trashed Myra many times to Marid but she didnt believe her the way she used too. Marid was beginning to see that her mother was a bully, and she was wrong for the way she treated her. Angrily, she demanded, Why did you do this to me? You want me to fail and be miserable dont you?

Emily looked at her daughter and said Really Marid? Since when do you know whats best? I know whats best better than anyone, especially not that interfering bitch Myra Stanton.

Tearfully Marid said, How could you do that? Why do you hate me so much? Icily her mother replied, Hate you? Dont flatter yourself. Youre nothing but a manipulative bitch. You lied about me! Youre just like your father, the same kind of liar! Your rein of telling lies is finished; you arent going to get away with your lies so easily in a brand new school, without Ms. Myra there to protect you, are you?

Marid just stared at her, before turning away and going to her room. She slammed the door shut, expecting her mother to follow and hit her, but she didnt care anymore. She lay on her bed sobbing into her pillow for hours, before she fell asleep.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Nov 3, 2015
• ISBN: 9781491746141

Elsa Ward

Elsa Ward lives in Doylestown, Pennsylvania. She has written articles, lyrics, short stories, and promotional pieces as well as having worked in child welfare, running a homeless shelter, a food pantry, a car program, and is currently authoring parenting articles for examiner.com. Along with that she enjoys the harrowing, wonderful experience of parenting her five children. All those wonderful experience drove her to write this book!

Book preview

chapter 1

Jenna and Jack

J enna Judy’s bulging belly looked ready to pop. She was in the late stage of her sixth pregnancy and her unborn child kicked her insides painfully. Rubbing her belly in a soothing motion, she hoped it would calm things down and make it stop!

A very attractive girl, she normally took great pride in her appearance. Today she looked a mess. Her shoulder length blond hair was sweaty and tangled, her creamy skin covered with pink blotches and her beautiful pansy blue eyes were red and swollen. All this was due to an earlier fit of hysterical crying. She felt pain in her lower back and wondered if the stress caused her contractions to begin, then decided she was sure it had. She felt the same way through the early labor with her other children. She remembered feeling similar pain right after she and the kids watched Jack walk out of the front door earlier with his packed suitcase.

Jack, the man she adored, had left today after a fierce argument. His leaving was not in itself unusual behavior in fact it was the norm. When he was acting like an ass, he would walk out in an angry huff, returning several hours later, falling down drunk, profusely apologizing to her and the kids. After spending twenty years living with him, she learned not to take his crap.

Somehow, this was different. When she came back from the kitchen into the living room to check on the kids, she was surprised to find him sitting quietly in his easy chair. What was this, she wondered? When he looked up at her, his face was expressionless. Not uttering a sound, he starred at her until she became uncomfortable and looked away. When he continued to stare at her like that, she became very nervous. His behavior unnerved her because she couldn’t figure out what was going on. Jack had changed his normal routine.

Earlier they argued about money for maybe the thousandth time. No big deal there, she was used to it. The fight began when he screamed at her because she spent more on the groceries than he thought she should. She was expecting it, their fights always started out over money and she screamed right back at him. This time though, he abruptly stopped what he was saying in mid-sentence and flopped down in his chair. Just like that. She stood there awkwardly unsure what she should do next. Despite her attempts to get him to talk to her, he would not say another word. Frustrated she threw up her hands in disgust and stormed off to the kitchen.

Her first sight there was the house robot busy washing dishes at the kitchen sink. It was a tall skinny metallic caricature of a human with a human sized head and hands. TThere was a small glowing square in the center of its chest like a human heart that was its self contained power center. It was washing the dishes from the family’s earlier luncheon, continuing without acknowledging her presence. When she saw the machine that Jack had insisted they bring home from the trash dump she saw red. The machine was nothing but a frustration from the start. They could barely afford the upkeep for it and she found out quickly that its abilities were extremely limited.

Sighing she picked up the clean dishes and began to carefully put them away controlling her impulse to smash them against the countertop. Then it dawned on her there weren’t any broken or chipped dishes in the pile. Happy because the robot was finally showing improvement, she drew in a breath. She took in several more trying to calm down. She was tired and cranky all the time lately which always happened as she was about to give birth.

She sighed. There were never enough hours in the day to finish the chores around the house, even with the robot to assist her. The kids were getting on her nerves with their constant arguing, which they always did, but on top of that, she and Jack had been fighting a lot too.

Mom Ricky’s hitting me! Her oldest son Jack Junior yelled from the other room interrupting her moment of peace.

She came rushing in and found Jack in his easy chair watching as the two oldest boys punched and smacked each other. Their oldest son Jack Jr. had blood dripping down from one of his nostrils.

Enraged, she flipped out and yelled, Dammit Jack you see what they’re doing to each other! Why didn’t you say something? At the sound of her voice, the two boys stopped their fighting immediately. They stood there as the tones of her angry question vibrated in the silence that followed.

Frustrated with Jack’s strange behavior she screamed even louder, They’re your kids too! The silence grew uncomfortable while she waited for him to respond, but he didn’t say a word.

Usually if she screamed that loud, it was enough to provoke him into an immediate response. Instead, he just sat there looking at her with a blank expression. That was the last straw.

What the hell is wrong with you today? she demanded fiercely. Don’t you care at all that our kids hurt each other? How could you sit there and watch them do that?

He remained silent looking as if he was in some sort of trance. I don’t have time for this shit she decided. After sternly telling both boys to knock it off, she rolled her eyes upward and stormed off to the kitchen.

The robot had finished washing the dishes and was wiping off crumbs from the kitchen table. It had been such a pain to watch over it all the time, making sure it worked, as it should. Instead of the help Jack told her it would be, it constantly required directions like a young child. Stupid machine she thought. Like everything else they owned, it never worked, as it should.

chapter 2

Jack Leaves

J ack’s weird behavior bothered her, so she kept going back and forth between the kitchen and the living room to see if he was still in his chair. Every time she checked, there he was sitting quietly. The whole thing was spooky, and it sent chills down her spine. After the kitchen was finally clean, she returned to the living room, and sat down directly across from him on the couch. She was determined to talk, but he had other ideas. When he saw her sit down, he got up from his chair and left the room, leisurely walking down the long hallway to their bedroom. She spent several minutes struggling to get up from the couch before she was able to follow him.

She reached their bedroom, but never made it past the doorway. Stunned, she watched him methodically pack all of his clothes into the new suitcase she had given him for his last birthday. Visibly shaking, she pleaded with him to tell her why he was doing this. He didn’t answer and just kept on packing ignoring her while she stood there. Finally unable to watch him anymore, she turned around and walked back to the living room, ready to burst into tears. She sat down on the couch, struggling to make sense out of what she had just seen.

The kids, who had been watching what was going on, came and huddled close together next to her. They were eerily quiet as they waited to see what would happen next.

A short while after that Jack strolled into the living room carrying his packed suitcase. He looked over in Jenna’s direction and saw her look up as he entered. At first, she got hopeful when he walked over and set his suitcase down, thinking he was ready to talk. Instead, he silently held out a folded piece of paper, expecting her to take it.

She pointed at the paper and said, Jack what the hell is this?

She looked at him as if he was crazy. He remained silent, holding the paper in his outstretched hand waiting. After a few minutes, she couldn’t stand it anymore and grabbed it from him. He looked at their children sitting huddled beside her without any expression on his face, as if he were looking at strangers. He picked up his suitcase, walked to the front door, opened it, and quietly shut the door after him. That was it.

Still in shock, Jenna starred at the note in her hand afraid to open it. Finally, she took a deep breath and unfolded the single piece of paper with trembling hands. After she read it, she almost ripped it into shreds. He had said that he was leaving her, their five children and the sixth one about to be born. That was bad enough, but he also said that he didn’t love her or the kids anymore, and that hurt deeply. He ended the short note by saying he needed a fresh start and hoped she and the kids would understand. She starred down at the paper not wanting to accept what it said. She could not believe that the man she loved for so long had been this heartless. Then she broke down and sobbed, which was rare. The kids who were very frightened did not know what to do, so they sat next to her on the couch silently clinging to each other as she wept.

chapter 3

Jenna and Her Children

J enna stopped crying and wiped the tears from her eyes. She felt rage boiling up inside her, thinking what a bastard! The anger she felt made her checks flush bright red for several minutes before she calmed down. She wondered if this was some sort of stunt to teach her a lesson. He always did stuff like that. For several hours, she stayed on the couch looking at the door, hoping he reappeared. She was on edge from all the stress. Day turned into night, and there were dark shadows on the wall where the light had been.

When he didn’t return, she had to accept that he had meant what he said about not loving them anymore. Taking a breath, she let the cold reality sink in. He wasn’t coming back. He had left her all alone, expecting her to take care of their five children by herself and the sixth one about to be born. Just like that! It hurt so badly. The pain was more than she could bear. To survive, she did what she knew best, she got angry. She calmed down from her rage again, and panicked. How were they going to survive? Inside her head, she heard a voice say, toughen up girl. You will find a way. Struggling to pull her awkward pregnant body into an upright position, she gave herself a mental shake deciding she was going to be just fine. After all, she survived everything else in her life she would survive this too! As if to taunt her, bittersweet images of their love life popped up in her thoughts. They were painful reminders of him being so tender during sex touching her in all the ways she liked. Their love life sizzled until she’d get pregnant. Each baby added weight to their financial stress, increasing the heavy burden they had to bear.

She sighed. She decided long ago that being poor when you had a family was ok. Jack never accepted it. It wasn’t fair! Their financial problems weren’t just her fault, he knew better! He even charted out when it was safe for them to do it, but whenever he was in the mood, he ignored the chart and convinced her it would be safe. Shame from memories of her own weakness every time she gave in made her feel like a complete loser. Why had she believed him? Frowning she shook her head. It was time to accept that she was in a mess and alone. What a crummy bastard he was, she thought bitterly. He couldn’t wait to poke her, and then afterward he always blamed her for getting pregnant.

You know what? Screw you Jack! I was a fool to trust you in the first place!

The sound of her own voice surprised her not realizing she spoke her thoughts aloud. She looked over and for the first time noticed the kids sitting quietly beside her on the couch. Traumatized by what happened they were afraid to make a sound. When she saw their faces, she got irritated. The vulnerability there was a painful reminder of her own miserable childhood.

She snapped at them saying in a gruff voice. All of you go to your rooms. Don’t you have chores you should be doing?

The youngest boy Thomas began to cry when he heard her harsh tones. Upset after watching their father leave, they were hoping that Jenna would provide some much-needed comfort. Unfortunately, they were not going to get that from her. She was not someone who handled her own feelings well so she could not handle theirs. Seeing her youngest child cry was too much and she immediately felt overwhelmed.

Next one that cries in my sight gets a belt! she snapped.

The kids knew from experience not to go any further when she spoke like that. Her voice was like an electric shock going through them and they moved quickly to do her bidding. As they hurried out of the room, she noticed little Thomas was clinging tightly to her older daughter Martha’s hand.

Jenna heart was crumbling and her dreams were shattered. She did not get it. She had behaved while she was with Jack not cheating on him once! She acted like what she thought was the perfect wife. As hard as she had tried though, nothing was enough to make him stick around. It brought up an old familiar pain that pierced her heart. They are all the same she thought, angry with herself for believing that Jack was any different. What a fool she was!

At that very moment, the house robot rolled in and asked what it should do next. That was the spark she needed.

With tremendous rage she screamed at it saying, Listen you metallic piece of shit. Get out of my sight and go back into your closet before I take a sledge hammer to you!

The silence hung in the air as the machine turned around and went obediently back to its resting area and she was appeased. Calmer she reminded herself that it was just a stupid machine. This model was slow and cumbersome compared to the newer ones she always saw advertised on the web. They had found it in one of the trash piles on the street.

She wished they could afford something better. There were models for sale that could even respond to commands in conversational speech just like a human person. Although their voices were still metallic, they were capable of more independent functioning and she wanted one of them. She had been tempted to get rid of their robot several times. She didn’t after realizing how much time she invested in training the stupid thing. Now she was glad she kept it.

She would need it to help with the other kids after the new baby arrived. Might as well not be any more stupid than she had been she decided, knowing that she was in enough trouble as it was.

She rubbed her head and sighed. Jack reminded her of her dad. She wondered why she never noticed that before. Two tears rolled down her checks as she remembered how she felt when her father left right before her seventh birthday. That was the last time she saw him. On that day, she was a hopeful little girl who waited all day long for him to appear. Instead of enjoying herself, she kept looking anxiously at the front door waiting for him to show up. When nothing happened, she finally went to bed feeling miserable and cried herself to sleep. Each day after that, the pain in her heart hurt more. Each night she lay in bed and cried herself to sleep, wishing things were different.

Several months passed by and one morning, she woke up feeling angry. Her mother was still crying all the time, but instead of feeling bad for her, she felt disgusted. Jenna worshiped her father and found it easier to blame her mother as the reason why he left. Now she had little respect for either parent. She had not known about her dad’s cheating. He had affairs during most of the marriage, and without her knowing this; it was hard to understand why her mother just couldn’t get over it. She swore to herself that she would never be like her. Instead she acted more like her dad treating others like objects, as though they were there for her exclusive use.She remained angry with her mother for many years afterward because of what happened.

As she grew older, her body developed into a pleasing shape. She realized that men thought she was very sexy so she used her newfound power to manipulate them, thoroughly enjoying it. She left home when she turned sixteen and moved in with an older man who adored her. Soon after she moved in, she grew bored and wanted out of that relationship. The man’s heart was broken, but he agreed to pay rent on a separate place for her. He even signed a two-year lease hoping she would change her mind. She didn’t and spent her time going through a series of relationships, none of which lasted very long.

She used her boyfriends for whatever she could get from them, and dumped them when she got restless. She broke many hearts in the process but was too angry to care. She would have gone on like this forever, but after a wild night of partying, she found out, she was pregnant. The baby’s father, Jack, asked her to move in with him soon after she told him the news. Surprisingly she found herself agreeing to it. All of a sudden, the idea of settling down and having a family was appealing. She didn’t normally feel that way, taking it as a sign from the universe. She decided with rare insight, I’d better step on the straight and narrow path and remain there. I do not want any kid of mine to feel like I did. So she moved into Jack’s tiny apartment and they made plans to welcome their new baby.

chapter 4

A Good Mom

A fter the baby was born a girl they named Martha, Jenna kept her word. She cooked meals, cleaned the house, and had more babies while Jack tried to keep himself employed. They did all the things that married people do, except that they were not married, which bothered her a lot. She realized how much she enjoyed having a family and acting like a wife. Except that, she wasn’t one. She waited patiently for Jack to ask her. When he didn’t, she asked him.

Working up her courage, one morning she popped the question over breakfast.

Morning babe She said as she poured him a cup of coffee.

Morning sweetie he answered, adding milk and sugar to his cup.

Jack, she blurted out, don’t you think it’s time for us to get married?

At first after she said it, she thought he was going to choke to death. He recovered and when he could talk, he told her that his coffee had gone down the wrong pipe.

Jenna had not intended to blurt out the question like that and her words uncomfortably lingered in the silence that followed. Although it seemed like an eternity passed before he answered, she managed to squash her urge to speak yet the silence was killing her.

He finally said, Babe, are you worried that I don’t love you?

No honey not at all, She answered quietly, I just want to get married. We have all these children together, and honey we’re a family. She paused then blurted out, Don’t you want to marry me?

The question sounded desperate even to her. She was immediately sorry she said it, thinking this was not going at all, as she planned. She felt relieved when Jack responded by picking up a few strands of her hair and playing with them.

Then he said, Sure I do sweetheart! Look as soon as we have enough money saved for a honeymoon we’ll plan the ceremony ok?

Jenna’s heart sunk like a stone. There never enough money, he was always telling her that. Crushed by his words she dropped the subject and didn’t bring it up again.

They had four boys beside their oldest daughter Martha, not counting the new one on the way. She had let Jack name the boys, the oldest was Jack Jr., the second one Richard (after her dad), and then came William, and last was Thomas. They were very active boys and loved to play cops and robbers, chasing each other all over the house. If they were not playing, they were fighting. They could be a handful and Jack always said that he and his brothers were the same way. She never met anyone from his family though. When she asked him about it, he told her that his family all died before he met her. Hearing that, she felt that he was like her, alone and abandoned.

She had really surprised herself in the beginning, when she decided to name their only daughter Martha, after her mother. Martha reminded Jenna of her mother in many ways. She kept noticing this astounded because her mother had never seen her granddaughter. Martha was quite pretty. She had Jack’s dark hair and Jenna’s striking blue eyes. Unlike Jenna, she was quiet and very shy. When her daughter was a toddler, Jenna realized she missed her mother so one day on an impulse she called her. They made up and grew close spending time together frequently. Grandma Martha adored her little namesake. Everyone who knew Martha loved the sweet natured little girl and she was the apple of Jack’s eye. Jenna was jealous. As Martha got older, Jenna grew even more jealous of her. Jack was very protective toward her and had been that way since her birth. He always said that she was special and she should save herself for marriage, and not let any boy touch her. Jenna wanted him to feel like that about her. Sometimes she wondered if he held her dating history against her, which caused her pain.

She did everything she could to show Jack that she was valuable to him too, but nothing worked. When he didn’t bring up the subject of marriage again, she was very hurt.

For just a moment, she wondered if her unborn baby were a boy or a girl. Then she hardened her heart, thinking it didn’t matter. It was just another bastard to add to the abandoned brood. She felt ashamed because he left her. Her resentment toward the baby increased, and she blamed it for all her misery. If she had not gotten pregnant, then Jack would still be here and dammit, she missed him already. Hurting badly beneath her tough girl shell, she was more fragile then she liked to admit. This was a feeling she didn’t like, so she squashed it down ignoring it. Not the right time for sentimental bullshit.

It dawned on her that she only had enough money to last until the end of the month and her heart began to skip beats. She fought an urge to throw up her lunch, controlling the nausea until her survival instincts took control.

Tossing her head in defiance, she said, I will make it somehow without that creep!

Her jaw tightened, and she knew that her family would survive, because she would make sure of it. Filled with new purpose she felt recharged.

Other not so nice memories about life with Jack came to mind. Each time she realized that she was pregnant and told him, he would change into an asshole. He became verbally abusive, mistreating everybody in the household except for little Martha. She and the boys watched wistfully while he doted on her and ignored all of them. He continued to act mean toward them until the next baby was born. After he saw the baby, he’d change into the man he was when she first met him, a wonderful, kind sweetheart.

Wait a minute, she thought, it hit her again how much he was like her dad. She remembered that her dad’s changing moods were difficult to live with. Jack was very moody. His changing moods were probably why he had so much trouble holding down a steady job. She realized then that she actually felt relieved that she no longer had to deal with that crap.

Sighing she took in a fresh breath. The time had come to let him go as she had done with all the others before him. Yeah he might try to come back but no way would she take him in! Life had shown her that you could not count on anyone but yourself. Maybe it was naive of her to expect anything more. She was the leader of her family now and hey, at least she had older kids to help with the younger ones. Another sharp pain signaled the beginning of a new contraction stronger than the one before. She realized that the time for baby number six to be born was very close.

chapter 5

Peter is born

Jenna wondered what she should do. The contractions were stronger and occurring frequently. There was not enough time to go anywhere for help so she decided Martha would have to be her assistant. With extreme difficulty, she got up from the couch.

As soon as she could stand, she felt a sudden gush of liquid run down the side of one leg. Wobbling unsteadily, she walked back to her bedroom frantically calling for Martha and the boys to follow her. When they came running in, she told them the baby was coming. In between several painful long contractions, she instructed the boys to go tell the robot to boil