Walking with Wholeness

By Dina Rea

Walking with Wholeness is a collection of stories that portray a childs journey into adulthood. Each story unlocks the mysterious secrets, hidden between the lines, of her very private poems, taking the reader into the depths of devastating brokenness, to the revelation of Gods healing and wholeness, one courageous step at a time. Along the journey, you may personally find peace, assurance, laughter, terror, and tears, but assuredly interwoven through it all is the faithful and compassionate heart and strength of our precious Lord, Jesus Christ.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Nov 1, 2012
• ISBN: 9781449771959

Dina Rea

Penning private poems since childhood, Dina Rea has written Walking With Wholeness, in obedience to, and inspired by, God. She and her husband currently reside in Virginia, as well as her daughters and grandchildren.

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Copyright © 2012 Dina Rea

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Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Bibles referenced for scripture in Walking with Wholeness:

The Everyday Life Bible, Amplified Version, by Joyce Meyer

The King James Version

The New King James Version

The Living Bible

The New Living Translation

The New Revised Standard Version

The American Standard Version

The New American Bible

The Good News Bible: Today’s Version

The Contemporary English Version

ISBN: 978-1-4497-7195-9 (e)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-7194-2 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-7193-5 (hc)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2012919459

WestBow Press rev. date:11/29/2012

Table of Contents

Walking with Wholeness

Dedication

Introduction

Walking with Wholeness

1. Lord, Why?

2.   I Am Here

3.   I See

4.   A Special Person

5.   Life Love Death

6.   Missing You

7.   An Unloved Child

8.   Love?

9.   You Are

10.   Personal Business

11.   Loving and Losing

12.   Lord, I Take it to You

13.   Life Story

14.   Stolen

15.   Mom, How Did You Do It?

16.   From Turmoil to Triumph

17.   You Gave Me

18.   Goodbye

19.   Together Separately

20.   Stop Destroying

21.   Love to be Found

22.   Remember When

23.   How do I Mourn?

24.   Where Are You?

25.   Come What May

26.   Dreaming

27.   If I Were

28.   Brighter Day

29.   Beauty

30.   Never

31.   Sent Down to Earth

32.   My Life

33.   My Friend

34.   Searching

35.   Memories

36.   If Only

37.   What am I Looking for?

38.   People

39.   Today

40.   Trembling Hands

41.   Memorial Day

42.   You’re the One

43.   Tucked Away

44.   I’m Sorry

45.   Kiss Away

46.   Let Go

47.   I Need Time

48.   Sugar Bush

49.   Who Are You?

50.   Wanting You Near

51.   I was Afraid

52.   These Hands

53.   Paper Heart

54.   True Existence

Epilogue

Credits

Photography Credits and Reference

About the Author

God speaks to a select number of people to step out on faith and go beyond the ordinary. You are that number…people whom God has called to our ministry…and your obedience and kindness blessed us. We are pleased to hear how our teachings have been a source of inspiration and encouragement, as well as to learn of your new book. Thank you for sharing your testimony and please know we will be praying for your continued healing and success with your new book. (Walking with Wholeness)

We send our love,

Dave and Joyce Meyer

Walking with Wholeness

Dina Rea

Genesis 50:20-21 (GNB) You plotted evil against me, but God turned it into good, in order to preserve the lives of many people who are alive today because of what happened. You have nothing to fear. I will take care of you and your children. So he reassured them with kind words that touched their heart.

Dedication

I dedicate, Walking with Wholeness, to Joyce Meyer. For over 25 years, through the anointing of the Holy Ghost, Joyce has dedicated her life to preaching the Word of God. Her profound obedience in Joyce Meyer Ministries, as well as her life behind closed doors, has allowed God to mold her into His precise instrument, turning what was meant for our evil into something good for His Glory. Through her, the Holy Spirit penetrates deep into our spirits, where He then begins a painfully sweet cleansing: bringing forth divine healing, peace, and joy- His wholeness.

In Christ’s perfect unfailing love,

Dina Rea

Introduction

Nothing is impossible for God:

•   No barrier or burden is greater than He.

•   Nothing is too shocking for God.

•   He sees all: He knows our past, present, and future.

•   He has the ability and the desire to cleanse and purify us of the worst of sin.

•   He is all powerful and knowing yet tender and merciful.

He can take a life that seems shattered and mold it into something beautifully whole.

I pray that God’s anointing continually heals your spirit as you journey from these pages of brokenness into His wholeness. It is in the complete surrendering of your heart to Him that His grace and peace are allowed to replace your pain.

Our Lord has birthed in us the right to choose. At any comprehending age, we can choose to be victims or victorious.

As Joyce Meyer states: "We can be pitiful or powerful, but we can’t be both."

I pray you choose to be powerful inside His wholeness, where a healed and abundant life awaits you.

Walking with Wholeness

Dawn had not yet broken as I was driving home from the airport. The streets were bare, dark, and silent. And in that silence, I clearly heard my Lord’s quiet whisper requesting a devotion of my time spent in His presence, exhorting Him in the witnessing of His glorious healing in my life. He requested and titled this book, describing its contents and its dedication. Therefore, in obedience, I reverently present to you, Walking with Wholeness.

Lord, Why?

Lord, why am I young, yet feel so old?

It seems-I am at the end of my road.

I’ve been through many miles

Filled with trials.

This feeling is real, not just a notion.

It feels as if I’m trying to run but am only moving in slow motion.

I’ve climbed over hills through the years,

With few smiles and many tears.

I am trying, Lord, one more time to be strong;

I so badly need somewhere to belong.

With this mountain, I feel I’ll never reach the other side;

I am losing faith and my pride.

I feel as though I am out of your reach,

Lord, why? To me what are you trying to teach?

Help me, Lord, to escape where I am bound;

Help me turn my life around.

Lord, I fear

That you no longer hear.

Nor will you extend to me your hand

To help me say, I can.

I am trying, Lord, to hang on;

Please don’t be long,

For I am feeling the defeat

Of my own heart’s beat.

10/20/1980

Dina Rea

No matter where I went or what I did- whether I went shopping, visited a friend, ran errands, or stayed home- my satanic offender was there lurking, waiting for the opportunity to strike.

He sometimes called from a nearby phone booth, only to leave the handset dangling, locking up my phone line so that I couldn’t call out, just seconds prior to his attack.

He personally placed notes inside my mail-box, listing my day’s events, letting me know that he was out there, watching.

He liked to hide inside my home until I lay sleeping before proceeding with his premeditated plan. With full weight bared, he’d thrust upon my chest, allowing only moments until I succumbed to breathlessness.

One particular time, he crashed through my door, bringing the door and frame down into pieces onto the living room floor. As he was still thrusting against it, I miraculously was able to call for help, first to my mother and then to the sheriff’s department. My mother arrived in less than five minutes. The deputy was more than thirty minutes because of the traveling distance.

Upon his arrival, he explained that he could make a report of the damages done however; the assailant had already fled, most likely across the state line, just a mile or so away, beyond his jurisdiction. There had not been any law made yet regarding stalking, so once again, help for me sounded unobtainable. I felt completely vulnerable and available for further attacks. I was without hope.

My five-foot-tall, unnerved, and livid mother placed her hands on her hips, tilted her face upward toward the officer in confrontation as she shrieked, How many times must you come here and do nothing? Must he kill her before you make an arrest?

Instantly provoked, he stated with authority, Now, if you do not settle and quiet yourself down, I can, and will, arrest you for harassing an officer!

Day after day, night after night, living under intense defense, I became battle weary. I didn’t have a solid relationship with the Lord; I only knew Him from a distance. I felt He was out there, in the great void, but surely He must have given up on or forgotten me.

Evil acts came into existence when Adam and Eve first sinned in the Garden of Eden. Their son, Cain, murdered his own brother, Abel. However, it has never been the Lord’s plan or desire for us to suffer at the hands of others. If we allow Him to, He can turn what Satan meant for evil against us into something good for His glory. He will never leave or forsake us.

We may be tempted to ask, "Lord, why did you let this happen to me?" But the true blame belongs to none other than Satan, the father of all evil.

In the poem, Lord Why, I did reach out to the Lord, but only for the relief of continual trauma.

My heart had not yet yielded to or understood the full power of God. Nor did I have discernment of the powerful depths of intercessory prayer, praying to the Lord on another’s behalf.

I could have looked beyond "poor, pitiful me," (as quoted from Joyce Meyer) to see my transgressor’s urgent need of prayer for salvation, peace, and deliverance, even while in the midst of dire circumstances.

Eventually, I gave my assailant completely over to forgiveness and prayed for his deliverance, healing, and most importantly, his salvation.

But it wasn’t until decades later that I gave Jesus full control of my life. And in doing so, he lead me step by step into the journey of walking with wholeness.

Jesus looked beyond His pain toward eternity while enduring His horrific beating at the whipping post, His walk bearing the cross, and in the surrendering of His life, an insurmountable cost for our privileged freedom to become whole.

Yet still, He pleaded on our behalf: Father, please forgive them for they know not what they do.

Forgiving your enemies doesn’t help them; it helps you.

~Joyce Meyer Ministries

Father, forgive me for the times that I have been selfish and unforgiving. Forgive me for not seeing beyond the brokenness in my own actions as well as in others’. Help me Lord, to be more like you: loving, compassionate, and forgiving. Help me to stand in the gap and pray for the salvation of others, even if they offend me. Thank You for never giving up on me. I love You, Lord. In the Name of Jesus - Amen.

Genesis 50:17 (NLT) ‘Forgive your brothers for the great evil they did to you. So we, the servants of the God of your father, beg you to forgive us. When Joseph received the message, he broke down and wept.

Psalm 65:3 (NLT) Though our hearts are filled with sins, you forgive them all.

Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Matthew 6:14-15 (NLT) If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive your sins.

Mark 11:25 (NLT) But when you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in heaven will forgive your sins, too.

Luke 23:34 (NKJV) Then Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.

Romans 12:14 (NKJV) Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse.

I Am Here

When you decide you need someone to talk to,

Come to me; I shall listen to you.

When tears begin to fall as life grows colder,

Walk this way; I shall lend you my shoulder.

When you feel like your world is coming to an end,

Reach for me; I am your friend.

I’ll always be here for you when you have desire of me,

Walking you through the storms of life relentlessly.

I am with you not only in laughter but also in your tears.

So, remember always, I AM here.

04/04/1977

Dina Rea

At times, there were eleven people in our household: six children-me being the youngest-our parents, Gramma, and an aunt and uncle. We were raised knowing that children should be "seen and not heard."

Our father, having unresolved childhood issues, and Gramma, his mother, both fluently used curse words, belittling names, and heavy hands toward us. And yet at times they were funny and light-hearted. We loved them innocently through it all.

In times of Dad’s emotional outbursts we were left in paralyzed silence as he clinched his teeth, towered over us, and threatened, I’m going to kill you!

Whether you were the one targeted or a bystander, his wrath affected us all.

When I could no longer bear the atmosphere, I withdrew to a safe place within me, a place so deep that nothing or no one could inflict fear or pain. It was as if my flesh became a shield of amour, protecting my very being, housing all silenced emotions.

Until one day alone in my room, I found a couple of faithful friends: a piece of paper and a pen. It seemed almost magical as my pen burst with life inside my grasp, spilling the contents of my heart onto the paper, until there before me was my heart’s expression.

Today as I read "I Am Here" I silence my mind to listen with only my spirit, and I can hear God beckoning:

I am here to fulfill your greatest need. It is I, who is and always will be your truest and faithful Friend.

God wants to make you whole. He doesn’t want you to spend the rest of your life hurting.

~Joyce Meyer Ministries

Thank You, my precious Father, for being with me always and for watching over me. I never again have to withdraw deep within myself for protection. You are my Protector, my Fortress, and my Secret Place on High! You celebrate in my victories, intercede in my trials, and cleanse my repented transgressions. You are my very Best Friend. I love You, Lord. In the Name of Jesus - Amen.

Exodus 3:14-15 (NLT) God replied, I Am the One Who Always Is. Just tell them, ‘I Am has sent me to you.’ God also said, Tell them, ‘The Lord, the God of your ancestors—the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob—has sent me to you.’ This will be my name forever; it has always been my name, and it will be used throughout all generations.

Psalm 91:1-2 (NKJV) He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.

Isaiah 58:8-9 (NLT) If you do these things, your salvation will come like the dawn. Yes, your healing will come quickly. Your godliness will lead you forward, and the glory of the Lord will protect you from behind. Then when you call, the Lord will answer. ‘Yes, I am here,’ he will quickly reply.

John 8:57-58 (NKJV) Then the Jews said to Him, You are not yet fifty years old, and have You seen Abraham? Jesus said to them, Most assuredly, I say to you, before Abraham was, I AM.

I See

Through my mind I see

Your face.

Through your face I see

Your tears.

Through your tears I see

Your eyes.

Through your eyes I see

Your love.

Through your love I see

You.

Through you I see

Your death.

Through your death I see

Me alone.

Through this I see

Nothing.

11/15/1976

Dina Rea

As a teen, I met and fell in love with a wonderful Christian family. The father, stern yet loving, was rooted and grounded in Christ. He was indeed the covering for his family. The mother was firm, yet soft spoken and gentle. Their daughter, full of fun and laughter, became my best friend. And their son, who I fell head over heels in love with, was kindhearted and considerate. We spent many miles walking hand-in-hand sharing hopes of our future.

I regarded them all as my sincere Christian companions and was honored to be welcomed into their home, church, and family functions. But suddenly, their son’s health began to fail rapidly, so he was taken to their home state; where specialized dialysis could be performed-due to kidney failure. His sight, also, quickly deteriorated until totally succumbed to blindness.

Many prayed for him continually, while his mother sat at his bedside day and night. Distance made it impossible to be near him; I longed so much to comfort him-even if only by holding his hand like so many times before. So instead, I poured my heart into poems and mailed them for his mother to recite.

Overwhelmed with agonizing urgency, I cried and pleaded for my mother’s approval, for the donation one of my kidneys- hoping to prolong his life. However she strongly opposed, knowing that his ill state of health couldn’t receive such a gesture.

Weeks later, and somewhat stabilized, he was given a weekend pass to come home. I was very excited and couldn’t wait to see him. All my older siblings had left, leaving only Mom and I at home now; and she had to leave for the weekend. So I stayed home alone awaiting his arrival call.

Anxiously, I picked up the phone on the first ring, Hello. A smile over took my whole being in anticipation of seeing him.

But instead, his sister’s voice slowly explained, "The trip home was too much for Dan’s weakened state. Soon after he arrived home he passed away. I’m so sorry…"

I felt as though a bomb had hit my spirit, leaving behind a cloud of dark nothingness. Numbly, step-by-step, I walked into my bedroom, shut the door, crawled into my bed, and buried myself beneath my blankets until my mother returned.

Being our sole provider, she could not take time off work; therefore, we couldn’t attend his out-of-state funeral.

His family immediately collected their belongings and moved back to their home state. My present and future hopes had vanished. I not only lost a loved one; I lost his entire family. Overwhelmed and hopeless, I returned to the darkness within my bedding and willed myself to stop breathing, but still the hours and days drug on.

So, I crawled out onto the floor in plain view thinking perhaps God could see me better, but still He didn’t retrieve me.

Hours later, I arose off the floor an empty shell. Everything, everywhere, was gray. I was heart sick and deeply broken. When Dan died I felt I died too.

Year after year, I functioned robotically, trapped inside a prison of pain until I cried out to my Comforter, Counselor, Helper, and Strengthener; Jesus Christ.

Fragment by fragment, He took my shattered life and made something beautifully whole. Through Him, I found hope, healing, and