Better, Not Bitter: The Tiffany Miller Story

By De Anna Komppa

There was a little girl named Tiffany and angel sent from above. This is an enthralling, heatbreaking story of the love between a mother and child. A fight for life. This story peers into a rare illness, a rare coming together of a community and a special bond between mother and child. An illness that required a rare liver/bowel transplant and a medical system that failed to help and how this little girl became a pioneer. The community rasied over seven hundred thousand dollars in just a few months. This is a story of the media not knowing where the line between helping and invading privacy is drawn.
This story reaches beyond life, even in the unfortunate untimely death of a little girl her mission continues. It continues through a mother whose life and heart was forever changed through this event. It's about about a mother reconciling her feelings and own meaning of life, and how she persevered through this trajic line of events. It is not what happens to you but how you deal with it. Taking the good from the bad and making your life, "Better not Bitter."

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Aug 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781463443016

De Anna Komppa

De Anna Komppa wrote a very personal story about her daughters life and death. This is a compelling story that touched many hearts. She lives in the midwest with her family. Has been working as an RN at a local children's hospital. Taking care of sick children has been her calling. Helping other families through the compassion she has for others, knowing what it feels like to be on the other side of healthcare.

Book preview

© 2011 by De Anna Komppa. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 08/03/2011

ISBN: 978-1-4634-4300-9 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-4299-6 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4634-4301-6 (ebk)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011913199

Printed in the United States of America

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Thinkstock are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Thinkstock.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Introduction

Chapter One: Mother’s Day

Chapter Two: In the Beginning

Chapter Three: NICU

Chapter Four: The Transfer

Chapter Five: Coming Home

Chapter Six: The Divorce

Chapter Seven: On Our Own

Chapter Eight:

The Devastating News

Chapter Nine:

Her Health Worsens

Chapter Ten:

The First Attempt

Chapter Eleven:

Caught in the System

Chapter Twelve:

The Fight Begins

Chapter Thirteen:

The Harassment

Chapter Fourteen:

We Lost

Chapter Fifteen:

Quality Time

Chapter Sixteen:

Help Tiffany

Chapter Seventeen:

Birthday Party

Chapter Eighteen:

TLC Day

Chapter Nineteen:

Our Goal Is Reached

Chapter Twenty: The Wait

Chapter Twenty-One:

The Call

Chapter Twenty-Two:

Flight and Arrival

Chapter Twenty-Three:

The Transplant

Chapter Twenty-Four: Complications

Chapter Twenty-Five: Bonding

Chapter Twenty-Six:

Near Death

Chapter Twenty-Seven:

Where She Belongs

Chapter Twenty-Eight:

Disney World

Chapter Twenty-Nine: Afterward

Chapter Thirty: In the End

Chapter Thirty-One:

The Funeral

Chapter Thirty-Two: Nursing

Chapter Thirty-Three:

In Tough Times

Introduction

There was a little girl named Tiffany who was an angel sent from above. This is an enthralling, heartbreaking story of the love between a mother and a child and their fight for life. This story peers into a rare illness, a rare coming together of a community, and a special bond between mother and child. The illness required a liver/bowel transplant that the medical system failed to handle correctly, turning this little girl into a pioneer. The community raised more than seven hundred thousand dollars in just a few months to help save this little girl’s life. This is also a story about the media’s ignorance of where the line between helping and invading privacy is drawn.

This story reaches beyond life. Even with the unfortunate and untimely death of the little girl, her mission continues through a mother whose life and heart were forever changed. It’s about a mother reconciling her feelings and own meaning of life and about how she persevered through this tragedy. It is not what happens to you but how you deal with it that matters. The mother continues helping others by working at a children’s hospital. Right after Tiffany’s death, her mother became a nursing assistant; within five months, she started working at the very hospital at which her daughter had received medical care for all those years. After another several years, the mother went back to school and completed the requirements for her RN license, and she has now been working with pediatric patients for the past fifteen years in hopes of helping other families. Through Tiffany’s life and death, a lifelong, continuing mission has been born, a carrying on of a spirit. Each time this story is told, it is humbling not only to those who hear it but also to the mother. This is why this story needs to be told. Getting this story published is just another step in accomplishing what was meant to be. If one community could be moved so dramatically, so could other communities.

I originally put this story on paper as a way to explain or defend myself in what was a whirlwind of media attention. There was no way for me to know then what would transpire in the future. My choice to continue to write this evolving story ends up having a very different purpose—no longer a forum of defense but a podium from which I hope to motivate others. I’ve learned that we all have some cross to bear. But I have also learned that we don’t all carry or deal with our tragedies and burdens the same way. I feel very blessed for the strength I have had and discuss this in the story. We all have questions about faith or the lack thereof when something bad happens in our lives. Is it a punishment or just bad luck? I learned to keep a sense of humor about life, and this has been a means for survival. Some people do not always appreciate or understand my humor, but it has worked for me. Also, having found myself truly alone with my thoughts has made me come to realize a few things about myself and others. Mainly, I can set a goal and rely on myself to do it. This goes back to childhood memories of my dad saying things such as, There is no such thing as a free lunch, Whoever promised you anything? and If you want something in life, you have to work for it. All these sayings may have sounded harsh at the time and downright unsympathetic, but I have grown to appreciate them and their meanings. My feelings have evolved since I first put words to paper fifteen years ago. My life has come full circle in what was meant to be and continues to be. With each new hurdle, I use my memories of my daughter and all she went through, and I put them to good use, thinking, If she could go through all she did, then so can I. Going to nursing school was not an easy decision. I had thought about it over the years; however, the responsibility of the role, I must admit, scared me a little.

This is not a job to take lightly. I also worried about whether I would be able to do it since I had been out of school for close to twenty years. I am proof positive that if you set your mind to something, you can do it. It was a long road, and self-confidence and self-doubt played a role in each and every step of the way. The power of the mind, will, and spirit come into play if you set out to make it in this world and, better yet, in your eternal life, for that is what matters. I have often told my teenager, You take one thing with you when you die, and that is your integrity. No one can take that away from you. Remain steadfast in your beliefs and feel that good does beat evil. No matter how many times the devil tries to get you, always remember the power of good truth and honor and you can’t lose. When bad things happen to you and you take them on in a human fashion, meaning you go through the natural steps of survival—such as accept it, feel bad about it, feel sad about it—this is natural. But then call upon your good will to pull you out of the situation that was handed to you and make good of it. Just because I may get upset about some circumstance doesn’t mean it has me beat; it just means that in order to get to the point of pulling the good from a situation, I first have to embrace it and go through all the natural feelings in order to separate the meaning from it. I am not perfect and do not always deal with everything perfectly; however, when it comes down to it, I get to a point of reasoning with the test or lesson, you could say. The difference between some people and others is where they pull that strength from. Does it come from genes, environment, personality? But where isn’t the ultimate question in life because no matter who we are, we cannot stop bad things from happening to us or around us. But we can choose to deal with those things in many different ways. This is my evolution. This is my mission—to help others realize that they too can choose a different path and help themselves and others through this thing we call life. I want to help motivate others to be the best they can be, which doesn’t mean they have to be on every day or every moment. It means you try your best, listen to your calling, and help others. This is a challenge, and I challenge others to do the same. Face your doubts and your fears, and don’t let them hold you back. Another saying my dad used to say is, Do you want to be the person sitting on the bar stool saying, ‘Should have, could have, would have,’ or do you want to be the person who can say, ‘I have, I do, I will’? This stuck with me, and throughout my life—which has been far from perfect and has included many humbling experiences—I choose to say, I have, I will, and I do. I think many parents don’t encourage their children to realize their potential because the parents want to play it safe or bail their children out, which just prolongs immaturity. Allowing kids to feel as though they can’t handle what life gives them has resulted in a bunch of adults who are scared to do anything for themselves. We all need some tough love and to feel the excitement of being on our own honor roll, for this would make for a better world.

Cain’s killing of Abel shows that evil has existed since the beginning of time, but the world has not stopped. My daughter was sick and didn’t live the life I wanted her to, and she has since passed. But instead of letting it make me bitter, I have let it make me better. For instance, I can appreciate the small things in life, like a good song on the radio, a good walk in a park, sitting outside and feeling my skin soak up the sun, reading a good book, or watching a movie. I know to value the time that my oldest son, when he was three, asked me to marry him and the time, when he was eight, that he rode his bike to the store to get me a card on Sweetest Day and wrote in it, happy seedish day. I love the feel of a slightly cool day and the wind in my hair, and I loved hearing my youngest son at age two start counting by saying, One, two six. These are the small things that are easy to overlook when life has got you by the horns and you are too busy to appreciate them. We often unknowingly build our lives around what makes sense to us at the time without having a big-picture perspective, meaning a view of not only this lifetime but also our future, our life of eternity. Until the events of this story happened to me, I had only this life in mind, and without much of a religious background, I had never thought much about any life after this one. Who is to say that we don’t start somewhere else first and then come here? I have thought about this more than once. To put it in perspective, here is a scenario: Say my daughter Tiffany was chosen for this mission—or better yet, she chose this mission—to come down to earth, suffer with illness, and ultimately die to help me and others appreciate life and have a better understanding of our own goals and missions? Wouldn’t that be cool? She not only picked this mission but chose me as her mother. It’s just a thought. What if God or some other higher power doesn’t have all the power over what happens to us but, in fact, just wants us to get through it with a better understanding of ourselves and have it affect out lives in a positive way? So what about the people who seem to fail? I believe that by being better and not bitter, as long as a person breathes, he or she still has a chance to reflect on life, learn from it, and make positive changes even up to the very end. Life seems to be relative to what you have experienced and what you want to get out of it. The school of life, as I call it, may not cost you money, but it will cost you in emotions like pain and suffering, so you might as