Sowing Seeds of Recovery

By Catherine Yack

In this powerful, life changing book, Catherine Yack now shares how she recovered from over two decades of drug and alcohol abuse, along with many other obstacles in her life. I didnt do it alone. Ive had many individuals in my life who have sown seeds in me, and it is the fruit of these seeds that I now pass on to others. Sowing Seeds of Recovery is not just about recovery from drugs or alcohol. It is about recovery from the pains and traumas of life.

Catherine Yacks book, Sowing Seeds of Recovery, shares timely truths and spiritual advice for this generation of believers. I believe this book is a must-read for anyone. Especially those who are navigating through the world of addiction and the drug culture. This book bridges gaps, with a common meeting ground for handling situations that come up in everyday life. It will also give anyone a starting place, or a restart on understanding Scripture and Gods love.
Steve Box, author of Meth = Sorcery, The Leviathan, and co-author of Life After Meth.

Catherine Yack, in her book, shares the healing power from the telling of the story, when reflected in testimony of Gods love for us, while blending compassion from the Heart of God. Powerful book - powerful stories - foundational and complete. The reader is brought to a place of understanding that God is a God of relationship and we can know Him in a real way. The foundation of this book is based on the wisdom from the Word of God validating that the answers to life can be found in the Bible.
Drs Cinthia and Bill McFeature authors of HeartPath Practitioner

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Oct 26, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449764883

Catherine Yack

Catherine lives in Utah with her husband, Gaylon. They are two of several ministers serving the Lord at Open Arms Community Church in Vernal, Utah. Having been set free from various bondages in life, they are committed to helping others find freedom through the healing power and love of Jesus Christ.

Book preview

Table of Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgments

Preface

1. Dreams

2. Finding My Prince

3. Believe And Receive

4. Sibling Harmony

5. Dreams Can Come True

6. Letting Go And Letting God

7. Happily Ever After

8. Scales Of Life

9. Stepping Stones

10. Soul Searching

11. Balance

12. Demons, Devils, And Evil Spirits

13. Russian Roulette

14. Brother Mike

15. Thank You

Permission Notices

About The Author

References

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated

to my

Deliverer, Jesus Christ,

Son of the Living God.

In memory of all those who have lost their lives

during their battle with addiction.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

To my best friend, the love of my life, my husband, Gaylon: Thank you for your love, support, and especially your patience during the hours I’ve spent writing this book.

To all our children, Tamara, Clint, Zeke, Jasmine, Alisa, Katie, Gabriel, and Cindie: Thank you for your love, patience, and acceptance.

To all my grandchildren: Thank you for your unconditional love and your patience while grandma was busy writing!

To my grandmother, Bertha, my father, Jim, to Don, and all my mothers: Kathy, Gloria, Gussie, and Karen, to all my siblings, aunts, uncles, and cousins… I wouldn’t trade you for the world and I am blessed to have been born into our family! Thank you for your love, patience, and support.

To my family at Open Arms Community Church: Welcome home!

To by boss and friend Heather, to the County Commissioners, Sheriff’s Department, Attorney’s Office, and Board members, the Judges, law enforcement and others who support those in recovery. Thank you for what you have given and continue to give to your community and for allowing me to be a part of it. You have truly made a difference in the lives of many people!

Preface

I’m nothing special, just a simple woman. I was an active drug user for over twenty years. By God’s grace, I have been drug free for over fifteen years. I used just about every drug you could imagine. I come from a large loving family where we had barbeques and family gatherings almost every weekend. Alcohol was the main course of our family dinners. My mother, who was in a great deal of emotional pain, later turned to drugs as well, and I grew up believing drinking and drugging were normal. I didn’t think there was any other way of life. My parents divorced when I was nine and I spent most of my years with my mother. Before they divorced I was raised in one particular denomination, but afterwards my father converted to another. Because of the mixture in ‘religions’ I was confused and scared when it came to God. So, I ran away from Him.

During my childhood, I had a family member who abused me mentally and physically. I was also sexually molested by a friend of the family. I was filled with pain and anger and began using drugs and alcohol by the age of thirteen. I turned to men at a young age as well and by the time I hit my bottom I had been married three times and divorced twice (later to divorce a third and final time). Today I am married to a wonderful man and side by side we fulfill the assignment in life that God has called us to.

I’ve endured much abuse over the years but God has been very gracious to me and healed me completely from it. There was a time when a woman I know who was a victim advocate worker had asked me to ‘share my story of abuse’ with the police academy. I know she was disappointed as she had expected me to be melodramatic, but I couldn’t be hateful or angry toward my abusers anymore. I’ve truly forgiven them all and it’s set me free within.

In sharing my story with others, I often tell bits and pieces of my past marriages but only if the Lord leads me to. I don’t like to dwell on the past too much because Satan would love to put me back into the bondage I was once in.

Because I don’t want to hurt anyone, I’m going to refer to my ex-husbands as ‘ex #1, ex #2, and ex #3’. My last and final husband is my best friend and the love of my life, and I will be addressing him by his name, Gaylon.

In addition to my 3 ex-husbands, I’ve also been in various other relationships. I was addicted to men and found myself in many abusive relationships. I now know there are many different types of abuse, but they are all just as damaging. I’ve personally been mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually abused. When it comes to my past marriages, at one time, I did have a love for each of them, but it was a very sick love because I was a very unhealthy individual. In my own way through manipulation, violence, and twisted games, I learned how to be abusive to each and every one of them, and many others as well. I was manipulative, and I did and said whatever I had to in order to get what I wanted, regardless of who I hurt. I was a very angry and hateful person. There was no in-between with me, I either loved someone with all my heart or I hated him or her with the same passion.

I met a woman once who made a statement that made a huge impact on me. She said when she was in relational trouble she would call her mother and her mother would ask her, Victim or volunteer? I found this to be a very profound statement because it was so true in my own life. I got myself into tons of situations where I played the victim, yet I had voluntarily placed myself in them. Now please, don’t get me wrong. Abuse of any type is not okay! There’s no excuse for abuse. What I am saying is that I was the one who chose to stay. I heard someone say recently, Hit me once, it’s your fault. Hit me twice, it’s mine. It makes sense, but when I was in the abusive relationships, I felt there was no way out. In fact, I remember feeling completely hopeless and had accepted that this is my life, and I will be in it until he eventually beats me to death…

I always knew there was something wrong with me; I just didn’t know what or how to go about finding out. I had always believed in God but I was afraid of Him. I was a lost soul. When He found me, I had been beaten physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Satan had literally beaten me and left me for dead. But when I cried out to God, by His mercy and love He scooped me up and nursed me back to life. I love the song Amazing Grace, in which it says, I once was lost, but now I’m found…

Today I have a wonderful husband who treats me like a queen. God has not only healed me, but He has healed and blessed me! Not only has He restored my life to what He wants it to be, but He has given me much wisdom to help others, and it is my prayer that some of this wisdom may help you or someone you love.

My husband and I are two of several ministers who oversee an inter-denominational church. This means that we realize many people come from a variety of religious backgrounds, and we receive all with open arms. We do not publicly criticize or condemn anyone regardless of where he or she comes from. We preach the Word of God from the Bible and believe that if a person is in bondage of any type, the truth of the Word will set them free.

In addition to being a minister, I work for a wonderful county as a drug abuse and prevention coordinator. I love working for this county because the commissioners and other officials truly care about their community. They started the program because it is their desires to see individuals who struggle with drug addiction and/or alcoholism receive the help they may need. I love my job, as I have a burning passion to help set people free.

Through the program I oversee, the individuals are helped to build a plan of recovery that is specific to their individual needs. Besides drug addicts and alcoholics, God has used me to help others with issues, such as eating disorders, relationship strife, family dysfunction, and other life issues. Many of these people have never touched drugs or alcohol but have other struggles.

One thing I need to make perfectly clear is I am just a vessel. God is the One who releases these people and it is to His glory only that I give the credit! We all have a story to tell, and He has me share my story and uses whichever parts He chooses to touch the lives of the people He places in my HeartPath. I consider each part of my life as a chapter in my life story.

As I’ve gone back through my life, God has shown me the wonderful people He has used to plant seeds of recovery in me. So when I use the phrase sowing seeds of recovery, I’m referring to so much more than just recovery from drug or alcohol use. The Lord has placed many mentors in my path over the years. A mentor is a teacher, and these individuals have taught me and given me tools to help others. Some of these people don’t even know they have been mentoring me, but they have! Every one of them has planted seeds of recovery. As I pass on some of these seeds, it is my prayer that the fruit of these seeds brings about an even bigger harvest for the kingdom of God by setting His children free.

1

DREAMS

Dreams – we all have them. Some are sweet, some are vivid, some are alarming, and some are flat out terrifying. Some dreams are of the past, present, or future. Some are filled with warnings. Most dreams are meaningless. They are basically illusions from the subconscious, but every now and then a person may have a dream that is truly a message from God that should not be taken lightly.

Many years ago, I had a dream that has always stayed strong in my mind. I saw thousands of women of all ages, hands raised toward the heavens and tears streaming down their faces, crying out to God for help. I had this dream often, and many times in my quiet time with God, I would get a vision of the dream and just couldn’t get away from these women. I would sometimes see hands and arms attached with chains that showed these women were prisoners to something or someone. My heart would break, and as I cried, I would pray for them to be set free. You see, there was a time in my life when I had been one of these women. I was covered with invisible chains, and there were many times I cried out to God for help. Most often, I didn’t think, feel, or believe that He heard my cry, but today I know that nothing was farther from the truth.

It was in the year 2000, when I was in the midst of a divorce that I began to have these dreams and visions. I knew somehow the dreams were connected to what God would one day do with the wretched life I once lived; I just didn’t know what or when. Jeremiah 29:11 says: I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for (MSG).

God has wonderful plans for us, but they take time to develop. As the years went by, the plan for my life began to unfold, as did the dream. Eventually men and children were added to the vision. Many men are in bondage with invisible chains as well and God also desires to set them free. Children are being abused and neglected all over the world and they need caring people to help them.

Today I have an understanding of the dream. God has begun using me as He releases His people from bondage. I’m not the one who’s releasing these people, God is. I’m just a grateful vessel. I have no doubt that He intends to use this book to reach many more. You may be one of these people and if not, then you may know someone who you will pass this book on to. There are no coincidences when it comes to God and I believe this book has found its way into your hands for a reason.

Like the first apostles of Christ, I too am ‘uneducated’. I am just a simple woman who serves the Lord with all my heart. He has placed it within me to share my story in hopes it will sow seeds of recovery within your life, or in the life of someone you know or love. Before I begin I want it to be made very clear – the glory goes to God and God alone.

Catherine’s Story

I was born and raised in Santa Barbara, California in 1961. My parents were young when they married and my mother gave birth to four children within four years. Sadly, the fourth child died at birth and instead of having time to grieve, my mother was forced to begin a life of full-time employment to help my father support their growing family.

We were left alone or with babysitters to raise us and had a lot of time on our hands. I was the oldest and led my younger siblings into all kinds of trouble. I had a wild imagination and both of my parents have told me stories about an imaginary friend named Poppy I had as a child. Though I was quite young when Poppy was in my life I do have a few memories of turning to him for comfort whenever I was in trouble.

I spent many happy days with my grandmother who basically took me in as her own. My grandmother is a devout Catholic who often took me to church. My favorite part of church was lighting the candles, praying, and putting money in the basket. I understood at a young age that the money would be used to feed the poor. I had no idea that even at such a young age, I was sowing seeds of recovery for my future.

Unfortunately for my parents, they both turned to alcohol as a way of coping with the stresses they faced. Eventually the alcohol took its toll, and their marriage ended. I was nine years old at the time of their divorce and I was a mess. During the years my parents were together I suffered from both physical and emotional abuse from the hands of a close relative. At the time of their divorce my mother’s new boyfriend sexually abused me and I began living in a world all of my own. I withdrew into fantasy and make believe. I would day dream throughout school days and had a hard time concentrating and learning what was being taught.

My mother was drawn deeper and deeper into alcoholism and also drug addiction. She began dating different men and even lived with some of them. My father on the other hand, turned to the Mormon religion and quit smoking and drinking alcohol. He remarried a woman who had four children. I saw my dad doting on his new family and I believed they were all perfect. I also felt I could never measure up to his new family, so I didn’t even try. I always felt like I was a bad girl and there was no hope for me. My dad moved his new family to Hawaii and, being the rebel I was, I stayed behind in California with my mother where I knew I could get away with anything.

I tried to live with my dad a few times but I was filled with rebellion and anger. I made life miserable for everyone. My mother on the other hand worked nights. After school I began running the streets and was completely out of control. At the age of thirteen I began experimenting with drugs and alcohol. By the time I was sixteen I was completely addicted to cocaine, alcohol, and men.

I blamed God for my miserable life and wanted nothing to do with Him. I remember being very angry and telling Him that I definitely didn’t need Him, let alone want Him. One day when I was around fifteen I was being arrogant and boastful in front of my friends. I verbally cursed God in an attempt to prove how tough I was, but deep inside a ‘seed of fear’ was planted. I believed one day, He would strike me dead for having cursed Him. I was scared and it made me run from Him all the harder.

It was during a drug deal that I met my first husband, ex #1 (see preface). I was sixteen years old and he was twenty-one. I had little education as my last decent report card of five D’s and an F was received in the ninth grade. I dropped out of school and moved in with ex #1. Although he was an addict and an alcoholic, he was also a hard worker. He promised me the very thing I had been missing, a life of stability. So, I married him. Before we got married I had a job in a pizza parlor and I was able to gain a little bit of experience waitressing. Once we got married however, I quit my job and was not allowed to work again.

We were both heavily addicted to drugs and alcohol. I still had a wild imagination and continued fantasizing throughout our years together. I was about as far from living in reality as a person could get. We stayed together for six years and had two children. Although ex #1 was a hard worker, drugs and alcohol continued to be at the center of our lives. The drugs we used were mostly cocaine but there was also a lot of marijuana, LSD, and mushrooms. In 1979 I tried Methamphetamine (meth) for the first time. Ex #1 and I split a quarter gram and were up for three days. I hated it and swore I’d never touch it again.

I hated my life and I was miserable. I remember getting on my knees at one point begging ex #1 to get me some help. He laughed at me saying he was all the help I needed and put more cocaine in front of me. It still breaks my heart to think about the things I did back then. Although I loved my children with all my heart, I was very much an unfit mother. I was so hooked on the cocaine and alcohol that I was unable to take care of myself, let alone my children.

We had a very bizarre relationship. During the six years ex #1 and I were together, he encouraged my addiction by allowing me to go to the bars with my friends, yet I was not allowed to work. I was reminded often that I had a ninth grade education and could not survive without him. Ex #1 would remind me that he picked me up on the streets and that’s where I would end up if I ever left him. I believed him and I was scared. He also had an unhealthy obsession with guns and often threatened me. I was terrified of what he would do if I ever did leave.

Eventually I could no longer live with the shame of the things I was doing. I decided to take the chance and leave ex #1. He came from what I considered to be a stable family and knowing I could not care for my children, I let him have complete custody. It has been twenty-eight years and I still have a hard time admitting the fact that I abandoned them. However, even at this writing I know back then they were better off without me.

Of course I continued to turn to the things in life that had always brought me comfort and security; drugs, alcohol, and men. Ex #1 met a woman who moved in with him right away. I tried to stick around and be a part of my children’s lives, but she was able to take care of them where I couldn’t. I was very jealous of her, not because of ex #1, but because she seemed to be a fit mother and I envied her. I couldn’t take it and left town. This was the beginning of the run of my life. In a one year period I lived in Nevada, Arizona, Oregon, Missouri, and finally ended up in Utah.

While I was in Oregon I started to go into a deep depression. I cried constantly and I wanted to die. I found myself homeless for the first time and being too ashamed to call my family for help, I began staying wherever I could. At one point I was staying in a motel with some people I’d met along the way. I had lost everything and was an absolute mess. I will never forget what this man said to me as long as I live. I had been crying nonstop and he said, Kit, no one is going to let you die. His words stuck and over the years, they came to pass. Even when I was at my lowest point, God always placed someone in my path to help me.

By the time I reached Utah I knew if I continued with the drugs they would kill me, so, I gave them up and stuck to the alcohol. I have a