Bond Forever

By Madhukar Kakade

*The entire world of today needs this book.
-Mukundrao Kirliskar
President, Group of Kirluskar Industries

*The reader will discover that this book has the potential to transform his home and family & his very life into HEAVEN.
-Ashok Kumar Ingale, Social Worker

*I had never imagined that this subject would ever be presented so beautifully!
-Dr.Ashiwini Apte, Retired Professor of Psychology

*I had stayed away from the life because I did not like my life-partner, one day I came across this book & there was a magic. My world reappeared before me in a new bewitching form.
-Dilip Ghule, Admin Superintendent.

*Last week, we took the final decision to get divorced; and then we happened to read this book. Today, i am leaving with my wife to celebrate our second honeymoon.
-Prasad Jadhav, Computer Engineer.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jun 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781468577723

Madhukar Kakade

is a Mechanical Engineer by education. Since 1981, he is working with Armament Research & Development Establishment (ARDE), Pashan, Pune as a Class I Gazetted Officer www.secretsofhappylife.org e mail: [e-mail] Mr. Kakade, apart from being an avid reader of Marathi literature has also contributed to it in his own unique style. He has authored many books & articles and acted in dramas and plays.

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© 2012 by Madhukar Kakade. All rights reserved.

This book contains material protected under International Copyright Laws. Any unauthorized reprint, translation or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced, translated into other language or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without prior written permission from the author.

Published by AuthorHouse 05/07/2012

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7771-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4685-7772-3 (e)

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Original Marathi Book

Nanda Saukhya Bhare

By Madhukar Kakade

Contents

Bond Forever.Author’s View

Personal Profile

Bond Forever—Translator’s View

Personal Profile

Chapter 1

God Bless The Family

Chapter 2

Choosing Your Partner

Chapter 3

The Beginning—Curiosity, Anxiety And Reality

Chapter 4

Like Me? Like Me Not?

Chapter 5

Temperament, Likings & Habits

Chapter 6

Approach Towards Family Life

Chapter 7

Priorities In Family Life

Chapter 8

Mr. Bhave—A Tragedy Of Married Life

Chapter 9

Achievements And Married Life

Chapter 10

Children—The Unique Divine Gift

Chapter 11

The Curse Of Sickness

Chapter 12

Sex Life—Pleasures & Problems

Chapter 13

Professionalism In Married Life

Chapter 14

Spirituality In Married Life

BOND FOREVER.Author’s View

‘Live till you die’.

This is the simple formula of human life and it applies equally to all from an Emperor down to a beggar!

Every human being is an independent entity and this entity lives its own life independent of other entities; each has a direct connection with the ALMIGHTY-THE SUPREME POWER which is omnipresent and omniscient.

We all human beings can and do connect with one another only because of and only through that ALMIGHTY.

No human being can live in isolation; yet if an exceptional human being tries to live in isolation his life will become a nightmare; the myriad thoughts a human brain generates continuously will drive him mad! These thoughts and emotions need an expression, a concrete manifestation which can be experienced by the human being; though each one of us is ultimately connected to the ALMIGHTY that connection is far too subtle to accommodate these expressions.

Hence we need human relationships for our thoughts and emotions to manifest; we come across many human beings in our day to day life and various types of relationships get generated; but the one and the ONLY ONE RELATIONSHIP which is the closest, the most intimate and most deep-rooted is that UNIQUE RELATIONSHIP-HUSBAND AND WIFE!

There is a fascinating MAGIC in this relationship which is so vast and all-inclusive that virtually every other relationship is embedded in that ONE BOND! The marriage is such an INTENSE combination that it must be described as an AMALGAM!

This is one relationship that encompasses every imaginable human relationship; this relationship takes birth at the most opportune moment; when TIME forces the young boy and girl to leave the warmth of their parent’s company, MARRIAGE steps in to take its place and fills the void! The new relationship provides the much needed emotional protection; in the absence of that absolute security the harsh realities of the worldly life could smother the two budding flowers before they could blossom; GOD is merciful!

Intense mutual love permeates the journey of this relationship; yet one must never forget that at every turn and at every cross-road there exist ravines of extreme hatred, steep climbs and sheer falls abound; as one sharp turn squeezes the two in each other almost crushing them into one the other mercilessly pulls them apart threatening their total and final separation. However, as the journey proceeds the relationship gets richer, rewarding and most meaningful; the couple discovers treasures of happiness and of satiating bliss!

As life proceeds, the relationship also becomes powerful; it gains that unique spiritual strength which transforms the two individuals into confident, bold and competent youth capable of facing every eventuality successfully; this is the beauty of that great relationship which makes life DIVINE! It becomes an inexhaustible source of tremendous power which not only makes the further journey safe and enjoyable, it infuses positive energy into others and inspires them to emulate its example of mutual FAITH, LOVE and RESPECT between the partners of life.

Unfortunately, it is a LAW OF NATURE that positive energy breeds its counter-part, the negative energy!

The triumphant couple needs to take serious note of this fact of life!

The DIVINE source of positive energy has to sustain over the entire future journey of LIFE; obviously, it sustains if the MARRIAGE sustains! The unique BOND between wife and husband needs to be nourished and nurtured continuously and conscientiously to ensure that the married life gets more and more mutually gratifying; mutual LOVE and RESPECT must inspire mutual urge to sacrifice everything for enhancing the joy and happiness of the partner! It is time now to realize that married life is GIVING to each other and not TAKING from each other!

Occasions do arise in the day to day life of almost every couple when disagreement leads to bickering; that escalation of emotional divergence must be arrested and must be nipped in the bud; husband and wife must look at the small things from a distance when alone the triviality of the cause of initial disagreement is bared and you come to realize that you were about to make a MOUNTAIN OF A MOLE HILL!

The root cause of all such escalations is EGO—the cruelest ENEMY of a human being; you realize that secret only when you make a deliberate attempt at looking at things from a distance and with a detached mind! I take it to be my DUTY to caution my readers against this potential danger to married life.

Over time, every couple understands this TRUTH and the BOND sustains; but in some cases husband and wife continue to harbor ill feelings against each other; they refuse to talk to each other and if their EGO refuses to break down, the dialogue between them dies forever! Since I have witnessed such unfortunate incidents during my COUNSELING episodes, I repeat my request to you, DEAR READER, to please remember that there is no happiness greater than making SACRIFICES for your partner.

SACRIFICE is the key to a SUCCESSFUL and SATISFYING MARRIED LIFE!

Husband and wife need each other; it is in their own interest to stick together throughout life; yet this must go beyond mere practical benefits of life; if you look deeper and closer you are bound to discover beneath your superficial existence a vibrant stream of SPIRITUAL STREAM OF LOVE; dive deep and pull it up, in your daily life; no words can ever describe adequately the JOY AND HAPPINESS you obtain from that stream; remember that genuine DIVINE LOVE exists as the foundation of that BOND between you two—husband and wife-ignoring it amounts to insulting it; it amounts to DISRESPECT TO THE ALMIGHTY!

A human being, by nature, is an IMPERFECT ENTITY; husband and wife are no exception to that rule; you must ACCEPT YOUR PARTNER AS HE/SHE IS; by doing so you are NOT doing any favor to your partner, you are only accepting the REALITY OF HUMAN LIFE!

MARRIAGE is a SACRED BOND; it must sustain not just for one life, it must continue to stay, must get richer and more rewarding at every birth in future; HUSBAND and WIFE is an amalgam; it never disintegrates; it dissolves itself at the time of REDEMPTION-MUKTI—THE ULTIMATE AIM AND GOAL OF HUMAN LIFE!

You have to understand this subtle TRUTH of MARRIED LIFE; then it will be easy for you to ACCEPT your partner as he/she is, with all his/her assets and liabilities, with all his/her qualities-good and bad-; then alone you will be able to play and enjoy the various roles demanded by that life-son/daughter, father/mother, brother/sister, uncle/aunt and grandfather/grandmother; your life is bound to overflow with JOY, HAPPINESS and BLISS!

MARRIAGE is not a contract; it is a SACRED BOND which lasts not just THIS LIFE, it sustains itself through all future lives till MUKTI-REDEMPTION is attained, it is a BOND FOREVER; therefore, you must read this book and implement it in your daily life; SPIRITUALITY is the FOUNDATION OFMARRIAGE! If the FOUNDATION is weak, physical pleasures will fail to support the upper edifice, no technique will ever work!

Madhukar Kakade

Personal Profile

author%20photo_EDITED.jpg

Mr. Madhukar Kakade is a Mechanical Engineer by education. Since 1981, he is working with Armament Research & Development Establishment (ARDE), Pashan, Pune as a Class I Gazetted Officer

www.secretsofhappylife.org

e mail: [e-mail]

Mr. Kakade, apart from being an avid reader of Marathi literature has also contributed to it in his own unique style. He has authored many books & articles and acted in dramas and plays.

What makes people unhappy? is one question which puts him in deep thought. Over the years he has tried his level best to find the answer(s) to this question. He shares his Secrets Of Happy Life with unhappy people by delivering lectures, conducting workshops and by offering one-to-one counseling

Role as a counselor

Role%20as%20a%20counselor_EDITED.jpg

Mr. Kakade has been playing the role of a counselor since the year 2000. He specializes in:

• Pre & Post Marriage Counseling

• Career Counseling

• Parental Counseling

• Relationship Counseling

• General Counseling

Role as a writer

role%20as%20a%20writer_EDITED.jpg

Mr. Kakade has authored many books, dramas and articles. They include the following:

• Books

o Nanda Saukhya Bhare—Marathi

o Sukha Yeta Tumchya Dari—Marathi

o Purushartha—Marathi

o Bond Forever—English

o Happiness Mantra—English

• Dramas

o Wadal

o Agnikund

o Saptapadee

o Waradhasta

o Ladaki Soon

o Dharpakad

o Lagams

Role as an actor

Role%20as%20an%20actor_EDITED.jpg

Mr. Kakade has performed in many dramas and one-act plays. They include:

• Lagnachi Bedi

• Varacha Majala Rikama

• Sasarebuwa Jara Japun

• Atun Kirtan Varun Tamasha

• Dev Manus

• Saptapadi

• Ladaki Soon

Role as a speaker

role%20as%20a%20speaker_EDITED.jpg

Mr. Kakade has delivered a series of lectures on varying topics such as:

• Happy marriage life

• Beginning of married life

• Review at midnight

• Sex—Happiness & Problems

• Professional approach to married life

• Spiritual approach to married life

• Success, creative & progress

• Frustration, The Dead End

• Forget, Forgive & Leave

• With free life

• Act, React & Effect

*     *     *

BOND FOREVER—

Translator’s View

Mankind is grappling, today, with two attacks-

The external threat of terrorism and

The internal decay of Values of Life

The root cause of both is only one; Disintegration and Destruction of Family.

Family is the backbone of human society.

We in India believe that marriage is a sacred union of two individuals into a single entity which gets richer day by day through mutual sacrifices of husband and wife; the two institutions—Marriage and Family—rest on the firm foundation of ADVAITA philosophy of India which is the secret of India’s survival over thousands of years of ceaseless attacks of invaders!

A business contract knows only one language—the language of ‘Give and Take’; marriage is not a business contract; it is a bond made up of delicate, yet tenacious, threads of love and mutual trust; that is the reason why the author calls it a BOND FOREVER!

Parents and family atmosphere have far-reaching effects on children who constitute the society of TOMORROW

Disturbed parents and chaotic family atmosphere are the CURSE of MODERN LIFE and is a ‘Worldwide’ phenomenon.

On this background, the author highlights the multiple facets of husband-wife relationship and offers practical solutions to their problems, including family problems.

His rich and wide experience of twenty five years in the field of FAMILY COUNSELLING has made this book and also his next book HAPPINESS MANTRA profoundly valuable.

I therefore felt that by translating this book into English his valuable guidance will benefit a larger readership.

Another, more compelling reason:

I am one of the oldest surviving disciples of a great saint of Modern Maharashtra—Highly respected SHREE RAMAKRISHNA MAHARAJ KSHIRSAGAR of Ahmednagar in Maharashtra; he laid down his mortal frame twelve years back but he continues to guide his followers and disciples like me even today His mission is to spread the VEDIC philosophy.

Mr. Kakade has also been impressed by meeting my GURU and the experience he has shared in this book.

Therefore, I realized that it was my duty towards my GURU to translate this book into English-the World Language of today, so that it may reach a wider spectrum of youth the world over. Possibly, this English version may inspire translation experts to further translate it into other languages like French, German, Russian, Chinese, etc., extending the reach of this wonderful book over the total youth population of the world!

I pray to GOD

Make this happen.

Arvind Vishnu Paranjpe

Personal Profile

translator%20photo_EDITED.jpg

Mr. Arvind Vishnu Paranjpe is a retired Scientist and Deputy Director from Armament Research & Development Establishment PUNE. During his long service of 43 years he participated in the development and productionization of several ARMAMENT items.

Mr. Paranjpe graduated in Physics, Chemistry, Mathematics and History. He holds Masters Degrees in Applied Mathematics, History and Philosophy. Because of his social approach and loving nature, he has been friend, philosopher and guide to hundreds of people.

He is the founder secretary/chairman/president of the following co-operative organizations:

R&D Consumer Co-operative Stores Limited, Pune

ARMEX EMPLOYEES Co-operative Credit Society, Pune

SUMEDHA Co-operative Housing Society, PUNE

Presently Chairman of Shree Guru RAMAKRISHNA Co-operative Housing Society, Pune &

President of Ramakrishna Energy & Environment Foundation, Pune.

He was born in Pune, Maharshtra, India on 20th August, 1933. Today at the age of seventy eight he is as dynamic and active as he was in his thirties.

*     *     *

Chapter 1

GOD BLESS THE FAMILY

The marriage ceremony is over.

The new couple seeks the blessings of elders.

They bless,—May GOD bless you; we pray to GOD to make your family life enjoyable and happy.’

What happens next?

Do the blessings bear fruit in real life?

Does the new couple become happy? Do they really enjoy the married life? Alas! In actual life, things are not simple!

Many couples are not lucky.

Something is amiss somewhere.

Most of the couples naively expect some mysterious power to wave the Magic Wand and give them what they crave for. They fondly expect GOD to come to their help; the result? Nothing happens.

Let me tell you something which I have learnt by experience in my life. Whatever we desire for, we have to achieve ourselves. No GOD will help; no Magic will work UNLESS we act

God helps those, and ONLY those, who help themselves. Whatever Magic wand is needed, HE has already given it to you, and YOU do possess it right now.

This is no naivety.

This is THE REALITY.

What happens is that most of us fail to recognize the importance of what we already have. Those are happy and contented who identify the gifts which GOD has given to them and then learn how to make use of them. We see such people less affected by unpleasant, unwelcome incidents. Such incidents do take place in the life of every human being on this planet but these people do not get disturbed by them. Compared to the majority of people around them, these people are cool and collected, happy, satisfied, contented and relaxed.

What is the secret of their success in life?

The secret is that they have worked for what they have achieved, nothing has happened perchance. Certain facts of life, they have seen and used! Some others they have, conveniently and shrewdly, abandoned or renounced. Certain facts they have accepted out of compulsion, some they have faced as a challenge! In short, they have made a conscious effort to understand the other side of life (as if life is a coin!) and have taken pains to adjust themselves. There were certain events when they had to suffer extreme hardship and agony but they used these events to educate themselves. What they learnt in the process, that gave them guidance, showed them the right path in future life.

I propose to lay bare all these before you in the pages that follow.

You can learn plenty of secrets from various incidents that take place in your life. Most of the people however, get irritated and feel helpless when they face failures in life. Some people cannot get even simple things in life; then they harm themselves or languish, torturing their mind in the process. They get frustrated, become impatient and draw queer, objectionable conclusions.

They convince themselves that GOD has singled them out for harassment. They do not hesitate to blame GOD saying that HE is partial. They start looking out for someone who could bring those pleasures of life. They tear themselves away from the pragmatic life and waste time in waiting for miracles to happen. They forget the fundamental Truth of life that the peace, happiness, pleasure, contentment and poise of life are all available within themselves. Engulfed by total despair, they are dragged to the path which inevitably leads them to depths of despondency.

But I do not want you to go that way. I wish to help you find that„ right’ path which is not easy to find. You have to take pains, not only to identify it but also to prepare yourself in such a manner that you cannot be driven away from it.

This is the way of life. I call this road the right path because once you are there, the journey starts and it continues automatically!

What is meant by automatic continuation?

Obviously, for this to happen, you need energy. The source of that energy must be permanent and it cannot land in your lap from the sky. The fact is that there is an imperishable source of tremendous energy within you. Once you are on the right path, a kind of revolution is launched in your mind, you get introduced to the various aspects of truth; you feel within you, the existence of that inexhaustible source of energy. Life becomes your faithful friend. Your shortcomings become weaker day by day and you start making conscious efforts to eliminate naivety, hallucinations, ego and greed from your mind. You practically experience that if you make an honest attempt you do succeed.

At some point of time in the past you were wishfully thinking that someone will wave a Magic wand and make you happy. Now you realize that those Magic wands are in your possession. How does this happen?

This change comes because your attitude is positive now. You have realized, even if vaguely, the existence of the SUPREME POWER, above you, above everybody and above everything; that POWER starts guiding you. Your mind becomes soft. A sudden burst of intense love and a feeling of gratitude overwhelm you mind. Your mind overflows with joy. Earlier you were inclined to be jealous of those who were successful and happy in life and you did not hesitate calling names for no reason. Now there is no jealousy, you like to share your happiness with them; all these changes surprise you but believe me this can happen, this does happen!

Let me tell you, how.

WHO AM I TO ADVISE YOU LIKE THIS, ON WHAT AUTHORITY?

You are right if this question has popped up in your mind.

I am an ordinary human being, a common man like you. I am married and am living a very happy and contented life with my wife, one son and one daughter. We have been enjoying our family life with all its ups and downs, failures and successes.

During the last 25 years I came across many people who were not satisfied with their family lives. GOD has given me a unique gift. I get perturbed whenever I notice grief and suffering. I become restless to see some of my near and dear friends sad and disappointed in life.

That set me thinking.

I was convinced that if I was really keen to help such families I must study subjects like psychology and books written by and about our great saints over the last few centuries. The latter, in my opinion, was very essential because most of the values of life which we cherish and of which we are so proud were nurtured by these saints through their discourses and books.

These values of life have kept our family culture alive and social life healthy. When these values lose their hold and their compelling influence over the common man, problems like avoidable divorces and disintegrating families abound. This is the situation today.

I took up this issue seriously and during the last 25 years I have tried to save a large number of families from ruin. I did succeed in about 175 of the cases. Of these 175 families, at least 20 have been in close contact with me for a very long time, till this day, and it was their persistent and fond insistence that motivated me to reach you.

I am not aware of any existing book dealing with this subject. If there is any, I have not read it. As a part of my study extending over 25 years in the past, I have read a very large number of books, in MARATHI, and the translated versions of books in foreign languages; the total number exceeds 200.

However there are very few books which I remember well and often. These I have mentioned in the following pages. Apart from these I think of no other books which I must mention as references. My ideas and thoughts on this subject have developed through the study of the books and the writings of our saints and books written about them and through the practical observations and experiences with families in actual trouble.

Human being is a very complex animal. Every human being has his own set of inborn tendencies and instincts. Various factors govern and control these basic characteristics of human behavior. They express themselves in a variety of ways depending upon the circumstances. In the process, they react with those of others in the social life. Thus the final manifestation of human conduct becomes a highly complex pattern.

The relationship between a male and a female is further complicated because of the element of physical pleasures which is special to this relationship. Therefore the study of this relationship attracts psychologists and social thinkers most! This is a highly perplexing and challenging subject for them. Sigmund Froid, the world famous psychologist studied this subject in depth and after extensive research spread over 30 years, propounded the following theorem.

It is impossible to understand the mind of a woman. One can never predict correctly her reaction to a particular issue. Her choice of a male can never be guessed. There is no rule, no certainty, no scientific reason nor any logic as to why she likes a particular MALE!

I honor this great scientist and totally respect his research and its findings. All the same, let us pay our respect to that great scientist and undertake further study.

I think we INDIANS are a very fortunate people. We are certainly proud of the bountiful nature with her bewildering variety and beauty, the special geographical location of our country, the peculiar pattern of rivers and mountains and everything else that goes with these assets! In my opinion, what are equally important are the splendid tradition of great saints and the glorious heritage of SPIRITUAL THOUGHTS which constitute the foundation of our social existence.

The literature created by the saints during the last two thousand years along with the writings of great authors on the biographies and teachings of these saints is a priceless treasure of ours! The four Vedas and the great scriptures like the Upanishads are unparalleled in the world. Epics like the MAHABHARAT and RAMAYANA have tremendous influence on the mind of the common man. The BHAGWAD GEETA is perhaps the most acclaimed treatise in the world. DHNYANESHWARI (the MARATHI version and elaborate interpretation of GEETA) is a household treasure in every home in MAHARASHTRA. Sant Tukaram’s GAATHA, Sant EKNATH’s BHAGWAT, and Samartha RAMDAS Swami’s DASBODHA and MANACHE SHLOK are other great writings of these saints from MAHARASHTRA.

I make a special and earnest appeal to the young generation that they should read these. They must be reading lots of books but I request them to appreciate the fact that books like these which have been guiding generation after generation of our country, in the past, must have something extra ordinary in them.

They are not necessarily religious books, though the authors are all saints. They introduce us to the eternal principles of human life which apply to the entire humanity. One of the saints of our MODERN AGE, known to his followers as ‘BHAGWAN OSHO’, compares these books (GEETA, for example) to windows through which we can have glimpses of the World, of the Knowledge and of Life as a whole!

It is a pity that some people look at the windows, not THROUGH them; they treat them as GOD, pray them, worship them and get lost in the elaborate rituals of offerings, etc.

This vast literature is a source of THE KNOWLEDGE, which should form the foundation of our life. You must make use of this treasure to enlighten your life and make your existence on this earth meaningful, worthwhile, happy and really enjoyable.

I have read many books on Philosophy, Psychology, Social Sciences, Biology, etc., written by foreign authors.

They are great names in Modern Literature and in scientific research in the western countries; Russell, Napoleon Hill, John Grey, Froid, Ellis and others, and I have all the respect for them. They studied human life through many angles. Some of the scientists carried out practical experiments on human beings and after elaborate scientific analysis arrived at certain conclusions. Theories were propounded which claim that they have understood the human mind in great detail. All that they have done is a scientific effort and their conclusions are logically correct.

Why am I keen that young people should study the writings of and about Indian saints?

The reason is that I have personal experience of their need and practical utility. As I mentioned earlier, I was instrumental in saving over 175 families from ruin. This was possible because I made use of this valuable treasure of our country in sorting out the problems of these families. It is good to study a book like POWER OF SUBCONSCIOUS MIND.

At the same time, please have a look at book like MANACHE SHLOK (By SAMARTHA RAMDAS SWAMY). If you study this honestly, you will also understand what the POWER OF SUBCONSCIOUS MIND is. You must study this writing and book in your younger days because then you will get a chance to apply them in life. That is how you can gain happiness and contentment in life; your family life will be successful and you will be able to enjoy the bliss of that life. I have used the word BLISS not casually but I mean it. Family life has innumerable facets, you should explore them and you will experience a unique kind of joy and happiness which can best be described by the word BLISS alone!

Marriage as an institution and the relationship between wife and husband are very interesting subjects.

We cannot ignore the fact that wife and husband have an additional and a separate entity as a female and male. This also is a very interesting subject and in my opinion, a very important one because in many cases it has a serious impact on the very stability of a family. My observations and study convince me that all these relationships have no mystery about them; it is no challenge at all! The glorious traditions of our country and the precious philosophy of life we have inherited are capable of solving all problems of family life, offering simple and practical solutions. All that is needed is a little

I have said earlier that GOD has given me a unique gift—I am very sensitive to others’ pain. At the root of this is my spontaneous love for others. During the last 30 years I earned innumerable acquaintances; some of these got transformed into close relationships. These people treated me with so much love and affection that I became a part of those families. Their happiness became my happiness and their problems came to me as my challenges. We worked together and surmounted all difficulties and soon there was no room for any pain. In fact those were miracles.

The family which I have mentioned above had come to the brink of total annihilation and for a stranger, it appeared that break up was inevitable; but it was saved. The secret of this achievement is not my efforts. The intense love we had for each other made it possible. This is the truth. Many of these relationships continue even today and we have been enriching each other’s life.

I am aware that there are many minute shades of their relationship which are still unknown to me. Even then, whatever little I have experienced and understood, is good enough to help solve family problems normally encountered in the society today. In fact this has already been proved because as I mentioned many times earlier, a good number of families have benefited with my limited knowledge and experience.

I do not claim that every problem posed to me was solved successfully but many of the relationships have become tolerable and acceptable. Many families have understood that there could be a way out. They have decided to try out different ways to get reconciled and that they would not jump to divorce.

This is no mean achievement. This limited progress is enough for us to have courage to sort out our problems and for keeping hopes

The fruit of the affection and love these families have been giving us is visible here, in this book.

All of us have noticed that relations and dealings between husband and wife throw up certain unpleasant events. A rift is created between the two. Many times the matter is very insignificant, sometimes downright silly! Yet the two stop talking to each other and if the matter does not get sorted out within a reasonable time period, they start hating each other. In fact the erring party realizes his/her mistake but cannot gather enough courage to admit and accept it.

This is a very common story. This book can show you the way to get out of such situations; it also tells you how to avoid repetition of such unpleasant incidents in future.

I am sure that this book will make you an independent thinker in such matters and you will be able not only to sort out your own problems but may be able to help others.

PROBLEMS BETWEEN HUSBAND & WIFE—NATURE, SCOPE AND DIMENSIONS

It is common knowledge that in our day to day life occasions arise when husband and wife differ on certain issues. May be this phenomenon is on the rise in the modern age of today.

The reason is obvious. The woman is no longer stuck to the indoors. She has come out of her home, is educated and has her own opinions, likes and dislikes. What has to be understood is that she has become bold enough to express herself. This no doubt is an extremely welcome feature of our social life.

We know that in most of these cases the point at issue is worthless, trivial and has no importance at all! Life is so vast and so valuable that there is no merit in the cause of such fights. Compared with the achievements and successes in life, the cause of the fights deserves no place. We will discuss this subject in detail in the following pages; here it may suffice to say that such trivialities should best be IGNORED.

Discarding such issues altogether has no bearing on the future life of the couple. The causes of such issues are so trifling and ludicrous that we totally forget them after a very short time! My observation shows that over 90 % of all fights between husband and wife belong to this category. Unfortunately, if these issues do not get resolved quickly, they end up in serious, dreadful and acrimonious battles.

These developments of trifles transforming into battles, can be explained by a psychological analysis. The common man does not know the minute details of the science of psychology, sometimes he has a distorted view of that science or he may have prejudiced opinions about that branch of knowledge. Therefore he does not think of applying that science to understand his problems, leave alone solving those with the help of psychology!

The first step in the process of solving these insignificant issues is to accept the fact that the root cause of the particular misunderstanding is some flaw or weakness in either or both the parties. One has to accept this reality. An issue crops up and a quarrel starts; obviously this cannot come out of nothing. At least one of the two has faltered somehow, somewhere! (May be both are at fault) There is no SMOKE unless there is FIRE! If both refuse to acknowledge this fact, relations between the two start deteriorating.

Everything at home gets disturbed. As the fight continues, despondency takes hold of the minds of both and a negative attitude vitiates the minds. Husband and wife assume that good things in life are not for them. They feel that their destiny is such that peace, stability, wellbeing, pleasure, happiness and contentment have no place in their life. This negativity engulfs their whole life eventually, the merciless noose strangles them and panic sets in. On the other side of life, if there are children in the family, life becomes a nightmare. The responsibilities of the kids—the inexorable duty of the parents towards them, leave no option to the couple but to live, continue the EXISTENCE.

Time does not wait. The huge log of life is now attached around their necks and they drag themselves on and on, languishing and whining on the way! This is the story of small things getting out of hand to torment the life of the husband and wife.

However, there are bigger issues in life which have the potential to destroy the couple. Husband and wife are a combination of a male and a female. Serious problems can come up if this relation is vitiated. Some problems arise as a result of natural developments, some land up as a sheer chance. Accidents take place; some incurable disease attacks the couple. At times some personal qualities, good or bad, assume extreme proportions and get out of control and threaten life. Sometimes perverted behavior sets in, either as a result of some basic inborn defects or because of evil company. Fate and Destiny play their tricks and catastrophe strikes.

On such occasions some families perish but there are others who accept the challenge and stand up boldly to face the problems.

Husband and wife amalgamate into each other and fight against the circumstances as one person. The complete understanding between the two and the perfect unison of the husband and wife is a marvelous sight. There is no room for any misunderstanding or difference of opinion. Complementing each other, encouraging each other, accompanying each other, making sacrifices for each other, become the way of life.

All self respect, all ego, all desires, everything is sacrificed at the altar of life simply for the sake of that heavenly relation—HUSBAND & WIFE.

For the outside world they are no longer two individuals, they present themselves as one SINGLE ENTITY. Time goes on, eventually they get physically tired. Sometimes their mental composure gets shaken up due to the physical constraints and inability to suffer further. Very few couples overcome this hurdle also and continue the battle till the end.

However most lose their patience and they easily get irritated at the smallest pretext. Bickering sets in and the same old story repeats. Egos assert and differences lead to fights, serious, dreadful and acrimonious!

Can we not get out of this vicious circle and aspire for a normal happy family life? Yes, we can, we must.

This is exactly why I have met you.

REVELATION—CAN WE NOT DO WITHOUT IT?

As conflicts between husband and wife continue, each fears he/she would lose the companion for ever. They panic. The very idea of continuing life without the partner frightens them and the very foundation of the family appears to crumble. The future of the children appears to be in jeopardy and the thought of their welfare agitates their minds. They feel utterly helpless. The agony of the looming destruction of the family forces them to seek shelter at the feet of GOD. They pray to HIM f

O GOD! I do not want to lose my partner at any cost. I need him/her and can never think of living my life without him/her. I promise you that for my selfish aims I will not torment him/her in future. I will take every care that he/ she will not get stifled because of me. I do not expect anything from him/her. I now understand that my partner has a separate identity. He/she is a separate and free individual. I have realized that he/she has every right to live his/ her life the way he/she wants to. He/she can expect and demand whatever he/she feels right. It would be monstrous on my part to inflict even a small scratch on his/her rights. I will never commit that crime again; I will remember for ever in future that it would amount to perpetrating a sordid sin to do so. I ask for one favor and just one favor—Be kind and give my partner back to me. I need him/her so much for my life, for my very existence."

God is very kind.

HE responds to your earnest prayer. You get your partner back. He/she is now free of all troubles and is now ready to be with you. Since your partner is now normal, you too get rid of your tensions. You were extremely sentimental when you looked up to HIM for help and for a unique privilege. You remembered GOD when you were pushed to the very brink of existence.

Yet very soon you forget HIM and get so engrossed in the day to day life, that you hardly ever remember HIM! Don’t you think this is atrocious?

You had the most wonderful experience a human being can ever wish for—REVELATION. This word is used in the context of GOD and that is the most appropriate usage of the word. But in your case you had also realized the separate and independent IDENTITY of your partner which amounts to having a glimpse of the TRUTH which is GOD. Therefore I wonder why it was not engraved on your MIND!

In fact this valuable experience, a direct and so powerful response from HIM, should be stored in your MIND as a precious treasure. This DARSHAN must become a permanent and throbbing memory permeating all the space in your MIND. If you forget this experience you have missed a golden opportunity to re-construct you life on a solid foundation and to re-orient your lifestyle which would lead you to a blissful family life for ever.

If you make an effort to analyze the entire episode scientifically, you will get convinced that the ULTIMATE POWER—GOD does respond to your prayer made in dire circumstances. You will also realize that your partner has a separate and independent entity which you must accept and respect. In fact this conviction should have been there already lodged in your mind firmly and permanently; you should not expect that GOD should prove it to you time and again!

It is sheer ingratitude and hypocrisy to appeal to GOD when in trouble and let your thoughts wander after you are out of the woods. By permitting your MIND to be selfish and self centered in this manner, you only destroy your entire mental set up. There cannot be any pleasure or happiness in such a state of MIND.