I Believe in Second Chances

By Charmaine Lewis

Life passes us by so quickly. Sometimes memories are forgotten and pictures fade away when the future is unknown and the past is all I could cling to. Life became an empty shell. Hopeless and barren, then a second chance at everything: life, love, and wealth. At the age of eighteen, I was a mother and married. After a year, a widow. I hated God for the separation from my husband but after two years found love again. Trials and tests bombarded my life. I took Gods Word and tested it. It worked. My life is no more spiraling out of control, and I have purpose.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Nov 29, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466967748

Book preview

Contents

Preface

1.   My Childhood

2   My Younger Years

3   The Big Move

4   My Rebelling Years

5   Meeting Owen

6   Forced to Adulthood

7   Meeting Richard

8   My Test’s

9   Moving Back

10 Finding my Answers

Preface

I t took a while for me to start writing this book, pondering and sometimes dreaming that I am writing it. Finally I managed to scrape enough energy and courage together to start. This will be my life journey thus far written down on paper. How my life took different stages and turns to make me the person I am today, sometimes I looked at it as a curse other times I found myself thanking God for all he has done. I might sound confused right now but this is what I have been told to do, write everything down on paper. How I thought there was no God to a point where I cannot make it without God, he is my all. I believed at some stage in my life that God abandoned me, but that was just one of the many lies Satan deceived me with.

As I take you through this book of my life journey I cannot contain the excitement I feel, it is as if the Holy Ghost is just taking control of my mind and the words are flowing like a fountain. I also want to emphasise that I was just an ordinary believer, sometimes if I really pushed a bit hard I might just experience an awesome feeling of the Holy Spirit’s presence. I always thought that this is my life, getting up going to work and just making it like everybody financially. There was nothing special about me; there was no great plan for me. Going to church every Sunday and just making it through day by day.

I start telling of my life from the age of eight, the parts I can remember. The first encounter I had with Jesus at the age of nine, not knowing of his greatness and power I was recently reminded of that. Being in a family where my dad was at work most of the hours in a day, sometimes I would not see him for days at end. I am the only daughter of five kids, three his own and the other two from my mother’s previous marriage. The first contact I made with my step brothers was an emotional and awkward situation. Tragedy struck, my mother’s cousin passed away and left three children who had no one to care for, I still remember how they were turned away as my dad and mom could not afford to raise more kids. Our income was low. Then God moved in and my father was an AWANA Leader. Approved workmen are not ashamed. We had missionaries from America, Sister Judy and Brother Aubrey. We could take care of their children for a while but why not those three? I use to have inner conflicts with myself but could never ask as I was not allowed to get any answers; I was a child and did not need to know much.

I rebelled as a teenager, longing for a mother that I tried so desperately just to belong anywhere. Started smoking at the age of fifteen and indulging in alcohol just to get the hurt away. I could not go to God, how could he understand what I was feeling? I spent most of the time with my friends, some sort of an escape just to be away from home. My eldest brother was the biggest bully and he tried to control all the younger siblings. I felt so trapped, living in a home where I just wanted to get away from. My school work deteriorated and I failed the same grade twice. Not once did my parents think I was crying out for help. I felt so alone and asked God so many times why he sent me into this world to be tormented by this life. I remember one night I fell to my knees and cried out to God, please send me love even if it is for just a short while.

About a year later I met Owen, I was seventeen years old. He was the son of a pastor. He was an amazing character so full of life and love He was my knight in shining armour. Owen helped me to deal with my family situation and especially my big brother. The little things he did made me love him so much. I would die for him. He changed my life and I knew this was the only one for me. We had the best times together and when we were apart every second felt like a dagger in my heart. I fell pregnant in my matric year and could not complete it; I refused to have an abortion as that was against my morals. It was a scary but yet an exciting time in my life. We got married the same year I found out that I was expecting. August the 1st . . . . never have I been happier as to walk down the aisle to meet my husband at the end. We were married for a year when Owen died. He was murdered.

LORD, my life is over. I never thought that I could make it through. Time is the healer of all wounds that is the saying, I disagree. God is the healer. The first few days without him was a nightmare I could not take any sleeping medication as my baby boy needed me. I could not seek comfort from his parents or mine as everybody was hurting. I felt so alone. My in-laws took it extremely hard and I could no longer live with them as it became too unbearable. I could not imagine losing a child let alone a husband. They say it is more painful losing a child then a husband or wife. No, there is no measure of pain when death comes. I had to move back to my family home, the place I ran from I had to return to.

I was twenty years old, and lost everything. My husband was gone and I felt empty. My life fell apart. I did not even know how to draw money at an ATM machine. I had to take care of an infant and had no source of income or any qualification other than a grade 11. That will not get me far in South Africa and I am BEE. Worse, I hated God and most of all hated Owen for leaving me. Could he not fight to stay alive? Why did he take death so easy? He was a coward. I cannot even remember how many nights I cried myself to sleep. I was so desperate to just hear his voice I almost did a séance. Thank God I never went that far. No one can ever describe that void feeling, the immense pain one feels. I just wanted to die but knew I had to stay alive for my son. The only thing I have left of Owen. I wanted so badly just to crawl into a hole and just disappear.

Life was tough but I pulled through. Day by day I got a bit stronger. Daily God shone his favour on me as things started