In His Grip … a Walk Through Breast Cancer

By Amy K. Hauser

Amys story is a most inspiring one to read for anyone going through lifes struggles - one that will give encouragement whatever one may be dealing with. First and foremost, this is an account of a cancer journey; a journal revealing an absolute faith that God is willing to walk the journey alongside of you, all the way! If you are reading this and you are someone setting out on, or already in the middle of, a similar journey, this is an important read for you! Amys story will certainly not hide any of the rough times; but it will tell you about many positive aspects as well, and how faith is the only way to make the trip. This book is not just for cancer sufferers, but also for anyone experiencing lifes many trials, whatever they may be.

Amys raw and emotive style tells it just like it is. You will feel the emotion; shed some tears and certainly draw many smiles. There is little more powerful than hearing this story told literally, while experiencing each and every aspect of the journey along with her. The power is in hearing Gods story, as told through Amy, and thats just what this is.

You will be encouraged that its okay to have roller coaster emotions, to feel anger, to experience joy, to feel spiritually low and equally high; that its okay to ask why me? Amy is one amazing lady who turned what could have been a very negative experience - focusing on feeling sorry for herself - to one that focuses on making an impact on others. For example - Amy refused to wear a wig once she lost her hair so she would not miss opportunities to testify to others who would otherwise not have approached her.

Perhaps most compelling is how many people have told Amy that while they should have been supporting her in keeping a positive attitude, she was in fact being the inspiration for them. I know! I was one of those people! I pray for them every day and I know that they do the same for me. It is this, together with God, that will keep us all positive and moving forward, whatever the challenges of life that are thrown our way.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Sep 12, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449764357

Amy K. Hauser

Amy K. Hauser never considered herself destined to be an author. From her self-admitted “lifelong inability to properly start and stop paragraph formations, among other things,” to being busy raising two children full time, a book simply was not on the radar … until God said otherwise. Amy lives with her husband, Tom, and children, Ross and Sara, in The Woodlands, Texas.

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Copyright © 2010, 2011, 2012 Amy K. Hauser

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Unless otherwise noted, all author’s Scripture taken from the HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION. Copyright 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

TNIV - Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, Today’s New International Version™ TNIV ® Copyright © 2001, 2005 by International Bible Society®. All rights reserved worldwide.

NKJV - Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

NASB - Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960,

1962,1963,1968,1971,1972,1973,1975,1977,1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission.

NLT - Scripture taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

WEB – Public domain

Scripture quotes from guest comments are from their own various translations.

IMPORTANT NOTICE

Any mention of medical treatments, medicine, supplements, vitamins, minerals, treatments, health, nutritional supplements and adjustments, et al, are only a part of the memoir and strictly the author’s own perspective. They are not meant as medical advice or to take the place of treatment from medical professionals. Readers are strongly advised to consult with qualified medical professionals on all medical issues.

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6435-7 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6436-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-6437-1 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012915614

WestBow Press rev. date: 9/10/2012

50461.jpg Contents 50465.jpg

Dedication

Foreword

Acknowledgements

Introduction (Amy)

Introduction (Tom)

Background

Chapter 1 - Wait One Year

Chapter 2 - The Lump

Chapter 3 - To Journal, Reluctantly

Chapter 4 - Sharing the Journey

Chapter 5 - This is Amy

Chapter 6 - God Got There Before All of Us

Chapter 7 - Starting to Feel Better

Chapter 8 - Father’s Day and Normal Life

Chapter 9 - To Shave or Not to Shave?

Chapter 10 - Busy, but Not Fun

Chapter 11 - False Eyelashes

Chapter 12 - At the Beach

Chapter 13 - Fear Takes a Seat

Chapter 14 - Mom Arrives

Chapter 15 - Reflections

Chapter 16 - Attitude

Chapter 17 - No Pity is Allowed

Chapter 18 - Mr. Clean

Chapter 19 - Still No Sleep

Chapter 20 - Proofread?!

Chapter 21 - …I Was Told To…

Chapter 22 - Brain-Fog-Fuzzy

Chapter 23 - Once Again Delivered

Chapter 24 - The New Normal

Chapter 25 - Fobia

Chapter 26 - Kinda Ticking Me Off…

Chapter 27 - Called…to Houston???

Chapter 28 - Bored

Chapter 29 - Relevance

Chapter 30 - Perspective

Chapter 31 - Wardrobe Malfunction!

Chapter 32 - The Transcript

Chapter 33 - Dear Tom, DUH!!!

Chapter 34 - Trust Him in the Wilderness

Chapter 35 - Adopted

Chapter 36 - That Was You?!

Chapter 37 - Rules of Success

Chapter 38 - Meltdown

Chapter 39 - The Smudge

Chapter 40 - Surely This Will End Soon

Chapter 41 - Celebration

Chapter 42 - Unwelcomed Reflection

Chapter 43 - Not On Our Own

Chapter 44 - In By 8 and Out by 11:30!

Chapter 45 - A Different Reflection

Chapter 46 - CPR - Complete Pathological Response

Chapter 47 - So This is the Day the Back Pain Began

Chapter 48 - NOW She Tells Me

Chapter 49 - Live Like You Were Dyin’

Chapter 50 - Not Your Typical Thanksgiving

Chapter 51 - It HAS Gotten Better…

Chapter 52 - …And That’s What It’s All About.

Chapter 53 - A Bigger Hurdle

Chapter 54 - Final Sign Off

Epilogue

Updates

Links to Organizations Mentioned in the Book

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After moving to Texas, I remember secretly wishing there was a way to combine all the things I loved about our many years in Iowa with the exciting newness of what our family was drawn to in Texas and ‘having the best of both worlds.’ That dream was to have family and friends from all over in one place…on this side of heaven, if only for a short while.

Oh how our Father gives good gifts in the most creative ways.

This book is dedicated to the family of God who all came together in such miraculous ways, to love, lift, serve, and encourage our family during this unexpected and difficult journey. It has been put together in part because of ALL of you. Each group of people in our lives showed not only our family, but each other, just what community is supposed to be, especially Christian community.

So many of you encouraged us from afar and didn’t let go of us just because of the time and the miles that work to separate us. Through technology, we were able to keep an ongoing connection. Through the Counselor’s promptings, He taught us all what pleases Him greatly when we lay down our own desires. When we share our hearts and lend a hand, the outcome can be so beautiful!

Because of the commitment from so many to come alongside of our family, we had the strength to keep looking up and remain in His grip throughout the journey and beyond.

Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold.

Hide me now

Under Your Wing.

Cover me within Your Mighty Hand.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar,

I will soar with You ABOVE the storm.

Father, You are King over the flood.

I will be still and know You are God.

Find rest my soul,

In Christ alone.

Know HIS pow’r -

In quietness and trust.

When the oceans rise and thunders roar.

I will soar with You ABOVE the storm.

Father, You are King over the flood.

I will be still, and KNOW You are God.

Lyrics from the song, Still by Rueben Morgan. These words were included in a prayer email sent by family members, Aunt Elsie and her daughter Sue, as one of many that were offered up during the knot-tying process while making a prayer blanket on my behalf. My sweet sister, Deb Theriault of Granger, Indiana, organized this gift.

Copyright © 2002 Hillsong Publishing (ARPA) (adm. in the US and Canada at EMICMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.

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My wife, Karin, first met Amy while attending a ladies’ bible study; it was through this and a large group dinner for the husbands that the four of us first met. From that encounter, Amy and Tom were simply some cheerful faces who said ‘hi’ at church every Sunday. As our family was about to head off on a summer vacation driving down the west coast from Seattle to Carmel, Karin asked me if I remembered Amy from her bible study, telling me that she had just been diagnosed with breast cancer. We talked about it a little and then headed off on our vacation. Little did I know how this would change my life, not to mention Amy’s.

A couple of days into the vacation Karin showed me a blog that Amy had started and I read it that night, and the next day, and the next day… something just grabbed my attention. I signed up to get the blog myself and would look forward every day for the next one. I had never dealt well with things like cancer and had only experienced the negative; people feeling down and sometimes hopeless, me feeling sorry for them and ultimately for myself. Yet here was someone who was taking positives from the experience, who truly believed God was taking care of her.

This was a new experience for me. Driving down the west coast provided a lot of time for Karin and me to talk and to start corresponding with Amy and Tom via text and email. We were trying our best to encourage her and express our support. During these three weeks this gradually started to change for me; no longer did I feel like I was the one doing the encouraging, but rather that God was speaking to me through Amy. I was starting to ask myself questions and not liking some of the answers very much. We all really connected during this time and felt like good friends by the time we got back.

The day we got back to Houston the four of us went out for dinner. This was the day Amy shaved off her hair and made her first public appearance. Our hearts just melted that night, and for me, I was never to be the same again! The power of Amy and Tom’s faith and absolute trust in God was just so powerful that it made me realize how weak my relationship with Him was. Amy’s story changed my life and compelled me to recommit myself to God and to make many significant changes in my life.

Amy and Tom have become the dearest of friends, and perhaps the circumstances of how we became friends in a time of need for us all will mean that we will always have a very special bond. I know the priorities in my life have changed forever.

Amy’s story is a most inspiring one to read for anyone going through life’s struggles - one that will give encouragement whatever one may be dealing with. First and foremost, this is an account of a cancer journey; a journal revealing an absolute faith that God is willing to walk the journey alongside of you, all the way! If you are reading this and you are someone setting out on, or already in the middle of, a similar journey, this is an important read for you! Amy’s story will certainly not hide any of the rough times; but it will tell you about many positive aspects as well, and how faith is the only way to make the trip. This book is not just for cancer sufferers, but also for anyone experiencing life’s many trials, whatever they may be.

Amy’s raw and emotive style tells it just like it is. You will feel the emotion; shed some tears and certainly draw many smiles. There is little more powerful than hearing this story told literally, while experiencing each and every aspect of the journey along with her. The power is in hearing God’s story, as told through Amy, and that’s just what this is.

You will be encouraged that it’s okay to have roller coaster emotions, to feel anger, to experience joy, to feel spiritually low and equally high; that it’s okay to ask why me? Amy is one amazing lady who turned what could have been a very negative experience - focusing on feeling sorry for herself - to one that focuses on making an impact on others. For example - Amy refused to wear a wig once she lost her hair so she would not miss opportunities to testify to others who would otherwise not have approached her.

Perhaps most compelling is how many people have told Amy that while they should have been supporting her in keeping a positive attitude, she was in fact being the inspiration for them. I know! I was one of those people! I pray for them every day and I know that they do the same for me. It is this, together with God, that will keep us all positive and moving forward, whatever the challenges of life that are thrown our way.

For whatever reasons you chose to read this book, I hope and pray that you put your trust in the Lord that it reveals and allow Him to guide you through turbulent times. May you come out the other side with a new, positive and wonderful future in front of you.

May God Bless you.

Barry Wood - Honored friend & partner in Christ

50461.jpg Acknowledgements  50465.jpg

Amy and Tom would like to thank the countless people who made this book possible. We apologize if any individual or group is overlooked, it is strictly unintentional (chemo brain!). You are all loved and cherished more than you can ever imagine.

To everyone who prayed for us – we felt each and every prayer and its uplifting, healing power. Also for every card, letter, email, text, visit, gift bag, note, etc., et al. The little things can mean so much.

To the army (God’s army) who marched in to help our family through this trying time, led by the intrepid Ladies of the Loft, and the all around invaluable Kristie. From all y’all - meals, taxiing, taking the kids overnight (and to Orlando!), calls, cards, notes, cookies and treats – we are overwhelmed and sustained by His hands and feet around us.

To everyone who posted a note on Amy’s Caring Bridge site. All the encouraging words and great insights were hugely sustaining during the worst of the cancer battle. Lee, Kristie, Russell, Ronda – you consistently made everyone laugh, and reflect – thank you!

To our editor, Marge Thompson. For working through the various styles, moods and Amyisms and getting them all into a form of English that conveys the message without destroying the feeling. Also for her insights into the flow of the book as it reflected the flow of the journey. We are indebted to her patience, wisdom and speedy turnaround of material.

To Frankie Leisering for her last read, reviews and invaluable insight. Frankie, you were a gift just when we needed it most to pull it all together. We could not have finished the race without you.

And especially from Tom: To the guys [and y’all know who you are] that gave me the quick emails, calls or texts of affirmation when I needed them most. Sorry some of you have had to watch my back for 30+ years, some for less, and some are new brothers in Texas. You are what it is all about. Thanks from the bottom of my heart.

For CaringBridge.org that allowed us to keep in daily touch with our friends and family. For providing the physical vehicle that God would use to spread His story. We encourage all who go through life’s medical trials to use this wonderful resource.

To all those who have encouraged us to go forward with this book; believing that it would encourage others.

To Phil Callaway for suggesting the self-publishing route.

To Paul Kurtz, Jennifer Sims and Barry Wood (our Made For More ministries board) for their encouragement, support, prayers and constructive feedback through the process.

To Brian Wood for his invaluable insight, constructive review and flying half way around the world to help (and see his grandbaby!). Thanks Barry for arranging and getting Brian to Houston.

To Andrew Brockenbush of Creative Consulting for his invaluable expertise in helping us get M4M going – logo design, website creation and overall creativity.

To our families for their support.

To Barb Murphy, Amy’s mom, for all her prayers that never ceased even though living across the country. For her encouragement not only to our family but others through her heartfelt, biblically referenced reminders of God’s provision through her guestbook comments. For sister Debbie’s daily calls and prayers that made it seem as if she were here. To both for journeying to Texas to help out.

To Ross and Sara, for being troupers and rising to the occasion time and time again when mom and dad were busy, tired, sick or simply not always fully engaged. We love you more than we can ever express. You are both gifts from God and great kids. We are so very proud of you, even when you kinda tick us off!

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(Amy)

As I finally begin to write with the intention of piecing together a compilation of several years’ happenings that make up my story, I am overwhelmed with just where to start. It has taken the past several months to get to the point where I actually sat down and allowed the Holy Spirit to work this out. Despite all that I have worked through and learned about pushing fear out of the picture, it still creeps in. I ask myself if there is enough relevance here to expect anyone to take the time to read it. I certainly don’t have a star-studded bio that would entice a reader with its validity and credibility. Because it is a telling of how God scripted me into HIS story, the validity and credibility belong to HIM.

I am a 40-something mother of two growing kids, a pretty much stay-at-home mom with a college degree that has been sitting on a shelf for more than a decade. Instead of building a career, I am building a family and myself. Most of the time I work on whatever is right in front of me and redefining myself as the years pass by. It’s a good life, for the most part, but it is not a whole lot different than that of any other middle class woman…or at least not in ways I care to share with just anyone…at least not yet.

As these and many other like thoughts worked their way into my being, they kept me from taking a stab at writing with a purpose. Yet, in many ways, I have been continuously reminded that I have something far greater than MY story, MY bio, or MY belief to tell. It is a story that I am now convinced will be worth someone’s precious time to read, because I have living proof of God’s power at work in the lives of yet another one of His children. This is HIS story, not mine.

Over the past several years, God has taught me how we can uniquely hear His voice through encountering the inevitable high peaks and low valleys we all face. Now He has asked me to share a glimpse of His heart and His deep desire to connect with His children through the love of others. I will not write for me, but for Him. With that, I can take on this task.

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(Tom)

Before I say anything else, it is only fair that I warn the reader that my sense of humor is not, shall we say…mainstream. If you come across something in my posts that makes you say, huh? please keep reading. It may come to you later, it may not. Such is the bear that we each must cross. I’m just sayin’…

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This book was not easy to write nor comfortable to share. Since well before the cancer, we have had a concern that we would be perceived in an improper light, especially as we began making serious efforts to put our lives on a better path.

We are to be like the moon, shining no light of our own, only reflecting a greater light. Yet even if only reflected, there is a very real danger that light will expose flaws…or make us look better than we deserve to be viewed. While battling our self-centered tendencies, we truly only want to pass on the lessons and blessings, to help others and let God have all the credit. We are trying very hard to walk this walk with honesty and transparency - about both our flaws and mistakes (many, and some were/are colossal) and His power to change any life.

As we re-read the postings and guestbook entries, our fears increased. Have we revealed too much of our dark sides? Are we getting credit that is not our due? This walking in the light business might be more than we bargained for. There are two very dangerous giants that lurk here and we want to bring them down to size, both in our own lives and so the reader will clearly see the purpose of our writing and the true power in our lives.

David picked five stones when he took on Goliath. I admire both his total faith in God and his preparedness by not taking just one stone. I bring up David for another reason: Amy’s and my life have many parallels to his. Let me quickly clarify that neither of us is on the level of King David: his faith, accomplishments or relationship with God. However, like David, we both have major mistakes and sins in our lives. Also like David, we have kept returning to God and asking for His help and forgiveness.

Our two giants have gradually been reduced in size, but unlike Goliath, still have the ability to cause serious damage. These two related giants employ nearly opposite approaches, but I am certain they are in cahoots and play off each other like good cop, bad cop. Their tactics are very subtle, crafty and devious.

Giant #1 is a two-headed monster and plays right into the mentality of today’s world. He is Pride and The Appearance of Pride. Look at what I/we have done, what we have gone through, I, I, I, we, we, we. The world only sees a carefully selected, very small portion of each of our lives (unless we are Charlie Sheen or Britney Spears). We carefully control what is seen and the world often carefully selects what it wants to see.

The first head is kept under control (I wish I could lop it off like David did with Goliath; it would be worth the mess) by God repeatedly reminding us that we are all His children, no better, no worse, no favorites. He quickly and lovingly brings us down to size whenever and however necessary. By the way – lovingly does not always equate to gently. There have been some very hard landings and we both (Amy and I) have the bruises to prove it. One good thing about God’s school of hard knocks is that it effectively takes both the allure and temptation of pride and puffed-upness down a few notches.

The second head is more bothersome than the first because it often leads to God getting a bad rap due to our faults. Even as we are trying our best to make this story about others and about Him, it is our face that people see first and, sadly, often only see. It is God’s job to work on others’ hearts, but it is ours to present ourselves in as genuine and humble a manner as possible. We pray that others see Who this is all about, but if they choose to think it is about us, or that we are trying to make this about us, that has to be between them and God. I am not trying to be egotistical, aloof, uncaring or avoiding of responsibility, but I/we can only be responsible for what we can control. The rest is God’s domain. That, by the way, is another very hard lesson to learn.

Giant #2 often steps in as we are resisting the upward pull of giant #1 and tries to take our own momentum and yank us down into the pits. His name is Unworthy. If his two-headed partner is unsuccessful, or sometimes even wildly successful, Unworthy steps in and attacks, like a bad TV wrestling tag team. Unworthy is dead-weight gravity on the soul: constant and unrelentingly pulling downward. It whispers every failure, every mistake, every sin. "You are not worthy. Look at all the terrible things you have done. Hide your past in a deep hole. If anyone finds out the real you and all you have done, it will be a disaster. God doesn’t forgive what you have done and neither will anyone else." He taunts us like Goliath taunted the Israelites. Like the Israelites, we listen to him and cower in our tents. Unworthy has a great deal of material to use on us; he even stoops so low as to enlist others to remind us of our past. They may be right about our past, but they are wrong about the future and His forgiveness.

Throughout the Bible, God specializes in using the unlikely; so we take comfort in being in the good company of other screw-ups, misfits and unlikelies. It is said that He doesn’t call the equipped; He equips the called. Looking back over the last several years, He must have really been equipping us! During this entire time, He has continually crossed our paths with others who were going through similar life struggles. James 1:2-6 has finally shifted from near lunacy to perfect sense – troubles will come our way and we should use them to grow in our faith, ask for wisdom and trust in Him alone. 1 Peter 4:10 then kicks in and we are to use our gifts well to serve others. There is seldom any one better equipped to help with a struggle than one who has been down that same road.

If there are too many I’s or we’s or too much praise or credit to Amy or us, especially in the guestbook notes (BTW - they fed our souls when we needed it most), please smite whichever monster is behind it and focus on God who is above it all. Whether effectively done or poorly done by us, this is about Him, what He has done and guiding as many others as we can, for as long as we can, to a similar point, hopefully with less earthly strife, struggle and pain. Whatever the route, the goal is for all to truly find Him by whatever road.

The David and Goliath lesson came full circle recently as Pastor Rob pointed out an interesting characteristic about giants from 1 Samuel 17: When facing them, there is always a large crowd of related mini-giants ominously standing right behind your giant. Yet when your giant hits the ground, all those other mini-giants usually turn tail and run. Brothers and sisters who were cowering with you suddenly become emboldened and rush forward.

The point of this, and maybe of the whole book and the rest of our lives? Alone we are not equipped to face our giants, but with God’s help we must face them. It will free us and encourage others that they too can conquer their own giants. David was just an inexperienced kid, but he knew where his strength came from. He didn’t even fit into proper armor. We are very similar to David. He chose to go into battle armed with only a staff, a sling and five stones and in the name of God. We choose to share openly and honestly and in the name of God, and for His glory alone. God can slay any giant and use anyone to do it.

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As I work on this writing during the fall of 2011, several dates stick out in my mind. September 21, 2011 marked one year since the final chemotherapy session. October 20 marked one year since my bilateral mastectomy and November 24 was one year since the reconstruction surgeries. A lot has happened in one year. So much good has come from something so many see as something bad. From where I stand, I wouldn’t trade my experience, starting with that phone call in May of 2010, revealing that I had breast cancer, for whatever would have happened if the news had been that my cancer screenings had come back clear.

Without that call, I know I would not have had the drive to live life from a new perspective - seeing each day as an opportunity rather than a hassle or a burden, and focusing on the blessings rather than on what is lacking. Now I know that I am the sum of all my experiences. What I choose to do with them…now that is up to me.

With much support and encouragement from my family and friends, today I am living cancer free, regaining my strength and stamina, and striving toward the balanced life God intends. As I pieced together the journal and guestbook entries compiled throughout my illness, it became clear to me that my entire experience had SO MUCH to do with the support we received in such abundance from others. Our site received over 18,000 visits in the process of others following this journey with us, and we believe a prayer accompanied every one of them.

While re-reading the journal and guestbook, I sensed that the best way to share what God can and did do through my cancer is to share the bulk of my and Tom’s journal entries just as they were written. I have added reflections in bold italics; otherwise everything is from either the journal entries or a tiny portion of selected guestbook entries (from over 800 - all feeding my need for earthly support).

Other than some general editing to make it easier for the reader, the journal entries remain faithful to the originals - full of Amyisms as we have now dubbed them. Structure, syntax and grammar were not the priority – feelings and faith were. Some days were good; others dark - the impacts of cancer, medications (chemo brain!) and stress, and the counterbalancing impact of friends and the Lord, are all starkly visible.

My hope in sharing them is to show how God works in the midst of struggles. I pray that this writing will lend helpful insight to anyone who may read it, and that it will be a source of encouragement along whatever path his or her life may be exploring.

Re-reading the guestbook, it is no small wonder that I was able to remain strong during the battle! When others reach out and take the time and energy to serve another in need, the possibilities are endless! For me, this is the point of this whole story. When we choose to take the risk of opening up our lives, allowing others to look in, God is present and His power is boundless. Becoming vulnerable to perceived risk allows us to learn community, however it might look. When our hearts are real and have no selfish intentions, beautiful things happen.

The guestbook entries that are included are only a very small sampling of those actually posted. While there were so many to choose from, all of which impacted our family each and every day, for the space allotted we could choose only a few. I trust that those I have shared will be effective in providing hope and encouragement to others who may be facing similar circumstances. As this book goes to press, I pray that these encouragements will serve as reminders to us all, to keep our Hope in Him and our focus on the blessings that come to us through others.

This book is a foretaste into what God can do in the lives of His children (just maybe into what He is yearning to do in your life!) when we allow Him to take messy situations and expose them to His guiding, gentle hands, leading us to a new place that is peaceful and secure. It is a story of how, though we may feel that our lives are just too messy (the cancer was just the icing on an already messy cake) to let others in on it, we learn that very often others have similar struggles and longings. They also yearn to be vulnerable enough to share and grow together, as we do. Doing life alone is not in God’s plan. Says so in the bible; I’m pretty sure.

I pray that these words will be a blessing to each of you in some way.

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Wait One Year

Our first Fall in Texas - 2009. Houston already felt like home, we were settling in, and I distinctly recall two conversations, one that led to a dark place and one that led to the light. The amazing thing is, one directly led to the other.

The first one, the dark one, was with my husband Tom and it led me to wonder if we should finally just go our own ways. I remember the