Dancing in the Rain: Life Isn't About Waiting for the Storms to Pass

By Kyle Jessen

Some inspiring words to help you face the storms in your life, whatever they may be, and give you insight into bringing you to a deeper and richer life in Christ.

With each diagnosis, she comes up with new and intriguing articles on what God is trying to tell her and what she needs to do to understand the situation. There are personal reminders that we are all on our individual journeys and there are powers greater than ours to help if we just open up to it. God gives us opportunities in the most unusual circumstances. We must follow in the dark, we must follow not knowing why, we must follow with absolute faith. We must be aware, mindful, steady, like a pack mule. We all are battling adversity. Her encouraging approach to honoring herself, her God, and others can also help you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 2, 2013
• ISBN: 9781449790745

Kyle Jessen

Kyle Jessen lived in the small western Nebraska town of Sidney. She was the mother of one son, Alex. With a BS degree from Oklahoma State University, Kyle was their Product Testing Coordinator at the corporate office of Cabelas in Sidney, Nebraska. Her first diagnosis of breast cancer was in 2008. As she progressed through treatments and surgeries, she kept her family and friends updated by posting inspirational articles on a social website. As more and more people were inspired and admired her bravery, they strongly encouraged her to put those articles into book form. Her articles continued throughout four of her diagnoses. Diagnosis five was her final storm. She lost her battle in February 2013.

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Copyright © 2013 Kyle Jessen.

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ISBN: 978-1-4497-9075-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9076-9 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9074-5 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013906047

WestBow Press rev. date: 5/2/2013

Contents

Diagnosis One

Phase I – Chemotherapy (Kemo)

Phase II - Mastectomy

Phase III - Radiation

Phase IV - Hysterectomy

Phase V - Reconstruction

Diagnosis Two

Diagnosis Three

Diagnosis Four

Diagnosis Five

My Favorite Motto’s To Live By

"Life isn’t about waiting for the storms to pass,

It’s about learning to dance in the rain"

And

"Sometimes the Lord calms the storm.

Sometimes he lets the storm rage and calms his child."

Diagnosis One

I sat in my car looking at those stupid pink carnations that I threw on the floor. I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to scream. I thought I was prepared to hear that. I was alone and begging for God. I needed to get to the next appointment. It was an hour and a half away. The surgeon would work me in as soon as I got there.

I just had a digital mammogram. The radiologist came into the room shortly afterwards. He grabbed a chair, sat down right in front of me, held my hands and asked if I was prepared to hear what he had to tell me. I started to cry and said yes, because I already knew. They kicked it into gear and before I left I had an appointment with a surgeon and an oncologist. I appreciated that sense of urgency because it matched mine. Only 9 days earlier I had a film mammogram and was told they saw nothing to be concerned about. Oh really?! That very day I noticed my left nipple was inverted, that’s not alarming?! I promptly left and scheduled another appointment at a facility that my friend recommended. She told me they handed you a pink carnation on your way out. I got two. Was it pity, or was it a sign to the volunteers who helped you find your way out of the building?

I called Mom and Carl in Michigan. Carl answered the phone, I was full of dread having to tell Carl because he lost his first wife to cancer. I had to force the words out, the tears followed with ease. Mom called me back and the tears kept coming. Next, I called Alex, my only son. He was living in Rapid City, SD attending college and working. I caught him in his truck and asked him to pull over. I declared to Alex that I would beat this and I would fight with everything I had. I told him with absolute confidence that God would help me. It was that very moment when something changed. I was instantly stronger, I was remarkably calmer, I had complete confidence. I believe that’s when God came to me. I was no longer alone. It was December 3, 2008.

My mom was packing her bags that night. She was driving out to western Nebraska to live with me. Something I didn’t think I needed at the time, but turns out, has been the most important part of getting me through this. Our first mission was the biopsy, the day after she arrived. The pathology report diagnosed me with Stage III IDC (Invasive Ductal Carcinoma). The breast cancer had spread to lymph nodes under my left arm and at my left collar bone. It was decided that chemotherapy would take place immediately and the mastectomy would follow. They wanted to stop the cancer from spreading any farther. Having the mastectomy would take care of the breast cancer, but it would also allow the cancer in the lymph nodes to continue to grow. We were totally on board with the plan of chemotherapy first.

So here I am. How was I going to get through this? I will admit, it was really ugly for a few days. I remember some screaming mad phone calls to a friend. She just let me go, she let me yell, she let me cuss, she let me cry. She cried with me. She became my go to person. I loved her for that. I was angry because I never missed a mammogram. I was told that a diagnosis must have been missed for it to have spread this far. The anger was so big. The only thing to do was ask God to take the anger away. I couldn’t go on like this. I needed to put all my energy into the positive. The negative was draining and useless and nonproductive. I decided not to look back. I decided to move forward and not with a crawl, but with a steady and determined march. I decided to fight. I decided to win. I decided to keep in step with God. I decided to follow Him.

I began to write down my thoughts as I went through this whole process and shared them with family and friends. I realized very early that it wasn’t about my cancer. Everyone has their struggles. It’s about finding a way to cope. Many of my friends were struggling with their own issues. So I decided to look within and at the same time, reach out. It was during this process that I found a way to cope, I wrote down my thoughts. I prayed all the time and asked God to put my feelings into words. He kept me up at night telling me what to say, so I began writing the storm out.

December 27, 2008 - A Dark Night - Have you ever had someone invade your personal space? For a moment, it’s awkward, uncomfortable, and you want to step away. Cancer is like that - it’s awkward, and uncomfortable, but you can’t step away. It is part of you, it’s personal, and it’s intrusive. It invades your body and you have no control.

I was scared for the first time last night. I called my cousin (an Oncologist PA) and it was very late. At the end of the call I was very grateful. She put my mind at easy, even though I felt bad for waking her up, I was glad I did. After going back to bed I decided that if my cancer was going to get personal with me, it was time to make a formal introduction. I introduced God to my cancer, then I introduced cancer to MY GOD!! Now, it was personal!! If I must know this beast so intimately, then it will know all about me – and that includes GOD!! I felt much better after this brief introduction. I’m sure I fell asleep with a smile on my face. God has now invaded the cancer’s personal space - it feels awkward, uncomfortable and wants to step away. Can you imagine??? (big smile) For now, the fear has gone.

I had no experience with this bump in the road. Everything was foreign and new to all of us in my family. You can’t prepare for this. Things happened quickly, decisions needed to be made quickly, prayers needed to be prayed quickly. It is best to have an open heart and an open mind. I decided that there was no time for modesty or denial. I wanted to know the hard truth about everything. I wanted to be educated and understand everything about being pink. If you know me, you know I always land on my feet. This bump in the road was no different. These cards were dealt to me for a reason, so I remain open to whatever will be. I vow to constantly look for the good in this journey. I vow to constantly be in prayer. I always think of those who blazed the breast cancer trail before me. God bless them all!! My Dad used the bump in the road phrase, no matter how big the bump or how long the road. I remember smiling whenever he said it, somehow it made everything seem more manageable. He’s still right.

December 30, 2008 - Preparing for Greeley - We left at six in the morning for Greeley, Co. I was excited to find out more details about this cancer and more importantly, the plan of attack! Chemo has never been more welcome. I don’t know what to expect, but whatever it is I will learn to love it. Mister cancer has no place to run, no place to hide, and no place to live in my body!! God will show him the door, and then slam it on his way out… all with a smile on his face. May God bless you all, as you deal with your own bumps in the road - remember, the blacktop is just ahead… so have faith!

It was a big day in Greeley. The PET (Positron Emission Tomography) scan was in the morning, we met with the oncologist in the afternoon. I liked him right away. He said the good news was that there were no surprises on the PET scan. The cancer had spread more than what he liked to see, but it was not in my bones or other major organs. It was right where they thought, left breast, nodes under left arm, and nodes at left collar bone. That was a big relief. Dr. said this is good news, we move forward from here. Right then, I knew he was the doctor for me. He trained me to see the positive as we moved forward. He got right to the point and sugar coated nothing. He was perfect. Plans were made to install the chemo port the very next day in Sterling, Co, on New Year’s Eve. The first round of chemo would be on January 5, 2009.

January 1, 2009 - New Years Day - Happy New Year!! Carl, Mom, Alex and I were lounging around watching the Huskers - Go Gig