Falling from Grace

By Natalie-Ann McCauley

I thought I might fly today
To go against what most people say
It is worth a try dont you think?
Maybe I will fail maybe I will fly
But no one will ever know if no one gives it a try

On one morning in the course of your life,
you will wake up and find
that suddenly things have changed.
Today is that day!

Grace Manning, twenty-six,
is also having that kind of day.
Shes on a quest for self-improvement and discovery
here, youll join her on her most pivotal of days
as she shares her thoughts and reactions.

What will she do?
What will she decide?

You will laugh and cry with Grace as she recalls
the many moments that came to shape her life
Through her reflections,
Grace gives you a front row seat
for a very personal, funny, and honest tour
through her life so far.

Watch her fly!

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Dec 9, 2011
• ISBN: 9781452503165

Natalie-Ann McCauley

A well-known child protection and international development expert, Natalie-Ann McCauley has spent more than 17 years living and working all over the world to improve the lives of children and families. She is a trainer, public speaker, writer, and independent consultant who currently works as a child protection specialist in Australia.

Book preview

Copyright © 2011 Natalie Ann McCauley

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ISBN: 978-1-4525-0315-8 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4525-0316-5 (e)

This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either stem from adaptations of the memory of the author, are a product of the authors imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, organisations, or persons living or dead, is entirely coincidental and beyond the intent of either the author or the publisher.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Printed in the United States of America

Balboa Press rev. date: 11/11/2011

Contents

Age 26—Present Day

Age 21

Age 14

Age 18

Age 22

Age 16

Age 25

Age 24

Age 24

Age 24

Age 17

Age 23

Age 25

Age 20

Age 12

Age 14

Age 26—Present Day

For Mum and Dad… Wishing you were both here. Thank you.

And for our darling Mahalia…

May you always be able to get up when you fall.

I thought I might fly today…

To go against what most people say…

It is worth a try… don’t you think?

Maybe I will fail… maybe I will fly…

But no one will ever know if no one gives it a try…

So, yes, I prefer to go down the

‘road less travelled by’

It can be a lonely road sometimes…

But look at what I get to do, I get to fly…

Perhaps it’s just a dream, a fantasy, a scene…

But what if it’s not…

Yes, I think I might fly today…

Would you like to come?

I will see you there…

‘And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud became more painful than the risk it took to blossom.’

Anais Nin

Age 26—Present Day

One morning, on some day in your life you wake up and suddenly things have changed.

Today is that day!

In reality, perhaps it isn’t sudden. Maybe it has been this gradual evolution of my body but I still ‘feel’ the same. I mean my deeper inner self doesn’t know about this thing called time and the fact that it just passes.

But on one morning, on some day in your life you just wake up.

Today is that day for me!

You wake up, just like any other morning. The alarm is set too loud so that you will, in fact, hear it and you won’t just think its part of some amazing dream. If you’re anything like me, your alarm will be on the other side of the room in an effort to limit your ability to get those extra nine minutes of sleep by pressing snooze. It never works, but it’s worth a try. It is harder than ever to get out of bed these days.

I’m just so tired, so very tired.

Then like a bolt of lightening straight through your soul the alarm comes on again. Your nine extra minutes is now eighteen. You have to get out of bed or you will be late!

But on one morning, on some day in your life, and mine, you just decide not to get up.

Today, thank God, is that day for me!

Late? For what? Late? To do what? Late? For who?

I don’t know? I don’t have all the answers. But what I do know is: On one morning, on some day in your life, you say to yourself, ‘Not today! I’m not moving for anyone but myself today.’

I’m not going on that bus or that train where all the people are packed like sardines in a can. Certainly the smell is similar, depending on who you get standing next to you.

No! I’m not going. Not today!

I’m not going to drive there either. Just because I’m too late to catch that same old bus and train. I refuse to sit in my little bomb of a car in lanes and lanes of traffic where I don’t seem to move. With my petrol gauge bordering on empty, and the replacement price too much for this week’s pay packet.

No!

I’m going to lay here all cosy in my bed until it is too late to do anything other than stay right where I am.

You know, on one morning, on some day in your life you wake up and suddenly things have changed.

Today, it would seem, is that day.

It’s time to take control of where I am going on this journey. At the moment, it seems like I am on a massive wave that I can’t get off; a wave that may dump me right on my unhappy head. A wave that I can’t recall choosing to get on. My life wasn’t meant to turn out like this!

No, not like this!

So here, here in my bed I will stay. At least until nine a.m. Oh, I am such a rebel!

I was meant to be married or at least have a permanent partner by now. I should have felt enormous amounts of love and passion and I should have had loads of sex! I should, at the very least, be having regular sex by now.

What’s that all about?

I have spent years obsessed with a guy I thought I never could get. I admit it’s safer for me that way. I like the idea of the amazing guy who is just out of reach. Well, apparently, he’s not!

Ha! Imagine that! I have spent my whole life convincing myself that these guys were too good for me, that they would only ever think of me as a friend. But it would seem that it is totally the other way around. These guys think I’m too good for them! They don’t even risk my standard rejection and on the odd occasion when they do, I run away in fright.

At 4:00 a.m. on some Sunday morning, whilst walking home alone once again, you suddenly get that your prince is not coming; he never was.

In fact, your prince is probably the guy that you’ve been obsessing about but he looked you over tonight because he knew you weren’t the type of girl that is going to let him get his load off. Not tonight anyway, not on the first night. They don’t even give you a chance.

But you know what? At 4:00 a.m. on some Sunday morning, whilst walking home alone; you suddenly will get an enormous amount of clarity.

In the scheme of girls and guys, the place where you are standing, is quite an empowered position. You like being the mysterious girl that the guys don’t ever understand. You really don’t want to be the one that lets the guy you’ve known forever, and loved for as long as you can remember, get his load off with you just for that night. Who needs that emotional torment!

Not me! Not ever again!

It’s true: on one morning, on some day in your life you wake up and suddenly things aren’t the way you thought they would be.

And no, it wasn’t really suddenly. You just noticed it all of a sudden. All of a sudden, you realise that you’ve had a choice all along. At every stage in your life, you have had a choice on which road to take and how to interpret every situation.

Somehow after leaving Uni I managed to land myself a really non-challenging position in retail and now I work as an office manager, receptionist, PA, everything, in a large financial company in the city. There, the focus is on the money. I work too long and do too much for too little.

But I shouldn’t complain; I did get that pay rise last week, enough to buy an extra litre of milk! Big deal.

Perfect really, for a young woman who did Environmental Science at University, thinking that she was going to somehow change the world.

But on some day, at some time in your life, you do really get the fact that you can’t change people, and all you can really do is influence people on their own paths. Plant seeds that some day you can only hope will grow. Even helping an elderly person across the road changes the world.

‘It is on such small things that the world turns!’ And turn it will…

On this day I am starting to understand that I have no one to blame. There is no one in this room but me. I have chosen the ‘easy’ road on most occasions.

I now know, laying here all cosy, that sometimes, most times, what looks like the easy road is not necessarily the easier path. Sitting in the grandstand watching life’s game, while everyone else is playing it, is no place to be.

So I am handing in my ticket and running out onto that field!

Yes, on one morning, on some day in your life you wake up and suddenly things have changed.

I do recall going to the bathroom last night and looking in the mirror, as you do, picking my face, as you do, in my normal evening fashion. I grabbed my toothbrush and looked into my little tarnished bathroom mirror.

I looked different.

Is that… is that… is that… a wrinkle? Some visible crow’s feet! It can’t be! A slight, yet significant, wrinkle coming off the side of my eye. Oh my God! It’s coming off the other one too! I look different! My sixteen year old face that I see everyday, now looks worn out at the age of twenty-six!

When did this happen? When did I become what I suddenly see? I don’t feel any different from when I was at school. I don’t!

But on one morning or evening, on some day in your life you realise that you are different. You have actually changed.

I’m not sixteen anymore and I certainly don’t look sixteen. My life is in the throes of young adulthood and my face now tells that story.

‘We learn the rope of life

by untying its knots.’

—Jean Toomer

‘Grace… Grace get up! It’s nearly ten o’clock. Grace?’ my housemate, Phil shouts.

‘Hey’ I replied with a muffled voice.

‘Grace, aren’t you meant to be at work?’

I choose not to respond.

I can hear you Phil. I just don’t want to and stop shoving me! Aren’t I allowed to miss one day of God damn work!

‘G-R-A-C-E! Are you awake? What’s wrong?’ Phil is standing in my doorway.

‘Work just phoned. I told them you were sick… All right I will leave you then. I have to go.’

Opening my eyes slightly I could see that Phil had left my room. I then heard the front door open and shut. Woohoo! All alone. Did he say it was ten o’clock? Ha! My goodness, this does feel great! Work phoned! Ha!

I can’t help but feel wickedly guilty… mmmmmm.

From my bed I can see out a slit in the blind. The day is just gorgeous, a crisp autumn day. The air smells fresh and sweet from the ocean that is only streets away. The sky is a crystal clear blue and the trees take on a new, far more colourful life.

I just adore this time of year.

Not too cold, and definitely not hot, like our burning summers. The sun seems to shine brighter and you can still feel an enormous amount of heat from the rays of sunshine in which I often stand. I feel like I am solar powered.

Mmmmmm… I snuggle into my long body-size pillow. I love this pillow. I know it was a joke from my friends to substitute for a man. It certainly doesn’t do that. But this morning, it will suffice.

I should really get up.

I am busting for the loo.

I should really get up.

Ok, I’m up.

Ok, I’m lying back down.

Why is it that I feel guilty for relaxing in bed for just one morning?

I am one of those people who feels bad if I sleep past 10 o’clock on Sundays. Monks can meditate for 2 years, and I can’t even relax for 10 minutes. That has to change!

Anyway, I should really get up and at least go to the loo. I don’t want to waste the day.

Reviews for Falling from Grace

[natalie5annmccauley · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Falling from Grace is a book for the modern woman. Channeling the tone of Bridget Jones’ Diary and similar titles in the genre, it is a refreshing look into the life of a young woman on her quest for self improvement and the moments that make up her life. Light, funny, honest and entertaining. A charming read.